Category Archives: Little Spitfire

October 2005

Sunny Saturday – October 1, 2005 – 11:28 am
It’s beautiful outside!!! Which is handy, because Jessie is moving today, and Q is having a BBQ tonight. Yesterday it monsooned, and we’d all resigned ourselves to yet another rainy winter.

My Nephew
His name is Hollis Robert Babich. I think I’m spelling that correctly …? The “Hollis” part is Jared’s invention — I love having another “H” in the family. “Robert” is for my Dad, and “Babich” is Jared’s last name. Apparently everyone is healthy & doing well, except that Evy is really tired. Hollis is “suckling” (Jared’s word) and peeing and pooping “like a trooper” (Dad’s expression). I leave next Friday for Thanksgiving with my family!!!!

Atomic Vaudeville’s Gayest Show On Earth
I was nervous, because I don’t think there are many gay actors associated with AV and therefore it was like AV doing a “Black” themed show with its all-white cast. Lotsa potential for awkward moments.

However, it was wonderful. Spencer criticised the music playing before the show started, but the closing performance made up for it — a dance number with Cher, early Madonna, etc.

AV attendees included: Q, Cameron from Toronto, Spencer, Jessie & Karen, me, and John. (Liv was exhausted so went home to sleep instead.)

And I think I’ve pinpointed exacty what it is about John that makes me feel . . . uncomfortable?? I don’t really think he’s gay — he’s 36 and a man should know himself by then, and then the brown soes + black socks thing, and also I just don’t think he’s gay. HOWEVER, he emits “gay-vibes” which were apparent to my friends (who are/know ‘mos) and therefore I wasn’t just drunk/sleepy/paranoid the other night. And there’s nothing wrong with “gay-vibes.” It’s another way of saying sensitive, soft, considerate, affectionate, etc. But I am surrounded by “gay-vibes” A LOT, since I’m surrounded by gay people A LOT, and the last thing I want is to have this sort of . . . . frequency???? . . . in my bed. I need another flavour in my life. Something like Shawn (intelligent & tough), but also considerate.

Last night I had a dream where I was madly in love with this guy who was tall, yes, but who also was BIG (aka stocky) and had a huge smile. Most of my tall men are skinny — I think that’s because the stocky ones look older to me, and that makes me insecure (no more highschool confidence). But Tyler (my two-day fling in 2003) is tall & “filled-out,” and that was pretty great, for what it was.

Anyhoo, that’s what I’m thinking today.

Also, I’m considering running around the block, but it’s sunny and I’m not sure how hot it is outside — probably fine. And I’m thinking of my Sister & Hollis (like I have all week). And I’m wondering when Alive was due — I ought to watch that today.

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Sullen Sunday – October 2, 2005 – 10:35 am
It’s grey out there. Ew.

So, for the record, I DID go for a run yesterday. I am AMAZING. I’ve been running my Xtreme route; I’m amazed that I am in good enough shape to do this without dying.

Q’s BBQ was wonderful. Being the Handy Carpenter’s Daughter that I am, I checked the BBQ for propane leaks and got it all ready to cook our steaks. Guests included Spencer, Brian, Jessica, and Jessie & Justin — it’s nifty to see how this group of people manage to get along so well with each other: Spencer and Jessica can bond and have a good talk, and then Spencer and I will gossip, and Jessica & Q & Brian will talk, and there aren’t any uncomfortable pairings or silences.

Brian’s a new addition — he’s a nurse, in his 30s I think. Q and I met him over Dim Sum last weekend. He owns a house and Q and him are “house-owning” friends — they talk about paint and hardwood flooring. A beautiful man, as always.

New Target o’ Love & “Stalking”
Spencer has a tall, straight & single client named Tim. We have worked out a plan of attack:

  1. Spencer sneakily manages to get his last name. (We have his home phone number, but it’s unlisted so that doesn’t help.)
  2. I find him on the gov’t directory (he works for gov’t) and manage to check him out by visiting a friend in the ministry.
  3. If I approve of Tim, we arrange to have some ridiculously hot photo of me at Spencer’s station when Tim has his next appointment (approx. 2 months from now).
  4. At the appointment, Spencer does the uber-cool hook-up negotiations.

This strategy manages to avoid pitfalls including: lack of professionalism on Spencer’s part, and my tendency to be frighteningly assertive.

Other Future Plans
Peter’s litterbox stinks, and the baby bunnies keep throwing the fresh hay out of their litterbox — both issues require clean litter. So I will have to track down some newspaper today.

When I’m gone for Thanksgiving holidays I’m going to put the baby bunnies in the kitchen. That way I won’t have to worry about attracting rats with the food & litter. I’ve done this before for fairly short absences, and I think it’s the best option. Pet-sitters are handy, but I might as well take advantage of my rabbits’ independent nature.

JESSIE & Q: “Our pets cuddle with us.”

HEATHER: “Oh yeah? Well, I can leave the bunnies alone for weeks at a time.”

Exercise & Self-Esteem
I heard somewhere that men who work out have greater-than-average self-esteem, but women who work out have less-than-average. I suspect that this might be true, because the best motivation I’ve found so far to go run is to be aware of my belly and its new squishiness. When I didn’t have a belly, I NEVER would have invested in running shoes or bothered to consider a running route. But after a morning of chugging orange pekoe & watching crapTV/movies on the couch, I become extremely aware of my . . . soft middle . . . and so I want to get rid of it, and so I run.

As always, though, my moods change — most times, I love my squishy tummy and I like to snuggle it when I sleep. I suppose it’s a good thing to experience periodic lowered self-esteem, because then I exercise.

Exercise is another socially-acceptable form of self-harm . . . funny, how there are so many mainstream masochists in our world.

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Highlights of the Day – Monday, Oct.3/05 – 4:55 pm
I worked mad hours, from 6am to 3:45pm or so. It was busy, what with question period and et cetera. I love my job.

Also, on the walk home I saw:

  • a grown-up man (30-40 years old) “driving” a model car up the handrail to his front door;
  • the church sign:

CH CH
What’s missing?
UR

haha!

And I bought some smoked salmon to eat with swiss cheese & pickles. My usual “meals” are more like appetizer plates.

This morning I sent in my MFA application . . . if they accept me for the program, I have to apply to UBC’s graduate school. Scary.

It’s blue-skied outside but still chilly, which always confuses me. I want to loll about in my bikini on the lawn. Being inside on sunny days makes me feel guilty. I rented A Beautiful Mind, though, to keep me occupied — you might remember, I was reading this at one point. But big book + busy life + recent illiterate tendencies = I didn’t finish the book.

Funny, how I have a busy life even though I spend so much of it staring at a computer screen. Almost 10 straight hours of work (I worked through lunch today too) means almost 10 straight hours of computer stuff. Then I write a few emails and type on this thing. No wonder I’m getting chubby.

And there’s SO MUCH LESS STRESS in my life these days than there was at UVic. Holy Christ. People at work are getting . . . testy . . . about the crazy workload, and even though I’m running around (or sitting) doing 1,000 things at once it’s NOTHING like school, because once I (eventually) leave the office I can watch movies or CSI or do a Suduko puzzle or eat smoked salmon or run my Xtreme route or bond with you people in person/via the phone.

My Xtreme Route
. . . previously known as “running around the block.” This new term represents the PHYSICAL EFFORT that I exert doing this exercise. Q was mocking my “running around the block” because he thought I/the route was wimpy. But no, there are complicated switchbacks and et cetera and I almost DIE every time. Therefore: Xtreme route.

As for the Nephew
Hollis Robert Babich is a beautiful little fella. Mom sent me a video today of them playing dress-up with him. I woke up this morning to the INCREDIBLE realization that my little sister has created not only a PERSON, but a PERSON WITH A PENIS. How cool is that? I can’t wait to meet him. I hope he likes me.

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This Morning – Tuesday, Oct.4/05
While walking to work I saw three raccoons gardening a neighbour’s lawn! Raccoons are so cool. Like superbig bunnies with Halloween makeup. I walked right among them — one climbed up a tree trunk, and its ass looked just like Caramel’s, except much much bigger.

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My Clothes Fit Me – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – a.m.
Yes, really, I can think of nothing else to say.

And it is worthy of a headline — My body did some crazy weight change things this year, with new boobs and curvy bits and backfat and this thrilling new tummy to fondle. I bought pants THAT FIT PROPERLY a few weekends ago and it’s still a pleasure putting them on and not feeling like I’m wearing a child’s clothing, with my gut hanging out over the waistband. Change amuses me.

Fun With Google
I’ve been entertaining myself lately by doing google searches for keywords from my life (e.g. “Non-romantic life partner”) and trying to find my site online. It’s getting easier, since I have archives up since January and that’s a lot of words. I was wondering the other day if I’ll continue this site after New Years, since this is a 2005 Resolution, and my focus in 2006 will be my Masters (if I get accepted to the program) and getting more writing published, plays produced, etc. I like that I’m writing every day, and I love experimenting with this Xtreme form of honesty & openness . . . advertising my backfat and stinky feet on the Worldwide Web breaks down a lot of personal boundaries. But we shall see.

In Other News
I’ve figured out that I sleep best when wearing a white “wife-beater” style tank top. I don’t know why.

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A Beautiful Mind – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – 7:50 pm
Since I’m illiterate these days, I never finished this biography of John Nash, the Schitzophrenic Mathematician Genius.

But the movie is freaking nifty.

I know that I’m supposed to identify with the intelligent, beautiful, devoted wife/mother/woman who endures her own hardship in order to stand by her man, but I’d rather be Nash, the ego-centric, self-involved genius.

And another thing — what’s with these movies that promote dealing with mental illness via willpower instead of medication and treatment? This is only one in a series — Garden State is another current favourite. Should I feel guilty for needing/taking prozac to be able to participate in this world? Or should I just “suck it up” and be strong and Deal With It, med-free and tormented? If SuperHero Nash can succeed work- and love-wise without meds, then shouldn’t we all? Fucker. This movie’s just like watching CSI: Miami or reading a Cosmo — it perpetuates unrealistic images that the viewer will DIE trying to imitate. Perfect boobs, living with hallucinations . . . it’s all the same crap.

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List o’ Stuff To Do Before My Flight – Thursday, Oct.6/05
Downtown:
– pick up meds at pharmacy
– return A Beautiful Mind
– buy new litterboxes for Peter & co.

Rabbits:
– take out garbage & do dishes to clean kitchen
– prepare Seamus & Caramel’s Vacation Destination (aka my kitchen) with rug, litterboxes, lots of water, food, chew toys . . .
– relocate the bunnies
– set up Peter’s litterboxes, water, food
– give emergency key to Jessie

Me:
– pack
– figure out how to get to airport for tomorrow’s flight

See, I’m the low-maintenance member of my household. It’s the bunnies that require all the effort.

