Sexy Surrey – Thursday, June 2, 2005 – 8:36 pm
Well that was fun.

LESSONS LEARNED:

• I don’t like sitting around listening to people talk about geological phenomena, disasters, and emergency protocol.
• I like daiquiris. Especially strawberry daiquiris.
• Don’t Eat Tuna Sandwiches When You Didn’t Make Them Yourself.
• it’s possible to get a decently large tattoo for less than $500.
• postcards are usually not available at gas stations.
• PT Cruisers have generous head room.
• some men still open doors, pull out chairs, and are otherwise chivalrous to women (in addition to Q, whose momma taught him VERY well).
• skirts are pretty, practical, and travel well, but they are cold in air-conditioned places (including on airplanes). Bring sweaters & knee socks.

Upon Arriving Home
My apt did NOT smell like hay. I’m surprised. But Peter is being weird. He’s sitting by the door to the balcony, with his nose practically in the crack ‘tween door and frame. Either he’s guarding me against The Outside World, or the baby bunnies are starving to death and he doesn’t want me to go feed them. (“That will only encourage them.”)

Then I called Q, to assure him that I was alive. He was napping, as usual.

Then I checked my email, but NO there was NOTHING from ANYONE EXCITING*, including TMWWIAIL, from whom I have also not yet received a single postcard. I, meanwhile, bought three postcards in Surrey. And I’ve already mailed one of them. And that was after an absence of less than two days.

*I just remembered — there was one exciting email from Evy, with new ultrasound photos of Baby Jared. Apparently her belly has started to move around independently of her, and her nipples are doing something gross that I don’t want to talk about. This whole pregnancy thing is so cool. And creepy.

Now
I am going to have a bath and put on my nammies. And then I might watch crapTV or go to bed or eat something or drink a cider or do a crossword. Who knows? It’s a magical, uncertain time of life . . .

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Other Travel Adventures – June 3, 2005
I almost forgot — the Blue Bird taxi man who drove me to the airport Wednesday morning was fascinating. He’s 62, and he’s been to 52 countries. He said that he only had a grade six education and could barely read or write, and then in subsequent conversation he used the word “anomaly” in a sentence.

I told my new PAB friend Jeremy about this, and he pointed out that literacy and vocabulary don’t necessarily require one another. Someone can speak a language without being able to write it. And that’s a very good point.

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How To Clean A Teapot – June 4, 2005 – 8:15 am
1. rinse the inside so it’s wet
2. dump some baking soda inside & around the top, then put the lid on and shake it all around
3. let it sit for a few minutes / days
4. rinse with hot water and a cloth
5. use your fingers to swish around inside the spout
6. rinse well with hot water

A clean teapot is a satisfying thing.

“Groupie” Redefined
I’m intrigued as to what Liv will write about last night.

Sooooo, we went to see some bands at Lucky and it was fucking bizarre. The first group came out with some woman in underwear & garters, and I thought she was the drummer because drumming is hot work, but NO she sat on the speaker, smoked, flipped through a porn mag, and progressively undid her top. Full on fake titties. I swear to god. Of course, I’m not very good at keeping my mouth shut. And I’d had some doubles. (Alcohol unfortunately counteracts the effects of prozac, which allows me to stifle my impulse control disorder.) However, the music was fairly loud, so even when I was screaming at the band I doubt anyone heard me beyond the first few rows.

There was more, but I think I’ll write about tea instead.

Or Not
Earlier, we went to a play at the Belfrey and it was equally fucked. A guy from New Zealand presented his creation myth involving a manicurist named Alice/Emily and a talking hand.

Also, we saw Keith (the Brooding Playwrite from our UVic days) and he is going to Europe very soon. He looks rather gaunt, which I suppose is required for a Brooding Playwrite. He’s going to send me a postcard. He promised. (Ahem.)

And Today
I just made a pot of Lipton yellow bag orange pekoe and I am going to eat Tylenol and drink water and watch the rest of Groundhog Day, on tape from earlier this week. At 9:45am I am supposed to be at the gorge for our rowing regatta, which is very exciting. I am hoping that: a.) it doesn’t rain; and b.) I feel less shaky by then.

Fuck McDonald’s
I cannot believe that McDonald’s isn’t open at 2 am. I wanted NOTHING ELSE but a BigMac & fries last night, and they were closed. I didn’t think McD’s ever closed. And also there was some guy inside doing work things, just to taunt me.

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Rowing Results & Then Bedtime – Saturday, June 4, 2005 – 7 pm
We did so well today. Most importantly, it didn’t rain. The wind & water were moving in a favourable direction, and I got to use a megaphone, and we didn’t hit ANYTHING, and my rowers all loved me because I screamed until my voice quit.

