Tag Archives: Quinn

February 2006

February 6, 2006 Heather Leave a comment

Sexy-Ass Skirt – Thursday, Feb.2/06
By which I mean: today I’m wearing the skirt that makes my ass look especially sexy.

In Other News
I am not tired, and I even woke up at 5:58 am (2 minutes before my first alarm went off), and I think it’s because I didn’t sleep way too much, like I normally do. After work I went for a quick tea break with Liv, and then met Joel at Chapters. We ate nachos and drank booze at the Irish Times (and the nachos were even decently cheesy, since I made a point of requesting extra cheese). Apparently the glasses at the Irish Times are larger than normal, and since I’m just a cheap drunk we were both a little tippy by 6:30. I wanted to take advantage and get my NEW “FUCK YOU!” BARBELL (oh yeah!!!!) installed, but the piercer at Urge was gone for the day so no luck there. (I found my Dream Belly Barbell while out with Jared on the weekend — forgot to mention that!)

Joel had his car so we went to see Nanny McPhee at the Odeon to give us time to sober up. It was Mary Poppins For Dummies . . . VERY heavy-handed with sad little gimmicks that I suppose small children might enjoy. Or perhaps I’m just being patronising.

Anyhoo, once I was home I checked my phone messages and realised that I’d double-booked myself for Thursday (today). That’ll teach me to make plans when I’m half-asleep. So I called Jared and postponed, and now I’m free to properly meet my New Person of the Day, aka Barry (Q’s UVic aquaintance), after work.

Did I mention that I’m wearing my Sexy-Ass Skirt?? Poor guy.

2nd Good Sleep in a Row – Friday, Feb.3/06
I think it must be these after-work encounters that are responsible. I have to stay awake until 9/10pm, and then I crash, and so I have 8 or so hours of sleep and wake up just before my alarm goes off.

I met Barry yesterday. He’s tall and has amazing eyebrows, so naturally I was weak-kneed from the beginning. And he’s smart and edumacated and funny, and he smiled lots (with pretty man-dimples). And then he kinda stumbled on his way to the washroom and my carefully applied Shell o’ Suaveness cracked . . . clumsiness is infinitely endearing. BUT I am being Good this time and NOT falling in love within minutes/hours/days, dammit. Really, I’m not. I’m going to be Cool and Aloof and avoid any/all untimely expressions of Love. You’ll see.

So I’ve only sent him one email so far today. That’s me, being restrained.

In My future, I See . . .
It’s Nadia’s birthday bash tonight!!! We’re going dancing. I am very excited. I love these girls. And tomorrow is Chanelle’s birthday, but I might not go if it looks like a Couple’s Thing (ew). Also, Joel has invited me to see a play a the Belfry sometime this month, which is exciting – I haven’t seen a Belfry play in a really long time, and they’re usually excellent.

Making Pre-Storm Lasagna – Friday, Feb.3/06 – 7:50 pm
We’re all just WAITING for the Apocalypse to hit the island. In preparation I bought two bottles of faux vino, rented three DVDs, and now have a big pan of lasagna in the oven.

Nadia had to go to Vancouver today (the ferries will likely be cancelled tomorrow) so our Darcy’s Birthday Bash was cancelled. Kind of a shame, because I felt like going out, but now with the storm swirling offshore I’m kind of pleased to be somewhere inside, safe and warm.

Shaking My Ass – Saturday, Feb.4/06 – 6:27 pm
Between naps I ate lasagna and watched Mad Hot Ballroom. I love dancing. I suspect I’m neglecting that part of my soul — I did ballet & jazz until I was 18 or thereabouts, and African and belly dancing and swing in university. These days the only time I shake my ass is while doing dishes or semi-drunk at the bar. In another life I would have been a showgirl. But in THIS life I can multitask (hobby-wise) so there’s no excuse for neglecting my ass-shaking self.

So I did dishes in my underwear and listened to Eminem’s Curtain Call, and now I’m loving my entire Eminem collection. I’m going dancing with Liv & Lauren tonight. I can’t wait.

Politics & Playing it Cool
It’s complicated, this whole dating and/or meeting new people thing. I was supposed to hang out with Jared the Carpenter this weekend, and I was supposed to call him today. But I feel like I milked that new-person-conversation cow. Meanwhile, he’s thinking (I assume) that we’re potential daters. And I’m just being a bitch by not calling when I said I would.

(Moment of empathy for)
Barry said he’d call me, and Q says that means this weekend if he’s interested in a date-situation. I am not a patient-waiter sort of person.

So I’m going out tonight. I’m going to shake off all this relationship-anxiety crap.

And maybe meet some new hottie.

Ugh – Sunday, Feb.5/06 – 10:55 am
If anyone ever says to you, Hey, let’s invent a cranberry-flavoured chip! PLEASE smack them.

I know this because. I had a bag of Miss Vickies for dinner last night, and drank cranberry-vodkas at Evolution. And then puked in the washroom.

Yes, I’ve become a Drunken Club Puker.

I’m so ashamed.

But wowwee, I sure felt better after that . . . and I don’t feel sick at all today. I’m eating lasanga . . . as usual.

So I ended up leaving at midnight (which is pathetic) because I was having a VERY hard time focusing/walking/etc. (And there was the puking incident.) I called Quinn as soon as I was out of the bar, and he talked me to safety until I was in a cab.

QUINN: “And don’t try sleeping on that goddamn loft bed.”

Alcohol is such a tricky tool. It’s so easy to overdo it, and thereby ruin your planned night out . . . to make me feel extra stupid, one of my favourite dance songs came on just as I was leaving.

Whatever. Lesson learned, blah blah blah. The storm’s stopped — I might go for a walk today.

Oh, and weird moment of the night: Liv said my arms looked all toned & athletic in my sexy tanktop. Perhaps eating bowls of lasagna is a strange form of exercise???

Walking With Ryefield – Sunday, Feb.5/06 – 6:52 pm
Ryefield came over today with a bag of greens from his garden. We tried to lure the bunnies out to sample the buffet, but they were shy. Peter ate some, but only once we were out of sight.

Ryefield was in a vicious accident awhile ago, was in a coma, and then spent months rehabilitating in the hospital. I think I mentioned some of his weird vocabulary side-effects earlier . . . anyhoo, we talked lots over tea, then walked down to Ross Bay and back up. Ryefield’s 32 and stunningly beautiful. It’s a pleasure just to look at him.

And now I’m sleepy . . . also I checked my work email and apparently our ministry was in EVERY major newspaper this weekend, so my morning will be busy tomorrow. I can justify going to bed early.

So. Whatever. – Monday, Feb.6/06 – 6:52 pm
Apparently this “being cool and aloof” thing works. Barry called me today and we’re going to the opera on Thursday. He said he thought The Rape of Lucretia was a play . . . very cute. I keep wondering why people want to take me to plays, and then I remember that I write plays. So, naturally. Silly me.

Also, I am even being cool and aloof re: telling y’all via this site, since he called at 3pm or so this afternoon, and it’s almost 4 hours since then. Of course, I did have a nap . . .

Anyhoo, I’m pleased. Or whatever. You know.

Peter’s Such a Cutie Patootie
He’s sprawled out on his yellow welcome mat by the porch door, and he’s so lazy that he’s grooming himself just by bobbing his head and stretching his tongue out. No extreme neck movement, no reaching around to his backside . . . how regal.

Speaking of which, Mom sent me a video AND three pictures of Hollis today!!! They tried to feed him non-boob-food and he wasn’t too pleased about that. He sounds like a dinosaur when he skreetches. Also, he says “Momma.” Evy assures me he also says “Aunty Heather.”

Mom called me last night — her and Dad are coming to visit me this Sunday! My first thought (I guiltily admit it) was that I’d have to let them have my bed. I love my bed. Dammit. And then I thought about seeing my family again, love love, et cetera . . . I suppose one night on the couch won’t kill me. I’ll just have revel in my Mattress all this week.

Everybody’s Away – Tuesday, Feb.7/06 – 6:23 pm
Jessie’s been training this week, and Liv was ill both Monday and today, and Q took a “mental health” day today, so it’s been a very strange few days at work. I miss our foursome gossip lunches. I hope Liv’s normal again soon.

Meanwhile, I’ve been super busy with work, and I’ve been trying earlier hours so I’m a new sort of tired.

Whine whine whine.

Matlock is a Tease
On the weekend I woke up one day at 4am so I flicked channels and found Matlock just as it was starting. Oh, lucky!!!! I hadn’t been able to catch a Matlock episode in months.

So I watched it, battling sleepiness, for the full hour, only to have it end abruptly, “to be continued.” CRUEL. How often is a Matlock fan awake at 4am? Not to mention on consecutive nights?? And there was no guarantee that if I DID manage to be awake at 4am the next morning, that the 2nd part would be the episode that aired.

Sometimes I’m tempted to buy DVD collections of Matlock, Murder She Wrote, and Columbo just so I never have to experience times like this. (Do they even have a DVD collection of Murder, She Wrote??????)

Also
I had a “breakfast burrito” (i.e. scrambled eggs, cheddar, salsa in a tortilla shell) for dinner yesterday. IT WAS HEAVEN, especially after multiple days of (really yummy) lasagna. I love eggs. And cheddar.

I think I might have that again.

Mid-tv Drama – Tuesday, Feb.7/06 – 10:37 pm
There was shouting and swearing and crying from one of the apartments down the hallway during a commercial break of The Rick Mercer Report, and wow do I love RealLife Drama when it isn’t my own.

I mean — I feel really awful for whoever was hurt and sad.

Then the commercial ended and I un-muted the tv because RealLife Drama tends to leave gaps in the plot and that would have bothered me for DAYS.

Also, Peter’s been spending way too much time on that yellow door mat. I think he’s avoiding me. Or just playing it cool and aloof . . . or his leg’s broken and in typical rabbit/prey style he’s pretending that everything’s fine so I don’t eat him.

Peter Still Loves Me? – Wednesday, Feb.8/06 – 9:09 pm
I lured him with a full food dish, grabbed him, and clipped his back nails. Which, by the way, were ridiculously long. He did all the usual Bunny Signs o’ Panic: heavy breathing, grinding his teeth . . . but I did NOT cut the quicks or anything like that, and it was fast, and he’s now a little stunned, sitting on the couch. Silly bunny.

