Confessions – Thursday, December 1, 2005 – early a.m.
Q ordered Chinese food from the Forum for our dinner last night, and when the delivery guy arrived at Q’s house Celeste was causing a ruckus, so I put her in the washroom and closed the door.

Two hours later, I wondered where Celeste was. Poor girl. She wasn’t too upset with me, except that Q called me later that night to double-check that yes, I had fed her, because she was “acting weird.”
Also, I get songs in my head ALL THE TIME (as you will inevitably have noticed, since I seem to hum them without being aware of it), and they are ridiculous songs. This morning I had “I Swear” in my head — some ’90s boy-band ballad. Terrible. Where do they come from? I’m like a uncool iPod. The other day I asked Liv why she was singing “Kidnapping Sandy-Claws” from Nightmare Before Christmas and she said it’s because I’d been humming it for an hour. Now that’s a good song.

However, I (for some inexplicable reason) know more of the lyrics to “I Swear” than “Kidnapping Sandy-Claws.”

In Other Momentous News
I started to feel a little guilty that all I’ve been doing this week is working, napping, eating cheese & bread, sleeping, and watching TV. Then I remembered that I’m “surfing the crimson tide.” I deserve to be lethargic and chubby: I’m fueling my body for a fairly traumatic (albeit routine) event. And next week is my last week of work before:
– 5 days of non-work in Victoria, and then
– 2.5 weeks of holidays in Invermere for Christmas, and then
– 2 days of New Years debauchery in Victoria.
Over my vacation I’ll have time to get back into eating vegetables and (thinking about) running around the block and working on a script or three.

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Another Confession: Pride – Thrusday, Dec. 1/05
I’m goddamn proud of my writing. Maybe not the self-indulgent, sloppy schlep I put on here, but the polished stuff that I make is really good. I’m sure of it. Dammit.

Regardless, UBC has decided that I’m not ready for their grad studies program. Please see below:

A Well-Written Rejection
UBC Creative Writing
Optional-Residency MFA Program
December 1, 2005

Dear Heather:
We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position in our 2006 Optional-Residency (Distance Education) MFA program. We are only able to accommodate a small percentage of the nearly 150 applicants we received this year. The quality of the applications was extremely high and faculty had to make some difficult decisions.
Your application was read and evaluated with great care by our faculty members. That being said, we do not pretend to be the final arbiter of what is excellent or successful writing. Evaluating writing is always a subjective process, and many a writer who was turned down by a publisher, institution or writing program has gone on to great success.
Our judgement does not close the door to another application at a later date, and indeed a number of students have been accepted on subsequent application in the past, including several this year. Every writer grows by revising old work and writing new material. Should you wish to try again in a later year, we would welcome your application; to make this easier we will keep your application materials on file for one year.
An official letter will be sent this week by postal mail to your mailing address on file.

Let’s Spin the Rejection into A Good Thing
1. FATE. Clearly I am not meant to do my MFA at this time. Financially, this makes sense, since I’m SUPPOSED to be paying off my BA, not handing my paychecks over to UBC. Maybe that $3,000 I would have spent on tuition SHOULD go to traveling: Greece or Scotland or wherever. (Not that I have that money — I just don’t think that income should affect my fun.)

2. WRITERLY MOTIVATION. Now I have to make a new portfolio. Which is probably a good thing, since most of my fiction is from my UVic days. And I want to write more plays . . .

3. Erm. I’m sure there are more “silver linings” here. I’m not as sad as I thought I’d be . . . that AmEx rejection was excellent practice.
Words of encouragement and sympathy are appreciated . . .

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The Big Questions – Friday, Dec.2/05
I’m trying to figure out what I want to drink at Q’s wee gathering tonight. I know I want to wear THE MOST AMAZING SKIRT I HAVE EVER OWNED, purchased yesterday despite my firm decision to NOT buy anything until after Christmas: it’s soft denim and past my knees, with a crazy black fringe (what is that material? It’s like stiff, plasticy lace . .. chiffon??) sticking out the bottom. It’s comfortable and sexy and different.

But to drink? I dunno. I have to figure this out before I leave downtown so I can grab whatever I need.

Last night I had the best hot alcoholic drink in the world. Irish Times calls it a “Scottish Heather” (hee hee): it’s hot chocolate with Bailey’s. YUMMY. And a lot healthier for me than the glasses of Baileys-on-ice I was chugging a year ago.

Also: Power Brunch Tomorrow
I’m having brunchy brunch with Britt Small & Briana Rayner tomorrow morning. We’re going to scheme. I like scheming. I will report back.

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Listening to Underground Atomic Vaudeville – Saturday, Dec.3/05 – 5:17 pm
I have a cd with at least 2 NEVER PERFORMED pieces. The first was a “shout out” to AV’s sponsors (aka “Zac’s a Dink”); this one’s a rant by Jason Vorhees (of Jason vs. Freddy) about selling out. Oh gees. Someday I’ll sell this shit on eBay and buy my tea shop and retire in glory.

Anyhoo, our PowerBrunch was yummy. I mean productive. Atomic Vaudeville needs Atomic Sponsorship, and I’m going to do my little bit to recruit some big fish. Also, the AV monkeys intend to do a staged reading of one of my scripts. I want to finish Bitter Scripts.

Then I went to Sleep Country (why buy a mattress anywhere else?) and bought a mattress. It’s from Mom and Dad, actually — the IKEA one was backordered and we were concerned it’d finally arrive once I was back in Invermere, so Mom cancelled the order and I went and got me a special deluxe superb mattress o’ comfort. It’s being delivered tomorrow. I’m spoiled.

And Now
Once I’m done listening to this fucked up CD I’m going to have a nap. Jessie & I are going on a pub crawl tonight with some of her old-school friends.

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Two Nights Out = Ready For Sunday – Dec.4/05, 2 am
Sunday (today??!) I will:
– await the delivery of my new uber-deluxe mattress
– watch the CSI episode I taped on Thursday
– eat more of the fresh rye bread I bought from the bakery
– clean the bunnies’ litter boxes
– do my dishes
– go for brunch with Q, if it doesn’t interfere with the mattress delivery.

Jessie and I went out with Karen & some of Jessie’s other highschool friends tonight. It was extremely different from my usual nights out (at Prism or Q’s, with the boyz). We ended up at Upstairs, which had the BEST DANCE MUSIC EVER tonight. Also, there was a 6-foot-something-tall blond guy waiting in line behind us, and I was brave and talked to him, and he stayed within 10 feet all night even though I never had a proper conversation with the guy. A satisfying night at the bar doesn’t have to involve actual conversation — I just like knowing there’s a hottie watching me dance.