I am so excited about going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Hollis + Heather = True Love 4Ever, Saturday, Oct.8/05 – 12:01 pm Mountain Time
Hollis loves me. I’m his favourite aunty. The first time I held him I thought I was going to break him. Second time, I was feeling pretty good until he made this crazy face, like he was the angriest, most unhappy baby in the world, and got all red and wrinkly and his mouth opened wide and I thought he was going to shriek “HEATHER IS HOLDING ME ALL WRONG, AND SHE KNOWS IT, AND THIS SUCKS.”

Apparently, he was just farting. Or pooping. Or something. And I suppose, thinking about it, that those first few farts/poops of your life must be pretty troubling. So now those are my favourite times to watch him, because he looks like he’s going to burst, and it’s all dramatic and freaky, and then suddenly he gets calm again and everything’s fine. Nice little metaphor for life.

Q is Hollis’s Godfather, and I presented Hollis with Baby’s First Pumas and Baby’s First Ralph Lauren pink polo shirt on Q’s behalf. This is going to be the most stylish baby in Canal Flats.

Also, Mom made me poached eggs. I love Mom’s poached eggs.

And I have another GODDAMN STYE IN MY FREAKING EYE, this time the left one, and it’s exactly what Dad gets so I’m using his eye drops. Stupid genetics. I realized, though, that since I’m not staring at a computer screen all day, and since I’m not trying to fall in love with anyone here (I know everyone — it’d be like dating a cousin) that I don’t really give a shit that my eye is pink and puffy. I just don’t want to contaminate Hollis. So I’m deliberately NOT rubbing my eye on him.

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Dad’s Making Omelettes – Sunday, Oct.9/05 – 9:48 am MT
I went for a run yesterday, but there are HILLS here and 30% less oxygen in the air so I almost died. Not really. I got gaspy before I got tired, and then I kept coughing afterward. It’ll make me tough.

Today is our Thanksgiving Dinner!!!! This is my first Thanksgiving Dinner with my family in 6 or so years. My first year away, I whined. Second year, I whined. Third year, I bought a turkey and made a ridiculously lavish dinner for me & the Q. Now the Turkey Dinners have become sort of a tradition with my Victoria family — and I feel a very tiny bit guilty that I’m not there to host it, and make the turkey, and et cetera. Q threatened to buy a BBQ chicken from Safeway for him and Celeste. But whatever — I’m here with my family, including my NEW NEPHEW, and I get Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner. I love Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

Okay, the tea’s probably steeped by now — I’m going to eat Dad-made omelettes and drink a pot of tea and watch Coronation Street with Mom.

Also, my new bed here is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept on, INCLUDING the one at the B&B in Mont Tremblant!

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Tea is Yummy – Monday, Oct.10/05 – 11:04 am
Mom has these two yellow cups with bees painted on them — she was going to give them to someone for Christmas YEARS ago but then decided to keep them. They are my favourite cups.

Dad made us turkey sandwiches for breakfast, and then I had some of Mom’s rhubarb strawberry danish stuff. I love eating food that I don’t have to make for myself. Not that I usually make food for myself — damn eating out . . .

So apparently there was an earthquake in Pakistan yesterday/last night and 15,000 people died. Q says our friend Dean is okay. Here’s some love for Dean & the people in Pakistan.

And also, I helped Mom set up her geneology stuff online! Mom’s updating this still, and learning lots of new tricks you can do via websites.

What I Love About Being Home
Aside from the expected Bonding With the Family stuff, I love:
– my new, amazing bed
– not having anything I HAVE to do — I can do Suduko when I feel like it, or run, or have a nap, or eat, or watch NASCAR with Dad, et cetera!
– Hollis, of course
– reading! I actually finished Dan Savage’s The Kid the other night. I haven’t finished a book in months. Mom helped me select two other books from our family library, including Bill Gaston’s new novel. Maybe I’ll even be able to read those before I go home to Victoria!

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About to Be Kidnapped – Tuesday, Oct.11/05 – 9:47 am
I’m staying at Evy’s tonight. Mom warned me that they have no caffeinated tea in their house, so I should bring my own.

NaNoWriMo
I’ve signed up for the National Novel Writing Month competition and so I need to think of something worthy of 50,000 words to write about. And it can’t be a play. Which is how I’ve been thinking lately, in script, with esoteric stage directions and ambiguous choreography. One day I will write a novel/play called The Carpenter’s House. I grew up in carpenter-owned homes, and they were never ever finished (until we’d sold them). There’s a metaphor in there somewhere.

But I’m not ready for that story — I don’t even know what the metaphor is. So I have to think of something else.

BitterScripts
Meanwhile, I’ve had some ideas for where to take this Love Story Gone Awry. There are undeveloped themes of The Relationship Between Creativity And Two-Person Love — love as a motivating, inspirational, and therefore positive force (e.g. people in love write love poems), but also love as an interrupting, distracting, and therefore destructive force to creativity (e.g. people in love write crappy love poems). Cliches, etc. And since I’m “creating” a play about cliched love, there’s an entirely gorgeous metafictional/postmodern element to the whole thing. Make the audience an accomplice, and so on.

Anyhoo.

Deja Vu
I read Evy’s baby book yesterday. I’d never seen a newborn baby until Hollis, so I thought my newfound understanding of newborns would add an extra layer of coolness to Evy’s baby pictures. And there are all kinds of creepy (albeit expected) parallels — Mom writes about her first impressions of Evy-Just-Born as:
– it’s a girl!
– wow, she’s long!
– wow, what big feet!
Which is what my family’s first reponse to Hollis was (except the girl part). Genetics are so groovy. We’re all guessing what colour Hollis’s eyes will be, and his hair, and how tall, et cetera . . . I think dark blue eyes and blond hair, but everyone else expects Jared’s hazel eyes and dark brown hair. One of Hollis’s ears takes after Joe’s — it’s elflike and pointy. And he has eyebrows, which I am pleased about. The only taunting of Evy I did in our childhood was about her lack of visible eyebrows.

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Maybe I Have Mono? – Wednesday, Oct.12/05 – 6:34 pm
I’ve been sleeping so much — and then yawning and wanting to sleep when I’m awake. Maybe I’m finally catching up on all the sleep I’ve missed via bizarre work hours?? My favourite place to nap here at Mom & Dad’s house is in front of the gas fireplace. If I’m cold, I put all the pillows in front of the fireplace and sleep there, and then I move to the couch when I’ve warmed up enough. Not that I’m ever cold here — it’s much colder in Victoria, with the humidity and the chilly Pacific Ocean wind.

I watched The Man in the Moon yesterday and today. Such a good movie . . . and Evy let me take her Dead Poets’ Society so I’ll watch that when I’m back in Victoria. I’m in the kitchen now because I wanted tea, but we’re out of milk — there’s only cream & half-and-half. How sad.

My days here have become nicely uneventful. Meanwhile, Q called me today and said that one of my bosses, Kate, “stopped working for the Ministry” on Friday. That’s shocking. Kate’s been the one to teach me everything this past year, so I hope I can fill in for her a bit and help keep our office standing. I already miss her . . . part of my job is/was to call her in the morning and chat about the news. I’ve watched two great people leave the Ministry this Fall — and Andrew already found and started his new job. It’s educational and inspiring to watch “established professionals” navigate the job market. They don’t seem to get scared . . . I’d be scared. I owe too much in student loans.

In Other News
Liv’s been going through all kinds of drama lately, or so I’ve heard via her website. We’ll have to go for sushi asap when I’m back, so she can catch me up on the details.

And that’s all I’ve got to say for now — it’s a sleepy existence these days. Occasionally I can’t remember what I’m “supposed” to do with myself when I’m not in Victoria, working, drinking martinis and perpetuating drama. So then I do a Suduko puzzle and have a nap.

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Roast Beef Dinner Tonight – Thursday, Oct.13.05 – 3:33 pm
And Yorkshire puddings. YUM. Mom asked me what I wanted to eat while I’m here, and Yorkshire puddings are at the top of the list. We’re having Greek on Saturday for Evy’s Baby Shower.

Also, we went to Tim Horton’s and had “steeped tea” today. What a stupid marketing gimmick. As if I’d order non-steeped tea.

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BUSY – Saturday, Oct.15/05 – 11:20 am
Evy’s baby shower is today!!!! So busy. I’m home tomorrow evening — I’ll write properly later.

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Amazing Race – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 10:41 am
I’m watching an old Law & Order and just saw Kevin Smith in a bit speaking role! Neato.

Anyhoo, I’m home. YAY!!!! It was an epic return. My 3:25pm flight from Calgary was cancelled at the VERY last minute because some “anti-skid” part of the plane broke, and there were no replacements parts or planes, so WestJet booked us all on a Monday 10am flight and set us up with hotels & food. I wanted to get home, though, so I played Amazing Race and attempted the following backup strategies:

1. Call Air Canada on my cell phone to look into flights while walking over to their Customer Service counter. This plan fell through because I was on hold FOREVER and the Air Canada planes are on the other side of the Calgary airport. I realised the futility of this strategy just as #2 presented itself:

2. Grab a WestJet flight to Vancouver, then bus to the ferry and get home. This worked out perfectly. The bus/ferry cost $22, which was far better than the $300 Air Canada fare that Q eventually found for me. Also, even though I flew back, WestJet gave me credit for the cancelled flight. So I got a free flight in exchange for the inconvenience. Quinn picked me up at 10:30pm at Swartz Bay and drove me home.

Coming Home to Bunnies
Q always comes inside with me after I’ve been away, to be with me while I check that the rabbits are all still alive and healthy. We opened my apartment door and saw fur everywhere.

Apparently Seamus (aka “Houdini”) and Caramel managed to get past 2 solid barriers at some point this last week. Seamus must have battled with Peter, judging by the VAST AMOUNT OF RABBIT HAIR, and I think Seamus won because he and Caramel were hopping around the apartment like rebellious teenagers amid the wreckage from a house party. Peter was hiding under the couch. Poor guy. But upon inspection I didn’t find any cuts or wounds on any of them, and I kicked S&C back out onto their porch, and swept, and got Peter settled, and so now things are sort of back to normal. Except that Peter’s sulking/traumatized and there’s a ton of hair in my garbage can. Thank god none of the bunnies peed outside of their litterboxes — that would have been too much to take.

Labour Unrest in Victoria
There’s massive strike action today in town. A bunch of unions are holding a “day of protest” in support of the illegal teachers’ strike. Participating unions include the transit system. VERY inconvenient to most people I know.

Apparently there are pickets set up outside my office building, and there will be a rally at 1pm at the legislature.

What with all the drama I was tempted to go to work today, but then I realized that it’s raining outside and I have a pot of tea inside, so that would be foolish. I also have tomorrow off. Hopefully the chaos continues into Wednesday — I like excitement.

To make things even more exciting, government has instructed their unionized employees to NOT participate in the (illegal) protest during work hours, or else they will be fired. I’m not unionized, so this doesn’t affect me, but I bet there’s some wonderful drama playing out at work.

Tonight is Jann Arden’s concert at the Save On Memorial Arena. Q and I have tickets — I wonder if the strike action will affect that?

