Tag Archives: Jimmy

Little Spitfire

November 2005

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Living in a Warzone – Tuesday, Nov.1/05 – early a.m.
I tried to have a nap last night but then the neighbours decided that 6pm was a groovy time to light fireworks. Explosions make me jumpy. I was especially worried, though, about Seamus and Caramel. They were stomping, and the fireworks’ launching area was only about 20 feet away from their porch, and I was worried not only about them getting scared but also about shrapnal, etc., so I brought them into the kitchen for the night. I don’t know if it calmed them down at all, but I sure felt better.

Also, today is the Official First Day of National Novel Writing Month! I need to be inspired asap.

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Heather the Delivery Gal – Tuesday, Nov.1/05 – 8:02 pm
Q’s been slaving away for months getting the paperwork ready for a process called “Estimates,” which is when the Legislature gets to sit around ALL DAY and debate the budget for each ministry. ALL OF A SUDDEN it was our turn today, so Q not only ran out of Ebizo after ordering his sushi, he’s also still at work.

At dinner we were a Q&H SuperTeam of Ministry Helper Elves: Q took 16 orders for Baan Thai and I picked up drinks, cutlery and the hot food, and delivered it to Q at the Legislature.

Now I’m hanging around with Celeste, trying to distract her from her beloved man’s absence. We’re watching Law & Order with the fireplace on.

Law & Order: SVU
They gently mocked Canadian bureaucracy on tonight’s episode. I love it when American shows do that (e.g. West Wing . . .).

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I’m a Dork – Wednesday, Nov. 2/05
I was in the elevator with a ministry worker today and I wanted to chit chat . . .

HEATHER: “So, did you watch estimates last night?”

I’ve reached a new low.

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Pugnacious – Wednesday, Nov. 2/05 – 7:38 pm
All the media these days is about the Gomery report and Chretien’s reaction to being labeled as an evil wanker. One radio story described Chretien as “pugnacious” and all I can think about is Evy & Jared’s dog, Maddy . . .

Speaking of Doggies
Apparently Celeste likes the smell of rabbit food. After work today I picked up some veggies for the bunnies, and then got off the bus at my Holistic Pet Store for pellets. Celeste has never shown this much interest in anything I’ve carried into her house — and the bags are vacuum-sealed. She must have super powers.

I’m Boring
I worked from 6am until 4pm today with only a 30-minute lunch (and I didn’t even leave the building). It’s been crazy busy at work, which I love, but as a result I’ve had no mind-blowing adventures to amuse you with, and I’m sleepy. I had a nap on Q’s couch with Celeste . . . that was pretty fun.

Um.

I found a food that goes well with Mike’s Light Lemonade (it has low calories/carbs/whatever and tastes very very sour): Thai food. It’s the lemon, I think. The four-pack I bought months ago has lasted so long because it tastes icky, but something in paad thai makes the drink ideal.

Erm.

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Multitasking – Thursday, Nov.3/05
I’m a monotasker but my job makes me LOOK like a multitasker. There are 1,000 things to do at any given time, and I keep being distracted by one or the other, so I end up working on all of them in a day and therefore get them done in time. It might LOOK hectic and random . . . and it is. There is often a stack of open newspapers on my desk, a cup of tea that I’ve forgotten to drink, emails & documents & spreadsheets open on my computer monitor . . . one of the exciting parts of my job is trying to remember all the things I’m working on. Sometimes I make a list, just for fun.

SLEEP
I haven’t had enough this week.

And the Weather
It’s SO WINDY outside!!!! I hope the bunnies stay off the balcony walls today — they might blow away.

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Going to Vernon – Thursday, Nov.3/05 – 6:20 pm
Q’s Gramma, “Bucky,” is really sick. We’re driving to Vernon tonight. I will update from there . . .

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Pausing in Coquitlam – Nov.3/05 – 10:46 pm
The ferries were running late due to the wind and it’s snowing on the Coquihalla so we’re camped out here at Q’s friend Calla’s house. Such a nice bed. Will continue trek tomorrow.

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Vernon – Friday, Nov.4/05 – 9:25 pm
We made it here this afternoon, then went straight to the hospital to check in with Bucky & Suzanne. Q’s sister & nephew, Chrysta and John, were there visiting too. Then we came to Q’s house for a nap, and Zac called me (YAY!) and then we had Chinese delivery and went back to the hospital. They gave Bucky morphine and we sang lullabyes with her until she fell asleep.

I know all the family lullabyes because Q sometimes sings them to me.

Zac Called!
I was being dignified and not calling Zac because I wanted to give him the choice to continue spending time with me — I was the “picker-upper,” after all. He pointed out that this strategy could have led to disaster, if he’d chosen to do the same thing. Anyhoo, we had a good talk despite me being a terrible communicator via telephone. (I can never hear what anyone’s saying and I interrupt so much that it gets confusing.) I’m going to call him when I’m back in town Sunday or so — Zac said he might possibly be willing to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with me, even though he’s a diehard fan of the original. I think he likes me.

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Finding Tea in the Boonies – Saturday, Nov.5/05 – 2:30 pm
The best tea I’ve located so far was in Abbotsford at a cafe called “City Blend Coffee” or “City’s Best Coffee” or something like that. (It emphasised coffee, and I wasn’t hopeful re: tea quality.) Not only did that have a wide selection of teas, including Numi, Tazo, and a house brand of large-leaf teas, but they also had a fireplace and comfy couches. I could live in Abbotsford, if I had that cafe in my neighbourhood.

This morning I settled for too-hot Starbucks Tazo.

There was something else I wanted to write but I can’t remember it — I should have written it down. Anyhoo, still in Vernon. I’ll be home tomorrow.

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Back to the Island – Sunday, Nov.6/05 – 9:35 am
We’re stopping in to see Bucky, have breakfast, and then we’re off. I expect we’ll be home around 7 or 8 . . . I have my phone, if anyone DESPERATELY misses me 🙂

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I Love My Home – Sunday, Nov. 6/05 – 8:55 pm
After spending 72 hours together, much of that time in a car, Q and I got a little hysterical on the ferry home. Still, I’m really glad I went with him. I would have worried if I hadn’t.

Bucky was surprisingly lucid this morning. There’s always the possibility that she might come out of this and go home and live for another decade. She even recognised me this morning, which is impressive since yesterday she thought Quinn was her brother.

Once home, I checked that the bunnies are all still alive, filled up their food dishes, and had a hot shower. I love my shower. And then I unpacked and made tea and called Mom to tell her I was alive, and then Zac to make plans for tomorrow.

Another Thing About Zac
I REALLY like his voice. It’s deep and kinda husky in a man way. (Evy says that’s the smoking.)

Another Thing About Not Dying on the Way Home
It was snowing on the Coquihalla. The roads up to and down from the summit were bare, albeit wet from melting snow. There were three cars in the ditch on the way up. The only scary part was the summit, because of the snow and slush. But Q is a great driver who likes to survive highway driving, even when trapped in a car with me for days on end. So we’re fine.

Work Tomorrow
I’m excited. Some guy on the ferry was reading today’s Times Colonist and there’s a story on the VERY FRONT PAGE about our ministry. The House isn’t sitting this week, so technically I have later-than-godawful-early hours, but I still set my alarm clock(s) for 6am. It’s going to be busy.

My Alarm Clock(s)
I have two: my cell phone, with three different alarm times, and a regular cordless clock. I think that I left this alarm clock set for 5:25 am when I left in a rush on Thursday. I half-expected it to be blaring when I got home tonight. But not only is it silent, it’s also missing. I’m hoping that Jessie hid it somewhere to muffle it. Otherwise, maybe I’m getting evicted tomorrow . . .?

NaDruWriNi (National Drunken Writing Night)
I really wanted to do this but I forgot. Oh well. Another time.

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Belated Update – Tuesday, Nov.8/05 – early a.m.
I wanted to write last night after Zac left but I was sleepy and chose a hot shower instead. Anyhoo.

I worked like a crazy fiend Monday, catching up on all the weekend news and dealing with Monday’s. At 3 I met Zac at Cafe Theatro and we drank Numi tea, then wandered over to Hollywood Tonight (with a stopover at the Liquor Express to grab some Fireball — more on that later). Charlie and the Chocolate Factory didn’t come out until Tuesday (today!) so we rented Ring II instead because I was in a tolerant mood and scary movies enable cuddling. At my house we made — I don’t remember what it’s called . . . it’s black tea with sugar and Fireball (aka cinnamon whisky) and it’s pretty damn good, once I got the ratio of tea:whisky right.

Things That Zac & I Talk About
– what is a preposition? What does it mean to end a sentence with one?
– is “contentedness” a word?
– political correctness (cool or not? relevant or passe?)
– whether we attended high school dances or not
– education: world-experience or academe?

Also, Zac has one of those woolie toques with the ear flaps and string ties . . . I’ve always loved those toques. I think this toque might be my Achilles’s heel. Even more potent than Buddy Holly glasses.

One of my weaknesses (i.e. it makes me squishy inside) is awkward, getting-to-know-each-other, sexual-tension-filled encounters. Sitting on a couch and watching movies is an excellent scenario for this sort of mood. It’s almost a shame once you get brave/comfortable enough to smooch, because then it’s a gradual slide into familiarity and (often) boredom. So I’m revelling in this whole experience.

Also, I got a quick smooch just before Zac’s bus came. Excellent.

Heather Gets Objective for a Moment
No, I’m not in love (yet) and this is definitely a physical & intellectual attraction. Zac is, I confess, 20. That’s younger than my brother, and pretty freaking young. Even though he often seems older. But he’s smart & shaggy (i.e. sexy) & a good person, and I REALLY like being around him, so he’s the perfect guy for me to know at this time.

In Other News
Mom & Dad gave me a mattress for Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited. It’s going to be delivered sometime this week. I can’t wait.

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Noon Nap = Longer Day – Tuesday, Nov.8/05 – 8:23 pm
I slept from 3:30 until 5:30, when Matte woke me up via cell phone. We’re going to reconnect tomorrow.

And now, The Rick Mercer Report is on CBC, so I have to go watch that. Canadian duty.

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Unexpected SnuggleFest – Wednesday, Nov. 9/05 – midnight
Too tired to write a lot — will update properly tomorrow. But Zac smooched me and it was great.

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To Recap – Thursday, Nov.10/05 – early a.m.
After work yesterday I wandered around downtown doing errands and waiting for Matte to remember to call me so we could meet up and drink together. Errands included: mailing Q’s passport application, buying gum, browsing books & new Sudoku collections at Chapters, chatting up Liv while a line of customers waited, choosing a Real Red Wine (“Four Emus” from Western Austalia) and some faux vino for me. Matte didn’t call, but Zac did, so I invited him to have dinner with Q, Brian & me at Q’s house. We met up downtown and went to Q’s, had dinner, snuggled Celeste, etc. After dinner we walked to my house and drank the rest of the faux vino and Zac FINALLY (at 10 or 11 p.m.) was brave enough to smooch me. So that was fun.

New Things I Like About Zac
– he’s a perfect kisser;
– he’s not scrawny-skinny, or pudgy — he’s just right;
– he has amazing huge eyes, which I only noticed when he took his glasses off for a quick minute;
– his sexy deep voice and woolie toque with earflaps (these aren’t new things, but they’re certainly worth repeating).

Plans For the Weekend
Tonight Zac is meandering over to my place and we’re going to FINALLY watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Also, I hope my new mattress comes today!!! I’ve been leaving notes for the Purolater delivery person since Tuesday, just in case. I want to sleep without hurting my spine.