There was something philosophical I wanted to write about tonight, but I can’t remember — all I can think about is the ringing in my ears, the fried eggs I just ate, and the book of Sudoku puzzles waiting me in my bed . . . the bed that I will have to sleep on FOR THE LAST TIME EVER (knock on wood).

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Revelation – Sunday, Dec.4/05 – 9:36 am
I was lying on my back in bed, thinking:

HEATHER: Wow, my back sure hurts. I should get out of bed so that it will stop.

And that’s when I realised that my mattress really truly does suck.

And For the Record
I’ve said this aloud to various folk but I want to put it in writing so that when it eventually becomes the mantra of the media I will have a record of being the first to say it:

Paul Martin’s speechwriter is keeping a blog: it’s merely a PR gimmick in the stylings of Microsoft, Coke and other corporations to improve/develop the subject’s (aka Paul Martin’s) image – in this case, leading up to the January 23rd election.

I say this without any political affiliation or motive — I don’t even know who I’ll vote for in January, except that I’m pro gay marriage and Stephen Harper clearly is not.

For fun, I’m considering keeping a tally of all the sneaky pro-PM messaging (that’s public-relations-speak for “sound bites that express a simple, key, positive idea”). He surrounds each message in humour, like a little propaganda pill with a chocolate coating. Very clever, very sneaky.

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An Idiot is On TV – Monday, Dec.5/05 – 9:11 pm
The clock on my sexy iBook is fast, so it’s not really 9:11pm, because if it was I’d be watching Medium and eating something for dinner. As it is, some unfunny gomer is on the Comedy Network. Apparently domestic violence is HILARIOUS, as long as he’s the victim.

I miss Levi. I might have to brace myself and watch a Popcultured rerun. Ugh.

Web Drama is So Dorky
A Mystery Visitor reads my site and posts comments (which I appreciate, by the way — it takes labia to piss me off). I don’t know much about you lovely people who read my site, but the handy stat counter thingy I have shows where you’re visiting from. Therefore, I know my Mystery Visitor is from Toronto (or at least the ip address is): I’m going to pretend that Levi MacDougall regularly reads my site and is secretly in love with me. Feel free to play along.

Another intriguing web-visitor-tracking bit o’ info: during the Zac Drama, German visitors suddenly accounted for a good third of my daily readers. I guess “Psycho German Girlfriend” is a popular google search term over there.

As For Food
I think I “intuitively ate” for most of my life. It’s only this past year that I’ve become chubby/unhealthy, and that’s probably because I have regularly scheduled mealtimes due to work. (This is thin logic, but I embrace any “diet” that okays eating poutine.)

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I Think About Sleep Too Much – Tuesday, Dec.6/05
Right around this time everyday I consider all the productive things I can do during my afternoon: clean my house, exercise, tend to the rabbits, sit somewhere and write the Next Great Canadian Play, sit somewhere and look pretty and happen to encounter the next love o’ my life, grocery shop . . .

What I will most likely do is go home, have a hot shower, and go to bed for a few hours. Very UNproductive. Once I fought my instincts and sat around in Starbucks and drank a cup of Awake tea and tried to read a book. But I couldn’t stay awake and barely made it to the bus before I was asleep. Hopefully this chronic lethargy will end after I’ve had a good few weeks of non-work. Boredom inspires me . . .

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In Awe of Quality TV – Tuesday, Dec.6/05 – 8:55 pm
I love it when Rick Mercer makes those mock Canadian Tire commercials. They are so very funny. Then an election ad ran for Stephen Harper and I thought it was another spoof. It wasn’t. That poor man has such terrible lips.

Isn’t it amazing how companies can keep inventing new variations on the toothbrush?? They angled the brush, angled the handle, put grips on the handle, changed the softness and size of the brush, made the bristles of different lengths, added blue stripes that disappeared with use, and NOW I just saw an ad for one with the brush part split into two, so that each half moves separately. Sometimes, especially after drinking too much Red Rose in the morning, I crave a good hard stick to scrape away at my smile . . .

Also, I Didn’t Nap Today
Mainly because I had to go last-minute shopping for a gift for tomorrow’s office party/lunch. I also ended up in GAP’s baby section . . . I despise The GAP but they had a wooly toque with bear-ears for sale. I’m weak when it comes to dressing up Hollis. My family has new rules for Christmas this year. Normally we go wacko and spoil each other, but this year, because we’re all grown up and don’t need any more crap, we’re restricted to ONE GIFT for each person, $20-$50 (closer to $20). It’s surprisingly difficult to choose that one gift. I’m used to “brainstorm shopping,” and inevitably one of the gifts is a gooder. Oh, but we don’t have any limits on spoiling Hollis. That’s what holidays are about, after all. Although he’s only 9 weeks or so now, so he probably won’t notice how cool the bear hat is. (It’s very very cool.)

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Happy Bunnies – Wednesday, Dec.7/05 – 9:57 pm
I cleaned their litterboxes, delivered fresh chew-sticks and filled their food dishes. I have three very pleased rabbits.

Kim, my neighbour and the bunnies’ Fairy Godmother, described Seamus’s nails as “chopsticks” the other day . . . I really need to cut his nails. But Peter’s are nice and short, so I feel 1/3 less guilty than I would normally.

About Becoming Chubby
I think another contributing factor is that I start work at 6/7am, and I take lunch with Jessie, Q and Liv at 12, so by then I’m STARVING and I eat way too much food. I have cereal at work, and sometimes I make PB toast, but I need to be a little more diligent at feeding myself before 12pm each day.

A much better plan than daily exercise . . .

 

Movies I’ve Seen Recently
Happy Endings: it was pretty good. I feel in love with Otis. Of course, he ended up being gay. Dammit.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Ron’s voice has changed. Very sexy. Hermoine is a TERRIBLE actor. It’s become necessary to see each new HP movie . . . otherwise I’d forgo until Hermoine learns not to ham it up. Special effects are the grooviest.

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Christmas Partied Out – Thursday, Dec.8/05 – 7:46 pm
We had our office Xmas lunch yesterday, and then our big staff party tonight. If I was going to be in town for the rest of the month, there’d be at least two more for work. Sheesh. I think it’s because we gov’t whores work our asses off while the house is in session, so whenever we have an excuse to eat catered cheese plates and drink draft beer we’re all in the mood. (And I’m not being sarcastic about that — we really do work extremely hard. So there.)

