Tag Archives: weight

October 2005

October 1, 2005 Heather Leave a comment

Sunny Saturday – October 1, 2005 – 11:28 am
It’s beautiful outside!!! Which is handy, because Jessie is moving today, and Q is having a BBQ tonight. Yesterday it monsooned, and we’d all resigned ourselves to yet another rainy winter.

My Nephew
His name is Hollis Robert Babich. I think I’m spelling that correctly …? The “Hollis” part is Jared’s invention — I love having another “H” in the family. “Robert” is for my Dad, and “Babich” is Jared’s last name. Apparently everyone is healthy & doing well, except that Evy is really tired. Hollis is “suckling” (Jared’s word) and peeing and pooping “like a trooper” (Dad’s expression). I leave next Friday for Thanksgiving with my family!!!!

Atomic Vaudeville’s Gayest Show On Earth
I was nervous, because I don’t think there are many gay actors associated with AV and therefore it was like AV doing a “Black” themed show with its all-white cast. Lotsa potential for awkward moments.

However, it was wonderful. Spencer criticised the music playing before the show started, but the closing performance made up for it — a dance number with Cher, early Madonna, etc.

AV attendees included: Q, Cameron from Toronto, Spencer, Jessie & Karen, me, and John. (Liv was exhausted so went home to sleep instead.)

And I think I’ve pinpointed exacty what it is about John that makes me feel . . . uncomfortable?? I don’t really think he’s gay — he’s 36 and a man should know himself by then, and then the brown soes + black socks thing, and also I just don’t think he’s gay. HOWEVER, he emits “gay-vibes” which were apparent to my friends (who are/know ‘mos) and therefore I wasn’t just drunk/sleepy/paranoid the other night. And there’s nothing wrong with “gay-vibes.” It’s another way of saying sensitive, soft, considerate, affectionate, etc. But I am surrounded by “gay-vibes” A LOT, since I’m surrounded by gay people A LOT, and the last thing I want is to have this sort of . . . . frequency???? . . . in my bed. I need another flavour in my life. Something like Shawn (intelligent & tough), but also considerate.

Last night I had a dream where I was madly in love with this guy who was tall, yes, but who also was BIG (aka stocky) and had a huge smile. Most of my tall men are skinny — I think that’s because the stocky ones look older to me, and that makes me insecure (no more highschool confidence). But Tyler (my two-day fling in 2003) is tall & “filled-out,” and that was pretty great, for what it was.

Anyhoo, that’s what I’m thinking today.

Also, I’m considering running around the block, but it’s sunny and I’m not sure how hot it is outside — probably fine. And I’m thinking of my Sister & Hollis (like I have all week). And I’m wondering when Alive was due — I ought to watch that today.

Sullen Sunday – October 2, 2005 – 10:35 am
It’s grey out there. Ew.

So, for the record, I DID go for a run yesterday. I am AMAZING. I’ve been running my Xtreme route; I’m amazed that I am in good enough shape to do this without dying.

Q’s BBQ was wonderful. Being the Handy Carpenter’s Daughter that I am, I checked the BBQ for propane leaks and got it all ready to cook our steaks. Guests included Spencer, Brian, Jessica, and Jessie & Justin — it’s nifty to see how this group of people manage to get along so well with each other: Spencer and Jessica can bond and have a good talk, and then Spencer and I will gossip, and Jessica & Q & Brian will talk, and there aren’t any uncomfortable pairings or silences.

Brian’s a new addition — he’s a nurse, in his 30s I think. Q and I met him over Dim Sum last weekend. He owns a house and Q and him are “house-owning” friends — they talk about paint and hardwood flooring. A beautiful man, as always.

New Target o’ Love & “Stalking”
Spencer has a tall, straight & single client named Tim. We have worked out a plan of attack:

Spencer sneakily manages to get his last name. (We have his home phone number, but it’s unlisted so that doesn’t help.)
I find him on the gov’t directory (he works for gov’t) and manage to check him out by visiting a friend in the ministry.
If I approve of Tim, we arrange to have some ridiculously hot photo of me at Spencer’s station when Tim has his next appointment (approx. 2 months from now).
At the appointment, Spencer does the uber-cool hook-up negotiations.