BUSY Work
If it’s possible to run around like a fiend while sitting at a desk staring at a computer monitor, that’s what I did. At one point there were THREE coworkers lined up at my cubicle to ask me for projects. I love my job. I’m busy from start to finish, and if it ever gets overwhelming I’m allowed to say HELP ME!! or go for a walk or something. They appreciate the importance of mental health at my office. I like that.

Tomorrow I get to dress up all pretty and go to the opera with Barry. It’s been sunny and beautiful today, and I expect it to stay that way . . . hopefully it’ll be nice enough to wander around Victoria a little beforehand.

I went to Quinn’s after work today to snuggle with Celeste, his overweight lapdog. When Q came home he did situps and Celeste got all excited, and jumped onto his tummy, licking his face. It was wonderful. We had chilli for dinner and now I’m a little concerned that I might have stinky chilli farts tomorrow while sitting beside Barry in a stuffy opera hall. Stay tuned.

When Can I Stop Being Aloof? – Friday, Feb.10/06
I’ll have to ask Jessie, Liv & Q today . . . I had a great date with Barry last night. He’s so tall. I mean, great. We went to Shiki Sushi for dinner, and tried some new rolls (salmon tempura — strong fish taste, but yummy nonetheless), and drank tea and Barry tried green tea ice cream for the first time ever, and we talked lots. And then we realized it was almost 8 and we had to get cracking over to the Royal. So we did, and had great balcony seats with an aisle for Barry’s freakishly long legs.

Aesthetically-pleasing Rape
I was most interested to see how they’d present a rape scene (it IS “The Rape of Lucretia,” after all) without it being terrible and tacky and traumatic. And until the rape scene I was giggly — operas tend to make me giggly, since they are so FAKE, what with the excessively formal music and flowery narration, etc — but then Lucretia was in her bed and the light was just so goddamn pretty. Purple on faux marble, white silky material . . . anyhoo. And then I really got into the whole experience . . . the 1940’s narrators/chorus mediate between the Roman-times story and the 2006 audience “with eyes that have wept for Christ” (or something like that) and it’s just a great gimmick, theatrically & thematically. Love vs. lust, purity and jadedness, etc. And Barry was holding my hand, so that also made everything better.

How strange, to see an opera about rape on a date.

So the opera ended at 10 or thereabouts, and we were going to get a drink at the Med Grill but it was closed, so we decided to say goodnight, and I GOT SMOOCHED. Oh yeah. So there. I got me some sugar. And it was very very good sugar.

But enough of that.

So hopefully I’ll have more adventures with Barry to report, after this busy weekend . . . I’m going to see a play with my buddy Joel tonight, and eat nachos and drink cider, and tomorrow I’m venturing to Nanaimo to meet up with my parents before they come to Victoria Sunday. Busy busy busy. And with smooch-cooties.

Laundry, Laundry Everywhere – Saturday, Feb.11/06 – 2:48 pm
I decided to stay in Victoria today and clean my house so my parents don’t have to wade through bunny hair when they visit me tomorrow.

I did laundry early this morning, and since the house drier is TERRIBLE I hung everything up, so my undies are clothes-pinned to a wool line across my living room and socks are hung everywhere else, and shirts are hung up on my loft frame. It’s very moist in here.

I don’t know where the sunshine went, but it’s grey and kind of windy outside . . . hopefully Barry and I will go for a walk or sit somewhere warm and drink tea for awhile this afternoon. This is snuggling-while-watching-craptv weather . . . I don’t know if that’s an appropriate third date. And Q’s off in Vancouver being a sinner and hooligan, so I can’t ask him for moral guidance. Or etiquette, whatever . . .

Anyhoo, I watched Wedding Crashers (the “uncorked” version) just now. It’s so bad. I really wanted it to be a great movie because I’m stuck owning the DVD thanks to my sneaky Columbia House membership.

Last night I saw The Love List at the Belfry with Joel, my UVic buddy. It –

(entry suddenly interrupted by a phone call, a boiling kettle, or something — can’t remember)

Parents to Arrive @ Any Time! – Sunday, Feb.12/06 – 1:01 pm
See half-completed entry for yesterday below.

I’ve been a schnozzle at updating due to cleaning, sleeping, and unexpectedly long visits with Barry. Sorry about that.

Highlights
Went to Darcy’s to drink and eat nachos with Liv, Nadia and Michelle. Jessie & Jon & friend showed up just as we were leaving for Red Jacket. Red Jacket is shittiest club EVER. 99% of employees have major attitude and make you PAY for it ($8 cover, mandatory $2 coat check, expensive drinks). THIS IS NOT VANCOUVER, DAMMIT. Various flirtatious dramas vicariously experienced via female companions. Barry showed up (I invited earlier) and he DANCES which is stunning for such a tall man. I’ve never met a tall guy who feels comfortable dancing when not completely sloshed (or ever). Very sexy, along with usual sexy-Barry qualities. Took Barry home with me at midnight. Yadda yadda. Barry left at noonish, I ran around finishing house chores. Parents should be here asap. It’s sunny outside. Peter left a poop in his newly-cleaned litterbox that looks like braided black jelly.

Guilty Admission – Monday, Feb.13/06 – 7:12 pm
I’m eating bunny food.

I was dishing out the pineapple and oh, it looked really good, so I divided it three ways.

Visiting With the ‘Rents
It was a short visit so I miss them! A writing teacher told us to always “leave them wanting more,” and it’s true. We had a long dinner at Swan’s last night, and they kidnapped me from work for breakfast today. We talked about how wonderful Hollis is. And now they should be almost landing in Cranbrook, with an hour and a half drive home.

Post-Valentines Sleepiness – Wednesday, Feb.15/06
Yawn.

After work yesterday I went home, grabbed my rolling pin, pie crust recipe, and some random ingredients, changed into comfortable clothes, and went to Q’s where I was mauled by Celeste. Celeste is very very overweight these days. It’s leftover pudge from her gluttonous Christmas with Nadia and Nadia’s family, plus minimal exercise due to Q’s laziness, plus . . . I’m not sure. That’s probably enough to explain her pudge. Anyhoo. Celeste and I drove to Safeway and I bought AMAZING steaks, romaine lettuce, etc etc, and then I went back to Q’s and napped until 6pm. At which point I marinated the steaks and started on the pies.

In conclusion: we had an amazing dinner. Guests included Liv, Jessie, Spencer, Lauren, Leland, with end-of-the-evening-visits from Jessie’s Jon, and Barry. My lemon meringue pies (2) didn’t have enough time to cool properly so we couldn’t eat them (Leland tried — the filling was like lemon soup), but the apple one was great. I’d forgotten my apple pie recipe at home, so I invented the filling — and I used Golden Delicious apples instead of my usual red ones, on the advice of the Safeway produce guy. Very yummy. Q cooks a perfect steak, and his Caesar Salad Dressing is the most amazing salad dressing ever created on the planet.

Barry came over to pick me up after his writing class, at about 10pm or so, and we went to my house and he stayed over, even knowing that I had to work at 6am Wednesday/today.

So a very exceptional Valentine’s Day, all in all, thanks to my Victoria Family, excellent food, and a snuggle partner. Hope yours was equally pleasing.

I Love Thursdays – Feb.16/06
Hollis was born on a Thursday, we go to Atomic Vaudeville on Thursdays, CSI is on tv, and everyone’s chipper because it’s almost Friday but not quite so we aren’t lethargic and anxious about the weekend.

I’ve been very confused lately, seeing shiny cds hung around Olympian’s necks, and used as icons in the newspapers. Is this a new fad, I wondered? And no, it turns out that Torinians/Italians/2006 Olympians are using shiny cds as Olympic medals.

Gold CD = gold medal.

I don’t understand it.

If we’d had a Backyard Olympics when I was a little kid (which we never did because we just weren’t sporty enough — we made Hitchcock-esque films and read to each other) then we might have used chiny cds as medals. (Except that we didn’t have cds then. Dammit — yet another logistic gap in my little analogy here . . .) But grown ups, professional athletes, multi-billion dollar sports ventures using shiny cds as medals????? It just feels wrong.

Hollis’s First Email!! – Thursday, Feb.16/06 – 2:27 pm
mjn vb k .o 7vv7s rhgd56 7victrx5xcf56686cyf bc jb ,ghvb gvbhjm

love hollis*

* I think Evy wrote that last bit.

Windy Cold Friday Day – Feb.17/05 – lunchtime
Ew. I walked to work today from Barry’s house — it’s very close, only a few blocks, but wowwee that wind was vicious. It’s so cold out there!!!! I’ve been lusting after Q’s fireplace (and a snuggle with Celeste) all morning.

Yes, so, I went to Barry’s last night. He lives with a roommate, Scott, who is currently in Toronto. They have a beautiful, huge apartment — typical ’70s size, with hardwood and huge windows. And Barry’s room is painted yellow 🙂

The strangest part is the shower — here’s one of the tallest men ever, at 6-foot-four or something, and the showerhead is JUST above my head. One day I’d like to watch Barry try to wash his hair. It must be the yoga that enables him to bend like that.

Anyhoo, this weekend will be very exciting, but not for the usual drunken reasons. It’s the Times Colonist Book Sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Over 30,000 books have been donated by my fellow Victorians, and on Saturday Jessie & I will join the ever-present throng and hunt for classics (aka Horatio Hornblower, by C.S. Forester, for Dad). Saturday afternoon I’m watching Liv at her recital, and then I MIGHT (but probably won’t) accompany Liv & Jessie to watch a Doors cover band. Or maybe I’ll rent 1,000 bad movies and gorge on Miss Vickies . . . whatever. It’ll be a good night, I expect.

And maybe I’ll get around to writing some more interesting thoughts — unlike these obnoxious day-after journal entries.

Weird Saturday Morning – Feb.18/06 – 12:17 pm
Sometime in the past twenty-four hours, the trellis wall on the bunnies’ balcony blew off in the windstorm. That’s pretty impressive, considering that the wall has already survived seasons of Victoria windstorms.

So I equipped myself with hammer, SuperGlue, a hoody and my cell phone (in case I needed Dad’s advice), and went out to fix the problem. Kim, my upstairs neighbour and the bunnies’ GodMother, arrived to help me with the heavier/more awkward bits, and now everything’s back to normal, and relatively stable out there. I’m going to somehow tie the trellis to various parts of the balcony to help it withstand future storms, especially now that it’s been pieced together by ME, and not my Dad, the SuperCarpenter.