For those of you who care, we rowed 500 metres in about 1 minute, 30 seconds — twice. That’s pretty darn fast. Also, I not only have my first ever team shirt, but ALSO my first ever team medal — a silver medal in the middle level, which means that we’re fast but not too fast.

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Another Day, Another Pot of Tea – Sunday, June 5, 2005 – 7 am
I slept for 12 hours.

In other news, I caught my reflection this a.m. and I suspect I slept so well partly due to sunstroke, because my face is RED RED RED with sunshine. Who knew that clouds don’t offer 100% UV protection?? Oh, I did. Well whatever. I like sunshine. A good rosy burn is a sunshine souvenir. It’ll keep me glowy through this rainy Sunday.

Messages on My Phone
Thank you for all the invitations to Late Night Saturday Bonding Events. I was sleeping, and that’s why I didn’t answer or return your calls. But you probably knew that, if you know me well at all.

Also, Flashback to Liv
First off, “Liv” is pronounced “leave,” contrary to the propaganda spewed out by that Evil Liv Taylor.

SCENE 1
Liv & Heather are waiting for a cab outside the Belfry Theatre Friday night.

HEATHER: There’s a leaf stuck under my shoe.

Liv steps on Heather’s foot.

LIV: There’s a Liv on top of your shoe too.

(hahahahahaha.)

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In other news – June 7, 2005
I am grumpy/cranky/pissy/bitchy today. I dunno why. Stupid unsummery weather, stupid routine, stupid lack of sleep . . . If anyone has tips or wisdom for how to sparkle up these dull days, send me a love letter.

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I Managed To Get Out Of Bed – Wednesday, June 8, 2005
It was difficult.

Another Classic Ferry Moment
The closest Walk-On scenario EVER: Regan, Q and I finished Baan Thai dinner at 8:20pm, did a GrabTheDog&Regan’sSuitcase at 8:23pm, and busted it out to the ferry at TopSpeeds. Despite Q’s impeccable driving, it was looking sketchy, and this was the LAST FERRY OF THE DAY, so I changed into my SuperHero suit and ran like a crazy person to the departures area, ONLY TO FIND all the cashier lanes with bright red “CLOSED” signs.

HEATHER (Darth Vader, Sith-style): Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I saw a ferry woman in one of the lanes, and I pleaded, and she called Those In Power and gave me the ticket and Regan and I carried her ginormous suitcase down a really steep flight of stairs (I almost died) and RAN to the dock and Regan leapt over the chasm of water and landed, catlike, on the ferry.

The Classicest (?) Ferry Moment Ever with a car was when Q and I were in line behind this truck, and the ferry was basically full, and so the ferry guy stopped the truck and let us onto the ferry because Tammy the Toyota Tercel was just small enough to fit.

And About Writing and Such
I will start my Great Canadian Novel today. I’m just moody enough for the writing to be good.

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Heather’s New Health Regime – June 8, 2005 – 3:30 pm
PHYSICAL: Upon arriving home from work, check my mailbox for a letter/postcard from TMWWIAIL. If there is nothing there, channel the resulting rage/fury/moodiness into a 10 minute run around the block.

Also, do situps and pushups when bored at Q’s and when watching crapTV.

Walk whenever possible (vs. taking the bus, driving).

Also, figure out some way to do pull ups, so as to develop wicked biceps like the blonde on Blue Crush.

SPIRITUAL: Pay attention to the cheesy mantras posted on the church’s signboard. Ruminate for a few minutes.

CREATIVE: Start writing Great Canadian Novel.

And look into funding options, requirements, etc. for MFA.

SOCIAL: Keep on doing as is.

Except maybe don’t drink so much, since this concerns Mom. And cider = belly.

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BRING BACK SUMMER – June 9, 2005
Jessie & and I attended the Premier Night of Bachelors & Brides, featuring some of our favourite performers from Atomic Vaudeville’s monthly cabarets. It was very funny.

If you or anyone you know has an interest in any of the following, I recommend that you go to one of their performances:
– if you are married, about to be married, or have ever known someone who is;
– if you saw the Vagina Monologues and liked it;
– if you like funny theatre;
– if you happen to be downtown anytime on June 9th (today), 11th, 12th, 15th, 16th, 18th, or 19th (that’s Wednesday to Sunday for the next two weeks).

Doors open @ 7:30 pm, show starts @ 8 pm. Venue is the Victoria Event Centre at 1415 Broad Street, across from the New VI. AND, although it isn’t licensed, Q lives nearby so you can smuggle in some cold vodka to mix with the available beverages.

