2006 in Slow Motion – Sunday, Jan.1/06 – 1:55 am
Why do we start every New Year drunk??? Tonight I was a SuperStar and SHARED my butter ripple cream liquor with some special friends at Q’s New Year’s gathering. I’ve searched for this stuff for YEARS, and only now have a bottle because I got it from Hollis (aka Evy) for Christmas. It’s The Most Amazing Alcoholic Beverage In The World. Also, I had vodka Red Bull x 2 to keep me awake, and a glass of champagne at midnight. Now I’m narrating my movements:

HEATHER: I walk into the kitchen. I put my foot on the garbage thingy. I throw Kleenex into the garbage can. I walk out of the kitchen.

Universally (that is, among my best & most loved friends at tonight’s gathering) we have decreed that 2005 was a shitty year. And that 2006 will be infinitely better. There will be more love, more sex, more personal achievement, and more self-acceptance than last year. Resolutions included all of the above. Okay, mostly sex, but that requires self-acceptance and etc. by default. So there.

Also, I saw a wee ad for Elvira Kurt’s Popcultured earlier today and there was a short (VERY short, TOO short) clip of Levi MacDougall. Levi MacDougall should BE that fucking show. I’m infuriated that he is not the headlining star. Something is wrong with the world when a wired, screaming banshee is the host of a show with guest Levi MacDougall. Anyhoo.

About Being Home
I loved seeing my folks & siblings & Hollis over the holidays, but honestly I LOVE MY HOME. I was doing dishes, and I got all soppy and happy & sentimental about my special honey dipper thing, and my special dishes, which are all sorts of bright colours, and each one has a story behind it . . . and I had TWO showers and one bath today, and I love my tub . . . and I LOVE my yellow sheets and new mattress and red duvet . . . It feels WONDERFUL to be surrounded by my Things.

And Peter the Alpha-Bun
He’s currently sitting all hunched up with his nose tucked into the crack between porch door and wall. I think he’s guarding me against the baby bunnies, or the Rat that has moved in behind the bunnies’ cage, or other intangible threats. All today he’s followed me around. I was worried he would go feral, as usual, while I was away, but I think he’s only become more attached to me. And he hasn’t paid any attention so far to the bunny slippers, from what I can tell thus far. Familiarity breeds contempt . . . I give him a week or two before he’s humping and shredding their polyester hides.

The End of 2005
Good fucking riddance. The only positives:
1. Hollis being born.
2. this website.
3. discovering Atomic Vaudeville.
4. the WONDERFUL friends I have . . . although they were around in 2004, so that doesn’t really count.

I want a New Year of creative productivity, love, unabashed enthusiasm for Each New Day, health & general well-being, and confronting That Which Makes Me Uncomfortable (but not in a dangerous way).

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Jet Lag Into the New Year – Monday, Jan.2/06 – 12:03 am
I woke up at 6am, and started acting on some minor New Year’s resolutions: to expand my network of interesting people, specifically straight single men in Victoria. My first step is to email everyone I like whom I haven’t seen recently, or whom I’ve never properly gotten to know. I’ve already had positive tea-date-RSVPs from Briana Raynor, Atomic Vaudeville’s producer, and Nate Medd, Intrepid Theatre’s #1 Dude. I also emailed Judah, an artist I met at UVic and then reunited with on the bus a few weeks ago.

Then I washed my dishes. Or maybe I did that later. Or yesterday.

Then I went back to sleep.

My 2nd morning, I started watching The War of the Roses, an anti-love story. That was intermissioned by a farewell brunch at Cup of Joe’s in Jame’s Bay, held to honour David and David who are currently on their way to Philidelphia.

I met David and David on Halloween. They were a bride & groom; I was a sheep . . . it was meant to be. For a farewell present, Quinn got us all to sign a hardcover copy of And Tango Makes Three, a children’s book based on the true story of two New York gay penguins who adopt a baby penguin. Also, I ate the Duh Franco eggs benny: bacon, tomato, pesto . . . YUMMY. Apparently I’ve lived in Victoria for 7 years without knowing that “the best eggs benny in B.C.” were being prepared at a tiny cafe in the bottom of a minimall.

Also
Today has been blurry, thanks to so many naps/Red Bull-induced wake ups. And now it’s past midnight, so it’s technically Monday already. This “time” concept is a tricky one.

Oh, Q and I rented Margaret Cho’s new show: Assassin. It was funny, but the LONG PAUSES between bits start to feel a little . . . sore . . . after awhile. We also rented March of the Penguins, on one of the David’s recommendations. Q was too tired, though, so we’ll have to watch it tomorrow or another day. David says it’s REALLY good. I’m interested to see how a 100% nature film can be a blockbuster movie.

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I Hate Technology – Monday, Jan.2/06 – 1:21 pm
Is it too early in the New Year to hate something???

I thought I’d become cool and revive MSN messenger on my computer, so I googled and read and researched and ultimately learned that I would need to install AT LEAST 3 software updates to accomodate a usable version of MSN Messenger. Whatever, I’m smart, so I began the process . . . and learned that my hard drive doesn’t even have the capacity to host the FIRST update, nevermind anything further. So fuck MSN. You people can email or call me or see me in real life.

Tea!!!!!
I chose my new Tetley Vanilla Earl Grey tea this morning!!! (It arrived via my Christmas stocking.) Whoever thought to combine tea + vanilla MUST be a wonderful person. Unless they’re a rapist. No rapist can be a good person.

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Lasagna With Ricotti Cheese – Tuesday, Jan.3/06 – 9:25 pm
Q was gloomy today and I was more awake than I expected, so I made us lasagna after work. Sometimes we need a little domestic nurturing to make things bearable.

New People in the New Year
The girls and I are planning a New People Happy Hour event for Friday, January 13th. I’ve composed an inspirational invitation, and we’re sending it to every single straight person we can think of in Victoria. If I’ve missed you, please let me know — I keep thinking of new names.

And Back to “Issues Management”
It was hard to wake up at 6:30am, but I managed. My new boss is named Kelly and he seems to be a pretty nice guy. I really do love my job . . . there’s just the right mix of responsibility and self-direction. I just have to readjust to the godawful hours. Both Kelly and our other new guy, Dave, are veterans at issues management, media shite, etc. and I’m VERY excited to see what they can teach me. It’s like I’m graduating to the next level of media communications.

Also, Karen commented that my New People Happy Hour invitation was one of the most motivational bits o’ writing she’s ever read — she’s coming, and she already has a smoochie partner! Must I remind y’all: THAT’S why I get paid the big bucks.

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Watched Movies Since 5pm – Wednesday, Jan.4/06 – 9:40 pm
Mr. & Mrs. Smith: aside from the sexy stars, this wasn’t any more than your average action film. Angelina was better than Brad at some shit, and there weren’t too many sexist assumptions.

Melinda and Melinda: the lead (Melinda) looks a lot like Cameron Diaz. But without the huge smile. I didn’t know it was a Woody Allen movie when I rented it; five minutes of Will Ferrell’s character and the camera shots with only one person conversing would have revealed the Allen-ness. Good movie, if typical: urbane New Yorkers who well-enunciate their extensive vocabulary and artsy Socratic dialogue.