This strategy manages to avoid pitfalls including: lack of professionalism on Spencer’s part, and my tendency to be frighteningly assertive.

Other Future Plans
Peter’s litterbox stinks, and the baby bunnies keep throwing the fresh hay out of their litterbox — both issues require clean litter. So I will have to track down some newspaper today.

When I’m gone for Thanksgiving holidays I’m going to put the baby bunnies in the kitchen. That way I won’t have to worry about attracting rats with the food & litter. I’ve done this before for fairly short absences, and I think it’s the best option. Pet-sitters are handy, but I might as well take advantage of my rabbits’ independent nature.

JESSIE & Q: “Our pets cuddle with us.”

HEATHER: “Oh yeah? Well, I can leave the bunnies alone for weeks at a time.”

Exercise & Self-Esteem
I heard somewhere that men who work out have greater-than-average self-esteem, but women who work out have less-than-average. I suspect that this might be true, because the best motivation I’ve found so far to go run is to be aware of my belly and its new squishiness. When I didn’t have a belly, I NEVER would have invested in running shoes or bothered to consider a running route. But after a morning of chugging orange pekoe & watching crapTV/movies on the couch, I become extremely aware of my . . . soft middle . . . and so I want to get rid of it, and so I run.

As always, though, my moods change — most times, I love my squishy tummy and I like to snuggle it when I sleep. I suppose it’s a good thing to experience periodic lowered self-esteem, because then I exercise.

Exercise is another socially-acceptable form of self-harm . . . funny, how there are so many mainstream masochists in our world.

Highlights of the Day – Monday, Oct.3/05 – 4:55 pm
I worked mad hours, from 6am to 3:45pm or so. It was busy, what with question period and et cetera. I love my job.

Also, on the walk home I saw:

a grown-up man (30-40 years old) “driving” a model car up the handrail to his front door;
the church sign:

CH CH
What’s missing?
UR

haha!

And I bought some smoked salmon to eat with swiss cheese & pickles. My usual “meals” are more like appetizer plates.

This morning I sent in my MFA application . . . if they accept me for the program, I have to apply to UBC’s graduate school. Scary.

It’s blue-skied outside but still chilly, which always confuses me. I want to loll about in my bikini on the lawn. Being inside on sunny days makes me feel guilty. I rented A Beautiful Mind, though, to keep me occupied — you might remember, I was reading this at one point. But big book + busy life + recent illiterate tendencies = I didn’t finish the book.

Funny, how I have a busy life even though I spend so much of it staring at a computer screen. Almost 10 straight hours of work (I worked through lunch today too) means almost 10 straight hours of computer stuff. Then I write a few emails and type on this thing. No wonder I’m getting chubby.

And there’s SO MUCH LESS STRESS in my life these days than there was at UVic. Holy Christ. People at work are getting . . . testy . . . about the crazy workload, and even though I’m running around (or sitting) doing 1,000 things at once it’s NOTHING like school, because once I (eventually) leave the office I can watch movies or CSI or do a Suduko puzzle or eat smoked salmon or run my Xtreme route or bond with you people in person/via the phone.

My Xtreme Route
. . . previously known as “running around the block.” This new term represents the PHYSICAL EFFORT that I exert doing this exercise. Q was mocking my “running around the block” because he thought I/the route was wimpy. But no, there are complicated switchbacks and et cetera and I almost DIE every time. Therefore: Xtreme route.

As for the Nephew
Hollis Robert Babich is a beautiful little fella. Mom sent me a video today of them playing dress-up with him. I woke up this morning to the INCREDIBLE realization that my little sister has created not only a PERSON, but a PERSON WITH A PENIS. How cool is that? I can’t wait to meet him. I hope he likes me.