Friday I will be preparing The Great Greek Feast of 2005 at Q’s place. We’ve invited all sorts of people whom we haven’t seen in awhile. I’m going to make spanakopitas, salad, rice, pita bread & hummus, and Q will fire up his amazing BBQ and make chicken souvlakis. Also, I want to make pie if I have the time/inclination. Lemon meringue. Yummy.

And the rest of the weekend, the actual weekend, is surprisingly open. I’d like to go on a long walk with Celeste & Q, and I need to clean up the bunnies’ litter boxes. And do my dishes. Wow, this might actually be restful!!!

As For Matte
He called (and left a message) at 5:30pm. I think there was some vast miscommunication when we planned our encounter — I was asleep, after all — because he thought he was waiting for me to have a nap before we met up. Makes sense — I was probably muttering “sleep sleep sleep” on the phone.

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Preparing To Prepare a Feast – Friday, Nov. 11/05 – 10:08 am
I even remembered to bring the hand mixer to Q’s! And last night I went to Safeway and bought all the groceries, so I feel rather prepared to cook this Amazing Greek Dinner for our guests.

Deja Vu?
Just to prove that my life is ALWAYS TOO COMPLICATED, Zac will not be at dinner tonight, and will be AWOL for almost two weeks because . . .

. . . wait for it . . .

. . . his ex-girlfriend from Germany is visiting. To credit the man, he told me about this awhile ago and emphasised that it was a “friendly” visit, and that they’d broken up after she had the ticket so it’d be awkward no matter what. Regardless, I can’t help hearing bizarre echos of Shawn . . . except that Shawn was just my Man Friend & not a Snuggle Partner, and he was still dating his long-distance girlfriend, and that she ended up staying in Victoria after her “visit,” and that Shawn is incapable of having female friends AND a girlfriend. (Zac might have the same fault, but that’s a long way ahead.)

Whatever. I had a great night last night.

Other Updates
My new mattress: still not here — I can’t wait!!!

Bucky (Q’s gramma who was sick last weekend): they think she had a stroke. Q hasn’t given me many other updates, but I think she’s doing better.

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory: I think Zac liked it, except for a few elitist groans of disapproval. I urged him to consider the film as an aesthetic celebration of the original classic, with Tim Burton & Johnny Depp using all our crazy new technology to pay homage to Roald Dahl.

The bunnies: Peter’s perfectly fine, but I’m worried that the bunnies might not like the increasingly chilly weather (depite bunnies being PERFECTLY FINE IN COLD WEATHER), so I’m going to grab some straw and pack the lower level of their cage with it so they can have a burrow for the colder season.

The Menu For Tonight
– spanokopitas
– pita & red-pepper hummous
– special rice
– Greek salad
– Kalamata olives for those who like olives (ew)
– chicken souvlakis
– 2 lemon meringue pies

I’m wearing my “ACME Pie Factory” shirt: I’m ready to go.

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Some Saturday Thoughts – Nov. 12/05 – 12:57 pm
Our dinner was freaking phenomenal. I’m amazing.

Some new twists to my staple dinner recipes included:
– Quinn doesn’t have white sugar, only Splenda, so I had to use that in the lemon filling & the meringue for my pies. The filling tastes fine, but the meringue is strangely frothy (rather than sleek) and once cooked it looks like baked cereal. Tastes fine, although it’s a little crispy and overly sweet.
– I put only egg yolks into the spanokopita filling, rather than yolks + whites. This way there wasn’t weird green goop oozing out from the final products — and there was more of the proper spinach taste. Also, I used extra onions and that made it a little sweeter. Very nice.

Anyhoo, yum. And now I’m having Greek food for breakfast 🙂

I stayed over at Q’s last night, and Celeste snuggled with me ALL NIGHT LONG. I woke up in the middle of the night with her licking my ear. A lot.

And this morning I thought about two things, so here they are:

Rememberance Day
I didn’t go to the ceremony yesterday, what with preparing the huge feast, but I watched Vancouver’s ceremony on TV and did my two minutes of silence.

I tried to find the channel with Victoria’s ceremony, but couldn’t. Vancouver’s had two commentators and it was rather surreal, in a creepy disrespectful way.

COMMENTATOR 1: So, what’s happening right now?

COMMENTATOR 2: Well, here we have Jim Bob singing the national anthem. Jim Bob is a Big Name Singer with the Vancouver opera or something.

COMMENTATOR 1: Here we can see the veterans and the crowd standing for Oh Canada, and Jim Bob singing. What a sight, these people who came all this way despite the terrible weather to honour our veterans.

COMMENTATOR 2: Jim Bob’s done singing now. What’s happening next?

et cetera.

I don’t know anyone from any war . . . my Grampa Walker was in the Royal Canadian Air Force, but he died even before my dad met my mom. So every time they do the 2 minutes of silence I’ve tried to find something to think about that is respectful and means something. This year I’ve been surveying some of the 20-something men in my life and asking if they’d fight in a war. The majority have said they would, depending on the cause, and so I suppose this might have some meaning for me: the idea of Q and Matte and Zac and everyone killing people or dying. Especially since they are all so sensitive and non-aggressive (in a physical way). Not to mention that me & my women-friends would face the same decision and the same danger if we chose to go, since we live in such a liberated society 🙂

2nd Rumination : Marijuana
I hate it. I might be the only person of my generation in B.C. who’s never tried it. I always worried that:

  1. it’d make me stupid, and my brain’s my SuperPower so then I’d be fucked; and
  2. it’d do something funky to my ovaries so my babies would be fucked up. Bad Momma.

And NOW I’m starting to think that maybe this “drinking alcohol” thing wasn’t such a great idea, because my short-term memory is getting worse. I’d assumed that I’d inherited my terrible memory from Mom, but maybe I inherited an “alcohol = terrible memory” gene instead.

So
That’s what I’ve been thinking about. And now, having eaten Greek leftovers and some pie with crispy meringue, I think the Q and I will take Celeste for a good long walk.

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Awake Too Early On Sunday – Nov.13/05 – 8:32 am
Peter is stepping on my toes. He loves my slippers, and wants to suck on the ribbon ties . . .

Liv and I went out to Evolution last night. It was fun fun fun!!!!

Stange people I observed include:
– a 20-something guy who claimed a table by the dance floor, smooched with his girlfriend, then wandered onto the floor and did stretches for 15 minutes. The he started dancing, and didn’t stop until we left at 2:30am. His roommate came over to drunkenly chat with me at one point, because she said I was staring at him (oops) and I said “I know ‘mos, I’ve dated gay men, and that boy is gay.” And she said, “No, he’s engaged.” And I said, “Honey, that matters not.” She was nice.

Eventually Roger (the guy) took his outer-shirt off, to reveal the best T-shirt I’ve ever seen. It said: “Broke, and shitty in bed.”

– a skinny girl with a Mohawk who wore leather pants and looked like N-something on last season’s America’s Next Top Model.

– a gal with horns and cool clunky black boots laced with red ribbons.

Liv was looking hot, as usual. And I felt healthy, since I was dancing, which is technically exercise, even though I was also chugging vodka.

Being A Good Bunny Momma
Q drove me to Borden’s Mercantile yesterday and I bought a feedbag of straw. I crammed it into the lower level of Seamus & Caramel’s cage last night, and so now they have a burrow to cuddle in if/when they get cold.

Now all I need is to clean their fetid litterbox, and then I’ll be a Bunny Momma SuperStar.

Q’s Complete Misconception of Me
Conversation, post-strata council get-together at Q’s new house:

Q: You should date that Jim guy. He’s what I picture for you.

HEATHER: He’s pretty, but what else do you like about him?

Q: He’s athletic, and into that New Agey stuff.

HEATHER: I’m not athletic.

Q: I know. He might get you to exercise more.

HEATHER: I don’t like dating athletic men. Then I feel guilty about wanting to sit on the couch and watch movies and drink tea. They always want to go out and DO stuff.

Q: Exactly.

HEATHER: And what are you talking about, New Agey stuff? I’m not into that whole hippy-dippy shit.

Q: Have I influenced you too much?

HEATHER: I was never into that stuff.

Q: When I met you, you were dancing barefoot in the grass in long skirts.

HEATHER: I would never have done that. There’s too much rabbit shit at UVic.

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Productive Day – Sunday, Nov. 13/05 – 7:13 pm
Not only did I do all my dishes, dust, and take out the garbage, I also went on a 10 km walk around Elk Lake with Q and Celeste. It was muddy, and I think I have blisters. I hope we do it again soon.

Also, someone found my site today via an excite.com search for “Dwight Yokum’s penis.” No, I do not mention Dwight Yokum’s penis on this site. However, I DO compliment his sexy spider legs in On the Rag.

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More Drama, Because Apparently I Don’t Have Enough – Monday, Nov.14/05
I received an icky email from Zac’s email account: capital letters, lots of exclamation marks, and some random name-calling. I think it’s from his visiting (ex?) girlfriend. Ew. Completely unnecessary. I have no choice but to avoid contacting the guy, at least until she leaves for Germany.

I’m too old for this!!!!!

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I’m Loved & Appreciated! – Tuesday, Nov.15/05
Boss-Barb said a nice thing about me today. She said that underneath my “cute” exterior I’m very very smart and ridiculously competent.

A nice thing for a boss to say . . . it made me feel squishy inside.

Sleeping In
My alarm clocks haven’t been working this week. I keep sleeping in. 5 am is ungodly early, but since I go to bed at a proper time (8:30pm or 9) I don’t understand the problem. Every morning I’m amazed that I managed to get to work on time!

Atomic Vaudeville: The Secret is Out!
Britt Small has released the confidential details of AV’s next episode . . .

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Trying to Think of Something Other Than . . . – Wednesday, Nov.16/05 – 3:47 pm
. . . Zac’s psycho German girlfriend, and her surprising Email o’ Hatred earlier this week.

For the record, here’s what it said (sent from Zac’s email account, in response to a VERY INNOCUOUS email I’d sent. No “xxxooo”s or anything):

PSYCHO GERMAN GIRLFRIEND’S EMAIL:
“LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALONE YOU UGLY SLUT!!!!!!”

Q’s response: that’s what I get for “dating” a young’un.

My response: Q’s right. Also, here are the thoughts that keep bothering me, thereby making this icky experience resonate for longer than it deserves:

1. Ew, ew, I don’t like people being mean to me. Except that it’s better that she she doesn’t even know me, since therefore there’s no authority behind her name-calling.

2. Clearly there’s some miscommunication here, since Zac told me they’d broken up and it was a “friendly” visit. One of them is not being honest.

3. Despite what their relationship was like before the visit, the Psycho German Girlfriend (PGG) clearly believes that Zac is her boyfriend, and therefore he must have done something to encourage this idea (i.e. have sex with her). While this in itself doesn’t bother me, since we are only “dating,” it does imply that:
a.) he misled me with the whole “friendly visit” thing; and that
b.) if he still expects to have me around when the visit is over, then he’s being ridiculously selfish by leading his PGG to believe they are “together.”

So . . . correct me if I’m wrong, but this means that there is a 98% chance that Zac is a dink. (The 2% is because I always give someone the chance to tell their side of the story, and she might be truly Psycho and it might all be a big fucking mess.)

Which means that I’m back to a pre-bus situation, and we all need to find me someone new to go out with.

Ugh.

In Other, More Grown Up News
My mattress still isn’t here! Damn that Purolator.