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My Interior iPod is Missing a Play List – Thursday, Jan.5/06 – 11:28 pm
I heard this song on the radio the other day. It was almost Eminem-esque rappy for parts, and then all harmonics on the chorus. The chorus was something like:
“The higher I climb . . .” and then something about angels and other people trying to “take me down” . . . can’t remember, but it was REALLY GREAT, and I tried very hard to remember the goddamn words so that I could track down the song.

And now I have no idea what it is.

I’ve googled the patchy lyrics I can recall, and even checked out iTunes (I think it’s a newer song). If anyone knows what the hell it is, PLEASE let me know — I can only hum the tune and it’s making me crazy.

Mysterious Sleep Patterns
They aren’t mysterious. I just like the adjective.

I’ve been experimenting with different ways to cope with my early morning work hours, which actually aren’t all that early these days since the house isn’t in session. I’ve tried staying awake despite craving a nap, and then going to bed at 8:30 pm or 9. Tonight I slept from 4:30pm to 7, then watched some craptv (including a 30 minute bit on Eminem’s Curtain Call album — I despise VJays and their meaningless banter). Now I’m off to bed at a late hour, but with a good amount of sleep in me. (Does that make any sense?)

And Also
I’m extremely pleased with the response so far to our New People Happy Hour invitations! Jessie, Liv and I have sent emails to everyone we can think of, and they’ve forwarded those emails . . . I’m already shocked that there are straight single available men in Victoria who are coming to this event, whom I’ve never met! I really didn’t think there were any new men left in this goddamn city.

My hands smell like feet. I’m concerned that it’s my bathrobe. Or just transfer (sexy CSI term) from when I put on my woolie socks . . . sorry, that was personal and gross.

I didn’t mention (I don’t think) the agony I suffered over holidays due to my bottom left wisdom tooth. I was popping Advil and applying numbing gel every hour. But now it’s sort of grown in, without the help/hindrance of any dentist, and I can’t feel it at all. Now just the top ones remain . . .

Bunnies
Caramel and Seamus are doing that thing where everytime I put out their food dish they dive for it like I haven’t fed them in three weeks. Can bunnies play mind games???

Peter is currently under my desk, nipping at my toes (I’m in his territory). He’s been fairly perky and amicable since I came home.

And CoWorker Michelle’s bunny Emma died over the holidays, so here’s a moment of silence for him (Emma was a male) . . .

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVY!!!!!!

Friday Adventures – Jan.6/06 – lunchtime
After work I will have a recuperative nap, and then I’m meeting up with Jessie & Liv for a Girly Adventure night. We’re all excited about our future plans . . . tonight, then Liv’s belated Birthday/House Warming thang tomorrow, and our New People Happy Hour next Friday. I feel very content these days, because there is so much POTENTIAL.

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Good Martinis . . . – Saturday, Jan.7/06 – 9:33 am
We were all impressed with the quality of the martinis at Swan’s Brewhouse. But the quality just lured us to drink more, despite being aware of how FREAKING STRONG they were . . . and suddenly we were leaving Swan’s, with its late-30’s crowd and a greasy plate of what used to be a large order of nachos.

The rule: we do not wait in lines. Luckily, we’re all getting old so we’re at the club/bar/whatever by 9 or 10, and therefore there’s no line. We went to Darcy’s, which is known for its disproportionate number of (straight) male patrons. I think that’s because it’s one of the first pubs a tourist would find downtown. There are usually a lot of UVic and Camosun students, and a fair number of business men schmoozing with each other. (Business men tend to have tabs at the bar — we like these men, because they are very generous with their corporate expense accounts.)

People we saw that we already knew included: Glen (dated Jessie briefly) and Ben & Jorgen (Q’s ex-neighbours). We made casual friends with the students at the table next door (after they bought us a round of drinks — nice boys!). Liv fell in temporary love with the bassist on stage; his band played all the (cover) songs the previous band played but not as well. Jessie & I were done at 12:30am -ish . . . Jessie was sleepy, I was drunk. Poor Liv. She needs some younger, cooler girl friends . . . but we had a good time!!!

And Now
This was the first night I drank too much while “out” downtown. I’m usually pretty careful, and I don’t LIKE to drink too much (I get sleepy and can’t recall the people I meet/conversations/plans). It must have been those uber-strong martinis . . .

I’ve made a pot of tea, taken two extra-strength Tylenol, and I’m drinking water constantly. Hopefully I’ll be back to my chipper self by 7 tonight — for Liv’s Belated B-Day and House Warming Extravaganza!!!!!!

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Reluctant Update – Sunday, Jan.8/06 – 3:23 am
I wasn’t going to bother writing here — I’m tired and ready for a hot shower & bed — BUT when I made myself a plate of crackers & cheese I somehow managed to cut exactly the same number of cheese slices as crackers on the plate (really, I didn’t count or plan that at all) and that’s pretty fucking cool. So: an update here.

Best Pick-Up Line Of the Night
HEATHER: I like your glasses.

GUY: I like your prettiness.

(aww!!!!)

General Summary of Events
Went to Liv’s for her Belated Birthday / Housewarming. Guests: Roxanna & her hubby Rick, Channelle, Jessie, Quinn, Lauren & Lucas. Ate good food. Drank “wine.” Went to Evolution. Q was a good sport (Evolution is NOT his preferred scene). Danced, drank cider, danced, was fondled, met someone neat, etc. Some drunk boy tried to swing dance with me. Almost killed me. Left bar; home at 3:20am-ish.

Now: bath & bed!!!! Ohmigod, I LOVE MY MATTRESS.

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Accidental Stalking – Sunday, Jan.8/06 – 11:15 pm
I’m watching a really great Comedy Now! show — Russell Peters (did I hear that right????) is awesome. Best “ethnic” humour I’ve ever heard — nothing offensive, just observant and FUNNY and good-humoured.

Anyhoo, the stalking . . . there was a commercial for AltDot, a Monday night comedy thang at the Rivoli in Toronto. The Rivoli was home to the Kids in the Hall, and lately . . . LEVI MACDOUGALL.

Ohmigod.

I wish the Comedy Network was broadcasting the show, and not just sponsoring . . . how unfair to those of us NOT in Toronto.

Damn you Torontonians. I’ve never been jealous of you before today.

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Crackling Noise – Monday, Jan.9/06 – 8:32 pm
Either it’s raining, or the house next door is on fire.

Other Random Stuff
I really need to clean the bunnies’ litterboxes.
Instead, I bought some smelly oil from The Body Shop. It smells like sugar . . .

For the second day in a row I’ve randomly turned on the music channel to find an Eminem special. The first one was a big promo for his Greatest Hits, Curtain Call. Today’s was a recap of some of his “tv moments” . . . My prediction: in retrospect, Eminem will be considered the van Gogh of our generation. Except that he hopefully won’t cut his ear off and die. And also, he’s famous while still alive. But genius-wise, I think that’s what’s going to happen.

New People Happy Hour
I finally got around to making a reservation! We’ve been getting a little nervous as our RSVP list grows . . . although I always expect our plans to Go Huge, so I’m not that surprised at the interest that’s been expressed. We’re a city of isolated, horny single people.

The manager-guy is named Steve (I think). I wanted to make the reservation in person so he’d remember me — we are regulars, and our loyalty + the large number of attendees will hopefully lead to some special treatment for our group. I was hinting at free appies, but we’ll see. We’ll have a section to ourselves, and with five days’ warning there should be enough staff to accomodate our thirsty needs.