This Morning – Tuesday, Oct.4/05
While walking to work I saw three raccoons gardening a neighbour’s lawn! Raccoons are so cool. Like superbig bunnies with Halloween makeup. I walked right among them — one climbed up a tree trunk, and its ass looked just like Caramel’s, except much much bigger.

My Clothes Fit Me – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – a.m.
Yes, really, I can think of nothing else to say.

And it is worthy of a headline — My body did some crazy weight change things this year, with new boobs and curvy bits and backfat and this thrilling new tummy to fondle. I bought pants THAT FIT PROPERLY a few weekends ago and it’s still a pleasure putting them on and not feeling like I’m wearing a child’s clothing, with my gut hanging out over the waistband. Change amuses me.

Fun With Google
I’ve been entertaining myself lately by doing google searches for keywords from my life (e.g. “Non-romantic life partner”) and trying to find my site online. It’s getting easier, since I have archives up since January and that’s a lot of words. I was wondering the other day if I’ll continue this site after New Years, since this is a 2005 Resolution, and my focus in 2006 will be my Masters (if I get accepted to the program) and getting more writing published, plays produced, etc. I like that I’m writing every day, and I love experimenting with this Xtreme form of honesty & openness . . . advertising my backfat and stinky feet on the Worldwide Web breaks down a lot of personal boundaries. But we shall see.

In Other News
I’ve figured out that I sleep best when wearing a white “wife-beater” style tank top. I don’t know why.

A Beautiful Mind – Wednesday, Oct.5/05 – 7:50 pm
Since I’m illiterate these days, I never finished this biography of John Nash, the Schitzophrenic Mathematician Genius.

But the movie is freaking nifty.

I know that I’m supposed to identify with the intelligent, beautiful, devoted wife/mother/woman who endures her own hardship in order to stand by her man, but I’d rather be Nash, the ego-centric, self-involved genius.

And another thing — what’s with these movies that promote dealing with mental illness via willpower instead of medication and treatment? This is only one in a series — Garden State is another current favourite. Should I feel guilty for needing/taking prozac to be able to participate in this world? Or should I just “suck it up” and be strong and Deal With It, med-free and tormented? If SuperHero Nash can succeed work- and love-wise without meds, then shouldn’t we all? Fucker. This movie’s just like watching CSI: Miami or reading a Cosmo — it perpetuates unrealistic images that the viewer will DIE trying to imitate. Perfect boobs, living with hallucinations . . . it’s all the same crap.

List o’ Stuff To Do Before My Flight – Thursday, Oct.6/05
Downtown:
– pick up meds at pharmacy
– return A Beautiful Mind
– buy new litterboxes for Peter & co.

Rabbits:
– take out garbage & do dishes to clean kitchen
– prepare Seamus & Caramel’s Vacation Destination (aka my kitchen) with rug, litterboxes, lots of water, food, chew toys . . .
– relocate the bunnies
– set up Peter’s litterboxes, water, food
– give emergency key to Jessie

Me:
– pack
– figure out how to get to airport for tomorrow’s flight

See, I’m the low-maintenance member of my household. It’s the bunnies that require all the effort.

I am so excited about going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hollis + Heather = True Love 4Ever, Saturday, Oct.8/05 – 12:01 pm Mountain Time
Hollis loves me. I’m his favourite aunty. The first time I held him I thought I was going to break him. Second time, I was feeling pretty good until he made this crazy face, like he was the angriest, most unhappy baby in the world, and got all red and wrinkly and his mouth opened wide and I thought he was going to shriek “HEATHER IS HOLDING ME ALL WRONG, AND SHE KNOWS IT, AND THIS SUCKS.”

Apparently, he was just farting. Or pooping. Or something. And I suppose, thinking about it, that those first few farts/poops of your life must be pretty troubling. So now those are my favourite times to watch him, because he looks like he’s going to burst, and it’s all dramatic and freaky, and then suddenly he gets calm again and everything’s fine. Nice little metaphor for life.