And I am very excited about Atomic Vaudeville next week . . .

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Another Perspective – Thursday, Nov. 17/05 – early a.m.
Q suggested an alternate understanding of the PGG/Zac situation last night. The PGG must have had some source for her knowledge of me and my relationship with Zac, other than the email I sent — the email could easily have been from a friend or whatever. So maybe she knows about me because Zac told her about me. And maybe their visit is a “friendly” one, but she’s truly psycho and therefore wants me to go away because she’s jealous or possessive.

I like this perspective, because I like Zac and I want to keep him around. I suppose it’s better than writing him off — at least until he gets a chance to explain what the hell happened.

And hey, I liked his first “excessively formal email” that he sent me after our bus encounter! It’s far better than:

Hey
Got you’re note
Send a pic
– bus guy

ew.

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Some Stuff – Friday, November 18, 2005 – early a.m.
Q came over to visit and watch The Daily Show after his gym time last night. I bought parsley yesterday after work, and Q even managed to get Peter to eat some from his hand, which is truly remarkable since Peter is so tramautised by Q’s aggressively snuggling back in his bunnyhood. Also, Peter cooperated and played Monster a little bit: he growls and makes bizarre, un-bunnylike sounds in response to me waving a piece of toilet paper at his front paws. Sometimes he lunges too, and that’s crazy, but he didn’t do that for Q. Oh well, at least he’s stopped hiding under the couch.

Heather the Chunky Monkey
I’ve gained a lot of weight this year. I think it’s due to my always-sitting government job & my bread fetish. So instead of the 109/115 I weighed until last year, I’m now a pleasantly plump 132 lbs. It’s been a thrilling experience adjusting to my new size: new bras, new pants, almost-new dresses that I have to give away, coming to terms with backfat and love-handles . . . anyhoo, I realised yesterday that in my head I’ve started to picture myself with a stocky, chubby body shape. And then I looked down, and I’m not stocky or chubby. I’m a healthy weight for my height and age, and I have new boobs and curvy bits. It’s very confusing. Especially since whenever someone sees me after a long time they tend to comment on my new “chubbiness.”

Q’s DAD: Wow, you’ve really chunked-up!

I think this will all be for the best, once my mental self-image catches up with the reality. Until then, I’ll keep wearing inappropriate clothing.

Nightmare
Last night I dreamt I went to a concert or a play or something and I’d bought tickets ($31 each – very specific) for me and a friend. But then when we sat down I couldn’t see the stage AT ALL, and for some reason I didn’t properly notice or think it was worth mentioning/fixing until after the show.

What the hell does that mean, if anything???? I would never “suffer in silence.” And for some reason, in the dream I blamed it all on the friend, who never asked if I could see. Again, not like me: I would have caused a scene, regardless.

Um
And that’s about it, I think. No further drama to report re: love affairs. Work has been insanely busy — I was at the office from 6am until 3:45pm yesterday, with a quick sushi lunch around noon. And Mom says my new mattress (!!!!!) is backordered or something.

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Rotarian Arm Candy – Friday, Nov. 18/05 – 11:16 pm
Q took me to a Rotary thingy tonight. We had dinner and heard Stephen Lewis speak. Interesting information (although disgusting) re: AIDS in Africa, orphans, Western World apathy, et cetera.

Now, to bed.

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Sleepy at 10:33 a.m. – Saturday, Nov. 19/05
I only got out of bed because I had to pee. And because I could hear Seamus & Caramel chewing on something wooden, and it didn’t sound familiar, so I wanted to see what they were snacking on (it was a detachable, homemade window screen that they’ve dug out from behind their cage).

The saddest thing on Saturday mornings is that I so often don’t have any milk in the house. Therefore, I can’t drink tea. So I have to decide if I want tea enough to get sort of presentable and wander down to the gas station to buy a litre of milk.

Also, I have these ankle socks that are really soft inside and I wear them when I sleep if my feet are cold. They are wonderful.

Something With Substance Gets Written Here
um.

Oh!! I saw Stephen Lewis speak last night. It was a lot like reading Barbara Kingsolver’s book, that one about a missionary family living in Africa: after reading it I felt nauseaus in Safeway because of Western excess and consumerism and waste.

Stephen Lewis has done everything that I one day think Quinn will: politics, diplomacy, and now he’s the United Nations’ envoy on HIV and AIDS, which means that he travels around and meets with dignitaries and HIV/AIDS-affected people and speaks at fundraisers, et cetera. He is a very good speaker — primarily because of his exceptional vocabulary. Q learned the word “irreverent” and I finally heard the correct pronunciation of “succor.” He is funny and charismatic — even I, who know all about the speechwriting machinations that go on, thought he was improvising at times.

And I’m impressed that after LIVING DAILY with the same rage and frustration that Barbara Kingsolver’s book inspired in me — he’s been dealing with the Western world’s apathy for more than four years now — Stephen Lewis still manages to attend a Rotarian dinner with all those accountants & business people, the catered meal, and those other Western excesses, and he doesn’t open fire on all of us. He just tells us how shitty things are, and then we donate money to help out.

Last night they raised more than $27,000 — we never heard the final count after the silent auction was tallied.

Oh, and I was also impressed that he didn’t censor his message for the Rotarian (often elderly male) audience: he spoke about sexually empowering African women to stop the gender-disproportionate spread of HIV, and he told a story about a “child-headed household” where the 14 year old “mother” (their parents had died from AIDS) had no idea why she was menstruating, because there was no one alive to tell her.

Every year the government in BC campaigns to get its employees to donate, and twice now I’ve searched through all the human-focused causes to select the Victoria SPCA and other wildlife organizations. And even now, the primary focus of my “non-profit” donations is local theatre. Every time, I feel somewhat guilty that I’m not supporting a homeless shelter, and last night I wondered about giving that money to African organisations. (“Holocaust,” “annihilation” and “extermination” are powerful words.)

But I’m not going to change the focus of my sponsorships. I wonder why not?

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Unhappy Internet Gods – Sunday, Nov.20/05 – 9:39 am
It’s as if my modem and/or cable connection are tired. My internet access depends on their mood. But a Shaw service guy is coming to fix everything later today, so hopefully that will be resolved.

I hadn’t realised how internet-dependent I’ve become until last night, when I couldn’t check my email. Who knows what drama has occurred! Has the PGG written me a death threat? Has Zac begged for a secret booty-call? Has Hollis said his first word yet??????!! Very upsetting.

In Other Upsetting News
Jessie & I saw a poster at A&B Sound yesterday: in medias res is coming to play in Victoria this Thursday. Questions:

1. why weren’t Q and I told, since we are in medias res’s Victoria connections???
2. will Ryan inform us at all? (Even to ask if they can use Q’s place to camp out, or the shower or something?)

Also, how fucked up is this, that just as the PGG is about to go away and I’m expecting after-shock drama with Zac (will we still be “dating”??) Ryan my Rockstar decides to come to Victoria. Nothing is ever static or simple in my world. How is it in yours???

Oh, and Jimmy
Last night Jessie & Karen & I went to drink martinis at Syn, and we were looking very hot. A table of guys in suits kept staring at us, and we were loving the attention, and then I got a note from the waitress with my name on it. It was from Jimmy, and he asked if he could buy me a drink.

Very bizarre.

And then I realised that one of the guys in suits (he had his back to me, so I’m forgiven here) was Jimmy. So he came over and I had to explain/dodge why I haven’t called/emailed him back:

HEATHER: Why are you all wearing suits?

And then Jimmy’s food arrived so he returned to his table, and one of his friends (the birthday boy, and the reason they were wearing suits) sent us a round of drinks, so we sent him a muff diver (which is a shot surrounded by whipped cream and lots of chocolate foam — very messy — and you’re supposed to “dive” into the cream to get the shot glass with your mouth). That was amusing.

And then we left.

Eventually, after experiencing the BIGGEST CROWD OF 40-SOMETHINGS at Swans EVER and leaving, we ended up at The Temple. The Temple is a pseudo-Vancouver martini bar. Also, by then we’d picked up Jessie’s friend Channelle and her boyfriend Dave, and their friend Ben. And Karen’s friend Greg came over for a bit, and Ben invited his guy friend over, so at any given point we were SURROUNDED by beautiful, single 25-35 year old men.

Yummy.

It was a very odd experience. Conversation was superficial and centred mostly around careers, except for when I brought up Fraggle Rock, but that’s just because I was drunk.

In retrospect, I’m not entirely sure why Jessie & I left when we did, because by then the couple had left and seating arrangements had shifted and I think Ben & friend were moving closer to us. Hmm.

Well, whatever, we were sleepy and we wandered off, and now I’m going to drink a pot of tea before the cable guy comes and then I’m going to help Liv move.

Oh, Updates re: Liv
Not only is Liv moving, due to a sudden break up with her boyfriend and roommate, but ALSO she’s coming to work at our ministry!!!!!!!!! Her first day is November 28th. I can’t wait.

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And Suddenly, It’s Practically Monday – Nov. 20/05 – 9:03 pm
I’m doggy-sitting Celeste until Q gets back from Vernon sometime Tuesday night. We played catch in the hallway, and I brushed her twice, and we wrestled in front of the fireplace for a bit. Also, I ate some REALLY REALLY BAD gyoza from the freezer. They tasted SO BAD that I had to drink fifty glasses of water and brush my teeth just to get the taste out of my mouth. Ick.

I somehow managed to be productive today while feeling like I was doing everything half-assed. My dishes are clean, the bunnies are all fed and watered (Peter even has a new, clean litterbox), I helped Liv & her brother Bjorn move a load into her new apartment, I had dim sum with Billy and Q, I got a new modem, I talked to my parents, I ate two or three meals, . . .

Lately I’ve been extra stupid at my Sudoku puzzles. It’s taking me longer to figure them out, and I’ve been stuck on one in particular all day long. Mom suggests the following reasons:

1. I drink alcohol and alcohol kills brain cells;
2. I’m very very very busy and don’t have the brain energy to remember things (or think logically) anymore.

So, somehow it’s already the end of the weekend. I’m going to have a shower and snuggle with Celeste in Q’s excellent bed. I wonder if Celeste will be awake enough at 5am to go outside for a pee?

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New Years – Monday, November 20, 2005 – 7:43 pm
We’re having a party at Q’s — last year’s was SO MUCH FUN and this year we have even more people we like. I want to put up Christmas decorations at Q’s again — he hates Christmas so every year I’m determined to overdo it. I tried to get the tree out of storage before he left for Vernon but he saw through my sneakiness. I’ll have to wait for December 1st to do the tree.

Anyhoo, I’ve been thinking of resolutions this year. I used to try all those crappy ones, like eating properly and exercising, etc., but they never last — only the writing ones stick around. In 2004 I wanted to get published, so that was the mission. And this year I wanted to write everyday, and not in a vacuum, and HERE WE ARE, and it’s November, and I have pages and pages on this stalker-friendly site. So 2006??? I dunno — I’ve applied for my MFA in Creative Writing at UBC, I have plays ready to be workshopped and produced . . . and I have this site, which I want to keep around for awhile longer.

The best thing about making a resolution each year is that it assuages guilt. If I’m focussed on keeping up this site, I don’t feel guilty for not submitting my stuff to publications; if my goal is to get published, I don’t have to write everyday. My energy can go to one thing, and then I actually get it done.

Anyhoo. Celeste and I went for a walk tonight after dinner — around the block or three — and now she’s passed out by the patio door. She’s either exhausted or it’s too hot in here with the fireplace on . . . I made myself steak for dinner on Q’s BBQ, and I confess I gave the little tubby bitch a piece or two. The walk was for both our bellies . . .