Peter Gets in on the Action
Neighbour Kim has suggested that Peter’s new affection for me, and corresponding lack of skitteriness, is possibly due to his maturation. He’s four or five years old now, so that’s middle-age in bunny-years. Maybe he’s accepted that I’m his Mate For Life, and he’s decided to commit to this relationship.

It’s remarkable, though, how easygoing and loving he’s been. I can step right over him to get something and he won’t even blink. (Most bunnies would stomp and run for cover. At least, Peter would have a year ago.) He’s currently grooming my slippers . . .

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When TV is Good – Tuesday, Jan.10/06 – 11:29 pm
I’m up late but I napped from 4:30 to 8, so it all works out mathematically . . .

I watched tv tonight because the shows were good and actually worthwhile. Two episodes of Scrubs (I love that show), Criminal Minds (which was about an abduction) and Law & Order: SVU (another abduction, dammit). Also, I am a SuperStar because I cleaned the bunnies’ litterboxes during a commercial break. They love me again. Peter is munching on the fresh hay in his box . . . isn’t that weird, that bunnies eat the same stuff they shit on? True, they seem to divide the box into “food area” and “poop area” but still, there have to be some nasty germs fermenting in that hay.

Then again, bunnies are vegans, so maybe it’s all just some beautifully organic, 100% natural cycle.

Ew.

About Smelly Oil From The Body Shop
I put the oil in a metal cuppy thing that’s suspended over a tea light . . . the instructions say a few drops are enough, but then the oil evaporates and it sort of started smoking. Is that supposed to happen? Should I be using more oil? Is this a fire hazard, even though it’s just metal and not ceramic or some other, more flammable material?

And One Last thing
We’re all excited about Friday. Jessie and Liv have found alternative love affairs to keep them going this past week, so there will be more single males for me (and two helpful girlfriends to matchmake)!

I love new adventures!!!!!!!

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True Conspiracy Theories – Wednesday, Jan.11/06
Ducks Unlimited, the “world leader in wetlands conservation,” hunts ducks. Or enables/promotes duck hunting. VERY perverse.

Some Want a Knight in Shining Armour . . .
. . . the women in my family lust after construction workers. I met a really friendly, attractive, smart guy this morning while waiting for the bus. He’s a carpenter-in-training for Farmer Construction . . . he lives just up the street from me, and works across from my bus stop. I really really hope I see him again.

Ugh
Except for my a.m. carpenter-love rush, I feel icky today. I think I haven’t eaten enough meat recently. Need some protein.

Confirmed New People Happy Hour Guests
Me, Jessie, Liv, Karen, Jeremy x2, Simon, Jawant, Nadia, Briana, Darcy, Bryan (and cousin and friend, hopefully!), Lara, Jen, Dan, Jennifer, Brent, Dennis, Savannah, Natalie’s ambulance guys, Jessica, Lauren (YAY!), Channelle, Leah, Tristan, Hope, Lee, Britt & Saul.

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Jessie is Sick Today – Thursday, Jan.12/06
Poor chickee. I hope she’s okay for tomorrow’s New People thing.

Eminem is shouting in my head, thanks to my purchase of, and chronic listening to, Curtain Call. I love Eminem. I made sure to get the one with the swearwords — my copy of the Marshall Mathers LP is censored and half the songs are edited-out silence. I think the cashier at A&B Sound was mocking my choice of Eminem, but I couldn’t tell because she was very smily. I made sure to mention Ani DiFranco, just in case, to prove I am a well-rounded and educated music-listener.

Last night I did two loads of laundry!!!! I am very proud. I hate the drier in our house, though, so I hung up all the shirts and put my socks & undies on a dry rack. Air-dried socks are crispy, but at least they’re also clean.

After consulting with Q, Liv & Jessie at lunch yesterday we decided to go ahead and buy “Hello, My Name Is . . .” stickers for tomorrow. We’re trying to find that line between uncomfortable stranger silence and dorky organisation. Perhaps we’re underestimating the effects of alcohol . . . and the desire of fellow isolated singles to meet new people.

The Carpenter
I admit, I’m a little sad that my earlier work hours will keep me from “running into” my new carpenter love. I’ve considered making posters for the bus shelters . . . “WANTED: friendly carpenter-in-training who isn’t afraid of women in yellow.” Or I could just be patient and wait for fate to figure this one out.

And My Iffy Mood Yesterday
Despite what’s been suggested (“You need to get laid, Heather”) I think it’s a creative frustration. Work, my new mattress, the bunnies, love and even sex are pleasant distractions, but the reason I’m still around is to pursue creative fulfillment. And I haven’t been working on a new play or story or anything for awhile. Hopefullly this month’s Atomic Vaudeville will inspire me.

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Exciting New Connections – Thursday, Jan.12/06 – 10:02 pm
After my nap I received TWO phone calls from men I’ve never spoken with before.

The first was from Jim, the quiet one from Darcy’s last Friday. Him and his guy friends are coming tomorrow (I gave them a paper invitation, along with my phone number for Jim). It’s funny how I’ve become so jaded re: the opening stages of dating. Back in the day I’d give my number to some hottie I met and then actually remember him when he called (or notice that he didn’t). These days I tend to forget about the whole thing until/unless he’s suddenly on the phone. And even then I need a brief reminder of the situation when we met.

Then Bill called — he’s a gov’t lacky that Boss Barb thinks I’d like. He’s also coming tomorrow night. Apparently he’s quite tall, although he didn’t laugh at my HILARIOUS jokes on the phone, and that’s never a good sign. I’d just woken up from my nap, though, so maybe I was muttering . . .

Jessie sounds like a sick old man on the phone. She slept all day today and gargled various liquids, so I really really hope she’s better for tomorrow . . . I’ll prop her up in the corner if I have to.

Oh, and I went for a drink with Nathan after work. His relationship just ended, and he’s rather a wreck. I urged him to stop in tomorrow with the promise that I’d only introduce him to unavailable women, since he’s not yet ready to return to the single lifestyle. Which is handy, since my unavailable girlfriends need some ManCandy to play with, and this way they won’t waste our available male guests.

We’re all pretty excited about our New People Happy Hour . . . I had 30 confirmed guests before I stopped counting (there was a ridiculous influx of emails & phone calls today from prospective guests). I was even worried, for about 3 seconds, that there might be more men then women . . . but this is Victoria. That’s not possible.

Sudoku
The introduction to one of my Sudoku books says that all the puzzles therein are 100% solveable using logic alone (ie no guessing required). And I think I’ve assumed that this is true for ALL Sudoku puzzles, because I’ve suddenly hit a wall in at least two different books . . . either there’s a new logical strategy that I haven’t figured out yet, or I need to try a “what if the answer here is 6?” methodology. I don’t like that idea . . . Sudoku puzzles are enjoyable (for me) because they are a new sort of logic puzzle. Why would I waste my time on guessing puzzles????

Anyhoo, for now I’m leaving those stuck ones alone. Then I’ll go back and erase them, and send copies to my sister (aka Sudoku Master Evy) and see if she can figure them out without guessing.

 

Confirmed New People Happy Hour Guests
I’ve lost count.

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Wow – Saturday, Jan.14/06 – 2:58 am
Wow.

So, our New People Happy Hour was a success. Despite Jessie being stuck at home with uber-contagious strep throat, and Liv being stuck in a room full of strangers (ie NOT her comfort zone).