And then I checked my work email, to see what’s going on in the world, and one of my bosses had written to ask me if I could throw together a quick media package of all the overnight media (since we’re, as usual, frontpaging it up today). So I worked for a wee while, and now I’m craving dim sum, which doesn’t necessarily follow from work in a logical manner, but that’s how it is.

Also today is the Times Colonist Book Sale. I really want to go, even though I don’t need any more books for myself. Dad’s always looking for more copies of C.S. Forester’s Horatio Hornblower series (that way he can lend them out to virgin readers and get them addicted). But I’m going to watch Liv’s recital at 2:30/3, so I have to work around that.

Anyhoo. A busy and unusual day so far. I haven’t even had a pot of tea yet, since I’m out of drinkable milk. Maybe I’ll go to the Shell station and remedy that . . .

Clean Dishes Everywhere – Sunday, Feb.19/06 – 11:17 am
Well, everywhere in the kitchen. I love washing dishes. It’s the only time I get to listen to music properly — and I’m all warm from the dishwater, so that’s nice too. I shook my ass to Eminem’s Curtain Call today . . .

I went with Liv, Jessie & Lauren to The Unknown Soldier, a Doors cover band, last night. It was fun — we found great seats, ate a tonne of food that’s bad for us (i.e. onion rings!!!! I love onion rings!!!!) but there was also a plate of veggies & dip so there was the illusion of a well-balanced meal. The lead singer was a lot of fun, although he was clearly disappointed with the chatty audience . . . Liv chugged doubles, and then was shocked back to sobriety by her bill. We left around 11/12, between sets, because Lauren & Liv were restless and wanted to go dancing, and Jessie & I were lame and sleepy. Jessie’s man Jon picked us up and drove me home.

Peter’s Pissed
In other thrilling news . . . Peter’s extremely upset with me these days because we’re out of hay. To demonstrate his disapproval, he:
– leaves poops everywhere;
– chews on inappropriate items, such as the yellow door mat (plastic!) and the pissy newspaper in his litterbox;
– stares at me. (This is the worst one.)
I really need to get some hay today.

Reinforcing the Trellis
In preparation for future windstorms, I want to “tie” the trellis to the rock posts on the balcony. Ideally, I’d like to get some chain, to avoid rain-rot, bunny teeth, and to work with the aesthetic needs of the house. Also, I want to nail on some more supports — to make those triangle-angles that Dad says are strongest. So I need some more wood.

Oh, and I’m Itchy
My skin’s been BIZARRLY (how do I spell that???) dry this past week. I NEVER have dry skin — I sweat too much for that nonsense. And this is Victoria, dammit — ocean humidity and such. So, on the advice of my girlfriends, I have been:
– applying LOTS of moisturizing lotions
– avoiding the loofah in the shower
– avoiding drying soaps
– NOT scratching.

And then I mentioned to Liv & Jessie the other day that I have 3-4 showers per day, because it’s cold in my apartment and I LOVE the hot water, and they looked at me like I’m a moron, and pointed out that there’s a lot of chlorine in that water and that I’m not giving my body a chance to create/use its natural oils.

So I haven’t had a shower yet today, and I didn’t have my pre-bedtime shower last night (which would have been shower #5). I’m going to TRY and survive the day by washing my hair and face only.

I might get smelly.

But I’m willing to take that risk.

And the dishwater made me nice and warm, so I’m not even cold.

Sexy Updates – Rated NNAFR (Not Necessarily Appropriate For Relatives)
Barry’s in Vancouver this weekend, so I’ve got nothing too exciting for you. I have had a number of emails/phone calls from some of my other male “friends” (aka past potentials) but I’m just too apathetic to follow up. I quite like Barry — so we’ll see how this goes for now.

Also, Barry was talking about the “mysteries” of the female body the other night, so I’ve exploited this opportunity to buy him a book called The Lowdown on Going Down — it’s written by a speech therapist and is ALL ABOUT crazy mouth exercises, with also some basic demystification info re: female anatomy. I realise it’s . . . controversial . . . to buy a new snuggle partner a “how to” sex book, but he opened the door, dammit. I’m just walking through.

For anyone out there who is interested in quality sex books, you should know that I am a conneiseur. In my writing classes, the professors always said that the two most difficult subjects to write about are Sex and Death. This is SO TRUE. (Really — try it sometime. And then let me read it, so I can point out to you all the terrible cliches you’ve inevitably used.) So I like to browse sex books and judge how the writers have approached certain subjects, their use of words vs. illustrations, their biases re: female/male stereotypes, their treatment of non-heterosexual relationships, etc. A lot of current sex books are illustrated with sexy cartoons, use urban popculture references (“If you’re willing to spend $7 on a coffee, why not $14 on a quality sex book?”) and are a lot more accessible than older books (that is, they’re funny, open, and there’s less scientific crap that you have to skim over). With this in mind, I’m a HUGE fan of the book I chose for Barry. I read it Friday and it’s brilliant — the best oral sex guide I’ve read to date. I highly recommend it. In fact, I might give you each a copy for Christmas next year.

Chugging Hot Chocolate – Monday, Feb.20/06 – 6:48 pm
And the Wackiest Weekend Award goes to . . . Liv!!

I wandered over to Liv’s house last night for supper and walked in on the strangest, most fucked-up, inappropriate phone call EVER MADE EVER.

One of Liv’s buddies from Evolution had called and chatted for a fairly long time about the girl he’d taken home the night before, the exceptional (albeit violent) sex they’d had, blah blah blah. And then he asked Liv out on a date.

Really.

Men constantly surprise me . . .

Barry Musings
Most of you know about my problem re: falling in love with complete strangers I see through the bus windows/etc. So this time around (i.e. meeting Barry and our subsequent dates) I’ve been trying this new thing called “Playing it Cool,” which means essentially that I do everything the same, except without the constant internal monologue and daydreams about moving to Okinawa together. My Crew advised me to keep my heart protected for this one, so I compromised and wrapped it in SaranWrap, which has been surprisingly pleasant — not falling in love after 5 minutes has led to fewer (aka no) anxiety attacks, heartbreak, sleepless nights, and so on.

Sooooo when do I get to unwrap my heart? When do normal people fall in love? When do dating couples get to be excited about each other? This is all new & scary — mainly because I’ve never restrained myself before (internally).

Coming to Terms with Wisdom Teeth – Tuesday, Feb.21/06 – 7:35 pm
I think I’ll get them out. I’ve been stalling . . . it just seems so unnatural to have something removed from my body that’s grown in (and isn’t going to kill me).

(Peter just discovered the parsley I put in his food dish — what a happy bunny!!)

Today in the mirror I noticed that my front teeth are buckling. Barry told me about that particular Wisdom Teeth side effect. So I booked a “consultation” with an oral surgeon after my dentist check up this afternoon, and in March I’m getting proper xrays taken, and then I’m getting the bastards scraped out of my gums.

I think this will be okay. Thank god I have a sweet ass dental plan through work.

Food, Food, Glorious Food
And then I went grocery shopping. I have SO MUCH CHEESE in my fridge . . . two blocks of swiss, one cheddar, even half a block of mozzarella . . . and lots of veggies. It was extra funny, buying carrots and parsley, sprouts & salad greens & celery & a cuke, AND A BAG OF RABBIT FOOD. Ha. Irony. Or something.

Also, I did my income taxes last night (started to — didn’t file them or anything yet), and I get a refund of $692. Yay!!! Even better — today in the mail I got another T-whatever form, for the interest I’ve paid on one of my MANY student loans: it’s more than $1000. I don’t know how that works out re: my tax refund, but I like being able to claim it. It’s the illusion of not just sending hundreds of dollars into some vast student loan void . . . I get a sexy piece of paper with an amount on it at tax time! Yippee!

I think that’s most of my exciting news . . . the government tabled the budget today, which means a VERY busy day tomorrow. I’m going to throw itchy-skin caution to the wind and have a hot shower, then go to bed and do Sudoku puzzles until I fall asleep.

Also, Barry’s back from Vancouver now, so I’ll get to see him again soon 🙂

Wasted Sexy Undies – Wednesday, Feb.22/06 – 10:26 pm
I THOUGHT I would get to see Barry tonight, but apparently my emails weren’t clear enough because he thought our plans were unconfirmed, which led to an 8:30pm conversation that sums up all my displeasure with men & relationships:

BARRY: “You can come over, if you want.”

Um, no. I’m something to be wanted. Asked for. If a man is away for three, four days he should want to SEE ME ASAP. I don’t do last minute, half-assed house calls.

So I’m still here, at home, watching murders on television and swearing under my breath.

I’ve Stumbled into Heaven – 7:41 pm
Monty Python’s Personal Best is on tv. Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod. Also, I have a bottle of blackberry faux vino in the fridge. All I need is a tall sexy man to smooch.

Worst Experience Ever
I can’t believe I forgot to mention this yesterday — it was a traumatic incident . . .

When I got my teeth cleaned they used a mint-flavoured polish, which is really gritty (I guess it sands the enamel or something??). And then, of course, I rinsed a lot and fluorided and rinsed. But when I was waiting for the bus after grocery shopping I bit down and a grainy chunk of minty polish EXPLODED between my teeth. Sand everywhere. Disgusting foul mint-taste everywhere.

I almost died.

Still makes me shake, thinking about it.

PMS + Alcohol = Exercise, Thursday, Feb.23/06 – 8:12 pm
So it got all snowy and grey-skied and snowy/rainy, and instead of going for a walk Barry and I drank beverages at Serious Coffee. (I confess — coffee for Barry, a to-go cup of faux wine for me . . . I was hoping it’d calm me down somewhat.) And mid-coffee date Barry got a phone call and planned something with someone, which I later learned was post-dinner socializing at the Tapas Bar with his friends Dave & Noah.

Which, of course, made it impossible for me to bring up the whole sleepover idea.

(I’m tired of being the sexual one. I think these are Dad’s cursed genes. Certainly, it’s unladylike of me.

Anyhoo.)

And so I said, um, so, I suppose that means you’ll be running off soon, and he said Well, I can do dinner, if you want to.

Yay. I’m a time-killer. Like tv.

So I said, No, I’m not a Better-Than-Nothing time-killer. Also, I’m cranky and I think I should go before I start a fight with you.

And then I went home and drank the rest of the faux vino and danced for almost an hour to Eminem in candlelight.

I’m afraid to turn off the Eminem — I might lose it.

“Lose it.” Ha ha. That’s an Eminem song.

Men are undeserving fuckers (sorry, men) and I’m tired of y’all. Wish to god I could be a lesbian.