Q is Hollis’s Godfather, and I presented Hollis with Baby’s First Pumas and Baby’s First Ralph Lauren pink polo shirt on Q’s behalf. This is going to be the most stylish baby in Canal Flats.

Also, Mom made me poached eggs. I love Mom’s poached eggs.

And I have another GODDAMN STYE IN MY FREAKING EYE, this time the left one, and it’s exactly what Dad gets so I’m using his eye drops. Stupid genetics. I realized, though, that since I’m not staring at a computer screen all day, and since I’m not trying to fall in love with anyone here (I know everyone — it’d be like dating a cousin) that I don’t really give a shit that my eye is pink and puffy. I just don’t want to contaminate Hollis. So I’m deliberately NOT rubbing my eye on him.

Dad’s Making Omelettes – Sunday, Oct.9/05 – 9:48 am MT
I went for a run yesterday, but there are HILLS here and 30% less oxygen in the air so I almost died. Not really. I got gaspy before I got tired, and then I kept coughing afterward. It’ll make me tough.

Today is our Thanksgiving Dinner!!!! This is my first Thanksgiving Dinner with my family in 6 or so years. My first year away, I whined. Second year, I whined. Third year, I bought a turkey and made a ridiculously lavish dinner for me & the Q. Now the Turkey Dinners have become sort of a tradition with my Victoria family — and I feel a very tiny bit guilty that I’m not there to host it, and make the turkey, and et cetera. Q threatened to buy a BBQ chicken from Safeway for him and Celeste. But whatever — I’m here with my family, including my NEW NEPHEW, and I get Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner. I love Mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

Okay, the tea’s probably steeped by now — I’m going to eat Dad-made omelettes and drink a pot of tea and watch Coronation Street with Mom.

Also, my new bed here is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept on, INCLUDING the one at the B&B in Mont Tremblant!

Tea is Yummy – Monday, Oct.10/05 – 11:04 am
Mom has these two yellow cups with bees painted on them — she was going to give them to someone for Christmas YEARS ago but then decided to keep them. They are my favourite cups.

Dad made us turkey sandwiches for breakfast, and then I had some of Mom’s rhubarb strawberry danish stuff. I love eating food that I don’t have to make for myself. Not that I usually make food for myself — damn eating out . . .

So apparently there was an earthquake in Pakistan yesterday/last night and 15,000 people died. Q says our friend Dean is okay. Here’s some love for Dean & the people in Pakistan.

And also, I helped Mom set up her geneology stuff online! Mom’s updating this still, and learning lots of new tricks you can do via websites.

What I Love About Being Home
Aside from the expected Bonding With the Family stuff, I love:
– my new, amazing bed
– not having anything I HAVE to do — I can do Suduko when I feel like it, or run, or have a nap, or eat, or watch NASCAR with Dad, et cetera!
– Hollis, of course
– reading! I actually finished Dan Savage’s The Kid the other night. I haven’t finished a book in months. Mom helped me select two other books from our family library, including Bill Gaston’s new novel. Maybe I’ll even be able to read those before I go home to Victoria!

About to Be Kidnapped – Tuesday, Oct.11/05 – 9:47 am
I’m staying at Evy’s tonight. Mom warned me that they have no caffeinated tea in their house, so I should bring my own.

NaNoWriMo
I’ve signed up for the National Novel Writing Month competition and so I need to think of something worthy of 50,000 words to write about. And it can’t be a play. Which is how I’ve been thinking lately, in script, with esoteric stage directions and ambiguous choreography. One day I will write a novel/play called The Carpenter’s House. I grew up in carpenter-owned homes, and they were never ever finished (until we’d sold them). There’s a metaphor in there somewhere.

But I’m not ready for that story — I don’t even know what the metaphor is. So I have to think of something else.