Details: I was at Syn at 4:30pm to catch any early birds, and I sat there drinking a yummy martini and meeting the servers (who were numerous, due to our large reservation) and watching the manager pace nervously, waiting for my other 39 reservations to appear. Then Liv & our coworkers showed at 5, followed by some strangers (aka New People), and then it just got really busy.

I worked a miracle by having more men than women at a Victoria event. It was actually kind of awkward. But I pointed out to some of the men that this was their chance to learn empathy for us poor Victoria women.

At about 7pm I’d guess there were 60 or more people crammed into our half of Syn. Some of our guys spilled over into the lounge, which provided an excuse for some of our more assertive women to meet the other (non-New People Party) men over there.

Sadly, I am not currently in love as a result of this evening. I met LOTS of new people, and would even go out with a few of them for drinks or a movie or something, but no Lust At First Sight sort of situation occurred. However, I did notice that Bryan and Jessica left together to go dancing (or something), and Nadia & Darcy finally got to meet and talk properly.

The New People of the Night Award Goes To . . .
They aren’t really New People to me, but Lauren and Savannah were my favourites this evening. They are smily people regardless, but I really appreciated their openness and friendliness and positive outlook on the whole experience. Also, they shared their pizza with me. Savannah’s already shacked up with her man, but Lauren was a Hot Little Single Gal and WOWed at least 2 men there (Evan and Scott, the actual stranger we recruited from the bar). I love assertive people. We tend to get what we want.

And Weird AfterShocks Include
I left at 9:15 pm or so, due to tiredness and diminishing sparkliness. I was walking up Fort and caught a cab, and the driver HIT ON ME. I have never had that happen before ever. Kahn was the driver — I think he was 30-something — and not only did he give me his card with cellphone number to call, BUT ALSO he didn’t charge me for the ride home.

Then I packed my stuff and walked/bussed to Q’s to doggysit Celeste.

And as we were falling asleep, my phone rang, but I didn’t answer it because I was falling asleep.

But I just now checked my messages, and it seems that Natalie’s ambulance guys DID show up after I left, and some guy named Cory wants to meet me. Even left his phone number. Crazy.

Celeste, Sleeping
She does this thing when she’s deep asleep, where she stretches out her front legs VERY SUDDENLY, and then the right one folds over at the “knee” joint in slow motion. It’s so cute. Except for when she’s sleeping facing me, and claws me in the face.

Why Am I Awake???
I wanted to write down this stuff asap but was too sleepy when I got here . . . and now I can’t sleep. It’s bothering Celeste, whose duty it is to protect me at all times, and so now she can’t sleep either and is sitting on the couch whimpering at me to Come Back To Bed, Dammit.

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BYOH(eather) Night – Sunday, Jan.15/06 – 7:52 am
I spent a lot of time yesterday with Liv, interspersed with naps and craptv! We walked Celeste on Dallas Road, thereby building up Good Karma for the rest of our day/lives. It was very very windy and rather chilly, and it made our faces all “ruddy.” Very healthy of us. Celeste got filthy and was fairly well-behaved, even around the rotties (which she tends to preemptively attack).

Then a Celeste-bath and intermission.

We went to Cafe Mexico for dinner. At Cafe Mexico I’m inevitably tempted by my memories of the Alambres (aka steak shishkabobs) from back in 1997 when they weren’t covered in uber-spicy sauce, so I always order them and then can’t finish. This time I felt ill afterwards (spice + lime margharitas + limited eating earlier in the day = sick sick Heather) but a glass of gingerale and a bowl of plain taco chips made things right again.

And then we went to Evolution, Liv’s favourite anti-club, and met up with Lauren, Lauren’s man Lucas, and Lauren’s visiting galpal Heather.

Summary of the Evening @ Evolution
Sat and watched people a lot, which I very much enjoyed. Evolution patrons tend to act more human than the people at any other bar in Victoria. This is strange, considering the disproportionate number of metalheads, gothboys, women-in-horns, and others wearing chainmail. For example:

Evolution is very gay-friendly. I’ve seen more lesbians there than at Prism (the “gay bar”). They dance and snuggle on the speakers.

Speaking of speakers (haha), they are a favourite dance location for the same women who never seem to be at the other clubs, much less dancing: chubby girls, girls with big boobs (naturally so, not bra-made), the extra-tall . . . People at Evolution tend to look like Normal People.

Men dance. Even the straight ones. Because they want to.

I saw one couple dirty-dancing it up, and the guy was laughing because it was JUST SO FUNNY to watch the girl gyrate around. None of this “I’m so cool I have no facial expression — OHMIGOD SHE’S TOUCHING ME — face of stone” fakery.

The men who approach me are nice, polite men. They might be drunk, but they aren’t in denial about it, and they don’t cling (figuratively or literally) if I don’t want them to.

Anyhoo.

I was feeling great until I went to the washroom and suddenly became VERY AWARE of my jiggly arms. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?????!!!! No time for push-ups, though, I had to get back to our table and the dance floor, despite feeling all self-conscious. And so I danced stiffly for a song or two, and then returned to my people-watching, and not only one but TWO men subsequently approached me to tell me I was lovely and hot. So I stopped thinking about my jiggly arms.

Those I met include: a married guy (I’d guess unhappily) who complimented me after staring for way too long; B/Ryan, a 33 year old dental technician in a toque who sat at the table beside ours; “Mackal,” who I thought was sort of pretty (he stopped talking to me after we introduced ourselves, so I worried about bad breath for a good five minutes until I found some gum); and Adam, a 24 year old student/worker who just returned from teaching faulty English in Japan for a year.

Adam was terribly drunk but also lovely. I gave him my phone number, and I even hope he calls.

So that’s it. I came home via cab driver “Liz,” fed Celeste and took her out to pee, and now it’s 8:17 am and I’m awake, despite getting to bed at 3am or later.

Maybe I’ll go back to bed now.

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Updates re: Love Stuff – Monday, Jan.16/06 – lunchtime
Forgot to mention – on Saturday I woke up to a bunch of message on my voice mail, two of which were from a guy named Corey Smith.

1st MESSAGE: This is Corey Smith. I really wanted to meet you, but you’re not here. My phone number . . . um . . . fuck!

2nd MESSAGE: This is Corey. I just left a message. I remembered my phone number – it’s xxx-xxxx. I want to meet you. So yeah.

I thought that was pretty funny, so we ended up going for brunch at Pluto’s on Sunday. Corey’s only 21, so I’ll just make it clear from the start that I’m done with young’uns and therefore we won’t be breeding. He’s also short (5-seven, maybe?) but he’s a really beautiful, funny guy with the best smile I’ve ever seen (except for Matte’s). Corey is a plumber from a family of plumbers, so we talked about apprenticeships and other construction-related topics (Sparkies, trusses, HVAC, the usual), and his hometown has only 1200 people so we bonded re: small towns (riding dirtbikes on the highways, going to the one local bar and knowing everyone there, being naïve vs. friendly . . .) and we ate good food. Also, Corey drives a truck and is going to the Bryan Adams concert. Hee hee.

Also, I haven’t heard from Adam (the drunk guy at Evolution) yet. That’s a shame.
And I have a lunch date tomorrow.

Food-Centric Monday
When I was walking to work this morning I passed the Christian supplies store and there was a “Christian cookbook” in the window. Ever since, I’ve been thinking of potential recipes . . .