Fate and Destiny and Et Cetera
I thought that my cancelled flight was a sign that that my DEATH had been narrowly avoided, but Mom suggested that the cancelled flight was intended to put me on an alternate travel route, so as to accommodate some fateful experience.

So here are the “experiences” I had while traveling:

  1. met a woman named Diana who said that theatre needed another musical writer;
  2. ran into Crispin (from UVic) on the ferry, who is now working as an arbourist and owns a condo and wants to hook me up with someone named “Matt” who, according to Crispin, “is a RockStar”;
  3. had an amazing ham & swiss cheese sandwich at the Tim Horton’s in the Vancouver Airport;
  4. watched Family Guy on satellite TV during my WestJet flight to Vancouver from Calgary;
  5. overheard a teacher on the ferry who was talking on his cellphone, discussing his dilemma re: supporting illegal job action vs. being “ostracized” by his colleagues if he didn’t.

Interpret that as you will.

In Summary
I’m back home after a week of holding Hollis and sleeping in a proper bed and eating good food prepared for me by other people, specifically my Mom. I’m looking forward to getting back to the office on Wednesday, but will drink tea and rebond with the bunnies and sleep for the rest of my well-deserved vacation. Thank you for your patience with my sporadic & brief updates this past week. I’ll try to do something foolish and amusing to show my appreciation.

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How to Be Insensitive – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 11:30 pm
The Jann Arden concert was super dooper. Also, I had a bucket of powder-buttered popcorn and 2 Mike’s Hard Lemonades for dinner. Welcome back to Victoria 🙂

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Waking Up With Peter – Tuesday, Oct.18/05 – 10:58 am
I think he’s recovered from his ordeal. Peter’s been running laps from the kitchen to the porch door all morning. He’s currently taking a break under the wicker chair to chew his Special Collection of Branches. Meanwhile, the baby bunnies are back on their porch acclimatizing themselves to Victoria’s new winter weather: lots of huddling together for warmth. Yes, things are back to normal.

And Now
I think I’ll make a pot of tea and watch crapTV 🙂

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Back to Work – Wednesday, Oct.19/05
I managed to wake up with my first alarm this morning (of four)! And now I get to sort through over 1,000 emails . . . I really really love my job. I’m glad to be back.

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Lunchtime – Thursday, Oct.20/05
Hollis is three weeks old today!!! Happy Three Week Birthday, Hollis.

Something Gross
Wednesday & this morning I woke up with a blister in my mouth. Syphyllis? Stress? Wisdom teeth issues??? I dunno. Wednesday’s blister was just under my bottom lip; this morning it was somewhere by my left cheek. And something even more disgusting: I don’t have either blister anymore because I popped each one within the first few moments after discovery. With my teeth. And it didn’t taste gross, which I thought it would. (Blisters, pus, etc.) I bite my lips/mouth-skin when I get stressed, and last night my teeth were Super Sensitive due to wisdom teeth development so I tried to sleep with my tongue between my teeth, to alleviate the tooth-on-tooth pressure. Anyhoo. I don’t know if that explains it, but that’s all I know re: potentially contributing factors.

As For the Q
Aside from working his little fanny off and loving Celeste, Q’s been busy working his way up the ranks of a . . . long-standing community group. I promised I wouldn’t say too much about it. Ahem. So hopefully, if there is a Massive Conspiracy and this . . . club . . . is involved (according to rumours via our ex-neighbour Jason), then maybe I won’t die. And maybe I’ll give you folks the secret password for the spaceships too.

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Starbucks With Jimmy – Friday, Oct.21/05 – 9:16 pm
I went out with a Navy guy named James this evening. He’s from Nova Scotia and drives a Jimmy (haha) and drank caramel apple ciders at Starbucks while I had tea.

He’s a pretty funny guy, what with the Atlantic humour and a naturally nice personality, and he’s 6’4″ (I approve). I wasn’t in love with him after 5 minutes, though, and I’m not sure why not. He’s not a SuperModel, but he’s a good-looking guy, and he’s really smart, and referred to Family Guy and Sesame Street . . . maybe I’m just tired.

Anyhoo, it was fun and I’ll probably meet up with him again.

Worried About Peter
His right eye is weepy-looking, and the hair around his eye is wet. I looked up eye problems on my rabbit site, and it suggests I get him to a vet in case it’s a bacterial infection. It seems like a lot of causes/treatments for bunny eye problems are similar to those I’ve encountered for myself recently, so I’m tempted to squirt some polysporin eyedrops into his eye and see what happens. I’m reluctant to use human drugs on a bunny, though. Poor guy. I hope he didn’t catch it from me, or get sick from the Great Bunny Escape & Battle of October 2005 . . .

Also, he’s been leaving tiny hard poops by the door to the porch. This suggests a dietary or stress issue. I wish bunnies could talk about their symptoms.

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Swans With Jessie – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:31 am
I called Crispin yesterday to remind him that he was going to hook me up, and he invited me (and Jessie) to Swans to watch some band he knew play and hang out with all the single straight guys he knows.

So Jessie & I got all prettied up and Swans apparently is where ALL the straight single guys in Victoria go every Saturday night, because they were all there. I’ve never seen so many. And quite a few of them were even attractive. And/or tall. So Jessie and I have found our new Saturday night activity . . . She was picked up* by some guy named Ryan who smiled a lot, and I made “meaningful eye contact” with a tall man, so we both left pleased.

* Jessie does NOT consider herself a single girl, despite her man living IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, so this was an amusing “pick up” rather than an actual one. And it doesn’t hurt for Jessie to know that she’s a hottie.

Peter Loves Me
I eventually did put polysporin eyedrops in Peter’s weepy eye on Friday. And the next day, it looked 1000-times better, except that the hair around his eye was a little crusty, so I washed it with a wet cloth. Today everything is back to normal. He had some white gunk in the corner of his eye, so I wiped it off and gave him another eyedrop.

For anyone who knows bunnies/Peter, THIS IS REMARKABLE. Bunnies do not like being touched this much, or having foreign liquids put in their eyes. Peter, however, has somehow developed a new trust in me. Maybe the polysporin eyedrops made him feel a lot better . . . whatever the motivation, he doesn’t mind me inspecting him or even treating him. He even still follows me around the apartment (which has become usual behaviour this summer).

I’m a Lamb
Spencer, Q, hopefully Jessie, and I are going Halloween costume hunting today. Jessie is going to be “the night sky” (Q and I invented this back in 1999), which involves wearing a skimpy black dress covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. I’m going to be a lamb this year, despite all the negative “sacrificial lamb” connotations. I think it’ll be groovy to have lamb ears.

Q&S have yet to confirm their personae for this year. Last year they went as Serena and Venus Williams, which was hilarious — both in short sporty skirts, make-up, black body paint, carrying tennis rackets — 6’5″ Q in a black wig, blonde Spencer with a ponytail. Anyhoo.

My Christmas Gift to Myself
Yesterday, while watching taped episodes of CSI, I realized that I wanted a universal remote. Despite being a grown-up with a grown-up job and grown-up backfat, I still have to either sit through commercials or get up to fast forward the tape.

So I bought one at Walmart. Yay for me!

Which Brings Me To a Sad & Confusing Experience
The family in line before us at Walmart couldn’t afford to buy the cheese they’d wanted.

I do not understand this. At first I felt sorry for them, because I love cheese and that would be a terrible thing to not be able to afford cheese, or anything else they wanted/needed. And then I was kind of angry, because I don’t understand how someone can’t afford to buy cheese.

The two big “head-starts” I got in life are my loving family and my smarts. I don’t see what other advantages I have over any other Canadian in the 21st century. So either these two “head-starts” are REALLY SIGNIFICANT, or else the discrepancy in “class”/financial well-being/whatever” is due to a group of people being too lazy, negative, unambitious, or weak to cross that gap.

I don’t believe that intellectual/physical/psychological disabilities are any excuse, because we DO have significant social supports in B.C. and Canada. I’ve used some of them.

And “inherited poverty” is not a viable argument. I put myself through school, just like lots of other people I know. If people can “start from scratch” and use student loans, grants, social programs, etc. to further themselves, then anyone is able to do so.

I want to find someone to talk to, like a parent in that Walmart family, who can explain to me why they are where they are, and make me feel empathy for them. Whenever I’ve tried this I still find some point in the story where they had a CHOICE, and chose to ignore an opportunity or support or something that would likely have changed their situation.

This is an open invitation for comments, if anyone thinks they can explain this to me. I promise not to mock you 🙂

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2nd “Date” With Jimmy – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:09 pm
Navy James and I went out to the airport this evening to drink tea/almond lattes and watch the airport people do their magic. Funfun, but still no love.

Also, I watched Dead Poets Society (sic) today. Excellent movie.

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WestJet Loves Me – Monday, Oct.24/05 – 9:25 pm
WestJet has given me $139 in travel credit for my cancelled flight back on the 16/17th! EVEN THOUGH I still flew home via WestJet (and then Pacific Coast and then BC Ferries) . . . it’s to compensate for the inconvenience. What a bunch of superstars.

Speaking of SuperStars
I programmed my new universal remote and it was tricky but I did it. YAY!

And Levi Won Stuff
Theatre Guy Nathan, who has his FINGER on the PULSE of ARTS in CANADA, emailed me today to tell me that Levi MacDougall won two (or three??) awards at the Canadian Comedy Awards on Saturday. I wonder if he ever incorporated me into his routine . . .

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Silence of the Lamb – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – early a.m.
Hee hee. I didn’t write yesterday because I got home, dressed up like a lamb, and drank a bottle of faux vino while watching Batman Begins. It’s a good life.

Being a lamb for Halloween is tricky. First off, my costume constantly verges on Being Bunny-like, what with all the white, the ears, the tail . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s a challenge, though, to look lambish.

Also, there are quite a few negative connotations to lambs. For example: sacrifical lamb, Lamb-as-Jesus, lamb/sheep being molested by horny rednecks, innocent lamb . . . I’m tempted to add blood to the costume every so often. But NO, I want to be a LAMB and that is all. Dammit.

So, Heather, How Does One Become a Lamb?
Well, Mom sent me her white “pettipants,” which are squaredancer’s underwear, which look like silk boxers covered in lace. I bought white fishnet tights yesterday, and with a white tanktop (I think I’ll glue cotton balls to it) that = lamb body. I have black gloves and shoes for my hooves, and a ribbon for my throat that says “Dolly,” and with carefully-made ears and some quality makeup I think it’ll be A1. I’m not entirely sure what lamb faces & ears look like, so I need to do some more research. And do lambs wear bells around their necks? (Like cows?)

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Being SuperBrave – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – 10:07 pm
I went to Q’s after work to snuggle with Celeste & glue cotton balls onto a tank top. On the bus there was a 6-foot-something shaggy blonde guy with a red beard, reading Daniel Quinn (is that Safeway-crap, Mom? I can’t recall his books) and it was ridiculously crowded and I was laden down with craft supplies so I couldn’t be subtle. But then I thought:

HEATHER (internal monologue): “But I NEVER find sexy men in Victoria. And Q will only mock me if I do nothing about this rare find.”