Instead, maybe I’ll be a writer for a wee while. I’ve heard good things about that.

(Also — lesson to you men who clearly don’t know shit: Make Yer Woman Feel Wanted and Special, or She’ll Ditch Your Lame Ass.)

Coming to terms with PMS – Friday, Feb. 24/06 – 4:32 pm
I’ve been a moody wench all day. I’m trying to repress that, and look forward to a comforting evening with Barry: a walk ‘n’ talk, and hopefully a sleepover if I manage to control my bitchiness.

I have good friends, because they:
1. listen to me whine and complain and moan; and then
2. they tell me to stop it, because I’m just being moody.

This Saturday is Atomic Vaudeville’s launch party for The Qualities of Zero, which will be playing at the Belfry theatre in March. My guests and I will be dressing up for the event. I hope I can still sort-of zip up my sexy faux fur coat . . .

It’s been sunny and not-so-chilly all afternoon, and I really want to wander around outside. Hopefully Barry will be able to venture out before it gets dark.

I’m going to drink some vodka now — my inner wench is starting to pout.

Chilly Apartment – Saturday, Feb.25/06 – 7:44 am
No wonder I have too many showers/baths in a day! It’s freezing in here, and I’m in . . . three layers of PJ-wear!!!!

Anyhoo. Drama.

I was still pissy mad yesterday after the whole Barry’s An Insensitive Twit episode, so Liv & Jessie Q took me for sushi at lunch, and then I went out last night with Liv & Lauren. And we danced and danced, and chatted up boys, and gave out phone numbers (well, I did — they were busy canoodling their evening candies), and drank double vodkas, and looked FABulous (as Lauren would/did say). I spent a lot of last night talking with a sexy 21 year old I know from Invermere but keep not recognizing (most of my memories are from his awkward teenage years — Aaron’s a friend of my brother Joe). Aaron’s looking pretty good these days. It’s weird talking to someone who knows my family — I updated him on Hollis’s creation, Evy’s domestic paradise, Joe’s quasi-illegal (age-wise) live-in relationship, Mom & Dad, blah blah blah. Apparently when he was a young’un I showed him how to play The Offspring’s “Come Out and Play” on the drums, and now he’s the drummer in a wee local band. I feel like a teacher, discovering she’d made a difference 30 years after retirement. Heart-warming, truly.

After doling out phone numbers to a birthday boy (who kept telling me how much money he made, that he owned a house, and that he sold drugs for four years — yippee) and a shy little army brat, I was hoping Aaron would lose the family reunion approach and get flirty (I know — young and incestuous, but he’s looking VERY good these days) until he said:

AARON: “Wow, you really look like your dad.”

So then I got hiccups and went home. A fun night, nonetheless.

Stumbling Drunken Musicians – Sunday, Feb.26/06 – 9:44 am
Nadia, Michelle and I went to Atomic Vaudeville’s launch party for The Qualities of Zero last night. VERY schmoozy . . . I met all kinds of interesting people, from Britt’s mom Carol to Brad Payne, a Calgary actor and producer of The Headless Cowboy.

Mike Delamont and Rod Peter Jr. helped amuse my galpals with their sexy banter, and after the party (full of quiche and Real Wine) I walked with them until I reached home. (Nadia and Michelle went dancing at Plan B.)

Highlights of the evening include: a tall, single guitar player who was the target of our girly gossip until he got stupidly drunk and couldn’t stand up. We made him sit down, and he sat quietly for awhile, but then stood up and managed to knock over the table of quiches and glasses of red wine. Those musicians . . .

Meanwhile, I met some great, interesting people . . . Paul Anka (that CAN’T be his correct name — I think that’s a folksinger or something) is a wealthy Texan who “discovered” Mike & Rod during the Fringe Festival. He owns two or more condos on the Songhees, one of which is all hardwood floors and a wall mirror where Rod & Mike rehearse daily. The other one is carpeted and lush, and he leant that to the launch party. Mike & Rod are going to New York sometime soon to film a pilot and start a tour. I REALLY want to be part of their laughtrack. We’re working out the technicalities.

I talked for awhile with Brad Payne, who is SuperSmart and (I think) even got all my jokes. Very refreshing. It was especially fun talking to him while the drunk musician was . . . weaving? is that the right word? . . . in his chair. Brad would say something clever, I’d respond, and then the musician would weave a little and Brad would look at me, and say something else.

Also, there was a cheese plate. I LOVE cheese plates. And brownies. And some other food that I didn’t even bother trying because the cheese plate and brownies were so good.

Writerly Talk
Britt reiterated her GENEROUS, WONDERFUL, TEASING offer to stage a reading of one of my scripts in March/April. We were talking about possible scripts, and I’m concerned that Mary/Mary (aka “On the Rag” — hahahahahahaha) is unaccessible to too many people, even though I love it and think it’s brilliant and could change the world if rewritten & presented properly. Alternatively, Britt was talking about developing a script from a starting idea, which would be SO HELPFUL to me, to be able to finish BitterScripts. I love that opening scene, and I want it to go somewhere.

Anyhoo, we will see. Maybe I’ll be inspired by some new idea this month . . . although it’s so hard to think of anything beyond work (coroner’s inquests and director’s reviews and that sort of thing).

And a Little Bit of Boy Talk . . . Just a Little Bit
I haven’t communicated with Barry since the Thursday incident. Here is what I think about that, in no particular order:

This probably means I was right, and he was losing interest in me or had found someone else, and just couldn’t express it properly. So c’est la vie.
He thinks I’m a crazy moody beast after being so pissy on Thursday, and he’s either scared of me now, and hoping I’ll just go away, or waiting for an apology (which he will never get because I was right in reading his “signals,” even if he didn’t mean to send them).
He intends to wait out my mood, which of course is a bad idea since I’ll just get used to not having him around, and my tempermental short-term memory will delete him entirely. And/or I’ll find someone else.

That’s all I’ve got about that. Is it right to think that if a guy doesn’t “fight” for you he’s not worth it anyhow, since he:
a.) doesn’t care enough, and/or
b.) is a pussy?

Men? Any opinions on this one? Your people are SO STRANGE AND MYSTERIOUS.

Daily Epiphany – Monday, Feb.27/06
I’ve become jaded in love. How the hell did that happen????? I’m the one who has to keep my heart in SaranWrap so that I don’t lose sleep over random men at Chapters. BUT thanks to these past few years of dating pussies + my Mom’s undying affection for that crap book He’s Just Not That Into You I’ve become sensitive to rejection. Which is weird. It’s un-Heather-like. I’m a self-absorbed, cocky wench — I expect everyone to love me. Where did I go wrong????

All Dressed Up – Monday, Feb.27/06 – 6:31 pm
One of my most favourite activities ever is getting ready to go out at night. I listen to my favourite music (not just Eminem!) and get to play with my Drawer o’ MAC MakeUp and wear pretty things that are inappropriate for work or weekend brunch.

On a Completely Unrelated Note
I was asked today what the protocol is for those of you who don’t want to be the subject of this website, but who want to spend time with me. I’m not entirely sure. I will think about that one. Fake names and codes wouldn’t work too well, since y’all know who these people are anyways . . . I suppose I could speak in metaphor . . . um . . . I’m just not too great at keeping my big mouth shut. Especially about things/experiences that directly affect me.

Anyhoo, I’ll see how that works out in my mind . . . stay tuned for some really really subtle codes. Or not.

And Hey, “Torrible” the Comment Leaver!
You aren’t supposed to know about The Mint and Syn!!! You’re supposed to be in Toronto, so I can pretend you’re Levi MacDougall, stalking me lovingly. Dammit.

Peter Says ” ” – Tuesday, Feb.28/06 – EARLY a.m.
Due to prodding by certain prodders I tried to explain the mandate of this website the other day, so here are some thoughts on that:

My New Year’s Resolution for 2005 was to write everyday, but it’s boring & useless & unmotivating & unsatisfying to write when no one else will read it (unless I refine it and make it publishable/produceable). A website lets me feel that others can access & read my shite, and therefore there’s motivation & purpose to the daily writing goal.
I’m fairly righteous and stubborn in my perceptions of the world. I like generalizations, categories . . . “eldest child,” “Aries,” “small-town girl,” etc. But I don’t think this is a healthy way to see the world, so by presenting these assumptions to you I tend to reevaluate them for myself, and also you get the opportunity to argue with me. Which is unpleasant, but ultimately very helpful.
One day I will write something and you will be in it. This is a rehearsal for that experience: you learn to see yourself refracted through my eyes, and I get to learn how to “edit” myself to accommodate people’s feelings & vulnerabilities without feeling like I’ve “sold out” as a writer.
My life is crazy. ALL our lives are crazy. There’s drama and intrigue and bizarre, fucked-up twists that boomerang out of nowhere. If I don’t record this craziness I won’t believe it in 20 years.
In 20 years I can read this and see how self-involved and narrow-minded I was, and feel super great for having evolved into a better person.
This is helping my writing. Not only through the practice of writing SOMETHING every day, but also because I’ve noticed verbal tics, certain limits in my vocabulary, etc. and being aware of these patterns has made it easier to avoid them, and to write well.

Also, the M Awards are tonight!!!!! I’ll be sitting with my favourite AV folks, and I’ve promised to “booh” Brad if he performs his excerpt from The Headless Cowboy for a THIRD time in my presence.

Little Spitfire

October 2005

October 1, 2005 Heather Leave a comment

Sunny Saturday – October 1, 2005 – 11:28 am
It’s beautiful outside!!! Which is handy, because Jessie is moving today, and Q is having a BBQ tonight. Yesterday it monsooned, and we’d all resigned ourselves to yet another rainy winter.

My Nephew
His name is Hollis Robert Babich. I think I’m spelling that correctly …? The “Hollis” part is Jared’s invention — I love having another “H” in the family. “Robert” is for my Dad, and “Babich” is Jared’s last name. Apparently everyone is healthy & doing well, except that Evy is really tired. Hollis is “suckling” (Jared’s word) and peeing and pooping “like a trooper” (Dad’s expression). I leave next Friday for Thanksgiving with my family!!!!

Atomic Vaudeville’s Gayest Show On Earth
I was nervous, because I don’t think there are many gay actors associated with AV and therefore it was like AV doing a “Black” themed show with its all-white cast. Lotsa potential for awkward moments.

However, it was wonderful. Spencer criticised the music playing before the show started, but the closing performance made up for it — a dance number with Cher, early Madonna, etc.