– Crucifix Cheese Sticks (with marinara dip)
– LOTS of lamb dishes
– old family recipes, from the BC years
– pork alternatives
– Pope Benny’s Homestyle Holy Communion Crisps
. . .

Before That, On the Bus
I met Bryan, one of the chefs from the Irish Times Pub. I complimented his Bailey’s creme brulee, and if they get rid of the prunes in the Bailey’s chicken salad then that’s because of me. I didn’t bother mentioning the nachos (aka the worst nachos in Victoria) . . . I’ll save that for when we’re better friends.

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I’m a Sicky Sick – Tuesday, Jan.17/06 – 12:13 pm
Last night my throat started to hurt, and this morning it felt like a brick was stuck in my esophagus. So I did my morning work from home, and then called in sick, and watched Miss Marple.
I thought I had strep throat, since Jessie’s been out sick all week, but I went to the clinic when it opened and Dr. Duvenage says it’s still only a viral infection. It could turn into strep, but I’m not contagious (any more than a cold is) so I can go to work tomorrow, unless I wake up with a fever and swollen glands.

So I rented some movies, bought a huge jug of orange juice and a frozen pizza, and I’m going to sleep, pop Cepacol lozenges & Advil, and hope that I feel normal by tomorrow.

Also, while I was at the clinic Adam (the drunk one from Evolution Saturday night) called and left a message. Very exciting . . .

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Piles o’ Snotty Kleenexes – Wednesday, Jan.18/06 – 6 pm
I suppose I should be grateful that my sore throat was the precursor of a cold, and not strep throat.

I managed to go to work today, and even do some work, but thanks to illness + DayQuil I was hazy and cranky all day. Barb let me leave early: I bought two boxes of methol Kleenexes, which are the most amazing invention ever and highly recommended by me if you locate them, and a box of lotion Kleenexes because my nose was turning red from using the toilet paper at work.

Then I slept.

Sooo I’m hoping I am back to normal soon, since this is icky and I have dates to go on and men to meet, and I prefer being able to think in general.

I’m not all that hungry . . . every time I get sick I half-remember that “feed a fever, starve a cold” aphorism. Half-remember, because I think I might have it backward . . . but I just eat what I feel like eating. And sometimes when sick I eat like a teenage boy mid-growth spurt. On the menu for tonight: soup, if I can find some in the cupboard, and the rest of my orange juice.

Ugh.

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Intrepid Worker Bee Goes Squoosh – Thursday, Jan.19/06 – 6:49 pm
When I woke up this morning I felt better . . . sleepy and disoriented, but that’s normal at 6am. So I went to work, and lasted almost an hour, and then came home. All before most of you were even awake!

I’ve been sleeping on and off all day. I made chicken soup, which tasted amazing, and macaroni & cheese (which should be cheesier — I didn’t have any cottage cheese to stir up in it before cooking). And I’ve been drinking OJ, hot water & honey, and water. So I expect to be better asap. Or at least by tomorrow evening, so I can go out with Adam and then meet my Favourites for margaritas at 8pm.

Adam, the Drunk Guy From Evolution
Here’s everything I know so far about Adam:

He’s 24 (his birthday is April 20, 1981); he lived in Japan for a year teaching English and now works at a construction equipment rental place full-time, and does school in the evenings; he’s still choosing between Malaysian Studies and something else that I can’t remember; he says things he isn’t supposed to (like me!!), instead of “playing games,” although I think it’s rather endearing that he waited the mandatory 3 days before calling me. Sounds like he’s getting advice from SOMEone re: being cool and aloof; he got a cell phone today (which I know because I’ve received one text message and two phone messages already); he’s 6-feet tall or something else appropriate; he’s blond in that dark-skin, white teeth way . . .

I hope I’m healthy tomorrow so we can go on our planned walk ‘n’ talk.

Oh, and he lives in James Bay.

Things I Think About When I’m Sick
1. my body piercings. I suppose it’s a good sign that my belly piercing is unusually puss-y today . . . shows that my insides are rebelling against foreign ickiness and trying to fix me. The only times I really think about my nose stud is when it gets caught on a towel, or when I have a cold . . . everytime I blow my nose the back hoop spins around and sticks out.

2. tv. Wow, it’s really really bad. When I’ve been awake I’ve hunted for something decent to watch, and there’s NOTHING. Currently, Hamlet (the one with Ethan Hawk and Julia Stiles) is on . . . thank god. I’ve been craving DVDs all day . . . maybe the Muppet Show series, or Family Guy . . .

3. I should really clean my house. I swept up dust balls and bunny hair today . . . a good start.

4. Peter needs his nails clipped.

5. I LOVE MY MATTRESS.

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Talking ‘Bout Abortion – Friday, Jan.20/06 – 6:06 pm
Because . . . why not?

So I’ve been thinking about how to properly articulate my thoughts on abortion ever since Zac brought it up back in October. And now it’s a major theme on Law & Order: Criminal Intent, so the time seems right to spell it out.

I think the problem with “pro-choice” vs. “pro-life” is that those two terms aren’t mutally exclusive. I support freedom of choice, and I like things to live. And I find most arguments against abortion very convincing, such as:
– free choice shouldn’t affect the free choice of others. (This is why I despise most smokers.) So technically I disapprove of a woman’s choice affecting her foetus’s.
– if I’m old enough to have sex, I’m old enough to acknowledge that sex has risks, like STDs and AIDS and pregnancy. It’s not the foetus’s fault that I “messed up” with contraception or lack there-of.
– in case of rape . . . I’ve never been raped, so I can’t properly empathise with that frame of mind. But even if that nullifies the argument above, an abortion would be punishing the foetus, not the rapist.

BUT the fact is that I do NOT believe we can tell someone what they can’t do. I hate smoking, but the most I can do is bitch about it, ask smokers to be considerate, and (if I really care) inspire change on a legislative level. And that’s my right.

And despite the arguments above, the fact is that My Body/Life is My Body/Life and no one has the right to control what I do with it. They can make their arguments known, but I’m a thinking person and I can make my own decisions.

The bottom line is that we each have the right to make our own choices. I resent the idea that government or activisits don’t think I deserve that right. It’s patronizing. The arguments above are valid, and I have the right to consider them, to think of rebuttals, and to come up with new pro/cons. No one has the right to take away my right to even CONSIDER abortion.

Meanwhile
A group of us are going for margaritas tonight. I feel better, in that I’m not spewing snot anymore, but I sound sick and I cough sometimes. So I will limit myself to lime margaritas: the citrus will be good for me.

I called Spencer to invite him and he said that Tim, the tall, red-haired gov’t worker who Spencer’s been trying to hook me up with, WAS AT MY NEW PEOPLE PARTY.

Ohmigod.

I’ve been thinking of the various Tims . . . I think he’s the one that came with Channelle and Tristan, from Channelle’s office. I can’t quite remember what he looked like . . . tallish, blonde(?), maybe glasses . . . Anyhoo, it’s freaking amazing that he was there. Spencer said Tim had a hair cut that week, and Spencer said:

SPENCER: So, you’re still single? still looking? Because this friend of mine (gestures to photo on mirror, strategically placed for this very possibility) is having a singles’ party.

TIM: Yeah, I think I was invited to that.

Ohmigod.

Also, I was supposed to hang out with Adam today after his work but he called and was “bagged” so we’ve postponed to Sunday (his day off). I also told him about margaritas tonight, so he might show up there.