Writing Every Day
One might expect that “writing every day” should mean poetry or part of a story or something. HOWEVER. Writing is like any skill — like being a marathon runner. I would never wake up and decide to run 10 km without stretches and a gradual build-up of endurance & fitness. (Well, that’s not a good example — I rarely wake up and want to do anything other than drink tea and/or eat eggs.) It takes practice to be able to write, because a sort of non-self-monitoring mentally is necessary. It has to be effortless, like speaking, and that’s why I disapprove of the “I’ll be a writer when I retire” mentality. Imagine spending all that time working, having a family, and/or watching TV, only to sit down one day when you’re 60-something and expect to create a masterpiece. It’s a set-up for disappointment. And shitty writing.

So this is me stretching.

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Ugh – Tuesday, November 22/05 – lunchtime
Poor Jessie just endured an entire lunch break with me in a pissy mood. I feel icky, bored, stagnant, unloved, dull, flacid . . . oh, hold on!!! This is PMS!!!

YAY!! It’s not my fault!!!!! My life doesn’t suck!!!!

Also, Liv is having Jessie & me over to unpack and drink & bitch about shit tonight. I need this.

To-Do List
7th Annual Lighted Truck Parade & Food Drive: December 3, 2005

Help find a cure for AIDS.

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Home Sweet Home – Tuesday, November 22/05 – 8:50 pm
I love my apartment. It’s crowded and cluttered and tiny and there’s hay everywhere, but I love it. I’ve unpacked all my house/doggy-sitting stuff, and had a shower, and now I get to sleepy in my own bed (a nice change, regardless of the crappy mattress) and struggle with progressively trickier Sudoku puzzles while listening to Peter eat his dinner. Heaven.

Q’s flight was endangered due to the fog, but he landed fine, and we went to pick up a parcel that’s been waiting for him, and there was a present FOR ME TOO!!!!!!! It was a really really beautiful pink pashmina scarf and pink blouse/shirt from Dean in Pakistan. I’m not usually one to appreciate fabric, but wowee, this scarf is the most beautiful thing I have ever owned. It’s long and wide and silky, and it’s the pink that makes me prettiest. The shirt might be too big, but I’ll try it tomorrow for work — it’s just so beautiful. I feel like a sophisticated grown up. I needed something to replace my ratty pink wool scarf (it’s probably filthy with plague/avian flu germs by now) and Dean’s scarf is perfect.

Anyhoo, that surprise gift o’ love and the return of my best friend & Non-Romantic Life Partner was exactly what I needed to perk me up. Oh, and that 1/2 bottle of Wild Vines Blackberry 🙂

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Pretty in Pink Pashmina – Wednesday, Nov.23/05
My new shirt/blouse is beautiful. It’s long, especially in the sleeves, but my boobs and belly fill it out fine. I feel like a princess.

Liv called and asked me to do a final Throw Shit Into the Dumpster Clean Up with her after she’s done work — if anyone feels inspired to come and help us for half an hour, we’d both appreciate it. I want to put a mattress under her 2nd story living room window and drop the garbage. From there it’d only be 20 steps to the dumpster . . .

And As For Zac
His PGG left and now I’m just wondering if he’ll call me. I expect the whole visit was dramatic & emotionally-draining and confusing, and I want to wait for him to call before I/we figure out what’s next. Meanwhile, I’m in love with the cover guy on this week’s Monday Magazine . . .

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So Tired – Wednesday, Nov.23/05 – 8:25 pm
Liv & I carried loads of garbage & bottles & old clothes & furniture from apartment to dumpster for almost two hours, then carried stuff up to her storage locker in the new place, and then she bought me Wendy’s and we ate and fantasized about her working at the ministry next Monday. And now I’m going to have a shower and go to bed.

Also:
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY, JOEY!!!

I thought about you being older ALL DAY LONG 🙂 I love you.

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EEK!!!! So Excited!!! – Thursday, Nov.24/05 – 2:54 pm
I can’t wait for Atomic Vaudeville tonight.

Meanwhile, I Take Control of the Shit
I sent this email to Zac this morning:

Hello?
I assume your visit is over, and that either:
1. you have reunited with your German love and intend to do the long-distance thing, or
2. not.
Just in case, I thought I’d say hi, and that if your world &/or availability have changed then that’s fine. Otherwise, give me a call, dammit, because there are daily adventures that you are missing out on.
Also, if you could please confirm that you get this email, I’d appreciate it, since I suspect your German love has your password and I will otherwise think she’s deleted it.
Happy Thursday 🙂
– Heather

No response as yet . . .

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Setting Goals is Crucial to Success – Friday, Nov.25/05
I’m so tired. Usually I get at least one day per week to sleep all afternoon, but I was too busy and now I’m a zombie. Immediate goal: a nap, with Celeste, in front of the fireplace at Q’s house.

I realised the other day, while riding escalators with Jessie in The Bay, that I’m such a good little work-finder that all I have to do is apply those same strategies to men, and I will no doubt find true love. Or at least a decent snuggle partner to spend the winter with. Key strategies include: networking; aggressive self-promotion; being open to new opportunities; and dressing appropriately at opportune times. So this means that I should put forth a call via my friends and colleagues, approach sexy men I discover on the bus/street, go out to different bars/clubs/social gatherings, and dress like a sexy 25 year old.

I’m too tired to be overly enthused about this new project.

Meanwhile
Still no word from Zac. Last night Britt & the other Atomic Vaudeville monkeys revealed that they’d composed and even developed a “Canadian Heritage” moment taken directly from my site, about the 98% chance of Zac being a dink. They ultimately cut the skit, since only six of us in the audience would have found it hilarious, but Britt has promised to burn the audio component for me so I can hear it.

Jacob asked me if I would have minded — it’s a personal drama, after all — but I assured him that I would not. If Zac had called/emailed and subsequently attended the performance with me, he could have had a say in it, but since he didn’t/hasn’t then he’ll just have to deal. Ha! So there! See what happens why you piss me off? People get on stage and mock you. HA!

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Weekends Are the Grooviest – Saturday, Nov.26/05 – 9:28 am
I slept at Q’s from 3:30pm almost straight through to 10pm. And then I came home and went to bed. So now I feel RECHARGED and READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD. Also, I took an extra 20mg of Happy Pills this morning. I’m a positive-thinking SuperStar.

I had the depressing experience of being rejected by American Express because of my crappy credit. (Seriously — who gets rejected by a credit card company????) But I can’t help it, I swear — it’s those goddamn student loans, and my occassional tendency to forget to make the payments. And student loan collectors are ruthless: one hour late, and your personal info is on its way to Texas so that some drawling minimum wage redneck can call you on your cellphone and threaten the lives of your house rabbits.

Money is my unhappiness-button. It was rather tramautic trying to survive as a student for five years with no secure income. (Hello Happy Pills!!!) And even now, with my government-whore salary and relative security, I panic when it comes to money.

Whatever. Thank you Stephen Lewis for some perspective: I’m not HIV-positive, living in poverty with an apathetic global community watching.

Another Realm of Self-Pity
I’m not comfortable with being not-in-control of certain situations, so I called Zac yesterday after work.

HEATHER: Is this Zac?

ZAC: Is this Heather?

HEATHER: What the fuck?

Essentially Zac is exactly what we all are at 20: obliviously in love with our first love. His PGG came to visit, and they bonded, and they want to try the long-distance thing. This DESPITE THE FACT that she told him about the psycho email she sent me the VERY DAY that she sent it. Not only did this not make him turn her over to immigration — he also didn’t feel the need to call/write and apologise to me asap. So all in all, not the biggest loss in the world that I won’t be seeing him again. As for being a dink, I think he’s just young. Aren’t we all dinks when we’re young?

Now, while this does not make me sad in the sense that Zac is gone from my snuggle-couch, it DOES make me sad because this is YET ANOTHER rejection. I keep “offering” my affection to unworthy men (and I even know they’re unworthy! I just want the momentary thrill!) and they play along for a few days, and then they say, “No thanks, Heather.”

If I had worse self-esteem, it’d be a lot easier to tolerate. But as it is, I know that these boys aren’t “good enough” for me — they’re young and/or weak and/or unambitious. So it’s a lot harder to accept that they don’t want my affection.

Q (currently a Love-Guru because he’s found a Great Catch) says that I’m too focussed on FINDING a snuggle partner/True Love. He says I have to be okay with not having one, and that’s when I’ll find it.

This is crap. Especially if you consider my clever work-strategy analogy detailed above.

I’m a very independent woman — I don’t want a housemate or even daily boyfriend. But just as we all need money to pay our rent and buy groceries/martinis, we also need someone to snuggle with occassionally and feel appreciated by. I get some snuggles and love from Q, Jessie, Liv, etc., but we all know that’s not the same thing.

Whatever.
I’m going to try and realign my energies toward writing. Specifically:
1. getting another play on stage; and
2. creating a new portfolio of current writing.

After my AmEx rejection, I started thinking about how I’d feel if my MFA application was rejected. And that would cause serious trauma. Aiming for my MFA counters my daily government-whoring: I haven’t sold out, because I still plan to Be A Writer. If UBC thinks I suck, I don’t know what’s next. Therefore, a new portfolio and a new MFA application would revive my Writerly Goals.

Also
Spencer’s cutting my hair today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A New Do = A New You – Sunday, Nov.27/05 – 12:04 pm
Spencer’s said that getting a haircut is a traumatic experience, since it involves a great deal of change in a short amount of time. I get haircuts whenever I need this trauma (or when I remember to make an appt, because my hair is becoming mullet-like). Yesterday Spencer dyed my hair a very blonde-blonde (we tried out a new dye they’d ordered, called “ash”) and chopped it. I love it. It’s different from the cut I’ve been getting for most of this past year, but it’s short and frazzled and soft.

Last night, Spencer & Q and I watched Cold Case Files and gradually desensitized ourselves to murder, torture, and unwarranted conviction. And we drank a lot of wine. And then we went to Brian’s house, which by the way is BEAUTIFUL and exactly what I’ve always wanted to own: three or more stories, bright colours, very open, with fireplaces and an AMAZING veranda with a cherry (?) tree growing up through the floor. We met Jesse, Brian’s Vancouver friend, and went to see Rent at SilverCity.

Rent
is the worst movie ever produced in the history of the universe. I thought I’d like it, since I write musicals, but even I was laughing at the TERRIBLE ABSURDITY within five minutes. Maybe it got better after the first scene — I don’t know, because we left, giggling, and watched Pride & Prejudice, with Kira Knightly, instead.

(If a handful of ‘mos and a musical playwright walk out on something like Rent, it has to be terrible . . . Q doesn’t count, because he hates musicals anyways and I had to trick him to get him into the theatre.)

So bed at 2am, and now I’m supposed to Hurry Up And Shower because we have a group brunch date.

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Wisdom Teeth Update – Sunday, Nov.27/05 – 7:55 pm
Right bottom is half in and I don’t even notice it; left bottom is achey and half in. Nothing to report re: the top.

Exciting Plans This Week
1. Liv starts work tomorrow!!!!!!
2. Q is having a party on Friday night.
3. Jessie & I are going on a pub crawl Saturday (hopefully Liv will come too).
4. I’m supposed to meet up with Britt and the new producer of Atomic Vaudeville — we’re going to scheme as to how to takeover the world. Also, I’ll get my cd of Zac’s “Heritage Moment” — I wonder if I can put audio on this site . . .