AV attendees included: Q, Cameron from Toronto, Spencer, Jessie & Karen, me, and John. (Liv was exhausted so went home to sleep instead.)

And I think I’ve pinpointed exacty what it is about John that makes me feel . . . uncomfortable?? I don’t really think he’s gay — he’s 36 and a man should know himself by then, and then the brown soes + black socks thing, and also I just don’t think he’s gay. HOWEVER, he emits “gay-vibes” which were apparent to my friends (who are/know ‘mos) and therefore I wasn’t just drunk/sleepy/paranoid the other night. And there’s nothing wrong with “gay-vibes.” It’s another way of saying sensitive, soft, considerate, affectionate, etc. But I am surrounded by “gay-vibes” A LOT, since I’m surrounded by gay people A LOT, and the last thing I want is to have this sort of . . . . frequency???? . . . in my bed. I need another flavour in my life. Something like Shawn (intelligent & tough), but also considerate.

Last night I had a dream where I was madly in love with this guy who was tall, yes, but who also was BIG (aka stocky) and had a huge smile. Most of my tall men are skinny — I think that’s because the stocky ones look older to me, and that makes me insecure (no more highschool confidence). But Tyler (my two-day fling in 2003) is tall & “filled-out,” and that was pretty great, for what it was.

Anyhoo, that’s what I’m thinking today.

Also, I’m considering running around the block, but it’s sunny and I’m not sure how hot it is outside — probably fine. And I’m thinking of my Sister & Hollis (like I have all week). And I’m wondering when Alive was due — I ought to watch that today.

Sullen Sunday – October 2, 2005 – 10:35 am
It’s grey out there. Ew.

So, for the record, I DID go for a run yesterday. I am AMAZING. I’ve been running my Xtreme route; I’m amazed that I am in good enough shape to do this without dying.

Q’s BBQ was wonderful. Being the Handy Carpenter’s Daughter that I am, I checked the BBQ for propane leaks and got it all ready to cook our steaks. Guests included Spencer, Brian, Jessica, and Jessie & Justin — it’s nifty to see how this group of people manage to get along so well with each other: Spencer and Jessica can bond and have a good talk, and then Spencer and I will gossip, and Jessica & Q & Brian will talk, and there aren’t any uncomfortable pairings or silences.

Brian’s a new addition — he’s a nurse, in his 30s I think. Q and I met him over Dim Sum last weekend. He owns a house and Q and him are “house-owning” friends — they talk about paint and hardwood flooring. A beautiful man, as always.

New Target o’ Love & “Stalking”
Spencer has a tall, straight & single client named Tim. We have worked out a plan of attack:

Spencer sneakily manages to get his last name. (We have his home phone number, but it’s unlisted so that doesn’t help.)
I find him on the gov’t directory (he works for gov’t) and manage to check him out by visiting a friend in the ministry.
If I approve of Tim, we arrange to have some ridiculously hot photo of me at Spencer’s station when Tim has his next appointment (approx. 2 months from now).
At the appointment, Spencer does the uber-cool hook-up negotiations.

This strategy manages to avoid pitfalls including: lack of professionalism on Spencer’s part, and my tendency to be frighteningly assertive.

Other Future Plans
Peter’s litterbox stinks, and the baby bunnies keep throwing the fresh hay out of their litterbox — both issues require clean litter. So I will have to track down some newspaper today.

When I’m gone for Thanksgiving holidays I’m going to put the baby bunnies in the kitchen. That way I won’t have to worry about attracting rats with the food & litter. I’ve done this before for fairly short absences, and I think it’s the best option. Pet-sitters are handy, but I might as well take advantage of my rabbits’ independent nature.

JESSIE & Q: “Our pets cuddle with us.”

HEATHER: “Oh yeah? Well, I can leave the bunnies alone for weeks at a time.”

Exercise & Self-Esteem
I heard somewhere that men who work out have greater-than-average self-esteem, but women who work out have less-than-average. I suspect that this might be true, because the best motivation I’ve found so far to go run is to be aware of my belly and its new squishiness. When I didn’t have a belly, I NEVER would have invested in running shoes or bothered to consider a running route. But after a morning of chugging orange pekoe & watching crapTV/movies on the couch, I become extremely aware of my . . . soft middle . . . and so I want to get rid of it, and so I run.

As always, though, my moods change — most times, I love my squishy tummy and I like to snuggle it when I sleep. I suppose it’s a good thing to experience periodic lowered self-esteem, because then I exercise.

Exercise is another socially-acceptable form of self-harm . . . funny, how there are so many mainstream masochists in our world.

Highlights of the Day – Monday, Oct.3/05 – 4:55 pm
I worked mad hours, from 6am to 3:45pm or so. It was busy, what with question period and et cetera. I love my job.

Also, on the walk home I saw:

a grown-up man (30-40 years old) “driving” a model car up the handrail to his front door;
the church sign:

CH CH
What’s missing?
UR

haha!

And I bought some smoked salmon to eat with swiss cheese & pickles. My usual “meals” are more like appetizer plates.

This morning I sent in my MFA application . . . if they accept me for the program, I have to apply to UBC’s graduate school. Scary.

It’s blue-skied outside but still chilly, which always confuses me. I want to loll about in my bikini on the lawn. Being inside on sunny days makes me feel guilty. I rented A Beautiful Mind, though, to keep me occupied — you might remember, I was reading this at one point. But big book + busy life + recent illiterate tendencies = I didn’t finish the book.

Funny, how I have a busy life even though I spend so much of it staring at a computer screen. Almost 10 straight hours of work (I worked through lunch today too) means almost 10 straight hours of computer stuff. Then I write a few emails and type on this thing. No wonder I’m getting chubby.

And there’s SO MUCH LESS STRESS in my life these days than there was at UVic. Holy Christ. People at work are getting . . . testy . . . about the crazy workload, and even though I’m running around (or sitting) doing 1,000 things at once it’s NOTHING like school, because once I (eventually) leave the office I can watch movies or CSI or do a Suduko puzzle or eat smoked salmon or run my Xtreme route or bond with you people in person/via the phone.

My Xtreme Route
. . . previously known as “running around the block.” This new term represents the PHYSICAL EFFORT that I exert doing this exercise. Q was mocking my “running around the block” because he thought I/the route was wimpy. But no, there are complicated switchbacks and et cetera and I almost DIE every time. Therefore: Xtreme route.

As for the Nephew
Hollis Robert Babich is a beautiful little fella. Mom sent me a video today of them playing dress-up with him. I woke up this morning to the INCREDIBLE realization that my little sister has created not only a PERSON, but a PERSON WITH A PENIS. How cool is that? I can’t wait to meet him. I hope he likes me.

This Morning – Tuesday, Oct.4/05
While walking to work I saw three raccoons gardening a neighbour’s lawn! Raccoons are so cool. Like superbig bunnies with Halloween makeup. I walked right among them — one climbed up a tree trunk, and its ass looked just like Caramel’s, except much much bigger.

My Clothes Fit Me – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – a.m.
Yes, really, I can think of nothing else to say.

And it is worthy of a headline — My body did some crazy weight change things this year, with new boobs and curvy bits and backfat and this thrilling new tummy to fondle. I bought pants THAT FIT PROPERLY a few weekends ago and it’s still a pleasure putting them on and not feeling like I’m wearing a child’s clothing, with my gut hanging out over the waistband. Change amuses me.

Fun With Google
I’ve been entertaining myself lately by doing google searches for keywords from my life (e.g. “Non-romantic life partner”) and trying to find my site online. It’s getting easier, since I have archives up since January and that’s a lot of words. I was wondering the other day if I’ll continue this site after New Years, since this is a 2005 Resolution, and my focus in 2006 will be my Masters (if I get accepted to the program) and getting more writing published, plays produced, etc. I like that I’m writing every day, and I love experimenting with this Xtreme form of honesty & openness . . . advertising my backfat and stinky feet on the Worldwide Web breaks down a lot of personal boundaries. But we shall see.

In Other News
I’ve figured out that I sleep best when wearing a white “wife-beater” style tank top. I don’t know why.

A Beautiful Mind – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – 7:50 pm
Since I’m illiterate these days, I never finished this biography of John Nash, the Schitzophrenic Mathematician Genius.

But the movie is freaking nifty.

I know that I’m supposed to identify with the intelligent, beautiful, devoted wife/mother/woman who endures her own hardship in order to stand by her man, but I’d rather be Nash, the ego-centric, self-involved genius.

And another thing — what’s with these movies that promote dealing with mental illness via willpower instead of medication and treatment? This is only one in a series — Garden State is another current favourite. Should I feel guilty for needing/taking prozac to be able to participate in this world? Or should I just “suck it up” and be strong and Deal With It, med-free and tormented? If SuperHero Nash can succeed work- and love-wise without meds, then shouldn’t we all? Fucker. This movie’s just like watching CSI: Miami or reading a Cosmo — it perpetuates unrealistic images that the viewer will DIE trying to imitate. Perfect boobs, living with hallucinations . . . it’s all the same crap.

List o’ Stuff To Do Before My Flight – Thursday, Oct.6/05
Downtown:
– pick up meds at pharmacy
– return A Beautiful Mind
– buy new litterboxes for Peter & co.

Rabbits:
– take out garbage & do dishes to clean kitchen
– prepare Seamus & Caramel’s Vacation Destination (aka my kitchen) with rug, litterboxes, lots of water, food, chew toys . . .
– relocate the bunnies
– set up Peter’s litterboxes, water, food
– give emergency key to Jessie

Me:
– pack
– figure out how to get to airport for tomorrow’s flight

See, I’m the low-maintenance member of my household. It’s the bunnies that require all the effort.

I am so excited about going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hollis + Heather = True Love 4Ever, Saturday, Oct.8/05 – 12:01 pm Mountain Time
Hollis loves me. I’m his favourite aunty. The first time I held him I thought I was going to break him. Second time, I was feeling pretty good until he made this crazy face, like he was the angriest, most unhappy baby in the world, and got all red and wrinkly and his mouth opened wide and I thought he was going to shriek “HEATHER IS HOLDING ME ALL WRONG, AND SHE KNOWS IT, AND THIS SUCKS.”

Apparently, he was just farting. Or pooping. Or something. And I suppose, thinking about it, that those first few farts/poops of your life must be pretty troubling. So now those are my favourite times to watch him, because he looks like he’s going to burst, and it’s all dramatic and freaky, and then suddenly he gets calm again and everything’s fine. Nice little metaphor for life.