Anyhoo, I saw lots of familiar PABbers tonight, including my yogi Rueben and most of my rowing team from the spring. Also, I met a very smiley guy named Scott with whom I’ve liaisoned via emails for the past year and a half. It’s so strange to meet someone and know their last name immediately, as well as their role in the gov’t, without even knowing what they look like. I’ve flattered Scott, I’ve pleaded with him, and now I know he looks like a really pleasant relative — uncle, maybe, or just a good friend of my parents’.

On the way home I stopped in at the 7-11 to buy bus tickets and I REALLY REALLY recognized this one (creepy) guy inside. Then I realized: he looks EXACTLY like the Oompaloompah(s) from Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I would bet money that he’s either that exact actor, or closely related to him. Victoria is so weird.

Porn-Star Moment
This morning I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror just before I had my shower, and what with the light in the bedroom and being kinda sweaty (ew) from too much sleep, my chest (ie the top of my boobs and neck, etc.) was all glowy. Like a movie. It was very sexy, in a sweaty sort of way.

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When Solid Powders Break Apart – Friday, Dec.9/05
The only thing worse than spending $20-$30 on powder blush is finding it all busted up in your purse. Stupid overpriced Mac cosmetics. Stupid floppy purse. Now my pink-cheek-to-face ratio is all distorted.

Also, today’s my last day of work before THREE WEEKS of holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Peter Loves Me – Saturday, Dec.10/05 – 9:46 am
He’s been following me around ALL MORNING. He even did binkies (aka little jumps of joy) when I descended from my loft bed.

I also went outside to clip Seamus’s talons, and that went alright. Then I grabbed Caramel. She’s one huge puffball with a tiny bit of meat inside all that hair. (Why does anyone bother to eat rabbit????? And that’s rhetorical, please don’t tell me.) I got a little distracted from her nails when I realized that her massive coat is catching all the piss and shit her body tries to expel. EWWWW. So I tried to wash her up a bit, which is kind of like cleaning a very furry baby’s ass. She hated it. But now I’ve collected my equipment: scissors and a flea comb (it has very fine tines so hopefully it’ll help untangle her ass-hair). I’m saving that adventure for after I have a pot of tea.

Meanwhile, Peter’s cuddling with my feet under the computer desk . . .

I am Not A Workaholic
It’s just that my job is rather demanding and intense. But this morning, lying ON MY UBER-AMAZING MATTRESS, I thought about the astonishing fact that I don’t work for another THREE WEEKS. And my brain was still busily formatting documents and spell-checking. This weekend will be my . . . what’s the word? Like getting the drugs out of your system . . . and then I’ll be (hopefully) a normal person by the time I fly home.

Also, something sad but also happy . . . my gal friend Carey from UVic writing was accepted into the UBC program. She clearly felt awkward that I wasn’t. And while it made me a little sadder to know that this wasn’t a massive conspiracy against us Islanders, I really am pleased for her. And selfishly: she can now promote me to the UBC circle, which will help me in my next application. Carey’s a SuperStar. I’d tell you to watch for her upcoming novel, if I knew her last name.

And As For the Love Drama
A variety of people I know are trying to hook me up with some quality tall guys. Barb from work has a “prairie geek” she used to work with; Q has an old UVic friend he ran into on the bus; and Glen wants to set me up with a body piercer named Graham who, oddly enough, was the one who pierced my belly button years ago. I won’t have time to fall in love with anyone before January, though, so you’ll have to wait another month for the gritty details.

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Peter’s Watching Me – Sunday, Dec.11/05 – 6:15 am
I can’t sleep. The crappy music from Upstairs keeps shaking my brain.

Jessie’s 24th Birthday Fiesta
Jessie’s real birthday is on the 18th, but I won’t be here and for that and other reasons (=??) we had an early celebration for her last night. We had a WONDERFUL dinner at the Tapa Bar — it’s like Italian dim sum: we each ordered a plate or two of something and then shared it. Excellent food and I was actually full by the end. I’m AMAZING so I’d ordered an uber-chocolatey ice cream cake with raspberries from the Marble Slab Creamery, and we had that for dessert. Jessie was smilier than I’d seen her in a very long time — chocolate and ice cream and the attention of beautiful men seem to make that happen.

Tangent re: Mini-Purse
When we go out dancing I almost never have pockets in my clothes (stupid clothes-designers) and I hate having a bulky purse to watch over. So I went out yesterday evening determined to find the smallest (but stil useful) purse in Victoria. The winning choice doesn’t accomodate cards, but I can carry those (driver’s license, credit cards) in my bulky purse, and then check that at the door once we’re inside.

Anyhoo, I showed off my purchase last night and they mocked me relentlessly.

QUINN: It’s not even a clutch. It’s a pinch.

But I’m very pleased to have it, and Liv even asked if she could keep her cash in it last night. Ha!

After Dinner
Q and Brant went to a Tacky Sweater party, and Spencer went home to sleep, and Dave (Channelle’s boyfriend) left to study. Jessie, Liv, Channelle, Raffaele and I went to Upstairs to dance.

Raffaele (my banker) is recently divorced (at age 26!). He was like a kid in a candy store / a newly-single young hottie at a club. I’ve offered to help him learn how to appreciate cleavage without gawking. I think he’s becoming comfortable with me . . . it’s flattering to have a beautiful (straight, single) man to flirt with.

In other gossip, I learned last night that Channelle slept with Divyesh (my Snuggle Partner, August – December 2004). Which is logical, since I set them up. But EWWWWW what a disgusting idea!!!! I have a hard time being comfortable with the idea of other people having sex. Good thing the world doesn’t require me to be comfortable with it.

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Erm – Sunday, Dec.11/05 – 9:24 pm
I went back to bed at 10am this morning, and slept until Q woke me up for dim sum at 12:30pm. We ate with Billy, Brant, and Luke . . . it was the first time Brant & Luke had met, and I think they’re in love. Or lust. Or like. Whatever, it was cute to watch their encounter. There are so many beautiful people in my life . . .

We wandered around to some of the nearby stores. Q has decided to be a gardener. He bought those bulbs that grow in gravel, and he’s lusting after a bonsai tree. We also priced out propane heaters for his little porch area: it would cost about $200 for him and Celeste to loll comfortably in Victoria winter.