Why I Didn’t Call My Family Tonight
I’m supposed to call every Sunday, but today I was so grumpy & in such a foul funk when I got home that I didn’t want to subject them to my mood. I feel a lot better now, though — I did my dishes, tidied up a bit, watered the bunnies, and watched Levi MacDougall on Popcultured (which otherwise is a terrible waste of airtime).

I’m going home for Christmas on December 14th, and I’ll be home for almost three weeks . . . I find that some withdrawal beforehand helps make the visit more enjoyable. Otherwise I become a parentable daughter, rather than a Christmas guest. I told Dad once that I’m too old to be parented, meaning that if it hasn’t sunk in by now then there’s no use trying . . . does that sound awful? It makes me angstful when other people try to “fix” my life. I’ve done a fine job so far — it’s a little late to advise.

Or maybe not? Am I a 25-year-old know-it-all?

What I Know For Sure
I’m going to have a bath and go to bed now.

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Craft Time – Monday, Nov.28/05 – 10:38 pm
I made paper mache Christmas balls today. I haven’t played with paper mache for awhile — it’s icky gooey but so pleasurable, especially because I tried a recipe I found online that involves boiling the water. It was like smooshing my fingers in warm custard . . .

Anyhoo. I’m Celeste-sitting tonight because Q’s in Parksville for work. The forecast calls for snow tonight, so we’re just hoping he’ll be able to make it back . . . my bunnies get pissy when I abandon them mid-week.

Ew, pissy — what a terrible adjective for rabbits . . .

Also Liv started her new job today!!!!! I’m surrounded by people I love at work. It’s groovy.

And I had an appointment with Raffaele, my banker, to figure out how to improve my credit, but he says I just have to keep paying off my debt. Go figure. Raffaele used to be one of the only people around my age that I knew who was married — now he’s the only one I know who’s divorced. Poor guy. I hope he’s happier now — I’m not friendly enough with him to ask. Hopefully he’ll come to a party with us sometime and he’ll feel like bonding.

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Owwie Owwie – Tuesday, Nov.29/05 – 8:55 pm
My head hurts.

Back in the day when I was experimenting with my Happy Pills dosage it was VERY VERY easy to cry. For no reason. At any time, any place. It was difficult to NOT cry in public. And now my head hurts, and I feel like I just need a good solid cry to make it better. I’m not sad about anything . . . even my terrible credit doesn’t make me too upset. It’s just been a really long time since I cried, and I need the purge. I’ve been brainstorming cry-motivators all evening: watching a sad movie (but I don’t cry at movies — except for that part in Forrest Gump where Tom Hanks is talking to Jenny’s grave and he says:

TOM: He’s so smart, Jenny.

That always gets me chokey), or thinking about stressful things like money, or trying really hard to feel unloved. Nothing’s working, though. I’m going to try to make myself sad in the shower — that always did it back in the Crazy Days.

I’m not weird in this, I’m pretty sure. You all know what I mean about needing a good cry, right?

Peter’s Nesting
He’s been sitting in his litterbox since I got home. It’s not Easter, so I don’t know what’s up. Haha, I’m so funny.

Erm.

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Next Federal Election
Paul Martin’s speechwriter is keeping a blog. It’s kinda funny.

Little Spitfire

October 2005

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Sunny Saturday – October 1, 2005 – 11:28 am
It’s beautiful outside!!! Which is handy, because Jessie is moving today, and Q is having a BBQ tonight. Yesterday it monsooned, and we’d all resigned ourselves to yet another rainy winter.

My Nephew
His name is Hollis Robert Babich. I think I’m spelling that correctly …? The “Hollis” part is Jared’s invention — I love having another “H” in the family. “Robert” is for my Dad, and “Babich” is Jared’s last name. Apparently everyone is healthy & doing well, except that Evy is really tired. Hollis is “suckling” (Jared’s word) and peeing and pooping “like a trooper” (Dad’s expression). I leave next Friday for Thanksgiving with my family!!!!

Atomic Vaudeville’s Gayest Show On Earth
I was nervous, because I don’t think there are many gay actors associated with AV and therefore it was like AV doing a “Black” themed show with its all-white cast. Lotsa potential for awkward moments.

However, it was wonderful. Spencer criticised the music playing before the show started, but the closing performance made up for it — a dance number with Cher, early Madonna, etc.

AV attendees included: Q, Cameron from Toronto, Spencer, Jessie & Karen, me, and John. (Liv was exhausted so went home to sleep instead.)

And I think I’ve pinpointed exacty what it is about John that makes me feel . . . uncomfortable?? I don’t really think he’s gay — he’s 36 and a man should know himself by then, and then the brown soes + black socks thing, and also I just don’t think he’s gay. HOWEVER, he emits “gay-vibes” which were apparent to my friends (who are/know ‘mos) and therefore I wasn’t just drunk/sleepy/paranoid the other night. And there’s nothing wrong with “gay-vibes.” It’s another way of saying sensitive, soft, considerate, affectionate, etc. But I am surrounded by “gay-vibes” A LOT, since I’m surrounded by gay people A LOT, and the last thing I want is to have this sort of . . . . frequency???? . . . in my bed. I need another flavour in my life. Something like Shawn (intelligent & tough), but also considerate.

Last night I had a dream where I was madly in love with this guy who was tall, yes, but who also was BIG (aka stocky) and had a huge smile. Most of my tall men are skinny — I think that’s because the stocky ones look older to me, and that makes me insecure (no more highschool confidence). But Tyler (my two-day fling in 2003) is tall & “filled-out,” and that was pretty great, for what it was.

Anyhoo, that’s what I’m thinking today.

Also, I’m considering running around the block, but it’s sunny and I’m not sure how hot it is outside — probably fine. And I’m thinking of my Sister & Hollis (like I have all week). And I’m wondering when Alive was due — I ought to watch that today.

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Sullen Sunday – October 2, 2005 – 10:35 am
It’s grey out there. Ew.

So, for the record, I DID go for a run yesterday. I am AMAZING. I’ve been running my Xtreme route; I’m amazed that I am in good enough shape to do this without dying.

Q’s BBQ was wonderful. Being the Handy Carpenter’s Daughter that I am, I checked the BBQ for propane leaks and got it all ready to cook our steaks. Guests included Spencer, Brian, Jessica, and Jessie & Justin — it’s nifty to see how this group of people manage to get along so well with each other: Spencer and Jessica can bond and have a good talk, and then Spencer and I will gossip, and Jessica & Q & Brian will talk, and there aren’t any uncomfortable pairings or silences.

Brian’s a new addition — he’s a nurse, in his 30s I think. Q and I met him over Dim Sum last weekend. He owns a house and Q and him are “house-owning” friends — they talk about paint and hardwood flooring. A beautiful man, as always.

New Target o’ Love & “Stalking”
Spencer has a tall, straight & single client named Tim. We have worked out a plan of attack:

  1. Spencer sneakily manages to get his last name. (We have his home phone number, but it’s unlisted so that doesn’t help.)
  2. I find him on the gov’t directory (he works for gov’t) and manage to check him out by visiting a friend in the ministry.
  3. If I approve of Tim, we arrange to have some ridiculously hot photo of me at Spencer’s station when Tim has his next appointment (approx. 2 months from now).
  4. At the appointment, Spencer does the uber-cool hook-up negotiations.

This strategy manages to avoid pitfalls including: lack of professionalism on Spencer’s part, and my tendency to be frighteningly assertive.

Other Future Plans
Peter’s litterbox stinks, and the baby bunnies keep throwing the fresh hay out of their litterbox — both issues require clean litter. So I will have to track down some newspaper today.

When I’m gone for Thanksgiving holidays I’m going to put the baby bunnies in the kitchen. That way I won’t have to worry about attracting rats with the food & litter. I’ve done this before for fairly short absences, and I think it’s the best option. Pet-sitters are handy, but I might as well take advantage of my rabbits’ independent nature.

JESSIE & Q: “Our pets cuddle with us.”

HEATHER: “Oh yeah? Well, I can leave the bunnies alone for weeks at a time.”

Exercise & Self-Esteem
I heard somewhere that men who work out have greater-than-average self-esteem, but women who work out have less-than-average. I suspect that this might be true, because the best motivation I’ve found so far to go run is to be aware of my belly and its new squishiness. When I didn’t have a belly, I NEVER would have invested in running shoes or bothered to consider a running route. But after a morning of chugging orange pekoe & watching crapTV/movies on the couch, I become extremely aware of my . . . soft middle . . . and so I want to get rid of it, and so I run.

As always, though, my moods change — most times, I love my squishy tummy and I like to snuggle it when I sleep. I suppose it’s a good thing to experience periodic lowered self-esteem, because then I exercise.

Exercise is another socially-acceptable form of self-harm . . . funny, how there are so many mainstream masochists in our world.

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Highlights of the Day – Monday, Oct.3/05 – 4:55 pm
I worked mad hours, from 6am to 3:45pm or so. It was busy, what with question period and et cetera. I love my job.

Also, on the walk home I saw:

  • a grown-up man (30-40 years old) “driving” a model car up the handrail to his front door;
  • the church sign:

CH CH
What’s missing?
UR

haha!

And I bought some smoked salmon to eat with swiss cheese & pickles. My usual “meals” are more like appetizer plates.

This morning I sent in my MFA application . . . if they accept me for the program, I have to apply to UBC’s graduate school. Scary.

It’s blue-skied outside but still chilly, which always confuses me. I want to loll about in my bikini on the lawn. Being inside on sunny days makes me feel guilty. I rented A Beautiful Mind, though, to keep me occupied — you might remember, I was reading this at one point. But big book + busy life + recent illiterate tendencies = I didn’t finish the book.

Funny, how I have a busy life even though I spend so much of it staring at a computer screen. Almost 10 straight hours of work (I worked through lunch today too) means almost 10 straight hours of computer stuff. Then I write a few emails and type on this thing. No wonder I’m getting chubby.

And there’s SO MUCH LESS STRESS in my life these days than there was at UVic. Holy Christ. People at work are getting . . . testy . . . about the crazy workload, and even though I’m running around (or sitting) doing 1,000 things at once it’s NOTHING like school, because once I (eventually) leave the office I can watch movies or CSI or do a Suduko puzzle or eat smoked salmon or run my Xtreme route or bond with you people in person/via the phone.

My Xtreme Route
. . . previously known as “running around the block.” This new term represents the PHYSICAL EFFORT that I exert doing this exercise. Q was mocking my “running around the block” because he thought I/the route was wimpy. But no, there are complicated switchbacks and et cetera and I almost DIE every time. Therefore: Xtreme route.

As for the Nephew
Hollis Robert Babich is a beautiful little fella. Mom sent me a video today of them playing dress-up with him. I woke up this morning to the INCREDIBLE realization that my little sister has created not only a PERSON, but a PERSON WITH A PENIS. How cool is that? I can’t wait to meet him. I hope he likes me.

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This Morning – Tuesday, Oct.4/05
While walking to work I saw three raccoons gardening a neighbour’s lawn! Raccoons are so cool. Like superbig bunnies with Halloween makeup. I walked right among them — one climbed up a tree trunk, and its ass looked just like Caramel’s, except much much bigger.

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My Clothes Fit Me – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – a.m.
Yes, really, I can think of nothing else to say.