Q is Hollis’s Godfather, and I presented Hollis with Baby’s First Pumas and Baby’s First Ralph Lauren pink polo shirt on Q’s behalf. This is going to be the most stylish baby in Canal Flats.

Also, Mom made me poached eggs. I love Mom’s poached eggs.

And I have another GODDAMN STYE IN MY FREAKING EYE, this time the left one, and it’s exactly what Dad gets so I’m using his eye drops. Stupid genetics. I realized, though, that since I’m not staring at a computer screen all day, and since I’m not trying to fall in love with anyone here (I know everyone — it’d be like dating a cousin) that I don’t really give a shit that my eye is pink and puffy. I just don’t want to contaminate Hollis. So I’m deliberately NOT rubbing my eye on him.

Dad’s Making Omelettes – Sunday, Oct.9/05 – 9:48 am MT
I went for a run yesterday, but there are HILLS here and 30% less oxygen in the air so I almost died. Not really. I got gaspy before I got tired, and then I kept coughing afterward. It’ll make me tough.

Today is our Thanksgiving Dinner!!!! This is my first Thanksgiving Dinner with my family in 6 or so years. My first year away, I whined. Second year, I whined. Third year, I bought a turkey and made a ridiculously lavish dinner for me & the Q. Now the Turkey Dinners have become sort of a tradition with my Victoria family — and I feel a very tiny bit guilty that I’m not there to host it, and make the turkey, and et cetera. Q threatened to buy a BBQ chicken from Safeway for him and Celeste. But whatever — I’m here with my family, including my NEW NEPHEW, and I get Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner. I love Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

Okay, the tea’s probably steeped by now — I’m going to eat Dad-made omelettes and drink a pot of tea and watch Coronation Street with Mom.

Also, my new bed here is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept on, INCLUDING the one at the B&B in Mont Tremblant!

Tea is Yummy – Monday, Oct.10/05 – 11:04 am
Mom has these two yellow cups with bees painted on them — she was going to give them to someone for Christmas YEARS ago but then decided to keep them. They are my favourite cups.

Dad made us turkey sandwiches for breakfast, and then I had some of Mom’s rhubarb strawberry danish stuff. I love eating food that I don’t have to make for myself. Not that I usually make food for myself — damn eating out . . .

So apparently there was an earthquake in Pakistan yesterday/last night and 15,000 people died. Q says our friend Dean is okay. Here’s some love for Dean & the people in Pakistan.

And also, I helped Mom set up her geneology stuff online! Mom’s updating this still, and learning lots of new tricks you can do via websites.

What I Love About Being Home
Aside from the expected Bonding With the Family stuff, I love:
– my new, amazing bed
– not having anything I HAVE to do — I can do Suduko when I feel like it, or run, or have a nap, or eat, or watch NASCAR with Dad, et cetera!
– Hollis, of course
– reading! I actually finished Dan Savage’s The Kid the other night. I haven’t finished a book in months. Mom helped me select two other books from our family library, including Bill Gaston’s new novel. Maybe I’ll even be able to read those before I go home to Victoria!

About to Be Kidnapped – Tuesday, Oct.11/05 – 9:47 am
I’m staying at Evy’s tonight. Mom warned me that they have no caffeinated tea in their house, so I should bring my own.

NaNoWriMo
I’ve signed up for the National Novel Writing Month competition and so I need to think of something worthy of 50,000 words to write about. And it can’t be a play. Which is how I’ve been thinking lately, in script, with esoteric stage directions and ambiguous choreography. One day I will write a novel/play called The Carpenter’s House. I grew up in carpenter-owned homes, and they were never ever finished (until we’d sold them). There’s a metaphor in there somewhere.

But I’m not ready for that story — I don’t even know what the metaphor is. So I have to think of something else.

BitterScripts
Meanwhile, I’ve had some ideas for where to take this Love Story Gone Awry. There are undeveloped themes of The Relationship Between Creativity And Two-Person Love — love as a motivating, inspirational, and therefore positive force (e.g. people in love write love poems), but also love as an interrupting, distracting, and therefore destructive force to creativity (e.g. people in love write crappy love poems). Cliches, etc. And since I’m “creating” a play about cliched love, there’s an entirely gorgeous metafictional/postmodern element to the whole thing. Make the audience an accomplice, and so on.

Anyhoo.

Deja Vu
I read Evy’s baby book yesterday. I’d never seen a newborn baby until Hollis, so I thought my newfound understanding of newborns would add an extra layer of coolness to Evy’s baby pictures. And there are all kinds of creepy (albeit expected) parallels — Mom writes about her first impressions of Evy-Just-Born as:
– it’s a girl!
– wow, she’s long!
– wow, what big feet!
Which is what my family’s first reponse to Hollis was (except the girl part). Genetics are so groovy. We’re all guessing what colour Hollis’s eyes will be, and his hair, and how tall, et cetera . . . I think dark blue eyes and blond hair, but everyone else expects Jared’s hazel eyes and dark brown hair. One of Hollis’s ears takes after Joe’s — it’s elflike and pointy. And he has eyebrows, which I am pleased about. The only taunting of Evy I did in our childhood was about her lack of visible eyebrows.

Maybe I Have Mono? – Wednesday, Oct.12/05 – 6:34 pm
I’ve been sleeping so much — and then yawning and wanting to sleep when I’m awake. Maybe I’m finally catching up on all the sleep I’ve missed via bizarre work hours?? My favourite place to nap here at Mom & Dad’s house is in front of the gas fireplace. If I’m cold, I put all the pillows in front of the fireplace and sleep there, and then I move to the couch when I’ve warmed up enough. Not that I’m ever cold here — it’s much colder in Victoria, with the humidity and the chilly Pacific Ocean wind.

I watched The Man in the Moon yesterday and today. Such a good movie . . . and Evy let me take her Dead Poets’ Society so I’ll watch that when I’m back in Victoria. I’m in the kitchen now because I wanted tea, but we’re out of milk — there’s only cream & half-and-half. How sad.

My days here have become nicely uneventful. Meanwhile, Q called me today and said that one of my bosses, Kate, “stopped working for the Ministry” on Friday. That’s shocking. Kate’s been the one to teach me everything this past year, so I hope I can fill in for her a bit and help keep our office standing. I already miss her . . . part of my job is/was to call her in the morning and chat about the news. I’ve watched two great people leave the Ministry this Fall — and Andrew already found and started his new job. It’s educational and inspiring to watch “established professionals” navigate the job market. They don’t seem to get scared . . . I’d be scared. I owe too much in student loans.

In Other News
Liv’s been going through all kinds of drama lately, or so I’ve heard via her website. We’ll have to go for sushi asap when I’m back, so she can catch me up on the details.

And that’s all I’ve got to say for now — it’s a sleepy existence these days. Occasionally I can’t remember what I’m “supposed” to do with myself when I’m not in Victoria, working, drinking martinis and perpetuating drama. So then I do a Suduko puzzle and have a nap.

Roast Beef Dinner Tonight – Thursday, Oct.13.05 – 3:33 pm
And Yorkshire puddings. YUM. Mom asked me what I wanted to eat while I’m here, and Yorkshire puddings are at the top of the list. We’re having Greek on Saturday for Evy’s Baby Shower.

Also, we went to Tim Horton’s and had “steeped tea” today. What a stupid marketing gimmick. As if I’d order non-steeped tea.

BUSY – Saturday, Oct.15/05 – 11:20 am
Evy’s baby shower is today!!!! So busy. I’m home tomorrow evening — I’ll write properly later.

Amazing Race – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 10:41 am
I’m watching an old Law & Order and just saw Kevin Smith in a bit speaking role! Neato.

Anyhoo, I’m home. YAY!!!! It was an epic return. My 3:25pm flight from Calgary was cancelled at the VERY last minute because some “anti-skid” part of the plane broke, and there were no replacements parts or planes, so WestJet booked us all on a Monday 10am flight and set us up with hotels & food. I wanted to get home, though, so I played Amazing Race and attempted the following backup strategies:

1. Call Air Canada on my cell phone to look into flights while walking over to their Customer Service counter. This plan fell through because I was on hold FOREVER and the Air Canada planes are on the other side of the Calgary airport. I realised the futility of this strategy just as #2 presented itself:

2. Grab a WestJet flight to Vancouver, then bus to the ferry and get home. This worked out perfectly. The bus/ferry cost $22, which was far better than the $300 Air Canada fare that Q eventually found for me. Also, even though I flew back, WestJet gave me credit for the cancelled flight. So I got a free flight in exchange for the inconvenience. Quinn picked me up at 10:30pm at Swartz Bay and drove me home.

Coming Home to Bunnies
Q always comes inside with me after I’ve been away, to be with me while I check that the rabbits are all still alive and healthy. We opened my apartment door and saw fur everywhere.

Apparently Seamus (aka “Houdini”) and Caramel managed to get past 2 solid barriers at some point this last week. Seamus must have battled with Peter, judging by the VAST AMOUNT OF RABBIT HAIR, and I think Seamus won because he and Caramel were hopping around the apartment like rebellious teenagers amid the wreckage from a house party. Peter was hiding under the couch. Poor guy. But upon inspection I didn’t find any cuts or wounds on any of them, and I kicked S&C back out onto their porch, and swept, and got Peter settled, and so now things are sort of back to normal. Except that Peter’s sulking/traumatized and there’s a ton of hair in my garbage can. Thank god none of the bunnies peed outside of their litterboxes — that would have been too much to take.

Labour Unrest in Victoria
There’s massive strike action today in town. A bunch of unions are holding a “day of protest” in support of the illegal teachers’ strike. Participating unions include the transit system. VERY inconvenient to most people I know.

Apparently there are pickets set up outside my office building, and there will be a rally at 1pm at the legislature.

What with all the drama I was tempted to go to work today, but then I realized that it’s raining outside and I have a pot of tea inside, so that would be foolish. I also have tomorrow off. Hopefully the chaos continues into Wednesday — I like excitement.

To make things even more exciting, government has instructed their unionized employees to NOT participate in the (illegal) protest during work hours, or else they will be fired. I’m not unionized, so this doesn’t affect me, but I bet there’s some wonderful drama playing out at work.

Tonight is Jann Arden’s concert at the Save On Memorial Arena. Q and I have tickets — I wonder if the strike action will affect that?

