In August, when Brock was very weak and dependent on an oxygen tank, I went for a run around the neighbourhood.

I’m not a “runner” and therefore this was miraculous. But I was getting rather cabin-fevery, being home all the time, and I needed the fresh air and exercise.

Within a block, I realized (my lungs burning) that I was doing something that Brock — once a track and field star — was no longer able to do. He couldn’t run, and he would never be able to run again. I had a little epiphany about how symbolically powerful the annual Terry Fox Run is, ditto the Run for the Cure: people are running, are being healthy and physically able, in defiance of cancer. Take that, cancer: see what we can do. This thought fuelled me to run almost the whole distance, which I never thought possible given how out of shape I am.

Also

Today, I inherited an incredible collection of spinning and weaving equipment and materials from a family friend. It had belonged to his wife, who passed away this year. She was too young to die: she did not deserve to die. I went through the collection today, and fell in love with her. I never met Val, but she was obviously someone with a strong aesthetic sense: she had gorgeous wooden spindles, and the softest wool rovings. She experimented with using plants from her garden to dye wool, and her notes are detailed and enthusiastic. I would have loved to be her friend. I am sad for her husband and family, to have lost her too soon, but I am also selfishly sad, that I never got to meet her or sit and spin with her.

In Summation

I understand that making New Years’ resolutions sounds cliche and talk-show gimmicky, but here’s why I LOVE them:

The New Year is our annual wake-up call. It’s our chance to think about how we can do better, how we can live better. These wake-up calls come too infrequently. Annual self-reflection is insufficient.

Living with someone who was dying made me uber-sensitive to this opportunity we have, to change our lives frequently for the better. Most of us expect to live a long time, but so often we waste that time by settling into our safe routines.

If I knew I had only a year/month/week to live, I would spend it writing. What would you do?

Hopefully I have more than a year to live, but I see no reason to postpone doing what I want to do.

So my New Year’s resolution for 2018 is to focus on my writing. I’ve applied for an online coach with One Room, I’ll renew my Sisters in Crime and One Stop For Writers memberships, I’ll dive back into writing the last half of my murder mystery novel (“write the book you long to read!”), and I’ll submit that manuscript to the contests and grant program I’ve had on my “future rejections” to-do list since 2017. My reward for finishing my book will be attending the 2019 Malice Domestic conference, so I can shmooze with other mystery writers (and get free books). All of this is doable. It’s just a matter of deciding to do it now.

What Came First: the Stoic or the Stoicism?

My beloved life philosophy Stoicism advocates for frequent self-reflection. Just another reason why it’s great. Maybe you want to adopt a New Year’s resolution to read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy?

An Essay Should Have a Logical Flow

I suppose my running and inheritance stories didn’t naturally, logically flow into my Summation … they emotionally flowed, for me, and that was enough to justify this blog post. I don’t intend to say “live for those who died too soon!” In fact, both Brock and Val (from what I know of her) did an excellent job themselves of making the most of their time, and doing what they loved to do. They are role models for the rest of us.

The Big Question

So: what are your New Year’s resolutions?