Adam’s such a cutie patootie. He said he’s been feeling like a stalker, calling me all the time . . . and it hasn’t been THAT much, so I think he’s just THINKING about me all the time. Yep.

Did I mention I’m feeling better? I think it was that second nap. Made the difference between snotty nose and clear head.

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Meeting the Significant Others – Saturday, Jan.21/06 – 8:58 am (why must I always wake up before anyone else on the weekends????!!!!!!)

Margaritas were yummy and the company was great last night. I had two lime margaritas and I feel even healthier than I did last night. We split up at about 10:30pm, with Nadia driving Liv, Rowan and Darcy, and I caught a ride home with Jessie’s new man, who’d come to pick her up for their evening date. On the way home he accidentally called Jessie his girlfriend, right before I (ever so obtuse) reminded her that more than 3 girls going dancing Saturday night would limit the attention we’d get from single men. Anyhoo, here’s how it went down:

JON: Liv wasn’t wearing spiky things or black makeup or anything. I expected all that from what you said.

JESSIE: (mumbles something drunkenly from the back seat, about how much we love Liv)

JON: I thought, hey, a pretty blonde — I’d go out with her — except that I have a girlfriend. Er, a friend who’s a girl. Um.

Haha.

Tonight we are going out dancing. (“We” = Liv, Jessie & me, and whoever else they invite.)

Also, I’m going for a walk ‘n’ talk with Bill (a set-up via CoWorker Barb) this afternoon. These are my preferred “dates” because I like walking and noticing all the neato things in Victoria’s neighbourhoods, and you get to people-watch, and drink tea, and it’s healthy, and there are minimal awkward silences because there’s always something new around you to trigger conversation.

The only occasional drawback is the weather — it can be cold & windy and/or rainy all of a sudden. But then you just find a cafe or a pub and wait it out.

Breaking the Rainy Record
Perhaps you heard that Victoria (and/or Vancouver) almost broke its 28-day record for “consecutive rainy days”?? This pisses me off. The phrase “consecutive rainy days” implies day after day of non-stop rain, when all it took to qualify as a “rainy day” was a few millimetres at some point every 24 hours. Often, this qualifying rain fell overnight. Between beautiful sunny daytimes.

It’s this sort of misleading media that perpetuates the illusion of Vancouver Island / the West Coast as a drippy offshoot of Canada. It’s what keeps all you Toronto-ians and “interior” BCers away. I suppose that’s sort of a good thing, since it already gets too crowded here in the summer, but I resent the subsequent pity . . . honestly, it rains but NOT THAT MUCH, certainly not as much as in Vancouver. There are lots of other weather-related issues I could bitch about.

Weather-Related Issues That Deserve Bitching About
Vancouver Island is a padded room when it comes to weather. We get no extremes. When it’s hot enough to start fires, it’s still humid. But it’s not nearly as humid as Ontario, so we get no smog (or the corresponding fantastic skies). It rains, but without the AMAZING sheet + zigzag lightning that you get in the Kootenays. We just have grey skies for five months. The coldest it gets is when the humid air from the Pacific rolls in, but again, that’s pathetic compared to the Atlantic coast — some people here don’t even bother wearing scarves. Toques are a FASHION STATEMENT, not a necessity. How sad is this??

The most adrenalin I’ve ever enjoyed from weather here in Victoria was due to a rainy + windy day, when my umbrella flipped inside out. So then I went inside.

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WHY AM I AWAKE??? – Sunday, Jan.22/06 – 6:28 am
I went to bed at 3:20am. This is ridiculous.

Liv, Jessie and I went to Evolution last night, and Adam called and said he wanted to come by, so he showed up at about 11:30pm, and then we danced a lot and talked/shouted over the music a lot, and made mental lists of all the stories we want to tell each other today (Sunday), when we won’t have to shout and can sit down/walk somewhere and drink tea and talk like normal, sober people.

I should point out that both times I’ve spent with Adam, I was sober (despite a few earlier drinks) and he was not. We’ve decided that if he’s a boring sober person we’ll move our tea date to a pub.

(Ohmigod, Dad, I’m being Mom-on-Whatever-Island-in-1979!!!!!!!!! I suppose this means Adam might be The One for me. Let’s hope he’s a gooder like you.)

I suppose it’s odd to actually LIKE a person when they’re drunk . . . I mostly know un-suave/mouthy/giddy drunks (aka Liv, Jessie, and me). Or maybe not, since inhibitions are lessened and Adam claims he’s a shy guy normally. But I really really like him. When he’s been drinking.

New Stuff I Know About Adam
(wow, you’re geting sick of this already . . . I can tell. Oh well.)

– He was in some sort of accident (to be disclosed at our tea date — Adam told Jessie something about being hit with a shoe????) when in Japan and some part of his right hand doesn’t work. It’s always cold, or at least colder than his other hand.

– He’s used the word “saucy” twice in actual sentences (when with me).

– He went to South Park school in James Bay (hahahahahahahaha that never gets old).

– He’s 6’7″ (he claimed) or 6-feet (we measured). I was subtle about the whole “I Can Only Love Tall Men” thing . . . people tend to judge me as shallow if I’m too obvious.

– Coffee hurts his tummy.

There was more, but I can’t really remember it all. I wasn’t drunk, but I was sleepy. I appreciated that Adam was polite to Liv & Jessie, and he chatted up the men who tried to seduce them, and he was disappointed that we hadn’t been able to have a proper, real-life conversation yet, but instead had to have another shouting-encounter in a club. I like how straight-forward he is:

ADAM: I wanted to smack your bum just then, but didn’t.

. . . and he claims he’s just as straight-forward when sober, except that he turns red.

Okay. Hopefully that’s exorcised the Adam-obsessions that have been keeping me awake after only 3 HOURS OF SLEEP, dammit. I’ll try bed again . . .

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Naps Are Wonderful – Sunday, Jan.22/06 – 8:11 pm
Despite minimal sleep and a serious resurgence of my Christmas Eve Complex I managed to have tea with Adam today.

It was weird — I’ve become comfortable around him, but this was his practically-first time sober around me, so I had to remember that No, We’re not that familiar, and step back into the “getting to know you” stage rather than the “do I get a kiss this time?” way of thinking. Also, I was worried that he might not be as attracted to me without his beer goggles . . . although the first time he saw me (I think) he wasn’t drinking yet. All in all, a (predictably) awkward “first date.”

But I’ve invited him to Atomic Vaudeville this Thursday (he has classes in the evening so I don’t know how that will work out) and he said he’d call me tomorrow. Also, I know for a fact that my hair smelled good. That’s a positive.

As for his accident in Japan . . . he was teaching English in Okinawa and rode his scooter into a typhoon. He broke his collarbone (and neck???) and got intensive surgeries for 2 months on his right arm and hand. He has AMAZING scars all over, including a zigzag on his neck/chest from where they grafted tendons taken from his leg.

Adam is Like the Following Movie SuperStars
– Harry Potter (zigzag scar)
– Christopher Reeves (near-paralysis — is that tasteless of me?)
– that fire guy from Fantastic Four (Adam has a very high body temperature)
– the Bionic Man / Terminator / Million Dollar Man (he has steel plates and is partially reconstructed)

My Commitment to You
I’m “in like” and I know how annoying that can be, so I will try to limit myself to one Adam-related anecdote per day, like how I self-monitor my rabbit stories. Meanwhile, I’ll be all squishy inside and trying desperately to sleep . . .