Fate and Destiny and Et Cetera
I thought that my cancelled flight was a sign that that my DEATH had been narrowly avoided, but Mom suggested that the cancelled flight was intended to put me on an alternate travel route, so as to accommodate some fateful experience.

So here are the “experiences” I had while traveling:

met a woman named Diana who said that theatre needed another musical writer;
ran into Crispin (from UVic) on the ferry, who is now working as an arbourist and owns a condo and wants to hook me up with someone named “Matt” who, according to Crispin, “is a RockStar”;
had an amazing ham & swiss cheese sandwich at the Tim Horton’s in the Vancouver Airport;
watched Family Guy on satellite TV during my WestJet flight to Vancouver from Calgary;
overheard a teacher on the ferry who was talking on his cellphone, discussing his dilemma re: supporting illegal job action vs. being “ostracized” by his colleagues if he didn’t.

Interpret that as you will.

In Summary
I’m back home after a week of holding Hollis and sleeping in a proper bed and eating good food prepared for me by other people, specifically my Mom. I’m looking forward to getting back to the office on Wednesday, but will drink tea and rebond with the bunnies and sleep for the rest of my well-deserved vacation. Thank you for your patience with my sporadic & brief updates this past week. I’ll try to do something foolish and amusing to show my appreciation.

How to Be Insensitive – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 11:30 pm
The Jann Arden concert was super dooper. Also, I had a bucket of powder-buttered popcorn and 2 Mike’s Hard Lemonades for dinner. Welcome back to Victoria 🙂

Waking Up With Peter – Tuesday, Oct.18/05 – 10:58 am
I think he’s recovered from his ordeal. Peter’s been running laps from the kitchen to the porch door all morning. He’s currently taking a break under the wicker chair to chew his Special Collection of Branches. Meanwhile, the baby bunnies are back on their porch acclimatizing themselves to Victoria’s new winter weather: lots of huddling together for warmth. Yes, things are back to normal.

And Now
I think I’ll make a pot of tea and watch crapTV 🙂

Back to Work – Wednesday, Oct.19/05
I managed to wake up with my first alarm this morning (of four)! And now I get to sort through over 1,000 emails . . . I really really love my job. I’m glad to be back.

Lunchtime – Thursday, Oct.20/05
Hollis is three weeks old today!!! Happy Three Week Birthday, Hollis.

Something Gross
Wednesday & this morning I woke up with a blister in my mouth. Syphyllis? Stress? Wisdom teeth issues??? I dunno. Wednesday’s blister was just under my bottom lip; this morning it was somewhere by my left cheek. And something even more disgusting: I don’t have either blister anymore because I popped each one within the first few moments after discovery. With my teeth. And it didn’t taste gross, which I thought it would. (Blisters, pus, etc.) I bite my lips/mouth-skin when I get stressed, and last night my teeth were Super Sensitive due to wisdom teeth development so I tried to sleep with my tongue between my teeth, to alleviate the tooth-on-tooth pressure. Anyhoo. I don’t know if that explains it, but that’s all I know re: potentially contributing factors.

As For the Q
Aside from working his little fanny off and loving Celeste, Q’s been busy working his way up the ranks of a . . . long-standing community group. I promised I wouldn’t say too much about it. Ahem. So hopefully, if there is a Massive Conspiracy and this . . . club . . . is involved (according to rumours via our ex-neighbour Jason), then maybe I won’t die. And maybe I’ll give you folks the secret password for the spaceships too.

Starbucks With Jimmy – Friday, Oct.21/05 – 9:16 pm
I went out with a Navy guy named James this evening. He’s from Nova Scotia and drives a Jimmy (haha) and drank caramel apple ciders at Starbucks while I had tea.

He’s a pretty funny guy, what with the Atlantic humour and a naturally nice personality, and he’s 6’4″ (I approve). I wasn’t in love with him after 5 minutes, though, and I’m not sure why not. He’s not a SuperModel, but he’s a good-looking guy, and he’s really smart, and referred to Family Guy and Sesame Street . . . maybe I’m just tired.

Anyhoo, it was fun and I’ll probably meet up with him again.

Worried About Peter
His right eye is weepy-looking, and the hair around his eye is wet. I looked up eye problems on my rabbit site, and it suggests I get him to a vet in case it’s a bacterial infection. It seems like a lot of causes/treatments for bunny eye problems are similar to those I’ve encountered for myself recently, so I’m tempted to squirt some polysporin eyedrops into his eye and see what happens. I’m reluctant to use human drugs on a bunny, though. Poor guy. I hope he didn’t catch it from me, or get sick from the Great Bunny Escape & Battle of October 2005 . . .

Also, he’s been leaving tiny hard poops by the door to the porch. This suggests a dietary or stress issue. I wish bunnies could talk about their symptoms.

Swans With Jessie – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:31 am
I called Crispin yesterday to remind him that he was going to hook me up, and he invited me (and Jessie) to Swans to watch some band he knew play and hang out with all the single straight guys he knows.

So Jessie & I got all prettied up and Swans apparently is where ALL the straight single guys in Victoria go every Saturday night, because they were all there. I’ve never seen so many. And quite a few of them were even attractive. And/or tall. So Jessie and I have found our new Saturday night activity . . . She was picked up* by some guy named Ryan who smiled a lot, and I made “meaningful eye contact” with a tall man, so we both left pleased.

* Jessie does NOT consider herself a single girl, despite her man living IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, so this was an amusing “pick up” rather than an actual one. And it doesn’t hurt for Jessie to know that she’s a hottie.

Peter Loves Me
I eventually did put polysporin eyedrops in Peter’s weepy eye on Friday. And the next day, it looked 1000-times better, except that the hair around his eye was a little crusty, so I washed it with a wet cloth. Today everything is back to normal. He had some white gunk in the corner of his eye, so I wiped it off and gave him another eyedrop.

For anyone who knows bunnies/Peter, THIS IS REMARKABLE. Bunnies do not like being touched this much, or having foreign liquids put in their eyes. Peter, however, has somehow developed a new trust in me. Maybe the polysporin eyedrops made him feel a lot better . . . whatever the motivation, he doesn’t mind me inspecting him or even treating him. He even still follows me around the apartment (which has become usual behaviour this summer).

I’m a Lamb
Spencer, Q, hopefully Jessie, and I are going Halloween costume hunting today. Jessie is going to be “the night sky” (Q and I invented this back in 1999), which involves wearing a skimpy black dress covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. I’m going to be a lamb this year, despite all the negative “sacrificial lamb” connotations. I think it’ll be groovy to have lamb ears.

Q&S have yet to confirm their personae for this year. Last year they went as Serena and Venus Williams, which was hilarious — both in short sporty skirts, make-up, black body paint, carrying tennis rackets — 6’5″ Q in a black wig, blonde Spencer with a ponytail. Anyhoo.

My Christmas Gift to Myself
Yesterday, while watching taped episodes of CSI, I realized that I wanted a universal remote. Despite being a grown-up with a grown-up job and grown-up backfat, I still have to either sit through commercials or get up to fast forward the tape.

So I bought one at Walmart. Yay for me!

Which Brings Me To a Sad & Confusing Experience
The family in line before us at Walmart couldn’t afford to buy the cheese they’d wanted.

I do not understand this. At first I felt sorry for them, because I love cheese and that would be a terrible thing to not be able to afford cheese, or anything else they wanted/needed. And then I was kind of angry, because I don’t understand how someone can’t afford to buy cheese.

The two big “head-starts” I got in life are my loving family and my smarts. I don’t see what other advantages I have over any other Canadian in the 21st century. So either these two “head-starts” are REALLY SIGNIFICANT, or else the discrepancy in “class”/financial well-being/whatever” is due to a group of people being too lazy, negative, unambitious, or weak to cross that gap.

I don’t believe that intellectual/physical/psychological disabilities are any excuse, because we DO have significant social supports in B.C. and Canada. I’ve used some of them.

And “inherited poverty” is not a viable argument. I put myself through school, just like lots of other people I know. If people can “start from scratch” and use student loans, grants, social programs, etc. to further themselves, then anyone is able to do so.

I want to find someone to talk to, like a parent in that Walmart family, who can explain to me why they are where they are, and make me feel empathy for them. Whenever I’ve tried this I still find some point in the story where they had a CHOICE, and chose to ignore an opportunity or support or something that would likely have changed their situation.

This is an open invitation for comments, if anyone thinks they can explain this to me. I promise not to mock you 🙂

2nd “Date” With Jimmy – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:09 pm
Navy James and I went out to the airport this evening to drink tea/almond lattes and watch the airport people do their magic. Funfun, but still no love.

Also, I watched Dead Poets Society (sic) today. Excellent movie.

WestJet Loves Me – Monday, Oct.24/05 – 9:25 pm
WestJet has given me $139 in travel credit for my cancelled flight back on the 16/17th! EVEN THOUGH I still flew home via WestJet (and then Pacific Coast and then BC Ferries) . . . it’s to compensate for the inconvenience. What a bunch of superstars.

Speaking of SuperStars
I programmed my new universal remote and it was tricky but I did it. YAY!

And Levi Won Stuff
Theatre Guy Nathan, who has his FINGER on the PULSE of ARTS in CANADA, emailed me today to tell me that Levi MacDougall won two (or three??) awards at the Canadian Comedy Awards on Saturday. I wonder if he ever incorporated me into his routine . . .

Silence of the Lamb – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – early a.m.
Hee hee. I didn’t write yesterday because I got home, dressed up like a lamb, and drank a bottle of faux vino while watching Batman Begins. It’s a good life.

Being a lamb for Halloween is tricky. First off, my costume constantly verges on Being Bunny-like, what with all the white, the ears, the tail . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s a challenge, though, to look lambish.

Also, there are quite a few negative connotations to lambs. For example: sacrifical lamb, Lamb-as-Jesus, lamb/sheep being molested by horny rednecks, innocent lamb . . . I’m tempted to add blood to the costume every so often. But NO, I want to be a LAMB and that is all. Dammit.

So, Heather, How Does One Become a Lamb?
Well, Mom sent me her white “pettipants,” which are squaredancer’s underwear, which look like silk boxers covered in lace. I bought white fishnet tights yesterday, and with a white tanktop (I think I’ll glue cotton balls to it) that = lamb body. I have black gloves and shoes for my hooves, and a ribbon for my throat that says “Dolly,” and with carefully-made ears and some quality makeup I think it’ll be A1. I’m not entirely sure what lamb faces & ears look like, so I need to do some more research. And do lambs wear bells around their necks? (Like cows?)