BitterScripts
Meanwhile, I’ve had some ideas for where to take this Love Story Gone Awry. There are undeveloped themes of The Relationship Between Creativity And Two-Person Love — love as a motivating, inspirational, and therefore positive force (e.g. people in love write love poems), but also love as an interrupting, distracting, and therefore destructive force to creativity (e.g. people in love write crappy love poems). Cliches, etc. And since I’m “creating” a play about cliched love, there’s an entirely gorgeous metafictional/postmodern element to the whole thing. Make the audience an accomplice, and so on.

Anyhoo.

Deja Vu
I read Evy’s baby book yesterday. I’d never seen a newborn baby until Hollis, so I thought my newfound understanding of newborns would add an extra layer of coolness to Evy’s baby pictures. And there are all kinds of creepy (albeit expected) parallels — Mom writes about her first impressions of Evy-Just-Born as:
– it’s a girl!
– wow, she’s long!
– wow, what big feet!
Which is what my family’s first reponse to Hollis was (except the girl part). Genetics are so groovy. We’re all guessing what colour Hollis’s eyes will be, and his hair, and how tall, et cetera . . . I think dark blue eyes and blond hair, but everyone else expects Jared’s hazel eyes and dark brown hair. One of Hollis’s ears takes after Joe’s — it’s elflike and pointy. And he has eyebrows, which I am pleased about. The only taunting of Evy I did in our childhood was about her lack of visible eyebrows.

Maybe I Have Mono? – Wednesday, Oct.12/05 – 6:34 pm
I’ve been sleeping so much — and then yawning and wanting to sleep when I’m awake. Maybe I’m finally catching up on all the sleep I’ve missed via bizarre work hours?? My favourite place to nap here at Mom & Dad’s house is in front of the gas fireplace. If I’m cold, I put all the pillows in front of the fireplace and sleep there, and then I move to the couch when I’ve warmed up enough. Not that I’m ever cold here — it’s much colder in Victoria, with the humidity and the chilly Pacific Ocean wind.

I watched The Man in the Moon yesterday and today. Such a good movie . . . and Evy let me take her Dead Poets’ Society so I’ll watch that when I’m back in Victoria. I’m in the kitchen now because I wanted tea, but we’re out of milk — there’s only cream & half-and-half. How sad.

My days here have become nicely uneventful. Meanwhile, Q called me today and said that one of my bosses, Kate, “stopped working for the Ministry” on Friday. That’s shocking. Kate’s been the one to teach me everything this past year, so I hope I can fill in for her a bit and help keep our office standing. I already miss her . . . part of my job is/was to call her in the morning and chat about the news. I’ve watched two great people leave the Ministry this Fall — and Andrew already found and started his new job. It’s educational and inspiring to watch “established professionals” navigate the job market. They don’t seem to get scared . . . I’d be scared. I owe too much in student loans.

In Other News
Liv’s been going through all kinds of drama lately, or so I’ve heard via her website. We’ll have to go for sushi asap when I’m back, so she can catch me up on the details.

And that’s all I’ve got to say for now — it’s a sleepy existence these days. Occasionally I can’t remember what I’m “supposed” to do with myself when I’m not in Victoria, working, drinking martinis and perpetuating drama. So then I do a Suduko puzzle and have a nap.

Roast Beef Dinner Tonight – Thursday, Oct.13.05 – 3:33 pm
And Yorkshire puddings. YUM. Mom asked me what I wanted to eat while I’m here, and Yorkshire puddings are at the top of the list. We’re having Greek on Saturday for Evy’s Baby Shower.

Also, we went to Tim Horton’s and had “steeped tea” today. What a stupid marketing gimmick. As if I’d order non-steeped tea.

BUSY – Saturday, Oct.15/05 – 11:20 am
Evy’s baby shower is today!!!! So busy. I’m home tomorrow evening — I’ll write properly later.

Amazing Race – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 10:41 am
I’m watching an old Law & Order and just saw Kevin Smith in a bit speaking role! Neato.