And then Q dropped the boys off at their respective homes, and we took Celeste for a walk along Dallas Road, and she flirted with a Rottweiler (as usual). Q made me Dean’s Famous Salad for dinner, and I dozed through The West Wing (which just becomes more politically-esoteric with each episode) and now I’m home. I’m not used to having only 6 hours of sleep.

Theories As To Why I Awoke @ 4:30 am
1. I’ve been catching up on three years’ worth of shitty sleep on a shitty mattress, and last night at 4:30am I finally broke even.

2. Someone, somewhere, did something significant.

3. Even though I know better (having survived Raffaele’s inadvertant flirtatiousness earlier this year), all the talk of someone being in love/lust with me unsettled me beyond sleepiness.

4. I was MEANT to watch those three concurrent pre-dawn mini-movies of Hercule Poirot on channel 31.

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BC Health Care is Great – Monday, Dec.12/05 – 6:23 pm
I picked up three months’ worth of my prescriptions today. Three packs of demulen (birth control) + 3600 mg of Happy Pills = $210 and a pile of drugs. HOWEVER, thanks to PharmaCare + my extended health coverage via work, it only cost me $5. That’s less than a Taco Time combo. Jeepers.

Adventures in Downtown Victoria
I showered, dressed, and walked downtown intending to find a sexy cafe and write The Best Play Ever. Then I got distracted by the walk-in clinic and my need for more drugs, so I did the prescription thing, picked up some groceries from the Market on Yates, and caught a bus back home. For some reason my hands were all shaky when I was paying for my grocieries, and that spooked me . . . I decided to go with pjs and homemade Swiss and cucumber sandwiches instead of tea and Starbucks holiday muzak.

Maybe I will venture out again tomorrow . . . my flight leaves Wednesday for Calgary, so I have one more day to clean my home and prepare the bunnies for my absence.

Hollis Sent Me a Christmas Card
There’s a picture of him propped up in a chair . . . I admit, I’m excited about being able to stare at him in real life again. He doesn’t do much besides eat, sleep and poop, but he’s so new and fascinating for my whole family. I wonder what it will be like when Evy has another . . . She’ll have to (pretend to) be as awestruck with the next one, or else she’ll be contributing to the Middle Child “I’m boring because I’m 2nd” Psychosis which has afflicted our family for generations.

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Merry Elexmas! – Tuesday, Dec.13/05 – 9:24 pm
I keep forgetting about the January election. And then an ad for one of the parties appears mid-commercials, and I have no idea what’s happening — I thought a Conservative ad was a Rick Mercer spoof, and yesterday the Liberal one sounded EERILY similar to a cell phone commercial. Then I realize, Oh, Right, There’s An Election January 23rd, and then I become annoyed with the transparent messaging in the ads.

CONSERVATIVE: No, really, we like women and women like us too. Honest. And don’t forget — the Liberals are Greedy Embezzling Fat Cats.

LIBERAL: If yer Canadian, yer a Liberal. Conservatives = Scary Nazis Who Will Take Us Back To the 1940s (aka no basic human rights for minorities, women, ‘mos . . .).

I hate transparent PR. This will affect how I vote — I’m sure of it. And about voting: I have no idea who I’ll vote for.

I dislike the Liberal’s fearmongering re: The Evil Conservatives, but it’s a stated fact that Stephen Harper will call for a free vote on same-sex marriage if he’s the PM. He’s letting his personal bigotries overrule his political common sense, and I don’t like that at all.

Meanwhile, the Liberals are cocky. It’d be so much fun to destroy them, just for one little term. (How ironic: they say True Canadians will vote Liberal, yet True Canadians despise American-style cockiness and want to punish it, in an admittedly childish and short-sighted way.)

And the NDP. Erm. Sure. (Ha!)

So what do I do?

DAD: Vote Conservative.

QUINN: Vote Liberal.

HEATHER: Hey Q, let’s start our own political party and smash these two shitty ones!!!!

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Good Intentions – Tuesday, Dec.13/05 – 4:44 pm
Caramel’s ass-hair is still all poopy, so I went out with scissors, my fine-tooth comb, etc. and tried really really hard to get the tangled poop/hair knots out of her coat. She bit me for the first time ever: I have a cute little bruise on my right forearm. And then I tried giving her a mini-bath in my washroom sink, which she hated, and still that didn’t work. Except that poopy water got everywhere because she kept kicking and trying to escape. So I towelled her off as best I could, and abandoned her with Seamus on their porch with an old flannel sheet to (hopefully) keep her warm tonight, despite her wet hair.

And now I smell like vegan diarrhoea.

Shopping
I went downtown for sushi with my worker bees & my final day of city Christmas shopping. While dressing this morning, I stuck my foot through the hole in the knee of my jeans, and so I set out to buy a new pair in preparation for my holidays.

These new ones are quite comfy, although they are RIDICULOUSLY low in the back, and in the front. They are not those jeans that little girls wear (the ones that damage your internal organs), but they are much lower than what existed last time I went jean shopping. I’m wearing them now; Peter is chewing on the cuffs to make them more fashionable.

Also, I bought some great stuff but I can’t discuss it because it’s all for Christmas and my family reads this site.

To Do List
The bunnies’ babysitters are scheduled (Q, Jessie & Liv are sharing 8 days of feeding & watering). Also, I cleaned their litterboxes just now. So all I have to do is get my extra keys to my bunny sitters and make the feeding equipment user-friendly. (Peter only eats the Martin-brand pellets; Seamus & Caramel prefer the Hagen brand.)

I have to pack.

I have to clean my dishes so they don’t rot while I’m away.

And Q and I are going to Billy’s for dinner tonight, so I should shower off this bunny-shit stink. (I would do this even if I wasn’t going out for dinner.)

Tomorrow I leave Victoria at 11:15 am, arrive in Calgary at 1:30 pm, and then I’ll be home in Invermere that night. Assuming, of course, that nothing goes terribly wrong.

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CMT in the Background – Thursday, Dec.15/05 – 9:09 am Mtn time
Hollis is running a marathon on his back on the kitchen table, Mom and Evy are discussing our plans for the week and whether Hollis feels like DeCaf or regular tea today. And I’m alive (with poofy, post-sleep hair) in Invermere, B.C.

I intend to be diligent about writing here despite the baby & family distractions for the rest of December . . . just please brace yourself for a lot of baby oggling and holiday cliche.