So I wrote him a note. A witty, non-threatening note. With my phone number & email address. And then I held it in my little sweaty hand until my bus stop, and dropped it onto the page he was reading, and got the hell off that bus.

Very brave (in a cowardly way), and very scary. But if I don’t do scary things, I will never get what I want. So yep.

Past My Bedtime
I’m up late but that’s okay. I slept at Q’s from 4 until 7:30pm. The only memories I have of my afternoon are of Quinn trying to wake me up so we could have dinner and watch Born Into Brothels together. I resisted, and only rose in time for America’s Next Top Model.

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Child of the Eighties – Thursday, Oct.27/05
Ohmigod. Most amazing story in today’s newspapers, and it’s in the National Post: The Muppets are hosting a new reality tv show, America’s Next Muppet. It’s supposed to air next spring.

Also, did you know that the Muppets have a website? And they’re making a Fraggle Rock movie?????

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It’s Too Late For Me To Be Awake – Oct.27/05 – 11:46 pm
Jessie, Q, Spencer & I went to Atomic Vaudeville’s “Hellhouse” episode tonight. Camel Toe Improv finally made them laugh along with me — I’ve been waiting for it.

Also, had the freaky experience of learning that some AV folks know about & read my website.

So.

Yep.

Boy, Atomic Vaudeville sure is super 🙂

So, What Do You Do For A Day-Job?
VERSION 1, told to Chris, owner of The Patch on Yates:

HEATHER: “I write propaganda.”

VERSION 2, told to Jenn Stein, Pags server and Barbara Bush:

HEATHER: “I read newspapers for the government.”

To be honest, I’m constantly amazed that my crazy, wonderful job requires reading the comics page and writing “feel good” sound bites. I LOVE MY DAY JOB.

Anyhoo
Also, it’s been exactly 4 weeks since Hollis entered the world 🙂

I will always remember hearing the details of his birth, while drunk on Cosmopolisyns in the washroom of the Victoria Event Centre during an Atomic Vaudeville dance number.

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EEK! – Friday, Oct.28/05
OHMIGOD. I got an email from the guy on the bus (Wednesday). Reads as follows:

Hello dear,
I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Red Haired Boy (I object to being called a man) from the bus yesterday. I am just writing to tell you that when you dropped that note in my lap yesterday, I was quite taken aback. I certainly never expected something like that to happen.
So now I’m writing you because you expressed interest in me. I wish I could have spoken with you on the bus, but it was indeed too busy and love was entirely out of the question.
I was wondering if you’d have any interest in coming to a Hallowe’en party on Saturday night. A friend of mine who has rich parents and owns her house is having what should be a fairly decent excuse to drink. You mentioned you like drinking tea, but how about the occasional bottle of wine or shot of whisky? If you have plans already, that’s fine. I won’t weep for too long…
If you are in fact interested, feel free to write me back at this email address. Or you can reach me at [EDITED]. The phone number is kind of unsure because I try to avoid spending time at home as much as possible. But there should be someone here to answer, one of my roommates.
Anyway, I wish you a pleasant evening, and hope to hear from you before Saturday evening. And I suppose I should tell you my name; I’m Zac, and it’s nice to kind of meet you.
Take care

My Reaction
I hope he’s not a weirdo. (. . . irony . . .)

Also, I’m going to a party Saturday night already, so I can’t go. Even if I could, that’s an awkward way to meet up with a stranger.

HEATHER: Hi, I’m Heather.

ZAC: No, you’re a lamb.

HEATHER: No, I’m Heather. From the bus.

ZAC: Um, no, you have big lamb ears and you’re white and squishy and you’re wearing your Momma’s pettipants. Heather from the bus had a red coat and human ears.

HEATHER: Right. Okay. Nevermind.

So I suggested that we meet in a non-costumed setting so that he can see that I’m not a nut who routinely accosts strangers. (Ha ha, yes that’s really funny. You bastards.)

EEK 🙂

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Oops – Friday, Oct.28/05 – 12:41 pm
So, Zac the Bus Guy somehow found my website (Hi, Zac!) so I’ll be polite and stop posting our personal correspondence on the web.

And he still wrote me, so that’s a positive sign.

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Cleaning House – Saturday, Oct.29/05 – 10:49 am
Saturday mornings are my most productive. I wake up, feeling like I’ve slept in to 3pm or something, and then look at the clock and see that it’s 8:41 am. Already today I’ve cleaned the bunnies’ litterboxes, done dishes, put away the laundry I did at Q’s yesterday, and now I have banana muffins in the oven.

I thought that our Annual Halloween House Party was on Friday, so I expected to be comatose and sickly today. The party’s actually tonight, though, so I’ll get to wake up in a clean(ish) apartment tomorrow morning.

Sudoku Pride
I’ve become very good at solving Sudoku puzzles, to the point where I was getting cocky and considered moving on to a new hobby. And THEN I started in on the “Fiendish” section of one of my Sudoku books, and I feel like a beginner all over again. I love it. I feel like John Nash, solving Russian code.

NaNoWriMo
Starting Nov. 1 I will attempt to write 50,000 words in a month. I have no idea what to write about.

Oh and Also
I forgot to mention. After Atomic Vaudeville on Thursday I stayed for the “after party” and drank sour cocktails with lollipops. Jacob Richmond, the co-founder and director of AV, told me he and Britt had discovered my “blog” while googling “Atomic Vaudeville” and then he asked me if I wanted to contribute anything to a future AV show (writing-wise). But I can’t think of anything suitable.

JACOB: “Could we just take something from your blog, then?”

So be warned, y’all. You might end up on stage sometime soon.

Also, Britt reminded me that they are willing and able to host a read-though of my work. I just have to provide the scripts . . . I have no idea how to exploit this opportunity. On the Rag is finished and ready for workshopping, but there are long monologue bits and I think BitterScripts is more amusing.

I love having the opportunity, though. I will have to take advantage of it soon.

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What Are You Doing With Your Extra Hour Today? – Sunday, Oct.30/05 – 10:06 am
I stayed over at Q’s last night so I’m NOT waking up in a clean(ish) home. There are costume bits everywhere, and the wreckage from our 3am McDonald’s drive-thru (via taxi) and a pizza box and empty bottles . . .

We went to the BEST Annual Halloween Party last night (Spencer, Q and I). Spencer & Q ended up going as Canadian Idol contestents. The best costume was one of the hosts (John??) — he was a shower. I took a picture, so I’ll post that when I get home tonight. And I got to see Rich & Cam again — Rich had a sexy Speedo with “AUS” on his ass, and a lifeguard’s shirt with “Mouth to mouth” on the front. Despite getting a little . . . cold . . . when we went outside for the fireworks, he was definitely hot. When I saw Cam, my first thought was The Royal Tennenbaums, but he was a seventies tennis star, with this crazy huge afro that eventually became too much for him to bear (it was itchy). I love how Cam is always smiling.

Chris(tina) premiered his drag show, and lots of people rubbed my tummy (soft cotton balls, remember?), and there were tequila shots and jello shots and tonnes of food and the fireworks show was hilarious, watching these costumed guys fumble around with explosives, match in one hand, drink in the other. A few of the fireworks went haywire — one ricoched off the parked minivan in front of the house and made us run. One woman had a hole burned into the fishnets by a firecracker spark. Craziness.

Eventually I got tired, of course, so I managed to convince Q and a Very Drunk Spencer that we all wanted McDonalds. The taxi companies had 30 minute to hour-long waits if you called, so we started walking down Gorge Road and managed to catch a cab as it dropped off a customer. (Same strategy as last year, actually.)

Also, I Went Out With a Straight Boy
Zac and I met up yesterday afternoon and he is awesome. He’s smart and funny and we went for a long walk along the Songhees after chugging tea (he drinks tea and spurns coffee! Yay!) and it was the best thing ever, getting to talk to someone that I have NEVER before talked to. When you start off knowing nothing about someone, there are infinite things to find out. So now I know his dad is/was in the military, and Zac moved cities every five years, and his parents split up when he was 11, and now he has a younger brother & sister, and a half-brother who’s 3, and four step-sisters. Also, he’s in school to be a nurse, and apparently nurses get to be caring & empathetic while doctors just have to know EVERYTHING FACTUAL and have crappy social skills. Zac likes the caring stuff. I didn’t point out that he’d have to wipe bums or do other icky things working in the health sector.

Zac was raised Catholic in Ontario, but he’s diverged from a lot of those conservative beliefs (e.g. he supports gay marriage). His hot button was abortion, which he says he’s never heard a decent argument for. I’ll have to get him and Q to face off over that one. It’d be amusing to watch.

Anyhoo, I had a great time and I really like him, which is a relief since he could easily have been crazy or stupid or married since I “picked him up” based solely on my attraction to him and that he was reading a book.

Also, we made a deal that Zac at least has to PRETEND that he doesn’t read my website. That way I won’t worry about repeating my ever-amusing anecdotes, or him knowing things I haven’t told him, et cetera.

Also, his birthday is April 29.

(I’m a fricking encyclopedia!)

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Rainy Halloween – Monday, Oct.31/05 – 6:06 pm
It’s only 6pm and it’s dark out there. It feels like 10pm or later. I am suddenly glad that my work day ends at 2/3pm, when it still looks like daytime.

I’m sleepy but I’m hesitant to nap because my body might think it’s bedtime, due to the darkness, and then I’ll waste my whole night. Instead of spending it on quality activities, like watching Medium and CSI: Miami . . .

An Amusing Bunny Anecdote
This morning Peter was following me around while I was getting ready, putting laundry away, etc. and I thought he wanted a snuggle so I stood still and let him climb onto my feet. But actually he wanted to suck on and undo the ribbon bows on my slippers.

Peter loves sucking on ribbons and undoing bows with his little bunny teeth . . .

September 2005

Moving Day!!!! – September 1/05 – 8 am

Q is moving into his new home today, and I have taken the day off to SLEEP, NOT read the news, and help out by comforting Celeste. Also, it’s sunny which is much better than rain on a moving day.

Hooking Heather Up
A variety of “opportunities” have arisen whereby friends and acquaintances are matchmaking for me. I have a 36 year old tall man and a 23 year old academic in my future . . . and I have a new neighbour, as of last night, who is my age, but I think he’s short. For those who don’t know, I have a standing reward for anyone who finds me a good one — a $100 gift certificate for Bravo’s restaurant, the best food in Victoria. So go forth and add to my Potential Booty List!

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How Many Bunny Rabbits is Too Many? – Friday, Sept. 2/05
Mom & Dad have decided to focus their parental energies on my excessive rabbit population. And to an extent I agree: Seamus and Caramel would be much happier and healthier as house rabbits. BUT it’s difficult to find a home that would give them the freedom and attention that would compensate them for losing their porch haven. Also, Caramel is not littertrained and would require an attentive and forgiving bunny parent.