Anyhoo, I’m home. YAY!!!! It was an epic return. My 3:25pm flight from Calgary was cancelled at the VERY last minute because some “anti-skid” part of the plane broke, and there were no replacements parts or planes, so WestJet booked us all on a Monday 10am flight and set us up with hotels & food. I wanted to get home, though, so I played Amazing Race and attempted the following backup strategies:

1. Call Air Canada on my cell phone to look into flights while walking over to their Customer Service counter. This plan fell through because I was on hold FOREVER and the Air Canada planes are on the other side of the Calgary airport. I realised the futility of this strategy just as #2 presented itself:

2. Grab a WestJet flight to Vancouver, then bus to the ferry and get home. This worked out perfectly. The bus/ferry cost $22, which was far better than the $300 Air Canada fare that Q eventually found for me. Also, even though I flew back, WestJet gave me credit for the cancelled flight. So I got a free flight in exchange for the inconvenience. Quinn picked me up at 10:30pm at Swartz Bay and drove me home.

Coming Home to Bunnies
Q always comes inside with me after I’ve been away, to be with me while I check that the rabbits are all still alive and healthy. We opened my apartment door and saw fur everywhere.

Apparently Seamus (aka “Houdini”) and Caramel managed to get past 2 solid barriers at some point this last week. Seamus must have battled with Peter, judging by the VAST AMOUNT OF RABBIT HAIR, and I think Seamus won because he and Caramel were hopping around the apartment like rebellious teenagers amid the wreckage from a house party. Peter was hiding under the couch. Poor guy. But upon inspection I didn’t find any cuts or wounds on any of them, and I kicked S&C back out onto their porch, and swept, and got Peter settled, and so now things are sort of back to normal. Except that Peter’s sulking/traumatized and there’s a ton of hair in my garbage can. Thank god none of the bunnies peed outside of their litterboxes — that would have been too much to take.

Labour Unrest in Victoria
There’s massive strike action today in town. A bunch of unions are holding a “day of protest” in support of the illegal teachers’ strike. Participating unions include the transit system. VERY inconvenient to most people I know.

Apparently there are pickets set up outside my office building, and there will be a rally at 1pm at the legislature.

What with all the drama I was tempted to go to work today, but then I realized that it’s raining outside and I have a pot of tea inside, so that would be foolish. I also have tomorrow off. Hopefully the chaos continues into Wednesday — I like excitement.

To make things even more exciting, government has instructed their unionized employees to NOT participate in the (illegal) protest during work hours, or else they will be fired. I’m not unionized, so this doesn’t affect me, but I bet there’s some wonderful drama playing out at work.

Tonight is Jann Arden’s concert at the Save On Memorial Arena. Q and I have tickets — I wonder if the strike action will affect that?

Fate and Destiny and Et Cetera
I thought that my cancelled flight was a sign that that my DEATH had been narrowly avoided, but Mom suggested that the cancelled flight was intended to put me on an alternate travel route, so as to accommodate some fateful experience.

So here are the “experiences” I had while traveling:

met a woman named Diana who said that theatre needed another musical writer;
ran into Crispin (from UVic) on the ferry, who is now working as an arbourist and owns a condo and wants to hook me up with someone named “Matt” who, according to Crispin, “is a RockStar”;
had an amazing ham & swiss cheese sandwich at the Tim Horton’s in the Vancouver Airport;
watched Family Guy on satellite TV during my WestJet flight to Vancouver from Calgary;
overheard a teacher on the ferry who was talking on his cellphone, discussing his dilemma re: supporting illegal job action vs. being “ostracized” by his colleagues if he didn’t.

Interpret that as you will.

In Summary
I’m back home after a week of holding Hollis and sleeping in a proper bed and eating good food prepared for me by other people, specifically my Mom. I’m looking forward to getting back to the office on Wednesday, but will drink tea and rebond with the bunnies and sleep for the rest of my well-deserved vacation. Thank you for your patience with my sporadic & brief updates this past week. I’ll try to do something foolish and amusing to show my appreciation.