Today’s plans include:
– walking downtown with Evy & Hollis
– eating quality baked goods from the Quality Bakery (it’s German and makes the most amazing sausage rolls ever)
– calling Q to ask him to mail me my glasses. I knew I’d forget something important in yesterday’s one-hour rush to get to the airport shuttle . . .
– teaching Hollis to clearly and succintly pronouce “Heather”
– are “clearly” and “succinctly” synonyms???
– wrapping some presents, because I love wrapping presents.

On the Plane Yesterday
I sat beside an awful man. One of those pointy arm passengers who think the arm rest really is an arm rest, not a divider. AND he ate the stinkiest homemade sandwich EVER while sitting right beside me. Ugh. But I didn’t hit him or even say anything rude/instructive, so I’m proud of my self-restraint.

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It’s Snowing – Friday, Dec.16/05 – 10:11 am Mtn time
I woke up just in time to say goodbye to Hollis, Evy & Mom. Hollis held my hands very tightly — I don’t think he wanted to leave JUST AS his wonderful Aunty Heather arose from the basement suite. I made him laugh yesterday — it sounded like choking but Evy assured me that was laughter.

In Non-Baby News
The kitchen smells like bacon. I really really want to make some for breakfast, but it’s a piggy that we partly owned and that our family friend Jack slaughtered, butchered, and smoked, and I have “issues” with eating animals that I KNOW FOR A FACT were once alive. So I’m trying to make myself hungry enough to cook him — I mean, some bacon — by sitting here in the kitchen at the computer. I already made a pot of tea.

Last night I taught Evy to do Sudoku puzzles!!!! They are addictive, and highly appropriate for a new Momma since they are portable and can be done whenever she has a still moment. Since Hollis can’t sit/crawl/walk yet, she has lots of free time to master Sudoku. Also, Jared (her man) went out last night and had too much to drink so they had to sleep here. Mom and Dad try to feed Jared booze whenever they can, to get more nights with Hollis. (Evy can’t see well at night, and to get home they have to navigate a scary highway with LOTS of wild animals that suddenly become suicidal and leap in front of vehicles traveling 120 km/hour.) I had a nap with Hollis last night, before I accepted my exhaustion and went to bed. I was a little concerned about killing him (by rolling over once asleep, etc.) but we did fine. Oh, sorry, that’s more baby talk . . .

I saw Deanna at her art gallery yesterday. I’ve known Deanna since we were five — our parents were friends and we were friends, and now she’s one of the few people I think of visiting with when I’m back in Invermere. We’re having dinner together on the 21st, if I can manage to keep my days straight. I thought today was Thursday . . .

As for Victoria, I’m intrigued by the limerick someone posted yesterday! Jessie? Liv? Q? What’s going on over there????? Did Jessie do something naughty???????

Also, Barry (the UVic pal that Q has determined I will fall in love with) finally got around to writing me an email on Wednesday. Did I already mention that??? I wrote back yesterday and said I was away for Christmas. Nothing new has transpired since.

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Women Shop, It’s In Their Genes – Saturday, Dec.17/05 – 6:22 pm Mtn time
We ran into Chris, a fifty-something man with white hair who once sold timeshares and who is an unapologetically sexist. Dad and him competed to see who could be worse.

CHRIS: What are you doing driving these women around? You’re making it easier for them to spend your money.
DAD: They can’t drive and shop at the same time.

It amuses me.

Also, Deanna just called and we are going out to one of the two bars in town tonight: Bud’s! It’s very reminiscent of my 1999 summer . . . back then, we knew EVERYONE (Invermere’s population = 2,700). We kept our coats in the DJ booth with our underage friend Johno; we had our own table that was scuzzy with our own nightly scuzz. Bud’s went under thanks to an unreliable owner back at the New Year’s party in 2000, when they reneged on the New Year’s door prizes because of lower-than-expected attendance. Some Albertan bought it, renovated, and named Invermere’s only dance bar “Links” for some unknown reason. (We do have a lot of golf courses around here, but that’s no excuse.)

So now someone has reclaimed the space, hung up all the old signs (luckily I didn’t steal them back during the renovation, as I’d intended), and it opened last night with a live band.

I don’t know which band. It doesn’t really matter. It was a live band, and that’s a pretty big deal.

Anyhoo, tonight there’s a DJ and it’s Saturday night and all the kids I grew up with are somewhere in the Valley for Christmas holidays. It’ll be like a reunion. Or not. I shall report back tomorrow . . .

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~ ~ NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS ~ ~

Liv: to go on a Real Date during which she doesn’t over-drink and she keeps her clothes on.
NOTE: I asked her permission to post that one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE!!!!!!!
I hope your day is Perfectly Perfect in every way.

I Ate the Pig for Breakfast – Sunday, Dec.18/05 – 10:12 am Mtn time
Dad made us bacon, poached eggs & toast for breakfast. Typical family meal. I love being fed.

At the Bar
Deanna and I had a great time! Invermere is unique in that we all know everyone’s last names, as well as entire history and current gossip. An average encounter last night went as follows:

HEATHER: Brendan Tutty!

BRENDAN: Heather Walker and Deanna Berrington!

We ran into one of my first boyfriends last night — I think I was 14 when we were smooching — and I did not recognize him at all.

DEANNA: This is Tyrel! . . . Tyrel Brown?

Deanna tried to pick up one guy, until she realised that he was the little brother of an old friend of ours (and therefore practically our cousin).

DEANNA: I even made my voice all husky.

Other familiar faces: Mike Campbell, Brandon Barrett, Danny MacKenzie, Niko Espinel (the DJ), Shane Bristow, Brendan Tutty, Misha Louie . . . and a lot of kids I remember from my sister & brother’s classes at school. One of whom tried to pick me up until I told him that I was 25.

MIKE: I don’t believe you. You look 21 or something.

HEATHER: You can ask anyone here. They all know how old I am.

Anyhoo, it was fun. The two most common reactions I got from people I hadn’t seen in six or seven years:

1. “I remember you being taller.” (Because they were younger & shorter.)

2. “Hey, you cut your hair!” (Six or seven years ago, actually.)

We stayed until closing and Deanna drove me home in the snow.

In Baby News
We get to see Hollis again today!!!! We’re decorating the Christmas tree this afternoon, which is an annual tradition . . . and our first time doing so with a baby in the family!!! Then there’s the Christmas food bank fundraiser at the Lakeside Inn & Pub, another (but more recent) tradition. We go and eat good pub food as a family and listen to local musicians on stage. It’s another sort of small town reunion . . . more families than at the bar (although I did see the mom of an highschool friend two-stepping at Bud’s last night . . . ).