Oh And Also
I redeemed my auction-purchased gift certificate for Syn dinners, and I now have 10-minus-one $30 gift certificates. (Jessie and I used one last night.) So if anyone chooses to attend Atomic Vaudeville’s Best in Show episode with us regulars on June 29th, you might get a sweet pre-show dinner deal. They have steak + $5 lobster tails, and the best martinis in the world . . .

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Scary Man From Yesterday – June 10, 2005
I forgot to mention — when I was walking to work yesterday there was this guy with long blond hair and a brown hooded cloak at Fort & Quadra, and he actually made me nervous. This is unusual, despite the number of questionable Victoria residents, because I am extremely willing to kick the shite out of anyone I can (aka “defend myself”) due to inappropriate anger management issues. I imagine myself like the princess on Shrek doing that crazy Matrix fighting stuff despite my petite size.

Anyhoo, anger management issues aside, this guy was creepy. He was mumbling really loudly, and I couldn’t tell if he was talking at me, or just aloud, or what, and then he followed about twenty feet behind me for a block.

It was full daylight, and I had my cellphone and emergency whistles (because they are so darn useful . . . ?!) and there were pedestrians and drivers and cyclists all around, so it wasn’t exactly a dangerous situation. But still, it was interesting to me that there was someone who could make me nervous like that. People aren’t scary, it’s the unmedicated craziness and drugs that I’m no match for.

Listening to TMWWIAIL
Regan brought Q & me the latest cd from in medias res, and so I took it home last night and listened while walking to work today. It’s not the first time I’ve heard them — I’ve heard another cd, and went to see them play, and have listened to stuff on their site. Every time, though, I get frustrated because I can’t hear what Andrew’s singing. I pointed this out when they played that night, and Ryan said that’s intentional (or at least not important enough to change). And even though they are brilliant and their music is pretty and smart, I’m just not a fan because I can’t hear what they’re saying.

I feel guilty about this, but it’s their own goddamn fault. I wonder how I’d feel if a boyfriend/friend/whatever didn’t like my writing, and I think I’d be okay with that except that I’d feel s/he didn’t really understand me, because the way I write is ME. And I can still be happy & supportive of them, just like those who love me can come to my plays and readings and just be there for me, and proud of me for doing what I love.

Of course, I’m a fan of Eminem and Ani DiFranco, so maybe in medias res is grateful that I’m not a true groupie.

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YAYAYAYAYAYAY!! – June 10, 2005 – 3:29 pm
I got a postcard from TMWWIAIL today! There’s a raccoon on the front.

Sad News: according to my new health regime*, I won’t be running around the block today.

Happy News: TMWWIAIL hasn’t forgotten about me!!! Yay!!

* I think I might be confusing this word with “regimen” but I don’t care. “Regime” sounds regal.

New Website Page
I’m making a page for those of you who are interested in writing (e.g. Jessie, Liv, Regan, Ryan . . .) with contest listings, publication contact info, etc. Jessie suggested that people send me their writing (anonymously?) so I can post it, and then the rest of you can post (anonymous?) comments/edits/critiques. I think this is genius, assuming any of you are BRAVE enough . . .

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Theatre With A Football Player – June 11, 2005 – 8 am
Despite some last minute panic at finding someone to accompany me to the two plays I had tickets to last night, I had a REALLY GOOD NIGHT.

I’d assumed that Liv would get off work at her usual time and then I could whisk her away to a night of theatre. But she had a late shift (even assuming she would have been that open to such last-minute plans — I really need to stop assuming things), and since Jessie has a standing Friday night date with Channell and Q was going to see John Raulston Saul (ew) with Rowan, I needed to branch out and invite someone New.

So I saw two plays last night with Shawn, my new friend from London, Ontario, and he is so smart and smiley that I had a great time. The first play was a stand-up performance about celebrity by a woman around our age, and then we went to the George & Dragon and drank cider/beer and Britt Small (the director and Momma of Atomic Vaudeville) and an actor I knew only as “Jesus” came in and they joined us. Jesus’s real name is Andrew. He let it slip that he’s merging his Jesus @ Christmas and Jesus @ Easter stand-up bits together for the Best in Showepisode later this month . . . YAY!

During this break, Andrew and Shawn tried to convince me that Adaptation had thematic unity & purpose (I watched Adaptation with Liv last year — remember Livy??? That was so fucked). What’s the word? Victor Shklovsky’s thingy about form=content? I can’t remember anything from school. Anyhoo. – Russian Formalism?????

And then we saw the second show, an “R”-rated version of Genesis, and that was pretty funny since Shawn studied themes of masculinity via his degree, and I’m an uber-feminist, and it felt like the play was neatly split into Man / Womancomponents.

And then we returned to the George & Dragon, and I LOVE talking to Shawn because he’s this bizarre combo of Sports-Lovin’/Playin’ Straight Man + English Grad Student, anti-“lol”/”lite”/”4lease” Smarty Pants. Unfortunately, my body betrayed me and I had to go home around 12am because I am so used to my early bedtimes.