How to Be Insensitive – Monday, Oct.17/05 – 11:30 pm
The Jann Arden concert was super dooper. Also, I had a bucket of powder-buttered popcorn and 2 Mike’s Hard Lemonades for dinner. Welcome back to Victoria 🙂

Waking Up With Peter – Tuesday, Oct.18/05 – 10:58 am
I think he’s recovered from his ordeal. Peter’s been running laps from the kitchen to the porch door all morning. He’s currently taking a break under the wicker chair to chew his Special Collection of Branches. Meanwhile, the baby bunnies are back on their porch acclimatizing themselves to Victoria’s new winter weather: lots of huddling together for warmth. Yes, things are back to normal.

And Now
I think I’ll make a pot of tea and watch crapTV 🙂

Back to Work – Wednesday, Oct.19/05
I managed to wake up with my first alarm this morning (of four)! And now I get to sort through over 1,000 emails . . . I really really love my job. I’m glad to be back.

Lunchtime – Thursday, Oct.20/05
Hollis is three weeks old today!!! Happy Three Week Birthday, Hollis.

Something Gross
Wednesday & this morning I woke up with a blister in my mouth. Syphyllis? Stress? Wisdom teeth issues??? I dunno. Wednesday’s blister was just under my bottom lip; this morning it was somewhere by my left cheek. And something even more disgusting: I don’t have either blister anymore because I popped each one within the first few moments after discovery. With my teeth. And it didn’t taste gross, which I thought it would. (Blisters, pus, etc.) I bite my lips/mouth-skin when I get stressed, and last night my teeth were Super Sensitive due to wisdom teeth development so I tried to sleep with my tongue between my teeth, to alleviate the tooth-on-tooth pressure. Anyhoo. I don’t know if that explains it, but that’s all I know re: potentially contributing factors.

As For the Q
Aside from working his little fanny off and loving Celeste, Q’s been busy working his way up the ranks of a . . . long-standing community group. I promised I wouldn’t say too much about it. Ahem. So hopefully, if there is a Massive Conspiracy and this . . . club . . . is involved (according to rumours via our ex-neighbour Jason), then maybe I won’t die. And maybe I’ll give you folks the secret password for the spaceships too.

Starbucks With Jimmy – Friday, Oct.21/05 – 9:16 pm
I went out with a Navy guy named James this evening. He’s from Nova Scotia and drives a Jimmy (haha) and drank caramel apple ciders at Starbucks while I had tea.

He’s a pretty funny guy, what with the Atlantic humour and a naturally nice personality, and he’s 6’4″ (I approve). I wasn’t in love with him after 5 minutes, though, and I’m not sure why not. He’s not a SuperModel, but he’s a good-looking guy, and he’s really smart, and referred to Family Guy and Sesame Street . . . maybe I’m just tired.

Anyhoo, it was fun and I’ll probably meet up with him again.

Worried About Peter
His right eye is weepy-looking, and the hair around his eye is wet. I looked up eye problems on my rabbit site, and it suggests I get him to a vet in case it’s a bacterial infection. It seems like a lot of causes/treatments for bunny eye problems are similar to those I’ve encountered for myself recently, so I’m tempted to squirt some polysporin eyedrops into his eye and see what happens. I’m reluctant to use human drugs on a bunny, though. Poor guy. I hope he didn’t catch it from me, or get sick from the Great Bunny Escape & Battle of October 2005 . . .

Also, he’s been leaving tiny hard poops by the door to the porch. This suggests a dietary or stress issue. I wish bunnies could talk about their symptoms.

Swans With Jessie – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:31 am
I called Crispin yesterday to remind him that he was going to hook me up, and he invited me (and Jessie) to Swans to watch some band he knew play and hang out with all the single straight guys he knows.