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Vicariously Productive Monday – Dec.19/05 – 6:21 pm Mtn time
Tomorrow is our cookie party, so today’s plan included making sugar cookies (those ones we decorate with icing . . . remember, kids?), stained-glass window cookies (aka sugar cookies with the centres cut out and candy melted inside the frame), and peppermint meringues. Also, I tried to make our “craft” project for tomorrow and rated it a triple-diamond craft, and therefore undoable by older women who wear bifocals and essentially everyone else on earth except Martha Stewart. Anyhoo, Mom did almost all of the baking while Evy & I Sudokud (yes, I’ve verbed it) and I slept and Hollis sat/lolled around looking perfect. To be fair, Evy also smashed candy canes and the candy filling for the cookies . . she likes to smash things. But Mom was the real cookie SuperStar. I’m amazed how productive she is. I’m too sleepy to be that productive.

Tonight
We’re going to see an artsy movie (Water) at our Old-School movie theatre, The Toby. It starts at 7pm, but our pork chops (from The Pig) are still broiling, so we’ll probably have to eat after the movie.

And in other thrilling Invermere news, Liv & Q mailed me my glasses and they arrived today, so I no longer have to choose between wearing Dad’s weak, broken glasses or my contacts at inappropriate contact-wearing times. THANK YOU LIV AND Q. I’m ridiculously thrilled to be reunited with my glasses.

Oh, and Joey (my little brother — 22 years old) has pneumonia or something and can’t breathe properly, so he went to the hospital and is now on antibiotics. We suspect it’s the cats that shed & shit all over his apartment. Whatever the cause, the usual consensus is that Joey (and Evy with Hollis, and me) would certainly be better off living here with Mom and Dad. Joey gets sick fairly often . . . I think it’s to defuse his antagonistic relationship with Mom. It’s hard for them to fight when he’s gasping for air.

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Technology in the Rockies – Tuesday, Dec.20/05 – 4:48 pm Mtn time
It took awhile for highspeed cable internet to reach the Columbia Valley. Now Mom even has that cordless internet, so she can take her laptop anywhere in the house and google recipes while Dad meets strange and interesting fellow sailors in online chatrooms. However, the hard drive for the desktop makes a very loud sound when it’s online . . . like an old VCR, that humming and inconsistent whirring noise. I feel like I’m running the generator whenever I go to check my email.

Evy and I are preparing for the Cookie party tonight. Mom did all kinds of prep work yesterday, then slept in this morning so she didn’t have time to do everything else on the list. We’ve cleaned, washed veggies, rolled deli meats, found matching glasses . . . and all while admiring Hollis, who has been especially talkative today. We’re waiting for him to learn how to roll over. Waiting with fear, because then he’ll require extra monitoring for safety, but also with excitement. Apparently babies learn to roll over when they’re 3-4 months, and since Hollis is an eldest child and natural over-achiever we expect him to roll any day now (week 12).

Also, I have baby goober on my left shoulder. It’s the first time that’s happened that I haven’t rushed to clean it off. I guess I’m falling in love.

Almost Forgot: Movie Review
Water is pretty good. It requires lots of exposition, since it’s an entirely different culture than ours: India in 1938. So that felt rather heavy-handed at times, as well as the theme of “widows-as-pariahs is an evil and outdated cultural tradition.”

DAD CHARACTER: Daughter, do you remember getting married?

DAUGHTER (7 years old): No, Papa.

DAD: Your husband is dead. You are a widow now.

DAUGHTER: For how long, Papa?

Also it was kind of confusing re: who the exploitative old rich man was, who was using the widows as prostitutes. The hero’s dad? The hero’s friend’s dad? The hero’s friend? Regardless, it was great and I’d recommend Water. The theatre was full of grey-haired Albertan tourists . . . very strange crowd. I feel like Invermere has become a geriatric community.

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Lazy Wednesday – Dec.21/05 – 3:12 pm Mtn time
Evy woke me up at 10:30 by putting Hollis in bed with me, and then just as I was becoming conscious she took him upstairs, so I had to follow. Sneaky moms.

I’m doing laundry and drinking tea. I watched Matlock earlier, and did some Sudoku puzzles, and eventually I will get dressed and walk downtown to meet Deanna for dinner. Tomorrow Evy, Hollis, Mom and I are going to Cranbrook for last minute shopping, and I will have to wake up earlyish — 7/8am or so.

Does anyone else in the world watch Matlock? I always hope for Murder, She Wrote but I never seem to catch it on tv. Joey thinks Angela Lansbury is a serial killer, and that’s why murders follow her wherever she goes, and then she frames someone else. Joey’s a little paranoid. Also, he’s on antibiotics because his “bronchials” or whatever are infected. Joe’s always had troubles with his throat/breathing. He got his tonsils removed earlier this year (at age 21!), but apparently that hasn’t made him immune to respiratory illness.

The Cookie Party was fun. I made Baileys drinks for our guests, and even the less crafty guests enjoyed decorating cookies. I ate a lot of salami from the cheese plate and felt sort of ill afterward.

Oh, and in other health news, Mom & Dad use a different kind of Tide — not the natural stuff I have — and after washing my clothes last week, I’m ridiculously itchy all the time. I’m considering rinsing everything in plain water . . . I think it was Mom who made the connection between laundry detergent and itchiness, so I’m surprised she has the other kind of Tide.

As you can tell, my adventures are of a more . . . gentle? dull? sort lately. I feel like I’m really on a holiday, even though I check my work email daily (900 emails and counting). I sleep whenever I feel like it, eat & drink whatever I want . . . wait, this is my normal lifestyle . . . I don’t know what’s happening in the news! That’s different.

QUINN: Did you watch the federal election debate last night?

HEATHER: No . . . I didn’t even know it was on.

QUINN: Sheesh. Are you living in a vacuum? Don’t you people watch tv, listen to the radio, or read the newspaper?

HEATHER: We watch Coronation Street, listen to CMT, and read The Pioneer. Maybe there’ll be an article in next week’s issue . . .

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About To Travel a Dark Road – Thursday, Dec.22/05 – 8:16 am Mtn time
I thought we’d be gone by now — I’m even awake & dressed — but the highway’s icy so Mom’s delaying our drive to Cranbrook.