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Monday, January 23/06: VOTE TODAY!!!
I don’t care who you vote for, it’s just important to show up. Eat your ballot, if you must.

Actually, I’d rather you don’t vote Conservative. They intend to have a free vote on same-sex marriage. And no, a “free vote” is not a referendum, open to all Canadians (that’s still wrong — to vote on minority rights!), but rather a vote where all the elected MPs can vote, without being ordered to vote a certain way by their political parties. If this happens, same-sex marriage will probably be voted against. That’s what we get for electing old men to represent us.

So don’t vote Conservative.

Stupid Things The Conservatives Said
“Never is a long time.”
– Conservative Leader Stephen Harper, when pressed to promise that his government will never introduce legislation restricting abortion or allow a free vote in Parliament on the topic.

“God does not endorse that and we do not. But we do not hate people. You have to straighten people out. We don’t go around hating people.”
– Saint John’s former Conservative MP Elsie Wayne, at a Vote Marriage Canada meeting in Moncton, urging the crowd to support candidates who oppose same-sex marriage.

“There’s a particular reason why Jesus called men only. It’s not that women aren’t co-participators. It’s because Jesus knew women would naturally follow. Men, on the other hand, had to be called.”
– Conservative Candidate David Sweet former President & CEO of Promise Keepers Canada.

“We saw that young American having his head cut off. What’s happening, what is happening down there no different.”
– Conservative MP Cheryl Gallant (Renfrew-Nipissing-Pembroke) at a 2004 pro-life rally on Parliament Hill, comparing abortion to the beheading of American Nicolas Berg by insurgents in Iraq.

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Watching Family Guy While the Fate of the Nation is Determined on Channel 2 – Monday, January 23/06 – 8:09 pm
It’s nice to have the option to be ignorant of reality (aka watch American television). Also, I have no food in this house that, when combined with other available food, would equal an interesting and nutritious meal, so I’m drinking White Russians. Milk is good for ya, doncha know.

We all knew it’d be a Conservative government. I’m just staying up to see if it’s a minority or majority, and who my new MP is. Are you ready to know who I voted for?

I’m so embarassed.

I voted NDP.

It’s my first time.

To justify: the Conservatives are unapologetic bigots, and the Federal Liberals are slimy and fake, and . . . I will not waste my vote on an Independent. And the Green Party ad had some guy saying “Sweet!” So I voted NDP.

FYI, I have now voted NDP, Liberal, AND Reform/Alliance in a federal election. I don’t know if this is Victoria’s corrupting influence or the result of my aging or what.

But I still feel kind of dirty. The NDP is just so flaky.

Another Kind of Shame
I really wanted some reassurance that Adam liked me when sober, so I sent him a textmessage last night:

HEATHER: I like you. Almost as much as my squishy mattress.

ADAM: Wow what a compliment! I’m more squishy tho. Good night.

Is it just me and my PMS sensitivity, or does it seem like Adam was intentionally NOT reciprocating the affection? Q chastised me for expecting anything beyond “the chase.” But that’s too jaded . . . I want to maintain my naivity & openness to love. Dammit.

Liv thinks I’m just being overly sensitive to words. She reminded me that he said he’d call today. For the record: nothing yet. It’s been too long since I was interested in someone (Zac, October ’05) and I’ve lost that ability to not give a shit. Also, I suspect I’m an adrenalin junky.

Makes the Prozac kinda pointless.

Peter Loves Me, Regardless
I wish I had Kleenexes other than the menthol ones — we like to play with them, and then Peter sucks on them. He’s perched on the back of my couch (I’m sitting here watching tv) guarding me from Potentially Insensitive Men, and the Prospect of a Conservative Majority Government.

Or he’s being coy and wants me to cut his back nails. I doubt that.

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Diagnosis & Treatment – Tuesday, January 24/06 – 10:12 pm
I have not been rejected by some random drunken stranger. No. Rather, I needed a haircut.

So now I have one, and EVERYTHING IS FABULOUS AGAIN!!!!! I’m back to my broom-haired self. Spencer and I revived my Sixpence None the Richer: Kiss Me hair style, although it will take another month or two for it to grow out to an even length.

I love having found my Ideal HairCut. It takes some people a lifetime.

Bonding With the Q
We haven’t had enough time together lately. I was sick & quarantined last week, and we did separate social thangs these last two weekends. (Throughout this entire time, of course, we were in constant phone contact. That goes without saying.) So I went to Q’s after my haircut and we ate Q’s homemade chilli (yes, Quinn cooked food), snuggled Celeste, napped, and watched craptv.

Things feel normal again.

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Whew! Reality Reasserts Itself – Wednesday, Jan.25/06
Thanks to my new haircut (aka a lighter head), a return to hormonal pseudo-balance (aka Goodbye PMS), and an exasperated but refreshing email from my Momma, I’ve remembered that it’s only been a few days since Adam and I met up, and I’m being an idiot. Thank you for your patience this week. I’ll stop being ridiculous now.

Also, it’s Atomic Vaudeville TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! Eek!!

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Must Stay Awake – Wednesday, Jan.25/06 – 7:57 pm
I’m sleepy & clean & ready for bed, but I have to stay awake for another 15 minutes so I can see which channel CSI & Criminal Minds are on. Then I can set the VCR timer and go to sleep.

I’m 25 and I have an 8:30 weeknight bedtime.

Freakiness Breeds Freakiness, Coolness Leads to Coolness
Thanks to my newly cleared head/hormones and a glass of bravery (aka $5.49 Boone’s Sangria) I textmessaged Adam to ask if he can come to Atomic Vaudeville tomorrow, which we’d discussed on Sunday. And he responded within minutes, saying he had a late class (I already knew that) but he’d call me afterwards and maybe we could meet up.

Is it pun-fully ironic that the playwright creates her own drama?

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HELLO ALEX!!! – Thursday, Jan.26/06
Sometimes I just miss you. Today I saw pictures of a squirrel that’d been adopted by a Pyranese doggy and her newborn puppies. I immediately thought of you and your brother, hysterical & in tears as half-dead squirrels crawled toward you on the lawn . . . oh, the stories . . .

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Atomic Aftershocks – Friday, Jan.27/06
I don’t know how we’ll manage to survive two whole months before the next Atomic Vaudeville show (rumoured to be a Very Eighties Easter).

We invited a bunch of newbies to last night’s episode, including Liv’s Lauren, Nadia, and Kyle. I love inviting new people because I know they won’t be disappointed . . .

Scariest AV Moment: when the horse, rhino and unicorn heads made their reappearance (Eeek! David Lynch flashbacks!!!)
Funniest AV Moment: the new guy doing a bit on Stockwell Day being Canada’s Minister of International Affairs (oh god, please, no!!!)
Saddest AV Moment: no Rod Peter Jr., although he says he’ll be back in March (he was bartending last night)
Sexiest AV Moment: the Langford Girls’ Cougar lesson, with Britt in a backwards thong.

Mr. Nice Guy is a Pooh Head
Adam warned me that if I liked jerks I wouldn’t be happy with him, because he’s a “Nice Guy.” Fuck that! If anything, it’s twice as jerklike to PRETEND to be a Nice Guy, only to ultimately be a jerk.