And it is worthy of a headline — My body did some crazy weight change things this year, with new boobs and curvy bits and backfat and this thrilling new tummy to fondle. I bought pants THAT FIT PROPERLY a few weekends ago and it’s still a pleasure putting them on and not feeling like I’m wearing a child’s clothing, with my gut hanging out over the waistband. Change amuses me.

Fun With Google
I’ve been entertaining myself lately by doing google searches for keywords from my life (e.g. “Non-romantic life partner”) and trying to find my site online. It’s getting easier, since I have archives up since January and that’s a lot of words. I was wondering the other day if I’ll continue this site after New Years, since this is a 2005 Resolution, and my focus in 2006 will be my Masters (if I get accepted to the program) and getting more writing published, plays produced, etc. I like that I’m writing every day, and I love experimenting with this Xtreme form of honesty & openness . . . advertising my backfat and stinky feet on the Worldwide Web breaks down a lot of personal boundaries. But we shall see.

In Other News
I’ve figured out that I sleep best when wearing a white “wife-beater” style tank top. I don’t know why.

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A Beautiful Mind – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – 7:50 pm
Since I’m illiterate these days, I never finished this biography of John Nash, the Schitzophrenic Mathematician Genius.

But the movie is freaking nifty.

I know that I’m supposed to identify with the intelligent, beautiful, devoted wife/mother/woman who endures her own hardship in order to stand by her man, but I’d rather be Nash, the ego-centric, self-involved genius.

And another thing — what’s with these movies that promote dealing with mental illness via willpower instead of medication and treatment? This is only one in a series — Garden State is another current favourite. Should I feel guilty for needing/taking prozac to be able to participate in this world? Or should I just “suck it up” and be strong and Deal With It, med-free and tormented? If SuperHero Nash can succeed work- and love-wise without meds, then shouldn’t we all? Fucker. This movie’s just like watching CSI: Miami or reading a Cosmo — it perpetuates unrealistic images that the viewer will DIE trying to imitate. Perfect boobs, living with hallucinations . . . it’s all the same crap.

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List o’ Stuff To Do Before My Flight – Thursday, Oct.6/05
Downtown:
– pick up meds at pharmacy
– return A Beautiful Mind
– buy new litterboxes for Peter & co.

Rabbits:
– take out garbage & do dishes to clean kitchen
– prepare Seamus & Caramel’s Vacation Destination (aka my kitchen) with rug, litterboxes, lots of water, food, chew toys . . .
– relocate the bunnies
– set up Peter’s litterboxes, water, food
– give emergency key to Jessie

Me:
– pack
– figure out how to get to airport for tomorrow’s flight

See, I’m the low-maintenance member of my household. It’s the bunnies that require all the effort.

I am so excited about going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Hollis + Heather = True Love 4Ever, Saturday, Oct.8/05 – 12:01 pm Mountain Time
Hollis loves me. I’m his favourite aunty. The first time I held him I thought I was going to break him. Second time, I was feeling pretty good until he made this crazy face, like he was the angriest, most unhappy baby in the world, and got all red and wrinkly and his mouth opened wide and I thought he was going to shriek “HEATHER IS HOLDING ME ALL WRONG, AND SHE KNOWS IT, AND THIS SUCKS.”

Apparently, he was just farting. Or pooping. Or something. And I suppose, thinking about it, that those first few farts/poops of your life must be pretty troubling. So now those are my favourite times to watch him, because he looks like he’s going to burst, and it’s all dramatic and freaky, and then suddenly he gets calm again and everything’s fine. Nice little metaphor for life.

Q is Hollis’s Godfather, and I presented Hollis with Baby’s First Pumas and Baby’s First Ralph Lauren pink polo shirt on Q’s behalf. This is going to be the most stylish baby in Canal Flats.

Also, Mom made me poached eggs. I love Mom’s poached eggs.

And I have another GODDAMN STYE IN MY FREAKING EYE, this time the left one, and it’s exactly what Dad gets so I’m using his eye drops. Stupid genetics. I realized, though, that since I’m not staring at a computer screen all day, and since I’m not trying to fall in love with anyone here (I know everyone — it’d be like dating a cousin) that I don’t really give a shit that my eye is pink and puffy. I just don’t want to contaminate Hollis. So I’m deliberately NOT rubbing my eye on him.

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Dad’s Making Omelettes – Sunday, Oct.9/05 – 9:48 am MT
I went for a run yesterday, but there are HILLS here and 30% less oxygen in the air so I almost died. Not really. I got gaspy before I got tired, and then I kept coughing afterward. It’ll make me tough.

Today is our Thanksgiving Dinner!!!! This is my first Thanksgiving Dinner with my family in 6 or so years. My first year away, I whined. Second year, I whined. Third year, I bought a turkey and made a ridiculously lavish dinner for me & the Q. Now the Turkey Dinners have become sort of a tradition with my Victoria family — and I feel a very tiny bit guilty that I’m not there to host it, and make the turkey, and et cetera. Q threatened to buy a BBQ chicken from Safeway for him and Celeste. But whatever — I’m here with my family, including my NEW NEPHEW, and I get Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner. I love Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

Okay, the tea’s probably steeped by now — I’m going to eat Dad-made omelettes and drink a pot of tea and watch Coronation Street with Mom.

Also, my new bed here is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept on, INCLUDING the one at the B&B in Mont Tremblant!

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Tea is Yummy – Monday, Oct.10/05 – 11:04 am
Mom has these two yellow cups with bees painted on them — she was going to give them to someone for Christmas YEARS ago but then decided to keep them. They are my favourite cups.

Dad made us turkey sandwiches for breakfast, and then I had some of Mom’s rhubarb strawberry danish stuff. I love eating food that I don’t have to make for myself. Not that I usually make food for myself — damn eating out . . .

So apparently there was an earthquake in Pakistan yesterday/last night and 15,000 people died. Q says our friend Dean is okay. Here’s some love for Dean & the people in Pakistan.

And also, I helped Mom set up her geneology stuff online! Mom’s updating this still, and learning lots of new tricks you can do via websites.

What I Love About Being Home
Aside from the expected Bonding With the Family stuff, I love:
– my new, amazing bed
– not having anything I HAVE to do — I can do Suduko when I feel like it, or run, or have a nap, or eat, or watch NASCAR with Dad, et cetera!
– Hollis, of course
– reading! I actually finished Dan Savage’s The Kid the other night. I haven’t finished a book in months. Mom helped me select two other books from our family library, including Bill Gaston’s new novel. Maybe I’ll even be able to read those before I go home to Victoria!

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About to Be Kidnapped – Tuesday, Oct.11/05 – 9:47 am
I’m staying at Evy’s tonight. Mom warned me that they have no caffeinated tea in their house, so I should bring my own.

NaNoWriMo
I’ve signed up for the National Novel Writing Month competition and so I need to think of something worthy of 50,000 words to write about. And it can’t be a play. Which is how I’ve been thinking lately, in script, with esoteric stage directions and ambiguous choreography. One day I will write a novel/play called The Carpenter’s House. I grew up in carpenter-owned homes, and they were never ever finished (until we’d sold them). There’s a metaphor in there somewhere.

But I’m not ready for that story — I don’t even know what the metaphor is. So I have to think of something else.

BitterScripts
Meanwhile, I’ve had some ideas for where to take this Love Story Gone Awry. There are undeveloped themes of The Relationship Between Creativity And Two-Person Love — love as a motivating, inspirational, and therefore positive force (e.g. people in love write love poems), but also love as an interrupting, distracting, and therefore destructive force to creativity (e.g. people in love write crappy love poems). Cliches, etc. And since I’m “creating” a play about cliched love, there’s an entirely gorgeous metafictional/postmodern element to the whole thing. Make the audience an accomplice, and so on.

Anyhoo.

Deja Vu
I read Evy’s baby book yesterday. I’d never seen a newborn baby until Hollis, so I thought my newfound understanding of newborns would add an extra layer of coolness to Evy’s baby pictures. And there are all kinds of creepy (albeit expected) parallels — Mom writes about her first impressions of Evy-Just-Born as:
– it’s a girl!
– wow, she’s long!
– wow, what big feet!
Which is what my family’s first reponse to Hollis was (except the girl part). Genetics are so groovy. We’re all guessing what colour Hollis’s eyes will be, and his hair, and how tall, et cetera . . . I think dark blue eyes and blond hair, but everyone else expects Jared’s hazel eyes and dark brown hair. One of Hollis’s ears takes after Joe’s — it’s elflike and pointy. And he has eyebrows, which I am pleased about. The only taunting of Evy I did in our childhood was about her lack of visible eyebrows.

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Maybe I Have Mono? – Wednesday, Oct.12/05 – 6:34 pm
I’ve been sleeping so much — and then yawning and wanting to sleep when I’m awake. Maybe I’m finally catching up on all the sleep I’ve missed via bizarre work hours?? My favourite place to nap here at Mom & Dad’s house is in front of the gas fireplace. If I’m cold, I put all the pillows in front of the fireplace and sleep there, and then I move to the couch when I’ve warmed up enough. Not that I’m ever cold here — it’s much colder in Victoria, with the humidity and the chilly Pacific Ocean wind.

I watched The Man in the Moon yesterday and today. Such a good movie . . . and Evy let me take her Dead Poets’ Society so I’ll watch that when I’m back in Victoria. I’m in the kitchen now because I wanted tea, but we’re out of milk — there’s only cream & half-and-half. How sad.

My days here have become nicely uneventful. Meanwhile, Q called me today and said that one of my bosses, Kate, “stopped working for the Ministry” on Friday. That’s shocking. Kate’s been the one to teach me everything this past year, so I hope I can fill in for her a bit and help keep our office standing. I already miss her . . . part of my job is/was to call her in the morning and chat about the news. I’ve watched two great people leave the Ministry this Fall — and Andrew already found and started his new job. It’s educational and inspiring to watch “established professionals” navigate the job market. They don’t seem to get scared . . . I’d be scared. I owe too much in student loans.

In Other News
Liv’s been going through all kinds of drama lately, or so I’ve heard via her website. We’ll have to go for sushi asap when I’m back, so she can catch me up on the details.

And that’s all I’ve got to say for now — it’s a sleepy existence these days. Occasionally I can’t remember what I’m “supposed” to do with myself when I’m not in Victoria, working, drinking martinis and perpetuating drama. So then I do a Suduko puzzle and have a nap.

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Roast Beef Dinner Tonight – Thursday, Oct.13.05 – 3:33 pm
And Yorkshire puddings. YUM. Mom asked me what I wanted to eat while I’m here, and Yorkshire puddings are at the top of the list. We’re having Greek on Saturday for Evy’s Baby Shower.

Also, we went to Tim Horton’s and had “steeped tea” today. What a stupid marketing gimmick. As if I’d order non-steeped tea.

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BUSY – Saturday, Oct.15/05 – 11:20 am
Evy’s baby shower is today!!!! So busy. I’m home tomorrow evening — I’ll write properly later.

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Amazing Race – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 10:41 am
I’m watching an old Law & Order and just saw Kevin Smith in a bit speaking role! Neato.

Anyhoo, I’m home. YAY!!!! It was an epic return. My 3:25pm flight from Calgary was cancelled at the VERY last minute because some “anti-skid” part of the plane broke, and there were no replacements parts or planes, so WestJet booked us all on a Monday 10am flight and set us up with hotels & food. I wanted to get home, though, so I played Amazing Race and attempted the following backup strategies:

1. Call Air Canada on my cell phone to look into flights while walking over to their Customer Service counter. This plan fell through because I was on hold FOREVER and the Air Canada planes are on the other side of the Calgary airport. I realised the futility of this strategy just as #2 presented itself:

2. Grab a WestJet flight to Vancouver, then bus to the ferry and get home. This worked out perfectly. The bus/ferry cost $22, which was far better than the $300 Air Canada fare that Q eventually found for me. Also, even though I flew back, WestJet gave me credit for the cancelled flight. So I got a free flight in exchange for the inconvenience. Quinn picked me up at 10:30pm at Swartz Bay and drove me home.