I walked downtown to meet Deanna at the Art Gallery where she works. (notice how I capitalize “Art Gallery” even though it doesn’t have a distinctive name? That’s because it’s The Art Gallery in Invermere.) It was freezing cold and my ears & thighs were numb after the first two blocks (goddamn jeans), but it was REALLY BEAUTIFUL. There’s snow everywhere, and the cars move in slow motion (due to the unpredictable ice on the roads) and everything is very very quiet. I can’t even take a proper picture of it for you, because the (lack of) sound was the coolest part. Also, I slipped once but I didn’t fall. I’ve relearned how to waddle like a penguin so as to keep my balance.

I heard somewhere that women won’t get cold in our extremities as long as our core (aka chest, stomach) is warm. To an extent, of course. I don’t know if that’s true or Dad-style bullshit. Do women and men have different circulatory systems?

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Hollis is “Fussy” Today – Friday, Dec.23/05 – 3:14 pm Mtn time
This affects EVERTHING. Sort of like when Q is “in a mood” . . .

I thought now might be a fine time to write out my theory re: death shows. (Someone else might have told me this, or helped me develop it . . . luckily, I have a terrible memory for sources of info so we’re going to pretend I’m the insightful social commentator.) Sooooo the new cool thing on tv is shows (reality or not) about death: Six Feet Under, Family Plots . . . and I think this is a natural result of the aging of the Baby Boomers, and their growing awareness of death, combined with perverse Gen X-ers being in their 30s and in positions in the media/entertainment sectors where they have creative control.

Meanwhile, we are mid- “Age of the Gross” as Eminem says, and at a point where the media/entertainment industries feel like they have to push our line of acceptability to the extreme . . . in other words, we need to be REALLY shocked to be surprised by anything we see on tv. Therefore: Family Guy, South Park, and the occassional episode of The Simpsons. Also, Puppets Who Kill and other shows I haven’t watched yet but have heard are apprehensible.

Why It’s Okay To State The Obvious
Everything in the world is a replication and not original. Some philosopher or theorist said that, so it has to be valid (haha). And therefore EVERYTHING I or anyone says is redundant. So I would either have to accept that it’s okay to state the obvious, or I would have to shut up. And so would you.

Also, it’s one thing to be told a piece of information (e.g. how a pulley works) but it’s an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT and EXTREMELY NEATO thing to discover that information for yourself. Admittedly, it’s a slower process . . . therefore, I tend to “discover” things that are already mainstream knowledge . . . like the iPod . . . and if I read articles on media culture then maybe my death show theory and et cetera would be old news to me. I suppose ignorance can be bliss, if it enables independent discovery.

In Real Life News
Cranbrook was productive. Today I am wearing my pjs and have messy messy hair. Tonight I am going out with Evy, Jared & co. to celebrate Jared’s birthday, which is tomorrow (December 24th). So eventually I will have to get dressed.

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And THEN . . . – Dec.23/05 – 6:04 pm
Hollis has been fed and is now sleeping. Then, just as things were calm . . .

WE’RE OUT OF SMOKED OYSTERS!!!!!!!!

Ohmigod.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED!!!!

2nd Night @ Bud’s – Saturday, Dec.24/05 – 12:18 pm Mtn time
I heard somewhere that having a smoking section in a bar is like having a peeing section in a pool. Bud’s has a “Smoking Room” and this is what I need to tell those of you who smoke:

We non-smokers are not just being overly sensitive. You really do stink. It is a pervasive, extremely unpleasant smell.

The DJ guy last night was Phil Catlough. When he and Joey were eleven they had a band (aka Phil hit a snare drum while Joey screamed in our basement). The only line I remember:

“P.S. I’m a sex machine!”

Health News
It’s dry here and my lips cracked the first day. Despite regular applications of ozonol, cocoa butter and carrot moisturizer I still have a red ouchy dry spot in the corner of my mouth. I’ve even started drinking water alongside my pots of tea, with the hope of lubricating my lips from the inside-out.

Other survival tips for Invemere:
– don’t hit on ANYONE without first checking whether you know them.
– if you see a cougar BEFORE it pounces & kills you, make yourself look really big to scare it off.
– don’t say anything bad about anyone ever unless you are in your own home, alone. Otherwise, the person you’re complaining to will turn out to be their children or their third cousin or neighbour.
– don’t worry about keeping your drink close to you at the bar. Concerns such as rohipnol, date rape, etc. aren’t valid unless you’re out of town. (I was able to grab five beer bottles my first night at Bud’s . . . just as an experiment. And I REALLY wasn’t being subtle about it. Don’t worry — I returned the bottles, untouched, as soon as the owner came looking. Hopefully they learned a valuable lesson.)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIV!!!!

& MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL!

PJ Day – Sunday, Dec.25/05 – 1:44 pm Mtn time
Mom and Dad gave me new flannel nammies that are yellow with blue bits and white bunnies. Matching slipper socks, even. I’m PJ sexy.

I didn’t sleep very well last night — partly because I slept too much yesterday during the daytime, and also because we had a TurDucIn (chicken in a duck in a turkey) for Jared’s birthday dinner . . . apparently duck makes me farty.

I woke up at 8:30 when I heard someone unloading the dishwasher, and I thought it was Mom & Dad, so I was very confused to find Jared & Dad in the kitchen, while Mom and Evy were still asleep. The men-folk are usually the most relunctant Christmas morning. Joey came over from his place, and we opened stockings and WAY TOO MANY PRESENTS (as usual) until 10 or 11.

(Mom just gave me a cup of tea. It’s so nice to have someone make tea for me.)

My new YELLOW sheets are in the laundry with my new YELLOW towels . . . other exceptional and unusual Christmas loot includes a bottle of Butter Ripple Cream liquor from Hollis. (Oh yes, Liv. And I might even share it at New Year’s.)

Also, my nails are too long and I really need to cut them. There are three screwdrivers within reach at this very moment, but I doubt there is a single nailclipper thingy to be found in this house . . . Joey likes to hoard them. I think he buries them in the yard.

Hollis got all kinds of great stuff, including a lamb puppet from Gramma Walker (I got him a doggy puppet and a duck puppet, so we can do some crazy performances for him). Gramma Demone sent an ornament with her picture and a RECORDED GREETING!!! It’s the neatest invention ever. Especially considering that Gramma D. has laryngitis, and yet still managed to record an audible message. Oh, and Evy’s gift to me included a charm for my bracelet with Hollis’s picture on it. Also a mini photo album with Hollis pictures, so I can carry it around in my bag and show everyone.