IN SUMMATION: fun fun fun, brain-stimulating, being-around-a-straight-man-stimulating, interesting & thought-provoking night.

Plans For Today
It’s “Garagellenium” today, or something that means there are a lot of garage sales, so the Q and I are going GSing as soon as he’s awake and ready to barter.

And TONIGHT is Charlie Ross’s One Man Star Wars and Kent is going to be my date, along with Jessie & Justin. I am very very excited. I am also trying to track down last minute tickets to a sold-out performance so that Liv & Mike can come with us. I’m astonished at how many men I know who are Star Wars’ fans.

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Star Wars With 2 Couples & a 6’7″ Date – June 12, 2005 – 11 am
We went to Charlie Ross’s One Man Star Wars last night, and it was exactly as great as I’d expected. My guests for the evening included: Liv & Mike, Jessie & Justin, and Kent. The boyz are all Star Wars fiends, and I think Liv knew what was going on because she laughed so much, and Jessie had been treated to a rundown of the trilogy by Justin over dinner. It was groovy.

And then my lovely couple friends ran home, which was okay because they’re couples and lame that way sometimes, and Kent and I went to the Med Grill and drank sangria and ate good food. It’s so funny talking to him because he’s going through a lot of the “changes” that I’ve heard about from my other ‘mos, and so I get to hear about where he sees himself in the Larger Gay Picture. Kent’s a sweetie so he’s not into (yet?) the whole promiscuity thing, or “hook-ups,” and he still gets emotionally attached to the people he’s with. We talked about hetero vs. homo relationship rules, which are vastly different as far as I can tell. And he helped me feel not-too-shitty about the whole “I dated girls, then Heather, then men” phenomenon.

Also, Kent “came out” to his parents awhile back, and they were good parents about it. He also told his friends, and they were good friends. So I’m happy that his experience so far seems to have been positive.

& A Retraction From Yesterday
Q came over but he collapsed into my bed (hard to do with a loft bed) and slept all day from a sudden flu he’s caught.

And then Matte called with an invite for tea, so I kidnapped him and we walked Celeste on Dallas road and drank tea/coffee from this neat “drive thru ethnic food court” which is AMAZING and I must go back someday for lunch or dinner.

Matte’s dating a body-piercer these days, and she convinced him to pierce his eyebrow. I’ve seen lots of eyebrow piercings that are stupid, but Matte’s just looks sexy.

In Summation
A strange weekend of ex-boyfriends and friendly conversations about love & trying to figure everything out. I am infinitely pleased that I get to be friends with these beautiful (tall) men who know me so well – or at least did at one point. I like it that I can tell them about TMWWIAIL and they are happy for me, and we can discuss the importance of Not Settling and sometimes one of us will say something that we first heard from the other. Kent advised me over dinner that “the most important person in your life to love & take care of is you, because that’s the only person you’re sure to still have in your life at the end.” Ah, typical Selfish-Heather aphorisms. I’ve made a difference in the world.

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Drive-By Pickup – June 12, 2005 – 9:06 pm
A man named Chris parked on Fort Street to hit on me today.

Best line ever: “Aren’t you a playwrite?”

Speaking of Rabbits
Peter has managed to tunnel into a big plastic bag with hay. I usually just open the bag and give him some fresh stuff, but it’s more interesting this way. He feels more . . . predatory? Can bunnies be predatory?

Has anyone other than Divyesh ever witnessed Peter’s Attack Rabbit persona?

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Everything is Changing – June 13, 2005 – 7:26 pm
Spencer cut my hair today, and it is short & summery & I love it, but no picture yet.

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On Running – June 14, 2005
From gym teachers to psychiatrists, I’ve been told 1,000,000 times that I should run/jog because:
– it is healthy
– it will distract my body from my overactive, seratoninly-challenged brain
– everyone else is doing it.

But no one ever said: “Heather, you should take up running because you have anger management issues and running will channel your blind rage into something physically painful and ultimately cathartic.”

And, ironically, this is why I now like to run.

Also, I like to wear sweatpants.

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CSI Phrases o’ the Day – Tuesday, June 14, 2005 – 5:30 pm
“Suspicious circs”
“Stutter cuts”

My Tattoo

It’s Greek. Yep. Before I get it all permanent and such I have to get it spell-checked. I vote for no punctuation / capital “gamma” — it’s a never-ending concept of self-knowledge. Reflects Heather = self-involved, et cetera. AND it’s pretty and pretentious! IDEAL.

Potential locations = lower back or left forearm. Bottom of neck in back? I dunno.