Coming Home to Bunnies
Q always comes inside with me after I’ve been away, to be with me while I check that the rabbits are all still alive and healthy. We opened my apartment door and saw fur everywhere.

Apparently Seamus (aka “Houdini”) and Caramel managed to get past 2 solid barriers at some point this last week. Seamus must have battled with Peter, judging by the VAST AMOUNT OF RABBIT HAIR, and I think Seamus won because he and Caramel were hopping around the apartment like rebellious teenagers amid the wreckage from a house party. Peter was hiding under the couch. Poor guy. But upon inspection I didn’t find any cuts or wounds on any of them, and I kicked S&C back out onto their porch, and swept, and got Peter settled, and so now things are sort of back to normal. Except that Peter’s sulking/traumatized and there’s a ton of hair in my garbage can. Thank god none of the bunnies peed outside of their litterboxes — that would have been too much to take.

Labour Unrest in Victoria
There’s massive strike action today in town. A bunch of unions are holding a “day of protest” in support of the illegal teachers’ strike. Participating unions include the transit system. VERY inconvenient to most people I know.

Apparently there are pickets set up outside my office building, and there will be a rally at 1pm at the legislature.

What with all the drama I was tempted to go to work today, but then I realized that it’s raining outside and I have a pot of tea inside, so that would be foolish. I also have tomorrow off. Hopefully the chaos continues into Wednesday — I like excitement.

To make things even more exciting, government has instructed their unionized employees to NOT participate in the (illegal) protest during work hours, or else they will be fired. I’m not unionized, so this doesn’t affect me, but I bet there’s some wonderful drama playing out at work.

Tonight is Jann Arden’s concert at the Save On Memorial Arena. Q and I have tickets — I wonder if the strike action will affect that?

Fate and Destiny and Et Cetera
I thought that my cancelled flight was a sign that that my DEATH had been narrowly avoided, but Mom suggested that the cancelled flight was intended to put me on an alternate travel route, so as to accommodate some fateful experience.

So here are the “experiences” I had while traveling:

  1. met a woman named Diana who said that theatre needed another musical writer;
  2. ran into Crispin (from UVic) on the ferry, who is now working as an arbourist and owns a condo and wants to hook me up with someone named “Matt” who, according to Crispin, “is a RockStar”;
  3. had an amazing ham & swiss cheese sandwich at the Tim Horton’s in the Vancouver Airport;
  4. watched Family Guy on satellite TV during my WestJet flight to Vancouver from Calgary;
  5. overheard a teacher on the ferry who was talking on his cellphone, discussing his dilemma re: supporting illegal job action vs. being “ostracized” by his colleagues if he didn’t.

Interpret that as you will.

In Summary
I’m back home after a week of holding Hollis and sleeping in a proper bed and eating good food prepared for me by other people, specifically my Mom. I’m looking forward to getting back to the office on Wednesday, but will drink tea and rebond with the bunnies and sleep for the rest of my well-deserved vacation. Thank you for your patience with my sporadic & brief updates this past week. I’ll try to do something foolish and amusing to show my appreciation.

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How to Be Insensitive – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 11:30 pm
The Jann Arden concert was super dooper. Also, I had a bucket of powder-buttered popcorn and 2 Mike’s Hard Lemonades for dinner. Welcome back to Victoria 🙂

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Waking Up With Peter – Tuesday, Oct.18/05 – 10:58 am
I think he’s recovered from his ordeal. Peter’s been running laps from the kitchen to the porch door all morning. He’s currently taking a break under the wicker chair to chew his Special Collection of Branches. Meanwhile, the baby bunnies are back on their porch acclimatizing themselves to Victoria’s new winter weather: lots of huddling together for warmth. Yes, things are back to normal.

And Now
I think I’ll make a pot of tea and watch crapTV 🙂

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Back to Work – Wednesday, Oct.19/05
I managed to wake up with my first alarm this morning (of four)! And now I get to sort through over 1,000 emails . . . I really really love my job. I’m glad to be back.

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Lunchtime – Thursday, Oct.20/05
Hollis is three weeks old today!!! Happy Three Week Birthday, Hollis.

Something Gross
Wednesday & this morning I woke up with a blister in my mouth. Syphyllis? Stress? Wisdom teeth issues??? I dunno. Wednesday’s blister was just under my bottom lip; this morning it was somewhere by my left cheek. And something even more disgusting: I don’t have either blister anymore because I popped each one within the first few moments after discovery. With my teeth. And it didn’t taste gross, which I thought it would. (Blisters, pus, etc.) I bite my lips/mouth-skin when I get stressed, and last night my teeth were Super Sensitive due to wisdom teeth development so I tried to sleep with my tongue between my teeth, to alleviate the tooth-on-tooth pressure. Anyhoo. I don’t know if that explains it, but that’s all I know re: potentially contributing factors.

As For the Q
Aside from working his little fanny off and loving Celeste, Q’s been busy working his way up the ranks of a . . . long-standing community group. I promised I wouldn’t say too much about it. Ahem. So hopefully, if there is a Massive Conspiracy and this . . . club . . . is involved (according to rumours via our ex-neighbour Jason), then maybe I won’t die. And maybe I’ll give you folks the secret password for the spaceships too.

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Starbucks With Jimmy – Friday, Oct.21/05 – 9:16 pm
I went out with a Navy guy named James this evening. He’s from Nova Scotia and drives a Jimmy (haha) and drank caramel apple ciders at Starbucks while I had tea.

He’s a pretty funny guy, what with the Atlantic humour and a naturally nice personality, and he’s 6’4″ (I approve). I wasn’t in love with him after 5 minutes, though, and I’m not sure why not. He’s not a SuperModel, but he’s a good-looking guy, and he’s really smart, and referred to Family Guy and Sesame Street . . . maybe I’m just tired.

Anyhoo, it was fun and I’ll probably meet up with him again.

Worried About Peter
His right eye is weepy-looking, and the hair around his eye is wet. I looked up eye problems on my rabbit site, and it suggests I get him to a vet in case it’s a bacterial infection. It seems like a lot of causes/treatments for bunny eye problems are similar to those I’ve encountered for myself recently, so I’m tempted to squirt some polysporin eyedrops into his eye and see what happens. I’m reluctant to use human drugs on a bunny, though. Poor guy. I hope he didn’t catch it from me, or get sick from the Great Bunny Escape & Battle of October 2005 . . .

Also, he’s been leaving tiny hard poops by the door to the porch. This suggests a dietary or stress issue. I wish bunnies could talk about their symptoms.

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Swans With Jessie – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:31 am
I called Crispin yesterday to remind him that he was going to hook me up, and he invited me (and Jessie) to Swans to watch some band he knew play and hang out with all the single straight guys he knows.

So Jessie & I got all prettied up and Swans apparently is where ALL the straight single guys in Victoria go every Saturday night, because they were all there. I’ve never seen so many. And quite a few of them were even attractive. And/or tall. So Jessie and I have found our new Saturday night activity . . . She was picked up* by some guy named Ryan who smiled a lot, and I made “meaningful eye contact” with a tall man, so we both left pleased.

* Jessie does NOT consider herself a single girl, despite her man living IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, so this was an amusing “pick up” rather than an actual one. And it doesn’t hurt for Jessie to know that she’s a hottie.

Peter Loves Me
I eventually did put polysporin eyedrops in Peter’s weepy eye on Friday. And the next day, it looked 1000-times better, except that the hair around his eye was a little crusty, so I washed it with a wet cloth. Today everything is back to normal. He had some white gunk in the corner of his eye, so I wiped it off and gave him another eyedrop.

For anyone who knows bunnies/Peter, THIS IS REMARKABLE. Bunnies do not like being touched this much, or having foreign liquids put in their eyes. Peter, however, has somehow developed a new trust in me. Maybe the polysporin eyedrops made him feel a lot better . . . whatever the motivation, he doesn’t mind me inspecting him or even treating him. He even still follows me around the apartment (which has become usual behaviour this summer).

I’m a Lamb
Spencer, Q, hopefully Jessie, and I are going Halloween costume hunting today. Jessie is going to be “the night sky” (Q and I invented this back in 1999), which involves wearing a skimpy black dress covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. I’m going to be a lamb this year, despite all the negative “sacrificial lamb” connotations. I think it’ll be groovy to have lamb ears.

Q&S have yet to confirm their personae for this year. Last year they went as Serena and Venus Williams, which was hilarious — both in short sporty skirts, make-up, black body paint, carrying tennis rackets — 6’5″ Q in a black wig, blonde Spencer with a ponytail. Anyhoo.

My Christmas Gift to Myself
Yesterday, while watching taped episodes of CSI, I realized that I wanted a universal remote. Despite being a grown-up with a grown-up job and grown-up backfat, I still have to either sit through commercials or get up to fast forward the tape.

So I bought one at Walmart. Yay for me!

Which Brings Me To a Sad & Confusing Experience
The family in line before us at Walmart couldn’t afford to buy the cheese they’d wanted.

I do not understand this. At first I felt sorry for them, because I love cheese and that would be a terrible thing to not be able to afford cheese, or anything else they wanted/needed. And then I was kind of angry, because I don’t understand how someone can’t afford to buy cheese.

The two big “head-starts” I got in life are my loving family and my smarts. I don’t see what other advantages I have over any other Canadian in the 21st century. So either these two “head-starts” are REALLY SIGNIFICANT, or else the discrepancy in “class”/financial well-being/whatever” is due to a group of people being too lazy, negative, unambitious, or weak to cross that gap.

I don’t believe that intellectual/physical/psychological disabilities are any excuse, because we DO have significant social supports in B.C. and Canada. I’ve used some of them.

And “inherited poverty” is not a viable argument. I put myself through school, just like lots of other people I know. If people can “start from scratch” and use student loans, grants, social programs, etc. to further themselves, then anyone is able to do so.

I want to find someone to talk to, like a parent in that Walmart family, who can explain to me why they are where they are, and make me feel empathy for them. Whenever I’ve tried this I still find some point in the story where they had a CHOICE, and chose to ignore an opportunity or support or something that would likely have changed their situation.

This is an open invitation for comments, if anyone thinks they can explain this to me. I promise not to mock you 🙂

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2nd “Date” With Jimmy – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:09 pm
Navy James and I went out to the airport this evening to drink tea/almond lattes and watch the airport people do their magic. Funfun, but still no love.

Also, I watched Dead Poets Society (sic) today. Excellent movie.

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WestJet Loves Me – Monday, Oct.24/05 – 9:25 pm
WestJet has given me $139 in travel credit for my cancelled flight back on the 16/17th! EVEN THOUGH I still flew home via WestJet (and then Pacific Coast and then BC Ferries) . . . it’s to compensate for the inconvenience. What a bunch of superstars.

Speaking of SuperStars
I programmed my new universal remote and it was tricky but I did it. YAY!

And Levi Won Stuff
Theatre Guy Nathan, who has his FINGER on the PULSE of ARTS in CANADA, emailed me today to tell me that Levi MacDougall won two (or three??) awards at the Canadian Comedy Awards on Saturday. I wonder if he ever incorporated me into his routine . . .