Just Sos Ya Know, Normal Rabbits Endure the Following:

  • Too-small cages that don’t allow them to jump around, run, tunnel, and exercise properly. If a bunny lives in a cage, they require a minimum of three hours cage-free exercise a day. That’s a lot of supervision.
  • Cages with metal mesh on the bottom, which hurt their feet, and pine shavings (sold by most pet stores as “rabbit” cage shavings), which give them liver & other internal organ problems.
  • A lack of attention. And yes, I do forget about my baby bunnies occasionally, but I check on them at least twice a day (due to their feeding schedule).

Mom’s arguments tend to focus on the porch as wasted space, rabbit-stink, and bunnies as mobility-limiting factors. Once a strong person wanders into my house, I intend to recruit their assistance and get that piss-stained futon couch off my porch. I want to replace it with plastic chairs and a table, and then I can easily clean any mess, and sit and drink tea with the bunnies. It’s shady out there even on the sunniest day, which is ideal for rabbits but not for me . . . the only reason I’d go out there would be to bond with S&C.

As for the rabbit-stink, that’s due to Peter and his litter box, and there’s nothing I can do about that except keep him/it clean, open the doors, and burn some incense. Peter’s worth a little stink.

Goddamn Hootchie Neighbours
The house-owner’s daughter had a party last night. She’s normally very lovely, but a drunken Thursday night screamfest has upset my opinion of her. At 10:30pm I went over, trying to look as harried as possible, and told them I had to work at 6:30am and could they please shut up. I’ve learned, however, that drunken assurances mean shit, and therefore they continued until late. I fell asleep at 11pm or so, but my Dad (who is visiting as of yesterday) was awake when someone authoritative starting yelling and closed down the party. Poor Dad! On a boat for two weeks, and his first land-sleep is distrupted by a bunch of hootchies.

Dad, Visiting
Dad called from Sidney yesterday, where he moored his 22-foot Catalina sailboat (aka a floating Volkwagen). He helped the Q move and bought us Chinese food for dinner, and chatted up the movers and told funny stories about currents and a stick-figure Jesus on Thetis Island. I love my Dad.

Yep
This is a random and scattered little entry today . . . But I’ve been random and scattered lately. Hopefully these notes encompass most of the “significant” stuff from the past 25 hours.

Other stuff includes:

  • email from Vitto saying “saw you at Syn, hi there”;
  • have managed to cut Shawn from my life for a week now, with no significant sense of loss (I have no time for inconsiderate poohs);
  • bought 4 shirts on Wednesday and they made me feel happy, so am tempted to buy into the whole “retail therapy” lifestyle
  • I think Justin has moved to Seattle by now — I’ll have to catch up with Jessie today;
  • my sister is 1cm dilated (???) and the baby has “dropped” (????) and I could be an aunty ANY DAY NOW.

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Dad Returns to the Sea – Sunday, Sept.4/05 – 8:50 am
Dad left for Sidney and his boat, Rorinante, this morning. We had a good visit — lots of intense conversations and the usual. Dad tends to parent like today’s the last day to parent, so he shares all the wisdom and stories he can think of. I love it. It’s exactly the oppositive of those superficial “How are you? Fine” conversations that most people seem to want to have.

Joel Kroeker
We went to see Joel Kroeker play at Logan’s last night. If there is a god, and if god has a voice, he sounds like Joel Kroeker. I LOVE JOEL KROEKER. This was the first time I’ve seen him play with his full band, though, and it was a lot of sound. What’s with bands? They must all be deaf because they turn their bass/guitar/etc volumes up way too loud, the drummer doesn’t bother to muffle his bass, and then I can’t hear a fricking word of the song. Joel’s voice was audible, though, so at least Dad got to hear how good he is. The first singer was Harmony Trow-something — she has an unusual voice so I bought her cd to give it a proper listen when I do dishes today.

“Ramping Up” to Fall Drama
(See how I slipped in that gov’t phrase? Oh, yes. I’m learning.) My neighbour Tim is a hottie. He’s shorter than my usual preference, about 6-feet or something. But he will be a pleasant friend at the very least. He had bunnies once. And it’s so easy to approach neighbours — there are infinite excuses for visits.

Also, my as-yet-unmet-but-recommended-by-friend 36 year old man John called me Friday night and left a message. Hopefully I’ll be able to meet him this week. He sounds like fun.

AND, just so things don’t get too inconsistent, Q and my friend Regan invited us to her Birthday on the 16th. Regan is the older sister of my RockStar, Ryan. While the whole thing feels awkward and unnecessary, it might lead to some interesting stories.

To Be Continued
I will add more later this weekend, but Seven Years in Tibet just started on TV.

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SuperHeather – Monday, Sept. 5/05 – 9:10 pm
I’m trying a new strategy whereby I figure out what pisses me off, then I fix it. Today I bought one of those shoe holders that hang on one side of a door, and so all my smelly shoes are stuck into the pockets and they won’t get all scuffed and grimy and stink up my closet anymore. Also, I managed to disassemble my futon frame tonight: a square-headed screwdriver and some pliers were needed, and my hammer. I felt very tooly. The frame is now in handy 3×4.5-foot chunks, and I can toss them off my porch and into the dumpsters tomorrow. Yay! I plan to get a sweet little plastic or metal patio set — one or two chairs and a wee table for my tea. Then I can snuggle with the bunnies all winter and watch the rain storms.

Updates re: Booty
I went upstairs to invite Neighbour Tim to breakfast/lunch today, but he wasn’t there (or didn’t answer my knock) so that was a failure. However, I did pass him while walking home from Christie’s pub — he was walking with a girl riding her bike. I should expect that he has a girlfriend, to avoid disappointment. Regardless, he smiled hugely at me and he’s clearly in love with me. Fun fun fun.

The 36 year old guy, John, called me — did I already mention this? Anyhoo, he left a message and I haven’t called him back yet. I’ve been bonding with Dad and watching plays and eating. Tomorrow I should send him an email or something.

And re: Mom’s hookup of a 23 year old smartie pants, I haven’t heard anything. So no exciting news there.

Christie’s Pub
The pub is only three blocks or so from Q’s new house. We went there for dinner tonight — Dean’s treat. Dean’s visiting Q from Ottawa before he jaunts off to Lebanon for his work with the foreign service. What a hottie. We walked Celeste on Dallas Road today and gawked at sweaty football players.

Also, I learned how to shampoo a carpet: Q had to clean his bedroom in the old apartment, so I read and interpreted the instructions while the boyz did the work. It’s actually not that tricky. I was inspired to borrow Q’s vacuum, and I might actually attempt to vacuum up all the dust bunnies in this place. Peter HATES the vacuum, though, so I’ll have to do it early in the day; otherwise, he’ll keep me awake all night with his stomping.

Peter Relearns Boundaries
He’s been leaving dainty poops in the area around his food & water dishes and litter box. This means he is claiming it as his territory. However, it is actually MY territory since I pay the rent and have to walk through the mess to get to my drawers, so I’ve moved all of his “survival” stuff* closer together to remind him that his space is limited.

*I specified “survival” stuff because Peter has quite a few personal possessions (“luxuries”) around the house: sticks under most of the furniture, a wicker basket, silk scarf and blankie under the drafting table, a ribbon tied to the desk to suck on, and then of course his de-construction site underneath the couch.

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Laundry Hell – Tuesday, Sept. 6/05 – 9:00 pm
I intended to get all my clothes clean today but because Q’s new laundry washer and drier are the WORST LAUNDRY WASHER AND DRIER EVER, I’m only done 1 load. (Load one of two yellows, of SIX loads in total.)

Load #2 is in the middle of its second time around in the drier. Load #3 is stuck in the washer. Loads #4-6 are stagnating in the hall.

Ugh.

Meanwhile
Celeste wants to play with her tennis ball . . . she loves her new home!!!!!!

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(Exciting Appointment Today – Wednesday, Sept. 7/05
Spencer’s cutting my hair today!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!)

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Short Hair & Clean Clothes – Wednesday, Sept. 7/05 – 10:14 pm
I feel like a SuperStar. Except that I have too many clothes and too few hangers, so I will have to invest in some sort of storage container for all my summer shite in order to make room for the sweaters.

Moment of Political Awareness (or not)
Spencer asked me what’s going on with the hurricane Katrina situation down in New Orleans. Since I read all the major newspapers every day I’m usually sort of “in the know” about current news, but when asked to paraphrase I realized that all I’ve really been doing is looking at the crazy, surreal pictures and reading the personal stories and tallying headlines that promote or discourage financial donations.

I wonder if it’s better to be “sort of in the know” about what’s happening, or totally oblivious. I felt a little guilty, not even knowing the exact death count so far. (I think it’s 1,000 but it might be 10,000 — or that might just be a headline I saw from another story . . .)

Also I feel guilty about my secret fetish for all things Apocalyptic. Natural disasters intrigue me, since I’ve never actually experienced one directly. I had to watch myself while talking to Spencer at the salon, to make sure I didn’t smile too much or seem too eager to talk about how terrible it all is — there were other people there, and I didn’t want to offend someone. On September 11 I was giddy and only realized how inappropriate my glee was once Q and I ran into Rachel, who had friends working in the towers.

But it’s true, I’ve always loved books where ALMOST everyone in the world dies, and then a few survive so they have to forage and fend and find some half-assed reason to continue. Ironic, considering that with my terrible eyesight I’d be DOOMED once my corrective eyewear was lost (like Piggy in Lord of the Flies . . .). And being a wee woman there’s rape and all kinds of terrible shit to think of. And my bunnies! They’d be screwed . . .

Everyone has guilty fantasies, though. I suppose mass death and anarchy are relatively mild . . .

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Putting Away My Clothes – Thursday, Sept. 8/05 – 7:11 pm
The saddest part was when I realized that I own two identical pink tanktops and FOUR identical muscle shirts. Apparently my short-term memory problems are more serious than I’d thought.

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Peter’s Birthday – Friday, Sept.9/05
I don’t know exactly when Peter’s birthday is, but I think I adopted him sometime in August/September . . .

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Resolution is a Wonderful Thing – Saturday, Sept.10/05 – 11:31 am
Regan and Ryan (aka my RockStar) came to Victoria to visit their uncle Gordie, who is recuperating from an operation. Q and I met them for lunch, plus their gramma and dad, and it was exactly the scary experience I’d expected — I had no fucking clue what to say or do with Ryan, since I had no fucking clue what was going on, and whether he wanted anything from me other than WriterStyle advice & input. Regardless, I sorta survived that one, and then we went back to work.

After work I went home and slept for a few hours, until Old Man John (my 36 year old potential love-interest) called, and then I had a half-asleep conversation — I think we’re hooking up on Sunday or sometime this week — and then I got up and went downtown to meet Rowan and Regan and Q at the Sticky Wicket for some drinky drinks on the rooftop. (What’s with all these “r” names???)

And then we all taxied to Safeway and picked up bananas and booze (not in that order), and returned to Q’s to frolic with Celeste and Regan/Ryan’s old doggy, Maggie.