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Sometimes Patience is a Good Thing – Thursday, June 16, 2005 – 4:14 pm
Despite feeling all brave yesterday, I decided to wait to spellcheck my tattoo before getting it scratched into my skin. And whaddyaknow, I conjugated incorrectly. Damn Greek.

So I’ve emailed an old prof of mine and hopefully she will give me a certifiably correct spellchecked version.

Also, Liv advised me on the Care & Maintenance of Tattoos over martinis & steaks yesterday evening, so I feel fairly prepared for the event.

But Why?
I overheard two of my coworkers discussing the reasons behind the chronic tattoing / body-piercing of my generation. I wanted to leap up and say something that would explain everything, but I couldn’t think of any good reason. Tattoos, for me, are like a very permanent charm bracelet. Souvenirs, self-expression, et cetera. But that’s not why I got my nose and belly pierced. My motivation at those times was to attempt to reclaim some of my control over myself (body & life) since I’d just ended relationships. Plus a little bit of masochism.

Spencer says that hair cuts/perms/colours are traumatic, and that’s why some people inexplicably cry when they get their hair cut. That’s why they always want the same style. But I LIKE the trauma of change – it’s an adrenalin rush. So I get my hair drastically cut/coloured whenever I’m bored or feel restless. And ditto for the piercings.

So maybe my generation is just:
– bored
– masochistic
– looking for adventure in a well-padded, regulated urban environment.

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Busy Days: A ReCap – Sunday, June 19, 2005 – 11 am
Assuming I can remember what I did, here’s a summary of the past days’ adventures:

FRIDAY: Busy busy busy day at work. Cabinet was appointed Thursday afternoon, which meant that we might get an entirely new “boss” (aka Minister), and ALSO since I work for PAB there is all kind of potential change with gov’t communications. So a lot of uncertainty and excitement. But all is well.

Also, my uber-pregnant sister and her man were in town, staying at French Beach, and so they visited with me & the Q. We went to the Keg and ate lobster & steak, and those of us who weren’t carrying a foetus in our uterus drank good drinks.

I’m still surprised at the inconsistent messages around Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. Evy said her prenatal nurse person said it’s okay to drink sometimes; meanwhile, I perpetuate via work the message that no one knows when or how much alcohol is safe, so DON’T DRINK WHILE PREGNANT. Jared has put his daddy-foot down on this, though, so Evy will be liquor-free for another four months.

SATURDAY: In theory, Shawn & I went garage “sailing” / GSing for four or five hours, but we were afoot and had no target GSes in mind, so we just had a really great walk ‘n’ talk and stumbled onto three or four yard sales. It’s very surreal to spend time with a straight man. I had all these preconceptions: sports, beer, sex. And while Shawn does talk about these things, he puts this bizarre intellectual touch to it. And also, he uses really big words. Which makes me remember all the big words I once knew, and then I can try to use them in sentences, and that’s fun. He says we’re arch-nemises (in a nice way) because he’s a deconstructionist and I’m a . . . well, I’m not. I like to put things together, like jigsaw puzzles. And I love feminist theory and Canlit and he’s a masculinist and not a patriotic reader.

Anyhoo, that was a great morning/early afternoon, and Shawn got a lamp out of the deal and I bought Beautiful Losers by Leonard Cohen on Shawn’s recommendation. And it’s a book that I will actually read, not just smirk at and shelve.

(intermission: nap.)

And THEN Evy & Jared returned to town, so we grabbed Q and went downtown to see all the stores they wanted to see, and they found yellow gumboots for their son-in-utero. Then they left.

(intermission: nap.)

Q’s barbeque was A1. I lolled about on the hammock and drank faux vino, and Celeste even had a guest doggy to battle with. Our ‘mo friends are starting to develop friendships among themselves, so everyone was comfortable with each other, and they ate a SuperSpecialMarinatedPorkProduct that Michael brought. And then it was midnight and Celeste and I fell asleep, and the boyz went out.

(finale: sleep, and another day dawns.)

SUNDAY: So now I’m drinking tea and updating this. We have our regular brunch date at 1pm, and Spencer the Gay Mormon Hair Stylist is joining our party for the first time. I love Spencer. And that’s not just because I love my haircut.

Current Self-Induced Drama
The frustration with TMWWIAIL (aka my RockStar) is that he left at The Beginning, which is not a good time to leave. The stomach butterflies are just started to de-cocoon. And so I’ve spent not even a month with these goddamn half-formed butterflies squirming around in my gut, and they’re making me crazy.

And what if, true to established form, TMWWIAIL has some further long-distance commitment post-tour of which I am unaware, and so he’ll return to B.C. only to sleep for three days and then leaving for ANOTHER sans-Heather adventure???? This is very very unsatisfying.