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Silence of the Lamb – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – early a.m.
Hee hee. I didn’t write yesterday because I got home, dressed up like a lamb, and drank a bottle of faux vino while watching Batman Begins. It’s a good life.

Being a lamb for Halloween is tricky. First off, my costume constantly verges on Being Bunny-like, what with all the white, the ears, the tail . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s a challenge, though, to look lambish.

Also, there are quite a few negative connotations to lambs. For example: sacrifical lamb, Lamb-as-Jesus, lamb/sheep being molested by horny rednecks, innocent lamb . . . I’m tempted to add blood to the costume every so often. But NO, I want to be a LAMB and that is all. Dammit.

So, Heather, How Does One Become a Lamb?
Well, Mom sent me her white “pettipants,” which are squaredancer’s underwear, which look like silk boxers covered in lace. I bought white fishnet tights yesterday, and with a white tanktop (I think I’ll glue cotton balls to it) that = lamb body. I have black gloves and shoes for my hooves, and a ribbon for my throat that says “Dolly,” and with carefully-made ears and some quality makeup I think it’ll be A1. I’m not entirely sure what lamb faces & ears look like, so I need to do some more research. And do lambs wear bells around their necks? (Like cows?)

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Being SuperBrave – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – 10:07 pm
I went to Q’s after work to snuggle with Celeste & glue cotton balls onto a tank top. On the bus there was a 6-foot-something shaggy blonde guy with a red beard, reading Daniel Quinn (is that Safeway-crap, Mom? I can’t recall his books) and it was ridiculously crowded and I was laden down with craft supplies so I couldn’t be subtle. But then I thought:

HEATHER (internal monologue): “But I NEVER find sexy men in Victoria. And Q will only mock me if I do nothing about this rare find.”

So I wrote him a note. A witty, non-threatening note. With my phone number & email address. And then I held it in my little sweaty hand until my bus stop, and dropped it onto the page he was reading, and got the hell off that bus.

Very brave (in a cowardly way), and very scary. But if I don’t do scary things, I will never get what I want. So yep.

Past My Bedtime
I’m up late but that’s okay. I slept at Q’s from 4 until 7:30pm. The only memories I have of my afternoon are of Quinn trying to wake me up so we could have dinner and watch Born Into Brothels together. I resisted, and only rose in time for America’s Next Top Model.

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Child of the Eighties – Thursday, Oct.27/05
Ohmigod. Most amazing story in today’s newspapers, and it’s in the National Post: The Muppets are hosting a new reality tv show, America’s Next Muppet. It’s supposed to air next spring.

Also, did you know that the Muppets have a website? And they’re making a Fraggle Rock movie?????

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It’s Too Late For Me To Be Awake – Oct.27/05 – 11:46 pm
Jessie, Q, Spencer & I went to Atomic Vaudeville’s “Hellhouse” episode tonight. Camel Toe Improv finally made them laugh along with me — I’ve been waiting for it.

Also, had the freaky experience of learning that some AV folks know about & read my website.

So.

Yep.

Boy, Atomic Vaudeville sure is super 🙂

So, What Do You Do For A Day-Job?
VERSION 1, told to Chris, owner of The Patch on Yates:

HEATHER: “I write propaganda.”

VERSION 2, told to Jenn Stein, Pags server and Barbara Bush:

HEATHER: “I read newspapers for the government.”

To be honest, I’m constantly amazed that my crazy, wonderful job requires reading the comics page and writing “feel good” sound bites. I LOVE MY DAY JOB.

Anyhoo
Also, it’s been exactly 4 weeks since Hollis entered the world 🙂

I will always remember hearing the details of his birth, while drunk on Cosmopolisyns in the washroom of the Victoria Event Centre during an Atomic Vaudeville dance number.

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EEK! – Friday, Oct.28/05
OHMIGOD. I got an email from the guy on the bus (Wednesday). Reads as follows:

Hello dear,
I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Red Haired Boy (I object to being called a man) from the bus yesterday. I am just writing to tell you that when you dropped that note in my lap yesterday, I was quite taken aback. I certainly never expected something like that to happen.
So now I’m writing you because you expressed interest in me. I wish I could have spoken with you on the bus, but it was indeed too busy and love was entirely out of the question.
I was wondering if you’d have any interest in coming to a Hallowe’en party on Saturday night. A friend of mine who has rich parents and owns her house is having what should be a fairly decent excuse to drink. You mentioned you like drinking tea, but how about the occasional bottle of wine or shot of whisky? If you have plans already, that’s fine. I won’t weep for too long…
If you are in fact interested, feel free to write me back at this email address. Or you can reach me at [EDITED]. The phone number is kind of unsure because I try to avoid spending time at home as much as possible. But there should be someone here to answer, one of my roommates.
Anyway, I wish you a pleasant evening, and hope to hear from you before Saturday evening. And I suppose I should tell you my name; I’m Zac, and it’s nice to kind of meet you.
Take care

My Reaction
I hope he’s not a weirdo. (. . . irony . . .)

Also, I’m going to a party Saturday night already, so I can’t go. Even if I could, that’s an awkward way to meet up with a stranger.

HEATHER: Hi, I’m Heather.

ZAC: No, you’re a lamb.

HEATHER: No, I’m Heather. From the bus.

ZAC: Um, no, you have big lamb ears and you’re white and squishy and you’re wearing your Momma’s pettipants. Heather from the bus had a red coat and human ears.

HEATHER: Right. Okay. Nevermind.

So I suggested that we meet in a non-costumed setting so that he can see that I’m not a nut who routinely accosts strangers. (Ha ha, yes that’s really funny. You bastards.)

EEK 🙂

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Oops – Friday, Oct.28/05 – 12:41 pm
So, Zac the Bus Guy somehow found my website (Hi, Zac!) so I’ll be polite and stop posting our personal correspondence on the web.

And he still wrote me, so that’s a positive sign.

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Cleaning House – Saturday, Oct.29/05 – 10:49 am
Saturday mornings are my most productive. I wake up, feeling like I’ve slept in to 3pm or something, and then look at the clock and see that it’s 8:41 am. Already today I’ve cleaned the bunnies’ litterboxes, done dishes, put away the laundry I did at Q’s yesterday, and now I have banana muffins in the oven.

I thought that our Annual Halloween House Party was on Friday, so I expected to be comatose and sickly today. The party’s actually tonight, though, so I’ll get to wake up in a clean(ish) apartment tomorrow morning.

Sudoku Pride
I’ve become very good at solving Sudoku puzzles, to the point where I was getting cocky and considered moving on to a new hobby. And THEN I started in on the “Fiendish” section of one of my Sudoku books, and I feel like a beginner all over again. I love it. I feel like John Nash, solving Russian code.

NaNoWriMo
Starting Nov. 1 I will attempt to write 50,000 words in a month. I have no idea what to write about.

Oh and Also
I forgot to mention. After Atomic Vaudeville on Thursday I stayed for the “after party” and drank sour cocktails with lollipops. Jacob Richmond, the co-founder and director of AV, told me he and Britt had discovered my “blog” while googling “Atomic Vaudeville” and then he asked me if I wanted to contribute anything to a future AV show (writing-wise). But I can’t think of anything suitable.

JACOB: “Could we just take something from your blog, then?”

So be warned, y’all. You might end up on stage sometime soon.

Also, Britt reminded me that they are willing and able to host a read-though of my work. I just have to provide the scripts . . . I have no idea how to exploit this opportunity. On the Rag is finished and ready for workshopping, but there are long monologue bits and I think BitterScripts is more amusing.

I love having the opportunity, though. I will have to take advantage of it soon.

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What Are You Doing With Your Extra Hour Today? – Sunday, Oct.30/05 – 10:06 am
I stayed over at Q’s last night so I’m NOT waking up in a clean(ish) home. There are costume bits everywhere, and the wreckage from our 3am McDonald’s drive-thru (via taxi) and a pizza box and empty bottles . . .

We went to the BEST Annual Halloween Party last night (Spencer, Q and I). Spencer & Q ended up going as Canadian Idol contestents. The best costume was one of the hosts (John??) — he was a shower. I took a picture, so I’ll post that when I get home tonight. And I got to see Rich & Cam again — Rich had a sexy Speedo with “AUS” on his ass, and a lifeguard’s shirt with “Mouth to mouth” on the front. Despite getting a little . . . cold . . . when we went outside for the fireworks, he was definitely hot. When I saw Cam, my first thought was The Royal Tennenbaums, but he was a seventies tennis star, with this crazy huge afro that eventually became too much for him to bear (it was itchy). I love how Cam is always smiling.

Chris(tina) premiered his drag show, and lots of people rubbed my tummy (soft cotton balls, remember?), and there were tequila shots and jello shots and tonnes of food and the fireworks show was hilarious, watching these costumed guys fumble around with explosives, match in one hand, drink in the other. A few of the fireworks went haywire — one ricoched off the parked minivan in front of the house and made us run. One woman had a hole burned into the fishnets by a firecracker spark. Craziness.

Eventually I got tired, of course, so I managed to convince Q and a Very Drunk Spencer that we all wanted McDonalds. The taxi companies had 30 minute to hour-long waits if you called, so we started walking down Gorge Road and managed to catch a cab as it dropped off a customer. (Same strategy as last year, actually.)

Also, I Went Out With a Straight Boy
Zac and I met up yesterday afternoon and he is awesome. He’s smart and funny and we went for a long walk along the Songhees after chugging tea (he drinks tea and spurns coffee! Yay!) and it was the best thing ever, getting to talk to someone that I have NEVER before talked to. When you start off knowing nothing about someone, there are infinite things to find out. So now I know his dad is/was in the military, and Zac moved cities every five years, and his parents split up when he was 11, and now he has a younger brother & sister, and a half-brother who’s 3, and four step-sisters. Also, he’s in school to be a nurse, and apparently nurses get to be caring & empathetic while doctors just have to know EVERYTHING FACTUAL and have crappy social skills. Zac likes the caring stuff. I didn’t point out that he’d have to wipe bums or do other icky things working in the health sector.

Zac was raised Catholic in Ontario, but he’s diverged from a lot of those conservative beliefs (e.g. he supports gay marriage). His hot button was abortion, which he says he’s never heard a decent argument for. I’ll have to get him and Q to face off over that one. It’d be amusing to watch.

Anyhoo, I had a great time and I really like him, which is a relief since he could easily have been crazy or stupid or married since I “picked him up” based solely on my attraction to him and that he was reading a book.

Also, we made a deal that Zac at least has to PRETEND that he doesn’t read my website. That way I won’t worry about repeating my ever-amusing anecdotes, or him knowing things I haven’t told him, et cetera.

Also, his birthday is April 29.

(I’m a fricking encyclopedia!)

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Rainy Halloween – Monday, Oct.31/05 – 6:06 pm
It’s only 6pm and it’s dark out there. It feels like 10pm or later. I am suddenly glad that my work day ends at 2/3pm, when it still looks like daytime.

I’m sleepy but I’m hesitant to nap because my body might think it’s bedtime, due to the darkness, and then I’ll waste my whole night. Instead of spending it on quality activities, like watching Medium and CSI: Miami . . .

An Amusing Bunny Anecdote
This morning Peter was following me around while I was getting ready, putting laundry away, etc. and I thought he wanted a snuggle so I stood still and let him climb onto my feet. But actually he wanted to suck on and undo the ribbon bows on my slippers.

Peter loves sucking on ribbons and undoing bows with his little bunny teeth . . .