Ryan was keeping his gramma company at their hotel until she fell asleep, and then he came to Q’s at 11 and got me and we went for a really long walk ‘n’ talk, and now I feel 100% better.

The Walk ‘n’ Talk
Essentially, Ryan is not in love with me at this time, and that is okay with me because he said so. The uncertainty about everything was making me crazy, but now that loose tooth has fallen out so I can stop obsessing. We walked down to the beach at Dallas Road and grabbed some bonfire that had been abandoned and Ryan played with newspaper and driftwood and I threw rocks to make everything spark. (There’s probably a metaphor in there somewhere . . . ) I don’t like the thought of anyone not being madly in love with me, but since I’m not so sure that Ryan can be in love with ANYONE right now (due to craziness, youth, self-obsession, whatever) I’m happy being one of the ones he tried to love.

I know it is entirely up to me whether I want to be friends/allies/confidantes now, and I think that I will be okay with that sort of relationship — that will have to be reevaluated if/when Ryan falls in love with someone, because then I’ll probably be jealous and pissed off. But for now, I love having this beautiful RockStar Writer man in my life. And now I’m emotionally free to fall in love with someone else (damn these monotasking limitations!) so I CAN have it all: love and sex and writerly companionship.

BitterScripts
Last night at some point I figured out the next part of my new play! Usually I jump up (or roll over) and write EVERYTHING DOWN ASAP because I know I’ll forget the idea(s). But I didn’t. And I still remember them, so hopefully the “spark” will still be there too when I write the new scenes and they will still have that MiddleOfTheNightMagic to them.

Today
R&R are visiting their uncle, and Regan wants to take the doggies for a walk, and Celeste is getting her hair cut this afternoon, and in theory we are having a Mortgages Are Fun housewarming BBQ at Q’s. I’m not entirely sure if that will happen – it’s really just an excuse to get together with some of the people Q&I haven’t seen lately.

Tonight Jessie and I are going to a Crazy Mad Singles’ Party to hook up with hootchie men. More on that tomorrow, I suppose 🙂

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Old People Parties – Sunday, Sept.11/05 – 10:57 am
Jessie pointed out that old people (i.e. ages 30+) still like to get together and drink and have a party. When we’re old, we’ll probably do that too. But I won’t want angstful 20-somethings there!

In other words, Jessie & Justin & Jess (“J” names!!!!) and I went to Karen’s party last night, which was supposed to be a singles’ thing but which her man apparently thought was a housewarming, so he’d invited all his old couple friends & coworkers (employees, to be exact) and Karen had invited us. Regardless, it was a good night. Karen & her man Stacy (haha) have this beautiful, crazy-grown-up condo/townhouse/strata/whatever thing on her parent’s development property. It’s THREE STORIES, with a massive walk-in closet in the master bedroom, and a 2-person jacuzzi tub, and it’s just beautiful. I thought she was having a party while her parents were out of town, but no, it’s all hers. Craziness.

I found out when leaving that the old people couples were Stacy’s employees, and that they were all nervous because he was their boss (he’s the CEO at a consulting firm or something); with this in mind, I will say that I slapped his ass at one point, and that my new woman-friend Erica and I rearranged all his CDs and books in Random Acts of Terrorism. Stacy keeps his CDs arranged alphabetically (and there are probably 2,000 of them), and his books are arranged in colour. (Yes, colour. How ridiculous is that????) I assume we’ll be the first on his invite list in the future 🙂

Final R&R Weekend Update
I walked up to Q’s Saturday morning because I was done drinking tea and bored of waiting for him to get ready. Lucky thing too, because I got there about 5 minutes before Regan & Ryan & Maggie left for the ferry, ahead of schedule. Over the summer I’ve accumulated about 4 books (and the second trilogy of the Griffin & Sabine series) for Ryan. I finally got to give them to him, so now there’s that much less clutter in my house, and I won’t have to mail them or anything.

Books include:
Unless, by Carol Shields, because it’s brilliant and Sara Cassidy (her daughter) is producing a play version in late October that I want to see.

Nine Knives (or is it 15??) by Mark Jarman, because he’s a modern-day Kerouac and also the editor of one of the lit magazines I suggested to Ryan — The Fiddlehead.

Generation X, by Douglas Coupland, which I think sucks but it’s a staple of any “generational identity” literary collection, along with Kerouac, etc.

The Griffin & Sabine Morning Star Trilogy, because it’s the perfect example of art+story. Luckily, Ryan has the first three.

Next weekend is Regan’s birthday, and Q&I are going to Richmond to celebrate. I’m no longer dreading it. Yay!

Today’s Forecast
J&J&J invited me for breakfast this morning, but I want to have some time to drink tea & contemplate Peter & maybe write my new scene(s). Q has a spa day today — it started 15 minutes ago, actually. It’s my birthday gift to him, which he’s been saving for after his move. Includes: spa bath, 1 hour massage, facial, pedicure, lunch . . .

Also I managed to cut the nails on Peter’s front left hoof this morning. He hated it. And I got bunny hair all over my shirt.

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Welcome Back, Kotter – Monday, Sept.12/05 – 8:55 pm
Back in highschool I LOVED this show. And yesterday I saw some ad on tv that the series was going to be run again, and today I was so excited that I actually tried to find the time & channel online. No luck. And THEN I flipped through some channels tonight after dinner, and whadyaknow, there it was, about to start, the pilot episode.

Fate.

Let’s Talk About Love
I’m starting to suspect that my definition of “love” is different from some of YOUR definitions. So let’s be clear.

“Love” for me is a whole spectrum of stuff. I love Johnny Depp because he is brave enough to be an actor instead of a celebrity in his movies (unlike Leonardo DiCaprio, for example, who is always Leonardo DiCaprio). I love Joel Kroeker because he shines light out through his crazy beautiful voice. I love my RockStar because of his aesthetics (art, music, writing). I love Levi MacDougall because of how he sees the world. I love Ani DiFranco because she thinks everything’s screwed up and also she knows that she’s not the answer to that problem. I love Good People, by which I mean people who have good hearts, who want to create beautiful things, who will never intentionally be cruel or hurtful (although sometimes these people have the urge to hurt or be cruel, just like most poeple, and they are often so overcome with guilt that they feel like they have to atone for what they haven’t done).

Sometimes I “love” someone because I am so attracted to their Good Personness and Light and Beautiful Created Things. And sometimes I want to be veryveryveryclose to them, have sex with them, or just hug them so that I can have some of that beautiful energy too. (And give them some of mine.)

I suspect that when I say I “love” someone, some of you interpret that in other ways. And this has fucked up a lot of possibilities. Because for other people “love” means something very fixed and restrictive, or something else unpleasant.

Anyhoo, I’m going to try and be more careful about using that verb. Which I (ever righteous) think is sad, because why shouldn’t “love” be a daily explanation for our relationships?

Also, I Hit On a Crazy Man
Ohmigod. I was in the sunshine on Starbucks’ patio yesterday, revising my scripts for my MFA application, killing time between brunch with Jessie & co. and sushi with Liv (why does our bonding always revolve around food????) and there was this BEAUTIFUL sexy hottie at a table. He was really tall. 6’4″, maybe. Yum. And when he went into Starbucks to get his coffee I went over to the other guys sitting there and asked if I could sit with them and listen to their mantalk, and they invited me, and so I sat down and talked for an hour or so with these 2 guys from Oregon and the Hottie, who just moved to Victoria from Saskatchewan. I thought I’d won the goddamn lottery — beautiful tall man, right off the boat . . . (or the TransCanada).

And this guy was promising. He’s an artist — he paints stuff. And very smiley, and talkative, and funny, and smart (aka huge vocabulary). So I almost fell in love (see above), but then he went crazy. Specifically, he spontaneously composed and recited a poem to a birdy, and then kept interupting my Oregon conversations to talk about how he was the subject of an intervention, and how he was institutionalised, and then I lent him my notebook because he wanted to write me a poem and ALLOFASUDDEN he started reading this poem to us while we were talking. Clearly a youngest child, clearly a total nutter.

And yes, I confess that I was internally measuring how willing I’d be to ignore his BLATANT SOCIOPATHIC TENDENCIES since he was so fricking pretty. But eventually I left. So you can all relax.

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Exhausted & Infectious – Tuesday, Sept.13/05 – 9:25 pm
Now that the legislature is back in session I’m working from 6am to 2pm, Monday to Friday. This isn’t a huge difference in work hours, but I’ve been tired lately regardless. I get home, and I have a hot shower, and I fall asleep. Hopefully my body will eventually adjust and I’ll be able to be productive outside of the office.

Also, my right eye is all pink & weird, and so I went to the optometrist today and he said it’s the beginning of an eye infection, due to wearing my contacts too much. I’ve had contact lenses since I was 8 (really) and apparently this newfound intolerance is due to me getting older. So I’m going to wear my glasses to work more often, and I have some potent eye drops to use for now.

My MFA Application
I haven’t been too worried about the cover letter, the resume, or the stage play sections, but I can’t remember most of my fiction from UVic. I browsed through my portfolios today from all five years of English Lit & creative writing projects, and there are a few good stories that I think are not only worth submitting, but also worth revising at some point. I love reading something, thinking “wow, this is really good,” and half-knowing that I’m the one that wrote it. Hehe.

Anyone Want a Rabbit-Piss-Stained Futon?
The garbage people won’t take it, and I’d rather not pay the junk guy to remove it. I’m considering borrowing one of the grocery carts that are scattered around town and trucking it to the closest dumpster. It will be SO lovely to have it gone . . .

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Branding – Thursday, Sept.15/05
Okay, so: back in the day (aka “old school” style) businesses advertised their services/products, and were known as such. For example, the hardward store sold hardware and was known as the hardware store. The grocery store sold groceries. This is still true for some businesses — including those in smaller towns that have so far resisted “big box” stores and the usual franchises (e.g. McDonalds).

But NOW businesses are starting to develop themselves as brands. For example: Starbucks is Starbucks. Technically, they started selling coffee, but it’s not ridiculous for them to also develop and sell, say, board games (Cranium!!) because those products are part of the Starbucks brand, or lifestyle, or . . . State of Being. Ditto “the grocery store”: they opened florist areas, and bakeries, and a deli, and a fish market, and had a space for the Bank of Montreal, and you could essentially do all the errands you had to in that one huge space. Now there are even Starbucks inside urban Safeways. Ditto for Chapters. I mean, what EXACTLY does Walmart sell? It doesn’t have a specific product. It’s a LIFESTYLE, a STATE OF BEING: you go to Walmart. You don’t go to Walmart to get a specific item, like you go to the old-school hardware stores to get a 2×4.

Anyways, that’s what I realized this morning. I probably could have had the epiphany years earlier if I’d taken an single economics or business course at UVic. Maybe that’s the whole point of universities: to present a student with prepackaged Epiphanies For Dummies so we don’t have to figure them out for ourselves. Interesting implications . . .