The problem, of course, is that I am in love with TMWWIAIL, and therefore it’s not that easy to say Fuck It and kill the bastard butterflies and find another rockstar to stalk. It’s rare for me to find someone who causes butterflies, and I’m not inclined to squash the ones I have.

And, of course, this is all a self-induced drama. Maybe TMWWIAIL will return from his tour, sleep for three days, and then (true to ManForm) want to seek out a snuggle. Maybe he has his own taunting stomache insects. Maybe he’ll visit me for just long enough for us to move beyond The Beginning, and then I can return to a sane, liveable state. Maybe, true to stereotypical rock star lifestyle, he’ll have fucked a groupie in every province, and then I can direct that fury and cut the heartstrings and reclaim my self-sufficient, independent sans-man status.

Meanwhile, I will squirm.

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Desperate For An Adventure – Sunday, June 19, 2005 – 9:51 pm
Is it bad to eat pickles before bed? We’re about to find out!

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Sunny Monday – June 20, 2005 – 9:34 pm
Can’t write too much — watching Medium and it’s a goodie — but wanted to mention that I saw Rob (February – August? 2003) at Serious Coffee yesterday. I love seeing pretty men and thinking: “Done that.” We didn’t converse, but I hope he’s happy and loving the summer.

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My Perfect Man – June 21, 2005
Jessie & Q have figured out my Ideal Mate, based on history & et cetera:
– gay;
– emotionally unavailable;
– mentally ill;
– lives somewhere really far away — ideally the US or another continent;
– never ever answers my letters, emails, phone calls, or acknowledges my existence.

Couple of smart asses.

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WE ARE GROWING UP!!!! – June 22, 2005
EEK! Q made an offer on a townhouse/condo yesterday, and it was accepted last night. There are still iffy-things, like the inspection and whatnot, but Q actually sorta owns a home!!!!! Craziness.

Write-up:
This property is located at Fort & Richmond, in the neighbourhood of Fernwood in the district of Victoria. This Townhouse home offers 1 bedrooms and 1 baths and has a finished living area of approximately 674 sq. ft. It was built in 1999 and is situated on a lot of about 6148 sq. ft.

THERE HAS BEEN MUCH ATTENTION GIVEN TO THE DETAILS OF THIS 1 BDRM CHARACTER CONVERSION INCLUDING SOARING 9 FT CEILINGS, OPEN LIVING ROOM/ KITCHEN FLOOR PLAN, STAINED GLASS, GAS FIREPLACE, PATIO AND ALSO YOUR OWN SEPARATE ENTRY WAY. THIS WAS BUILT IN 1999 AND IS SITUATED IN A COMPLEX OF ONLY 4 OTHER UNITS. PARKING AND EXTRA STORAGE AS WELL. SUPERIOR LOCATION, CLOSE TO ALL AMENITIES AND BUS ROUTES.

When Harry Met Sally
I watched my new DVD yesterday, and it is a great movie. I remember seeing WHMS on a little tv in my pink bedroom at home in the white house in Invermere, back at age 13-17. And while the ’80’s-style clothes & hair are a cultural roadblock to character empathy, it’s still fun to partake.

There was a lovely, funny, “heartwarming” line about choosing a mate = choosing a melon (you just KNOW), and so I called Shawn to tell him how funny it was, but he was sleeping and I think I just confused the poor guy with my Drive-By-Phone-Call.

Drive-By Phone Calls
I learned these from Q. None of this “small-talk” nonsense allowed.

Sample conversation:
PHONE: ring ring ring
HEATHER: Hi.
QUINN: Ohmigod.
HEATHER: Whassup?
QUINN: CSI. Channel 30. Ants.
HEATHER: Ohmigod.
QUINN: Commercial’s over!
HEATHER: Bye!
PHONE: click

Surprisingly satisfying. Straightforward, to the point, sansbullshit niceties. Try it. Refreshing.

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Tattoo Options – June 22, 2005 – 4:33 pm
Option #1, with CAPITAL LETTERS (aka proper Greek):

Option #2, with small letters (I like the curviness):

In Other News
I am the saddest person in the world.

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All’s Well – June 23, 2005
Sorry about the mood swing. Goddamn fucking anti-summer is the problem. I get all excited about the sunshine and then BOOM it’s raining and the sky is cloudy and it’s the middle of December all over again. It’s making me nutso.

Also I am sad in love. But that’s too stupid to write about.

Tattoo Conclusions
I think a little bit of socially-acceptable self mutilation is the answer to all of this. Thank you for your votes — I concur, the small letters are far superior aesthetically. So it will be done. I’ll post pictures of my scarred skin when available.

Applications are currently being accepted for the Lucky Bastard who gets to smear polysporin on my shoulder daily.