Specifically: Adam (via textmessage) said he’d call or come by after his Thursday night class, but neither occurred, so I textmessaged him at 10:30pm:

HEATHER: ??!

which I think adequately expressed my frustration, rage, sadness, confusion, etc. at his mixed signals. So this morning he responded:

ADAM: Too busy these days, sry

Bastard.

So now I suppose I’ll go back to my OTHER boyfriends . . . sigh.

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Pleasantville in a Windstorm – Saturday, Jan.28/06 – 10:06 am
I’ve never seen this movie from the beginning! I like it.

During the commercials I’m browsing for men online. It’s like leafing through the advertisers in the newspaper . . . good to know what’s out there 🙂

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Holy Crap – Saturday, Jan.28/06 – 4:52 pm
A UVic professor emailed me because he wants to use The Terrible Preservation of Valentine Pilate as a text for his CanLit class. 18 students, reading my play. This is crazy.

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Going Out With Jared the Carpenter – Sunday, Jan.29/06 – 11:03 am
Yep. Weird coincidence.

In a flurry of Meet New Person New Year’s Resolution Activity I hit up a tonne of new people for talk n walk dates via the internet. Don’t be afraid — I’m taking safety precautions.

Anyhoo, the first New Guy is Jared the Carpenter. He moved here from Part Hardy in August. I can’t remember how old he is — I’d guess about 30 — but he’s tall. Also, he has two sons (ages 8 and 10). I don’t expect today to be the First Day of the Rest of My Committed-Relationship Life. But he sounds like fun, and it’s windy outside, and I’m restless for new people. AND I’m fucking amazing at fulfilling my New Year Resolutions.

Boardgames at the Q’s
We wanted a mellow evening so eight of us played Cranium and Boulderdash (??) at Quinn’s last night. The girls won Cranium, of course . . . and Q always wins B.Dash so that’s not a surprise.

I made spaghetti for Rowan & Darcy (I’d promised them lasagna and they had a fit when they showed up to no dinner — I write fiction, people. I lie.) and later we made chocolate Sauce n Cake (to compensate for the lemon meringue pies I hadn’t baked).

Celeste was in heaven, with all of her favourite people around to pet and admire her. Nadia doggysat Celeste over Christmas, and Uncle RoRo and Darcy are her other usual doggysitters . . . and Jessie & Liv are just her favourite people. Oh, and Spencer had a DATE last night (which is why he couldn’t come) . . . can’t wait to hear the details of that one!

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Surviving the Internet Date – Sunday, Jan.29/06 – 8:09 pm
Jared the Carpenter is nice. We had a good time, drinking tea and browsing at Lyle’s Place (cds & such) and The Patch. We parted after 2 or 3 hours, in the middle of a sudden wind/rain storm that’s STILL raging across Victoria. And now he just called me, and I survived a 30 minute phone conversation.

I hate telephone conversations. If you want to talk to me, let’s meet up somewhere and drink tea and I can watch your face move. (Unless, of course, you’re my family and live 13 hours away, in which case I try really really hard to be attentive on the phone. It works best when I’m walking somewhere, so I can focus on what’s being said.) Maybe I have ADD. Maybe I’m just an impatient, restless person. But there is nothing more . . . constraining than being stuck in a telephone conversation. It sort of helps that I have a cell phone. But not really, because people still expect the casual chatting, and if I’m trapped indoors by a windstorm then my multitasking options are limited.

Also — Ryefield
One of my English teachers in highschool was/is a terribly abusive, volatile woman. Once a year or so I see a beautiful man, who then suddenly starts talking to me because he’s Ryefield, her son, and one of my token connections to Back Home. Ryefield had n accident recently that messed up his memory (he was hit by multiple cars) and so we were talking about that on the sidewalk Friday. He said he’s having an especially difficult time with vocabulary — for some reason, his brain thinks that “hospital” and “university” (for example) are synonyms, so every time he says “hospital” he has to NOT say “university.” Weird. He’s a ridiculously beautiful man, and we might see an IMAX film sometime soon. Rather strange, though — I think it’s due in part to his mother.

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Stupid People re: Marriage – Monday, Jan.30/06
Just read an article in the Vancouver Sun (from sometime this weekend) about how Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt are setting a bad example in that they’re having a baby before getting married.

Okay. Dammit. It’s not same-sex marriage that’s destroying “the traditional definition of marriage,” and it’s not random celebrities who are encouraging my generation to procreate before we are legally bound to someone. It’s called “progression,” and it’s the natural result of our parents’ generation showing us just how crappy & restrictive & unnatural marriage (in the “traditional” sense!!) can be. If anything, the rednecks who want to deny my ‘mos the chance to get hitched are more destructive re: marriage and its “noble” history — they aren’t letting marriage evolve, they aren’t letting our generation transform marriage/relationships into a form that we can tolerate. If marriage isn’t allowed to evolve, we’ll stop getting married. Because most of us don’t give a shit about whether the courts/church call us “life partners” or not. Because most of us witnessed crappy marriages via our parents or friends’ parents. Because religion doesn’t accomodate the values of our generation, which (ironically) require LOVE AND OPENNESS towards all people, including (gasp!!) gay people, people of all cultural backgrounds, all genders, blah blah blah. Adapt or die. And stop bitching at us via your editorials in the Van Sun or letters to the editor in the National Post, because I have to read those for work and I’m tired of your ignorance.

Also, just want to make it clear that I am NOT from a family with unhappily-married parents. (As far as I know.) They destroyed all odds, having met as squatters on Denman Island, 8/9 years apart in age, with me being conceived after 3 months. So boo-yah.

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Windstorm in Victoria – Tuesday, Jan.31/06 – 9:09 pm
Peter’s sitting on his mat by the porch door with his ears all askew . . . maybe he’s listening to the wind.

I was a Good Bunny Mom today and finally brought home some newspapers so I could change Peter’s litter box. Fresh alfalfa hay and a buffet of carrots & parsley yesterday = a very content house rabbit.

This week seems to be moving along unusually slowly. I can’t believe it’s only Tuesday. And people keep wanting to do social things, so now I’m booked up for Thursday, Friday and Saturday already . . . Sunday will be a sleep day.

Today I was invited to a work meeting that I SHOULD have been attending since its inception, except that I didn’t know it was happening so I couldn’t barge in a week ago. I don’t know if it’s a man thing, or a seniority thing, or what . . . but I told them they were simply stupid for not having me there from the beginning, and then Dave complimented my shirt. It’s so adorable to watch professional people be professional when confronted by . . . well, by me.

So I felt briefly unappreciated and neglected at work, and then I found this obscure article in the Maple Ridge Pitt Meadows newspaper, and I felt like a SuperStar once again.

I know that was obscure. Sorry. I’ve been trying to not talk about my Day Job too much, for confidentiality & etc. reasons . . . so the above was a sexy mix of vague + pissy.

Anyhoo.

My greatest accomplishment this week was grocery shopping. I borrowed Quinn’s car yesterday and bought $124 worth of food. I’ve been out of a lot of crucial groceries lately — including eggs, sugar, bread, TOILET PAPER . . . but now I’m stocked up. Even if this windstorm evolves into the Apocalypse.

Even when I’m completely out of all food, I ALWAYS have cheese. How strange is that? Currently, I am well-stocked, so I have mozzarella, Swiss and cheddar in my fridge, but even 48 hours ago I had a fridge-drawer full of those cheese sticks that kids eat (they NEVER go bad, so they’re my staple meal).

Awww, Peter’s eating a carrot . . .