In Other News: I Am Amazing
Dad helped me get my rabbit-piss-steeped futon mattress off of the balcony and out to the trash, but the garbage people refused to take it away. Bastards. So I was almost resigned to calling a private hauler and paying $40, but THEN while walking home yesterday I realized that there are DUMPSTERS everywhere (aha!) and that if I could get the futon to one of those dumpsters then all would be well. However, Q refused to let the disgusting mattress into his car, and I couldn’t find a handy shopping cart on my walk home, so I convinced the Q to put the mattress on top of the VW and then we could slowly transport it to the closest dumpster.

Quinn has no sense of sneakiness, though, because he refused to turn his headlights off when we were behind the targetted apartment building, AND he even had the radio on pretty loudly. Regardless of his OBVIOUSNESS, we managed to ditch the stinky beast in a dumpster, and sped off without anyone chasing us. If they managed to get his license number, I refuse to accept any responsibility.

And THEN Q went home to watch the finale of Canadian Idol, and I carried the three major sections of the futon couch/bed frame to two different dumpsters — the first one wasn’t big enough and it stuck out so I avoided that for the next two sections.

Oh, and did I mention that I am AMAZING??? My balcony/porch/whatever is now empty except for Seamus & Caramel’s two-storey cage, some milkcrates for their amusement, and two black metal chairs. No straw, no hay, and no pissy futon.

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Going to Van Fer a Party – Friday, Sept.16/05
It’s Regan’s birthday sometime around now — maybe even today!!!!!! So Q and Celeste and I are catching the 5pm ferry and spending some quality time in Richmond this weekend. Peter will be upset. He’s been extremely affectionate lately and I think he desperately needs a snuggle and nose-pet.

Yesterday after work I went to Syn with Jessie & Karen and we drank numerous martinis: Cosmopolisyn, Original Syn . . . also I tried their new 4 course entree option, with steak & Caesar salad & mashed taters & veggies & tapas & turtle pie. I could NOT eat it all. Luckily Jessie & Karen are weak for tapas & turtle pie. I felt like I was living in a small town again yesterday. The Chapters staff know me, since I worked there for a month two summers ago & I’m friends with Liv & I was Prof. Trelawny at the Harry Potter Launch Party & because I’m in there almost every day. So I made nice talk with all the salespeople and cashiers, and then at Syn I know the manager & most of the servers (due to being a frequent customer and a vocal feedback-giver). It was like Invermere all over again.

Eye Update
Since I’m sure you’re all very concerned about my health, let me assure you that my eye is a lot better, due to rampant glasses-wearing this week and frequent eye-drop applications. There’s a little bit of red left by the iris, and my eyes seem to get dry quickly when I do wear my contact lenses, but I think an emergency has been avoided. Damn this stuffy office space and hidden asbestos and early morning work hours!! This is NOT conducive to happy eye health.

Giddy About Atomic Vaudeville
Atomic Vaudeville’s theme this month is “The Gayest Show Ever.” We’ve invited Karen to attend for the first time, and us regulars are VERY excited about the possible skits. Also, I don’t have to work on Friday, September 30, so I can stay up late on Thursday and drink my ears off and not worry about 5am alarm clocks. YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

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Loud Keyboard – Saturday, Sept.17/05 – 10:56am
House still asleep after loud Christian campers sleepover last night — us older people recuperating from 3:30am comp. games — going to read a book now.

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Apparently Prayer Works – Monday, Sept. 19/05 – 5:56 am
Or I can control the weather. I was walking to work and just as I passed under a bus shelter it started to rain, and I still had 10 minutes or so of open-air walking, and I muttered, Heather-like, “Don’t rain, please don’t rain” because my red umbrella is at work and I forgot my blue umbrella in Q’s car, and it sprinkled for a few blocks and then stopped. I’m like Storm from the X-Men.

How can I do anything that isn’t “Heather-like”????

I was a bad little writer this weekend as far as website updates go, but I got a fair bit of editing & thinking done on my fiction portfolio (for my MFA application). Also, the keyboard at R&R Flowers’s house is noisy (see above) so I wasn’t inclined to write anything when I woke up earlier than everyone else on Saturday. And Sunday we were too busy IKEAing and eating at IHOP. I love IHOP. Never been there before this weekend, but after 1 breakfast and 1 lunch and 1 extremely attractive man paying his bill at the till, I’m an IHOP groupie.

Weekend Run-down
Friday: ferried to Vancouver on the 5pm sailing in the Elite $7 for all-you-can-eat baked goods & hot beverages Quiet People Only Lounge. Nicole Barnett was there — I didn’t tell her about my nightmare wherein she waxed my eyebrows into girly pencil-lines. Ate custard danishes and drank tea and did Suduko puzzles.

Drove to Regan’s. Went to a Ukranian soup kitchen and ate cabbage rolls with Regan, Q, and Sarah from Chilliwack. Scored free drinks from the bartender. Returned to find Ryan & co. were hosting a sleepover for “at-risk” Christian camp pre-teens. We are old and uncool and alcoholics so we drank silently in the den out of coffee cups & watched Jimmy Fallon in Fever Pitch (decent movie). Went to bed; woke up sporadically due to adolescent exhuberance downstairs.

Saturday: I was awake at 10:30 am, unlike everyone else. Pre-teens sprawled everywhere foiled my plan to Suduko on the couch. Showered and took Celeste to the backyard until everyone else woke up. Stole bacon from Christian children’s breakfast buffet. Went to IHOP #1 with Regan, Q, and Sarah. Lusted after sexy man paying at the till. Ate eggs & bacon & sourdough toast. Zombied through shopping mall & Costco for party supplies. Bought brown skirt, excellent necklace @ mall, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy DVD at Costco. Returned to R&R’s. Napped for 1 hour. Dressed in new stuff, made pizza, tried to be pleasant and not too embarassing with guests.

Sunday: SLEPT REALLY REALLY WELL (due to Wild Vines blackberry “merlot”??) then got up and etc. Went to IHOP & IKEA (in love with both franchises). Ate cheesy philly steak sandwich & onion rings that left a puddle of grease on my plate. Bought random shit, including a patio table to hold my teapot & bamboo blinds to replace the ratty pink things leftover from the last tenant of my suite. Then: the 6pm ferry (crappy Queen of Saanich) and Wendy’s for a burger and home. The bunnies survived the weekend; I have new toys to play with from IKEA; all is well.

Chewing the Fat
I bitched to Q at one point about my sore hand, and he asked what the red marks were, and I said nothing relevant, and he asked if they were bite marks, and I confessed, and he asked when I’d made them, and I said Saturday night, and he scolded me, and I said “but why does my hand hurt?” and he said I’d probably bruised the muscle or something, which makes sense. But I really didn’t think the hurt would last beyond that initial bite, so new thing learned: I can actually damage myself! Whodathunkit! I thought I was like a snake, how they are immune to their own venom. Felt like a wanker as a result.

Oh, and Tupperware
I exploited an exceptional deal courtesy of a TupperWare flyer misprint, and now own a sexy set of FridgeSmart containers. Brenda delivered them on Friday, along with some of the stuff leftover from the play last year — including a lazy Susan (one of those spinning trays) which will be IDEAL for when I have tea. Yay TupperWare!

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Jason Lee on TV – Tuesday, Sept.20/05
Ohmigod.

Buying Bouquets & Budgeting
I was gloomy and bored and restless (but in an apathetic way) yesterday. Oh, poor me.

But then I had an “e-conversation” with Old Man John, who seems really great, and I bought myself a huge bouquet of primary-coloured flowers (including those long green things with the bright petals — freesia?? I have no fricking clue) and some smoked salmon (thinking of Dad), and wandered home to set up my new bunny-porch patio set, wash the new TupperWare, and watch my Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy DVD. Basically, I kept busy and didn’t nap. Also, I ate good food. And listened to Ani DiFranco’s “Not a Pretty Girl,” the best song ever.

I am determined to go away this winter to somewhere sunny. But I don’t know how I should pay for it. I have always been impressed with Q’s ability to understand abstract concepts like “annual interest” and “prime + 2.5%” and so I sat down, sorted through six months of paperwork, and deduced the following:

  • I had three student loans, but paid one off this year. Now I have two student loans, plus one bank loan from my unemployed phase.
  • In total, I pay three payments per month: $216, $78 and $530.
  • The “annual interest rates” are “prime + 2.5%” for the first two payments, and “prime + 4.25%” for the third. So that makes sense to pay lots to that last one each month.
  • Are you bored yet? I am.
  • My credit cards have annual interest rates of 19% and 18.5%. That’s a lot higher than the loan rates, so therefore it’s good to pay those off every month.

So now I’m “in the know” regarding my finances! Yay! I have no idea what to do with this information. Can I do anything to enable a future vacation?? Change loan holders . . .???? Should I pay everything off and be bored for the three-four years that it will take? Should I say FUCK IT and stop paying my student debt and take that cash and blow it on Ouzo in Greece?

Normally, as you know, I resent advice in any form. In this instance, please feel free to share.

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Finally, Some Excitement – Wednesday, Sept.21/05 – 6:29 pm
Work was crazy busy today. One part of my job (about 40%) involves sending out a compilation of ministry-related media coverage twice a day to the ministry’s employees. Usually these packages are about 5 to 10 pages long; today, I sent out three packages, totalling about 70 pages. I love it when it’s busy like this, and I feel like a significant part in the Wheel o’ Communications.

The other day I was checking out this tall guy on the bus, and when he sat down by me and said hi I realized it was Liam, the guy who used to give me free baklava at Eugenes years ago. I gave him my fancy schmancy business card & cell number and told him we should be friends, since I’ve known him longer than almost anyone else in Victoria. So he called me yesterday, and we were going to have tea/whatever today after work, but I worked until 4pm instead of 2pm so I had to cancel. Very disappointing. He’s quite tall.

In other news, either Sister Evy hasn’t had her baby yet, or the family hasn’t bothered to tell me that she has. She’s supposedly due on the 27th, but I suspect that’s just to accomodate Dad’s birthdate.

Tonight Q and I are going to a Rotary Club dinner. Q’s going because he’s a Rotarian; I’m going for the Yorkshire puddings. So I’m all dressed up in some fairly adult clothes, except that this shirt is too short and my belly sticks out when I’m not paying attention. It’ll be gaping after dinner.

And tomorrow will also be busy, I suspect. I hope that I still get Friday off to recuperate from this crazy week, but if it’s this hectic than I might not. Regardless, I intend to FINALLY meet up with Old Man John on Thursday or Friday.

Old Man John
Q says it’s rude of me to call him Old Man John, but he’s new to my story so I’m hoping the epithet will help you remember him. Eventually (if he sticks around) that will change.

The Bunnies
Everyone is extremely happy these days, as far as I can tell. I bought them carrots with tops yesterday, and fresh hay for their litterboxes/fibre intake, and they all have lots of sticks to chew and things to jump onto and space to run around in. My new bamboo blinds are (too) transparent (I’ll have to fix that) so I can see outside during the daytime, and Seamus is always sitting on the rock ledge of the balcony, surveying his bunny kingdom.