And Also, Jessie Is A Superstar
Thank you for making me feel better, and not letting me feel stupid about:
1. being sad; and
2. drinking to cure it.

Thank you to my personal cheering section (Liv & the Q) too — I luvs ya. You’re good people.

The Family
My Momma & Dadders are coming to Victoria!!!!! YAYAY!! I have a sweet surprise adventure for them — Mom knows but Dad will (in Jared’s words) “pee his pants” with excitement. Also, Evy & Jared & their foetus are somewhere on the Island, and they might magically appear for a good meal sometime soon. All I need is Joey, and I’ll have my whole family crammed into my wee apartment! (Including you, Q.)

“Wee”
This is Shawn’s word. (Along with “dealy” which I strongly disapprove of.) It’s kinda pretty, don’t you think?

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Letters Shouldn’t Be Sad Things – June 23, 2005 – 5:26 pm
My RockStar doesn’t love me anymore.

This is a very terrible development.

However, I’m mid-rage-stage so I can still clean my home like I planned this afternoon.

Also, I feel strangely innoculated because my heart broke yesterday so it’s just another poke at a cut. It’s anti-climactic.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to kill someone. Anger is what fuels survival.

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Family Is Coming!!!! – June 24, 2005
Mom & Dad arrive today!!!! I’m going to pick them up at the airport. Very exciting. I’m wearing my “I *heart* Mom” shirt.

One of my tattoo ideas was to get a heart on my shoulder with “Dad” in script. I’ve never seen that before. But then I thought that might get a little awkward when I have someone to cuddle with . . . so it was a brief idea.

And About This Whole Love Thing
I am so tired of falling in love. Not that it happens very often, but I keep choosing the wrong ones to fall in love with, and then I get shat on. (ew.) Jessie suggested that it’s my Aries nature to love the hunt and get bored once I catch him, and while I DO love thinking of neato ways to be nice to a man I REALLY REALLY hate being the hunter. The wooer. The aggressive one. I’m just tired of it all. Especially since it’s the passive, self-involved, hesitant ones that actually need to be pursued, and therefore I end up with passive, self-involved, hesitant men. Again, ew.

Anyhoo, I have a ridiculously busy week or two ahead of me, with lots of parties and dancing and beautiful men (some of whom are even straight) and adventures to foreign lands (aka Seattle) and my family and my bunnies. Q’s 26th birthday is on Saturday, and that’s always fun to make him feel extra special.

Another Painful Thing
My teeth hurt like a crazy bitch. They got super-sensitive awhile ago, and so I bought Sensodine toothpaste and a soft-bristle toothbrush, and then yesterday it felt like my teeth were all pushing together and IT HURT A LOT. So I was motivated to make an appointment with my wisdom teeth specialist and I’m not even sad about getting the fuckers yanked out, because my teeth really hurt. The lady on the phone also said to gargle/swish with hot, salty water, and this works for a day or so.

Um
I think that’s everything.

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I’m Still Alive – June 26, 2005 – 11:05 am
And I had fun. I will be more specific at another time.

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Oh Gees, So Much Happens in 4 Days – Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I don’t even know where to start.

Family Highlights
– Visiting with my momma & dadders;
– Daddy’s breakdown, motivated by Sadie the Tarot Card Reader and assuaged by Q’s Tuesday crisis;
– smoked salmon, bought today in Sidney and recently eaten by me & the Q with crackers and cheddar;
– food food food;
– driving with dad in the passenger seat, so I could see his foot slam down everytime he wanted me to brake.

All in all, a lot of fun and bonding and belly-growing meals.

Peter & the Bunnies
Peter’s nails are too long but he’s happy, and even let me & the folks stay at his home last night.

The bunnies are shedding but otherwise chipper.

My Wisdom Teeth
No pain at this time, despite recent sensitivities. I missed my x-ray and consultation appointment because we drove up island on Monday, but my teeth don’t hurt at this time so I’m okay with that.

Politics & My Boyz
The gay marriage bill has almost entirely passed!!!!!!!!!! The House voted in favour (despite some bigoted fuckers) and now the Senate & Queen Adrienne have to nod, but my ‘mo’s are practically wedding-bound. This is a Huge Deal.

Future Adventures
Tomorrow is Atomic Vaudeville’s Best in Show and dinner & drinks with my favourite people & ALSO (although this is a secret) I have an appointment to get my tattoo. YAY!!!

Also, I won two tickets to a preview screening of some new movie — the director did Fubar, I believe — so I get to choose some special person to accompany me to Thursday’s show. I’m thinking Shawn, if he’s available, because I also want to show him the groovy “4/6-pack” beer tester special at Swans: you get to choose 4-6 different house brews and drink a wee bit o’ each to try them out. Very cool, especially for those odd people who like beer.