Being SuperBrave – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – 10:07 pm
I went to Q’s after work to snuggle with Celeste & glue cotton balls onto a tank top. On the bus there was a 6-foot-something shaggy blonde guy with a red beard, reading Daniel Quinn (is that Safeway-crap, Mom? I can’t recall his books) and it was ridiculously crowded and I was laden down with craft supplies so I couldn’t be subtle. But then I thought:

HEATHER (internal monologue): “But I NEVER find sexy men in Victoria. And Q will only mock me if I do nothing about this rare find.”

So I wrote him a note. A witty, non-threatening note. With my phone number & email address. And then I held it in my little sweaty hand until my bus stop, and dropped it onto the page he was reading, and got the hell off that bus.

Very brave (in a cowardly way), and very scary. But if I don’t do scary things, I will never get what I want. So yep.

Past My Bedtime
I’m up late but that’s okay. I slept at Q’s from 4 until 7:30pm. The only memories I have of my afternoon are of Quinn trying to wake me up so we could have dinner and watch Born Into Brothels together. I resisted, and only rose in time for America’s Next Top Model.

Child of the Eighties – Thursday, Oct.27/05
Ohmigod. Most amazing story in today’s newspapers, and it’s in the National Post: The Muppets are hosting a new reality tv show, America’s Next Muppet. It’s supposed to air next spring.

Also, did you know that the Muppets have a website? And they’re making a Fraggle Rock movie?????

It’s Too Late For Me To Be Awake – Oct.27/05 – 11:46 pm
Jessie, Q, Spencer & I went to Atomic Vaudeville’s “Hellhouse” episode tonight. Camel Toe Improv finally made them laugh along with me — I’ve been waiting for it.

Also, had the freaky experience of learning that some AV folks know about & read my website.

So.

Yep.

Boy, Atomic Vaudeville sure is super 🙂

So, What Do You Do For A Day-Job?
VERSION 1, told to Chris, owner of The Patch on Yates:

HEATHER: “I write propaganda.”

VERSION 2, told to Jenn Stein, Pags server and Barbara Bush:

HEATHER: “I read newspapers for the government.”

To be honest, I’m constantly amazed that my crazy, wonderful job requires reading the comics page and writing “feel good” sound bites. I LOVE MY DAY JOB.

Anyhoo
Also, it’s been exactly 4 weeks since Hollis entered the world 🙂

I will always remember hearing the details of his birth, while drunk on Cosmopolisyns in the washroom of the Victoria Event Centre during an Atomic Vaudeville dance number.

EEK! – Friday, Oct.28/05
OHMIGOD. I got an email from the guy on the bus (Wednesday). Reads as follows:

Hello dear,
I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Red Haired Boy (I object to being called a man) from the bus yesterday. I am just writing to tell you that when you dropped that note in my lap yesterday, I was quite taken aback. I certainly never expected something like that to happen.
So now I’m writing you because you expressed interest in me. I wish I could have spoken with you on the bus, but it was indeed too busy and love was entirely out of the question.
I was wondering if you’d have any interest in coming to a Hallowe’en party on Saturday night. A friend of mine who has rich parents and owns her house is having what should be a fairly decent excuse to drink. You mentioned you like drinking tea, but how about the occasional bottle of wine or shot of whisky? If you have plans already, that’s fine. I won’t weep for too long…
If you are in fact interested, feel free to write me back at this email address. Or you can reach me at [EDITED]. The phone number is kind of unsure because I try to avoid spending time at home as much as possible. But there should be someone here to answer, one of my roommates.
Anyway, I wish you a pleasant evening, and hope to hear from you before Saturday evening. And I suppose I should tell you my name; I’m Zac, and it’s nice to kind of meet you.
Take care

My Reaction
I hope he’s not a weirdo. (. . . irony . . .)

Also, I’m going to a party Saturday night already, so I can’t go. Even if I could, that’s an awkward way to meet up with a stranger.

HEATHER: Hi, I’m Heather.

ZAC: No, you’re a lamb.

HEATHER: No, I’m Heather. From the bus.

ZAC: Um, no, you have big lamb ears and you’re white and squishy and you’re wearing your Momma’s pettipants. Heather from the bus had a red coat and human ears.

HEATHER: Right. Okay. Nevermind.

So I suggested that we meet in a non-costumed setting so that he can see that I’m not a nut who routinely accosts strangers. (Ha ha, yes that’s really funny. You bastards.)

EEK 🙂

Oops – Friday, Oct.28/05 – 12:41 pm
So, Zac the Bus Guy somehow found my website (Hi, Zac!) so I’ll be polite and stop posting our personal correspondence on the web.

And he still wrote me, so that’s a positive sign.

Cleaning House – Saturday, Oct.29/05 – 10:49 am
Saturday mornings are my most productive. I wake up, feeling like I’ve slept in to 3pm or something, and then look at the clock and see that it’s 8:41 am. Already today I’ve cleaned the bunnies’ litterboxes, done dishes, put away the laundry I did at Q’s yesterday, and now I have banana muffins in the oven.

I thought that our Annual Halloween House Party was on Friday, so I expected to be comatose and sickly today. The party’s actually tonight, though, so I’ll get to wake up in a clean(ish) apartment tomorrow morning.

Sudoku Pride
I’ve become very good at solving Sudoku puzzles, to the point where I was getting cocky and considered moving on to a new hobby. And THEN I started in on the “Fiendish” section of one of my Sudoku books, and I feel like a beginner all over again. I love it. I feel like John Nash, solving Russian code.

NaNoWriMo
Starting Nov. 1 I will attempt to write 50,000 words in a month. I have no idea what to write about.

Oh and Also
I forgot to mention. After Atomic Vaudeville on Thursday I stayed for the “after party” and drank sour cocktails with lollipops. Jacob Richmond, the co-founder and director of AV, told me he and Britt had discovered my “blog” while googling “Atomic Vaudeville” and then he asked me if I wanted to contribute anything to a future AV show (writing-wise). But I can’t think of anything suitable.

JACOB: “Could we just take something from your blog, then?”

So be warned, y’all. You might end up on stage sometime soon.

Also, Britt reminded me that they are willing and able to host a read-though of my work. I just have to provide the scripts . . . I have no idea how to exploit this opportunity. On the Rag is finished and ready for workshopping, but there are long monologue bits and I think BitterScripts is more amusing.

I love having the opportunity, though. I will have to take advantage of it soon.

What Are You Doing With Your Extra Hour Today? – Sunday, Oct.30/05 – 10:06 am
I stayed over at Q’s last night so I’m NOT waking up in a clean(ish) home. There are costume bits everywhere, and the wreckage from our 3am McDonald’s drive-thru (via taxi) and a pizza box and empty bottles . . .

We went to the BEST Annual Halloween Party last night (Spencer, Q and I). Spencer & Q ended up going as Canadian Idol contestents. The best costume was one of the hosts (John??) — he was a shower. I took a picture, so I’ll post that when I get home tonight. And I got to see Rich & Cam again — Rich had a sexy Speedo with “AUS” on his ass, and a lifeguard’s shirt with “Mouth to mouth” on the front. Despite getting a little . . . cold . . . when we went outside for the fireworks, he was definitely hot. When I saw Cam, my first thought was The Royal Tennenbaums, but he was a seventies tennis star, with this crazy huge afro that eventually became too much for him to bear (it was itchy). I love how Cam is always smiling.

Chris(tina) premiered his drag show, and lots of people rubbed my tummy (soft cotton balls, remember?), and there were tequila shots and jello shots and tonnes of food and the fireworks show was hilarious, watching these costumed guys fumble around with explosives, match in one hand, drink in the other. A few of the fireworks went haywire — one ricoched off the parked minivan in front of the house and made us run. One woman had a hole burned into the fishnets by a firecracker spark. Craziness.

Eventually I got tired, of course, so I managed to convince Q and a Very Drunk Spencer that we all wanted McDonalds. The taxi companies had 30 minute to hour-long waits if you called, so we started walking down Gorge Road and managed to catch a cab as it dropped off a customer. (Same strategy as last year, actually.)

Also, I Went Out With a Straight Boy
Zac and I met up yesterday afternoon and he is awesome. He’s smart and funny and we went for a long walk along the Songhees after chugging tea (he drinks tea and spurns coffee! Yay!) and it was the best thing ever, getting to talk to someone that I have NEVER before talked to. When you start off knowing nothing about someone, there are infinite things to find out. So now I know his dad is/was in the military, and Zac moved cities every five years, and his parents split up when he was 11, and now he has a younger brother & sister, and a half-brother who’s 3, and four step-sisters. Also, he’s in school to be a nurse, and apparently nurses get to be caring & empathetic while doctors just have to know EVERYTHING FACTUAL and have crappy social skills. Zac likes the caring stuff. I didn’t point out that he’d have to wipe bums or do other icky things working in the health sector.

Zac was raised Catholic in Ontario, but he’s diverged from a lot of those conservative beliefs (e.g. he supports gay marriage). His hot button was abortion, which he says he’s never heard a decent argument for. I’ll have to get him and Q to face off over that one. It’d be amusing to watch.

Anyhoo, I had a great time and I really like him, which is a relief since he could easily have been crazy or stupid or married since I “picked him up” based solely on my attraction to him and that he was reading a book.

Also, we made a deal that Zac at least has to PRETEND that he doesn’t read my website. That way I won’t worry about repeating my ever-amusing anecdotes, or him knowing things I haven’t told him, et cetera.

Also, his birthday is April 29.

(I’m a fricking encyclopedia!)

Rainy Halloween – Monday, Oct.31/05 – 6:06 pm
It’s only 6pm and it’s dark out there. It feels like 10pm or later. I am suddenly glad that my work day ends at 2/3pm, when it still looks like daytime.

I’m sleepy but I’m hesitant to nap because my body might think it’s bedtime, due to the darkness, and then I’ll waste my whole night. Instead of spending it on quality activities, like watching Medium and CSI: Miami . . .

An Amusing Bunny Anecdote
This morning Peter was following me around while I was getting ready, putting laundry away, etc. and I thought he wanted a snuggle so I stood still and let him climb onto my feet. But actually he wanted to suck on and undo the ribbon bows on my slippers.

Peter loves sucking on ribbons and undoing bows with his little bunny teeth . . .

Heather McLeod

Tag Archives: Quinn

February 2006

October 2005

Heather McLeod is a mystery writer based in British Columbia, Canada.