Other Big News
Q arrives tomorrow!!!!!!!!

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Q Arrives Today! – Monday, Dec.26/05 – 12:07 pm Mtn time
Quinn’s plane doesn’t land until 8:15 pm in Cranbrook, so we’re just hanging out, drinking tea, sudokuing, and admiring Hollis at the kitchen table. My hair is truly fantastic today: I had a shower last night before bed, and now it’s all puffy and forward, like a sloppy pompador. Also, my wisdom tooth (bottom left side) aches. I can see it in the mirror . . . it’s out and I think it’s growing vertically, but I’m not sure. Owwie.

We had a super duper night last night. Mom made a turkey-leftovers dinner (we cooked the turkey the same night as the TurDuckIn). Then we played Cranium, and Dad went to bed at 9pm, and we watched Simpsons and Family Guy (Mom’s first exposure to that one). Jared usually watches his ManSports in the basement (he gets rowdy), but he stayed upstairs to keep us company and Mom let him watch football on her computer. My family is not a sports-watching family . . . Dad watches NASCAR, and he used to watch golf, but that’s it. Once, after I’d moved away, my family hosted a hockey player who’d grown up (obviously) in a hockey family, and he was AMAZED that my family didn’t watch the games all the time, breathe hockey stats, etc. Either he left damaged or evolved . . . I’m not sure. Anyhoo.

This morning I taught Hollis to turn the purple dial on his new toy to make the lights & sounds come on. We’re all very impressed with how “advanced” he is. Also, he looks BEAUTIFUL in the bear hat I gave him. Jared described it as Ewok-like.

Every Christmas I give Jared a book that tells him how to do something (he’s interested in random knowledge, and now that he’s a Dad he’s expected to know even more). Jared gives me slippers. (Which is super, since I have stinky disgusting feet and need to change my slippers annually.) This year I got huge bunny slippers. I can’t wait to see Peter’s reaction. When I had my moose slippers (with massive antlers) he:
1. groomed them;
2. sat around with them all day;
3. tore them apart.

These ones look a lot more like rabbits . . .

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Q, Man of the People – Tuesday, Dec.27/05 – 11:15 am Mtn time
My day feels a little more normal with Q here. After we eat, Mom & Q & I will drive to Canal Flats (35 minutes) to see Hollis. And Evy and Jared. I don’t know what happens when Godfather meets Godson . . . should we expect an angel to descend, or birds in spontaneous flight, or some sort of music? Speaking of birds . . . Mom and Dad gave Hollis a mobile for Christmas. It has three blue birdies that flap their wings, and two butterflies, and a big yellow smiling sun. Evy called us last night so we could hear Hollis LOVING it. He sounded like a velociraptor . . . “RRREEEEKKKK!!!!!” And that was all the way down the hall from Evy on the phone.

Is Quinn the only person in the world who got two keychain breathalizers for Christmas?

Also, it seems that lots of unexpected friends will be around Victoria & therefore coming to our New Year’s party! Reagan’s back from wherever the hell she was, and Leland has moved to Victoria for good, and . . . I think there are others. I’ll make a listy list with Q in the car today. I’m looking forward to the party . . . last year was a complete Love-In of good people who were just very happy to have met each other, and who were really looking forward to spending 2005 having adventures together. This year we still have lots of those same people, and a whole bunch more to add to the mix.

Maybe we could make Sangria . . . or is that just for our infamous moving parties?

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So Tired – Wednesday, Dec.28/05 – 9:58 pm Mtn time
Awoke at 12 noon, finished puzzle, went to Evy & Jared’s for really great dinner, Fairmont Hot Pools for Hollis’s first public swim ever (it was snowing!), and now I’m freaking exhausted.

New Year’s Resolutions, Thus Far
1. buy a hula hoop and use it for fun exercise;
2. get another play produced.

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E.R., Guest Starring Miranda from Sex in the City – Thursday, Dec.29/05 – 10:04 pm Mtn time
Q and I slept in until 10 and 11 (respectively) today, and that’s probably why we’re still awake, despite being so quick to tire every other day this holiday. Also, I’m excited about our New Year’s party.

Atomic Vaudeville is currently mid-performance in Victoria . . . this is the first episode I’ve missed in months. Very very sad. Britt said they’d put a sock monkey in the audience for me.

Oh, and I’ve thought of a third resolution: master the rubix cube. It’s just something I’ve always wanted to be able to do.

Re: travel plans . . . tomorrow afternoon we will drive 1.5 hours to Cranbrook, fly to Vancouver, eat a quick dinner in the airport (if anything is open at 12am, that is), then catch our connecting flight to Victoria. I should be in my own bed, with three living house rabbits (I hope!!!) by 1 am on December 31, 2005.

Coming Soon to a Website Near You, in 2006
I want to try and keep this site up, despite it being a 2005 resolution. But since it’s an expired (and accomplished!!!!!) resolution, there’s the possibility that I might not be as diligent about updating. On the other hand, I really like having a daily record of my weird and wonderful world.

HEATHER: Is this chilli okay to eat?

QUINN: I don’t know. How old is it?

HEATHER: I don’t remember . . . oh, here it is. “Monday: I made chilli today.” It’s a week old, let’s toss it and you can buy us pizza.

I expect some adventures in love . . . this year’s been unsually dull love-wise. At least, in real-life . . . my imagination and subsequent love fantasies have caused a few exciting moments. I have three potential hook-ups in the works . . . It sure would be nice to have one on hand for New Year’s, but I will always have Q. We’ve been together for the past 6 New Year’s . . . or seven?? Since 1999. It comforts me to know that I can reasonably expect to have him around for the next 365 days.

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Alive & Home with 3 Bunnies – Saturday, Dec.31/05 – 1:49 am
Yep. Survived driving from Invermere to Cranbrook in a blizzard, two flights (one from ice to monsoon), and a midnight car ride home (thanks to Liv!!!). All 3 bunnies are alive and seem sprightly . . . although I did find a whole bunch of rat shit on their porch. Goddamn vermin. (Meaning the rat/s, of course.)

Now: bedtime.

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I’m Loved – Saturday, Dec.31/05 – 10:06 am
I’ve waited all year for a declaration of love, and now I have it. It’s not from someone with a penis, which is unexpected. I’m loved by a creative force that’s been with me all year long. The Creative Force next door . . . the friend who, it turns out, is something more. I feel super special today. Thank you, Britt Small.