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Clean Feet – Friday, Sept.23/05 – 1:47 pm
I don’t work today so I was able to sleep in. Around 10am I drank a pot of tea and did Suduko puzzles on the couch, and then I CLEANED MY APARTMENT! I swept, dusted, washed the floors, and even VACUUMED. The quantity of bunny hair dust bunnies (hee hee) was astounding. So now I can walk around in bare feet without picking up a rabbit’s worth of hair! Yay!

Smooching With Old Man John
I met John last night! Finally! We rendezvoused at Serious Coffee at 4:30pm, and walked to the beach, and drank a bottle of white wine (I even liked it) and talked until the sun went down and it got cold. Then we stopped in at the Beagle Pub, and ordered mussels & salad & nachos (the nachos were my contribution) and John had a Guinness.

From now on I will drop the “Old Man” epithet because, depite being 36, John looks about 29-31-ish. (Except that I was doing the math while almost asleep last night, and John must have been born in 1969 or so — eek. That’s a long time ago!!!!!)

John is a very good looking man. And he smiles & laughs a lot. And he’s smart. And my first thought after meeting him was: “Dammit, he’s gay.”

Q says that men know their sexual orientation by age 36, so it’s very very unlikely that John is gay. Also, he wore black socks with brown shoes. HOWEVER, for someone with my experience, even the POSSIBILITY is frightening. First time, shame on you – second time, shame on me – third time . . . ??

I’m trying to think of the “signs” that I recognized, but it’s become more of a feeling. Stereotypical “signs,” like an affection for refurbished furniture, an appreciation of wine, and quality personal grooming, are not reliable signals.

This is a terrible development. How can I explain to an attractive, intelligent man that I’ll be too worried about him being gay to ever properly relax & enjoy a relationship?

Anyhoo. John smooched me at the Beagle and after he walked me home, and that was EXACTLY what I needed. Although I felt guilty, exploiting his smooches when I wasn’t sure of his sexuality. I don’t know.

I’m going to Q’s tonight for a party of our best friends, most of whom I haven’t seen in awhile. That will be fun. And now I’m off to get dressed in Non-Work Clothes (yay!!!!) and get out of this newly-cleaned house.

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The Leaves are Falling!!!! – Saturday, Sept.24/05 – 10 am
It’s Autumn!!!!! Dammit!!!!!

Jessie Looks Nothing Like Blossom
Rowan and Q and I had dinner last night at Q’s new place. BBQ steaks and salmon, asparagus, baby potatoes, roasted garlic & French bread, mushrooms . . . a feast. Later in the evening, Justin & Jessie & Spencer came over, and we caught up on all the news, and Spencer taunted me with descriptions of the single, tall men whose hair he cut/styled, and Jessie said: Hey, I look exactly like her! and pointed to this infomercial on TV with an actress who looks like Blossom (remember that ’90’s sitcom?). Apparently Jessie’s self-image issues are more serious than we’d thought.

I don’t know if this is a universal human condition, to have such a distorted self-image. Maybe that’s why no one likes their photographs.

Jessie and I have diagnosed part of her “issue”: her Barbie dolls were always naked, while mine were always clothed. Barbie’s ridiculous dimensions (when naked) were designed to accomodate the thickness of her clothing’s material — they can scale down the human figure into doll scale, but you can’t scale down material. So my Barbies’ bodies looked not much different than the women in real life — or at least, the ones on TV (ha!) — while Jessie’s Barbies just trumpeted: Big Boobs, Skinny Waist, Disproportiate Bodies Are Fun And Beautiful!

As For John
Q says I’ve become paranoid, and that if I screw up this possibility due to an unsubstantiated fear of history repeating itself then he will NEVER AGAIN be sympathetic to my whining re: no available men in Victoria.

Also, I really liked the smooching.

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Oh, And Also – Sunday, Sept.25/05 – 10:32 am
I ran into the Crazy Beautiful Man from Starbucks Friday while walking with Celeste on Dallas Road’s doggy route. He has “Bell” tattooed on his very hairy tummy.

More to come later, but I rented High Fidelity and that’s first.

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Ughy Day – Sunday, Sept.25/05 – 8:19 pm
I was ridiculously happy this morning, cuddled on my couch watching High Fidelity, drinking tea and listening to Peter terrorize a bundle of sticks under the couch. And then, somewhere between visits to Sears and Canadian Tire, I got icky and grumpy and blahy. Mood swings suck.

Q’s dad and stepmom bought Q a BBQ for a housewarming present. Due to my extensive experience with lego kits during my youth, I am the resident assembler: and it looks wonderful. It required a few strategic hammer-whacks to get everything to fit properly, but I suspect that was intentional — makes the male BBQer feel more manly. It was great for my passive aggressive rage.

Q and I had invited Andrew & his woman Claire over for dinner tonight, but I was so blahy that I could only envision an evening of heavy sighs and self-pity, so we postponed for some other time when I’ll presumably be amusing and perky. I miss Andrew — it will be good to have a bond over wine & salmon sometime soon.

Someone’s in Trouble
Or maybe this is my own fault — feel free to condemn me via the comments feature. John hasn’t called since our smoochie date Thursday, and since I know he left me in a chipper mood I strongly suspect that SOMEONE (Mark!!!) has told him about my website and that he’s read my “Old Man John is Probably Gay” entries and he’s run off.

So, question: was it wrong of me to post those thoughts, considering the mandate of this site? My disclaimer (I always have a disclaimer on hand) is that I NEVER told him about this site. And that I said nice things about him, even considering the emotional baggage I have re: potential love interests being gay. John doesn’t know my epic history of boyfriends/closeted ‘mos, so he’s missing some essential context.

Anyhoo. I feel badly.

High Fidelity
Good movie.

I also rented Alive (filmed in the Purcells near Invermere — my Dad worked on the set up at Panorama) and Coffee & Cigarettes, a token artsy thing. Sometimes I find token artsy things too wordy, but sometimes they also make me think, and I enjoy the subtle touches (e.g. black and white self-commentary in Woody Allen’s Celebrities).

Google.ca
I can track how visitors find my site, and today/yesterday someone from Australia found me by searching on google with: Simone de Beauvoir “Dean Moriarty.”

First thought: what the hell do de Beauvoir (20th century French feminist) and Dean Moriarty (Kerouac’s protagonist in On the Road) have in common??? Other than that they’re both mentioned in my play. I can’t believe someone would search for that.

Second thought: my soulmate lives in Australia. I hope he’s a suitable love match.

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Busy Busy Busy – Monday, Sept.26/05 – lunchtime
Whew! It’s crazy busy at work today. I’ve been running around (computer/internet speaking) since 5:45am. Thank god I have a loaf of bread & some food stuff here at work!

In Other News
I have no idea what it’s like outside. It was chilly this morning (7:41am or thereabouts when I ventured out to fetch our daily newspapers). I’m wearing my new ugly green sweater & sexy pinstripe pants today, purchased from Old Navy this weekend. I was very grateful for the sweater, what with the FREEZING BLIZZARD CONDITIONS outside. Or something.

I’m sleepy (as usual) and will appreciate my nap this afternoon. Also, I still have Alive and Coffee and Cigarettes to watch this week.

I’m mainly bothering to update this because John emailed me this morning asking if I wanted to play this week. So I’ve somehow avoided offending him — assuming that he read this site at all . . . to prevent further emergencies, I’ll tell him about my ‘mo paranoia asap. I prefer to have everyone “in the know” about what’s going on with me — otherwise I forget who doesn’t know what and everything gets complicated.

Timely Doubts?
Q suggested that maybe this website isn’t such a clever idea. I’m posting personal information on here, and it would be easy for someone to abuse that insight. My argument, however, is that I don’t really give a shit about what anyone might think of this stuff. We’re practicing for when my work is in bookstores and on stage: I will tell everyone all my secrets, and if I know yours then yours might also come out (indirectly, I hope — I would never intentionally betray any of you). We’re rehearsing a sort of awkward, embarassing honesty. Isn’t this fun?

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Holy Fricking Christ – Monday, Sept.26/05 – 7:49 pm
Coffee & Cigarettes is utterly bizarre. Also, I love Tom Waits.

Moment o’ Bliss
I had a pot of Lipton Yellow Bag & sugar & milk & my favourite little tea set, and I had my fleecy sweatpants on, and I was watching a movie.

Is there anyone in this world who could possibly improve that environment with their company? It’s one of my favourite ways to spend time, and I have NEVER met anyone who could make it even more pleasurable.

Drowning Our Sorrows in Sushi
Liv and I are sushi-ing tomorrow! Yay!!!!

And on Thursday we have a HUGE group for Atomic Vaudeville. Regulars so far include: Liv, me, Jessie, Q, Spencer. First-time guests include: Trevor (via Liv), Karen (via Jessie), and maybe John (via me). Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun!

For any of you Victoria readers, you’re welcome to join us, or just go and watch the show. It’s Wednesday and Thursday nights at 1514 Broad Street (the Event Centre). Doors at 7:30pm, show at 8pm, cover is $12 or so. Cash bar . . . the theme this month is “The Gayest Show Ever”!!!!

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Wonderfully Sore Legs – Wednesday, Sept.28/05
It’s wonderful because I ran like a crazy thing yesterday. Yay for me! I haven’t run around the block in months — my excuse was the summer heat — and despite being ridiculously out of shape I still managed to run my FULL LOOP, switchbacking around blocks to make the distance longer. I am amazing.

Other Weird Adventures
When getting dressed Tuesday morning I couldn’t figure out how to wear a long blouse thing with my skirt, since the skirt has a belt that gets tied up in the front and there would be a bulge under the blouse from the knot. THEN I realized that I could tuck in the blouse, and it wouldn’t look ridiculously strange because I was wearing another shirt overtop.

Anyhoo, to paraphrase: I (re)invented tucking in shirts. I haven’t tucked in a shirt since I was 15. It was liberating.

And also, after doing a load of laundry (my undies and some work socks) and running around the block and watching the taped episodes of Medium and CSI: Miami from Monday night and eating a Swiss cheese & sprout sandwich I was EXHAUSTED so I went to bed for a nappy nap. At 6:30pm. And then I woke up this morning when my alarm went off at 5:15am.

Belated September 27th Celebrations
If I hadn’t fallen asleep so early, I would have made a pretty, multi-coloured capital letters headline at the top of this page, which would have said:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MOM & DAD!!!!

But since I fell asleep it’s now only a silly black-font wish. Nonetheless, I was thinking of them yesterday, and I sent Daddy an e-Card with an e-Song, and I wrote some emails to let them know I was thinking of them and loving them long-distance yesterday. So I’m still a good daughter.

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I’M AN AUNTY!!! – Friday, Sept.30/05
From Mom and Dad:

Jared and Evy had their baby boy tonight at 9:08pm.
Thus far he is nameless. He is beautiful. Weighs 7 pounds 14 ounces
and is LONG!
from a relieved and happy granny and grandpa
Ginny & Bob