Currently
I’m watching CPAC’s coverage of the gay marriage vote and loving my ‘mo’s and trying to remember all the stuff I did this weekend. There was a ship, and cannons, and . . . I’ll mention anything that floats up in my memory as it emerges. For now, I’m happy that we don’t live in a (minority-driven) bigoted society, and that (wow, whodathunkit) Canadians are equal. Despite their bed partner. So there.

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Awake @ 2:07 am – Wednesday, June 29, 2005 – 2:08 am
Why am I awake???!

Things I Am Excited About Today
Atomic Vaudeville with some of my most favourite people sitting with me; my tattoo; the neato fact that Friday is Canada Day and therefore a holiday and so I only work 2 days this week; hopefully getting Shawn & Liv to meet, because they are both Englishy and would get along well and it’s good for Liv to know that not all men (except, of course, Boyfriend-Mike and her family members) suck; and probably more things too.

Peter
Not a sound; I can’t even see him. Usually he watches over me via the back of the couch, but I think he’s hibernating under it tonight.

Ways In Which I Channeled My Fury Re: TMWWIWIL Yesterday
Stuck gum and a big pointy rock over his initial in the heart on my sidewalk; sprinted around the block until I thought I was going to die; listened to Alicia Key’s “A Woman’s Worth,” which always makes me feel better when my heart is broken; drank some faux vino (until I realized that running was a healthier way to channel rage); thought “Fuck You, Fucker” a few times.

And yes, I’m a big believer in graciousness and going cold turkey, but also the “grieving process” (aka being pissing mad) is healthy to a point, especially if it motivates running & less alcohol consumption. And writing. Although I do think those two bits o’ writing will have to be replaced sometime this week. It’s an undeserved compliment to a Fucker to write about him.

(Related disclaimer: TMWWIWIL is not really a Fucker, he’s just young and a bit messed up and made the massive mistake of letting me think I should love him. This “Fucker” thing is only a phase. A HEALTHY, natural phase.)

(Warning to Others: it’s hard for Jaded Me to open up to love. Don’t mess with me, or I will write crappy prose poems about killing you when you inevitably break my heart.)

Oh, And Also
I really love my short hair. Thank you, Spencer. I haven’t brushed it in weeks, and it’s the best thing ever.

AND I completely forgot to mention Seattle. Jessie & I went over Saturday for the night, and it’s an alright city, for an American city. Sort of Vancouver-like. I appreciate how they name their yellow taxis “Yellow Cabs” and their orange taxis “Orange Cabs.” Wandering around the downtown shopping thing was okay and Vancouverish, but I felt oddly at home in the gay district. I think it’d be a cool place to raise kids. (I’m such a fag hag.) Maybe I just like the primary colours???

Anyhoo, we were the Token Straight Women Guests at a ‘mo pool party and there we were, surrounded by topless sexy men, being plied with cheap booze from the local grocery store, legs in the hot tub and shortshort skirts with no straight boys in sight. I loved it. My new ‘mos are: Alberto, Travis, Dave?, Dave?, John (the host), and another guy who made out with an inflatable seal for our amusement. This weekend (Canada Day weekend) is Victoria Pride; Vancouver Pride is the last weekend in July. Fun fun fun!

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Tattoo + Alcohol = Death – Thursday, June 30, 2005
I swear that I drank no more than I usually do last night. Sure, Atomic Vaudeville nights are nights of drunken revellry and late hours, but I’ve done it for months and I’m fine.

UNTIL today! And so I think it’s the tattoo, and the trauma & adrenalin of being tattooed. Because I feel like death. Queasy, vomiting, exhausted death. I puked TWICE this morning — once at home and once at work. It’s so awful that I was tempted to go home sick, but that would mean (due to alcohol being involved) that I’m an alcoholic so I held on.

Meanwhile
I have learned from this experience.

I have learned to never ever eat beef jerky (even a small piece) on an empty, hungover stomache. It’s just not a good idea.

Also, I love my tattoo. It doesn’t hurt, and it looks so pretty.

Atomic Vaudeville Recap 
Well, it was great, of course. Except that Shawn went AWOL and since he’s not the AWOL sort (I don’t think) I suspect he’s in the hospital or lying in a ditch somewhere. Hopefully not. I haven’t seen him for more than a week, and I’m worried about his disappearance.

Also, Mike & Rod Peter Jr. resurrected their The One Man The Matrix, and then for an encore they did The One Man Spiderman, and I got to be a Guest Star as Spidey’s girlfriend, which was really just a way for Rod to smooch me upside down. First time I’ve ever kissed someone I wasn’t in love/lust with, and on a stage in front of people & a camera, no less.