So Jessie & I got all prettied up and Swans apparently is where ALL the straight single guys in Victoria go every Saturday night, because they were all there. I’ve never seen so many. And quite a few of them were even attractive. And/or tall. So Jessie and I have found our new Saturday night activity . . . She was picked up* by some guy named Ryan who smiled a lot, and I made “meaningful eye contact” with a tall man, so we both left pleased.

* Jessie does NOT consider herself a single girl, despite her man living IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, so this was an amusing “pick up” rather than an actual one. And it doesn’t hurt for Jessie to know that she’s a hottie.

Peter Loves Me
I eventually did put polysporin eyedrops in Peter’s weepy eye on Friday. And the next day, it looked 1000-times better, except that the hair around his eye was a little crusty, so I washed it with a wet cloth. Today everything is back to normal. He had some white gunk in the corner of his eye, so I wiped it off and gave him another eyedrop.

For anyone who knows bunnies/Peter, THIS IS REMARKABLE. Bunnies do not like being touched this much, or having foreign liquids put in their eyes. Peter, however, has somehow developed a new trust in me. Maybe the polysporin eyedrops made him feel a lot better . . . whatever the motivation, he doesn’t mind me inspecting him or even treating him. He even still follows me around the apartment (which has become usual behaviour this summer).

I’m a Lamb
Spencer, Q, hopefully Jessie, and I are going Halloween costume hunting today. Jessie is going to be “the night sky” (Q and I invented this back in 1999), which involves wearing a skimpy black dress covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. I’m going to be a lamb this year, despite all the negative “sacrificial lamb” connotations. I think it’ll be groovy to have lamb ears.

Q&S have yet to confirm their personae for this year. Last year they went as Serena and Venus Williams, which was hilarious — both in short sporty skirts, make-up, black body paint, carrying tennis rackets — 6’5″ Q in a black wig, blonde Spencer with a ponytail. Anyhoo.

My Christmas Gift to Myself
Yesterday, while watching taped episodes of CSI, I realized that I wanted a universal remote. Despite being a grown-up with a grown-up job and grown-up backfat, I still have to either sit through commercials or get up to fast forward the tape.

So I bought one at Walmart. Yay for me!

Which Brings Me To a Sad & Confusing Experience
The family in line before us at Walmart couldn’t afford to buy the cheese they’d wanted.

I do not understand this. At first I felt sorry for them, because I love cheese and that would be a terrible thing to not be able to afford cheese, or anything else they wanted/needed. And then I was kind of angry, because I don’t understand how someone can’t afford to buy cheese.

The two big “head-starts” I got in life are my loving family and my smarts. I don’t see what other advantages I have over any other Canadian in the 21st century. So either these two “head-starts” are REALLY SIGNIFICANT, or else the discrepancy in “class”/financial well-being/whatever” is due to a group of people being too lazy, negative, unambitious, or weak to cross that gap.

I don’t believe that intellectual/physical/psychological disabilities are any excuse, because we DO have significant social supports in B.C. and Canada. I’ve used some of them.

And “inherited poverty” is not a viable argument. I put myself through school, just like lots of other people I know. If people can “start from scratch” and use student loans, grants, social programs, etc. to further themselves, then anyone is able to do so.

I want to find someone to talk to, like a parent in that Walmart family, who can explain to me why they are where they are, and make me feel empathy for them. Whenever I’ve tried this I still find some point in the story where they had a CHOICE, and chose to ignore an opportunity or support or something that would likely have changed their situation.

This is an open invitation for comments, if anyone thinks they can explain this to me. I promise not to mock you 🙂

2nd “Date” With Jimmy – Sunday, Oct.23/05 – 9:09 pm
Navy James and I went out to the airport this evening to drink tea/almond lattes and watch the airport people do their magic. Funfun, but still no love.

Also, I watched Dead Poets Society (sic) today. Excellent movie.

WestJet Loves Me – Monday, Oct.24/05 – 9:25 pm
WestJet has given me $139 in travel credit for my cancelled flight back on the 16/17th! EVEN THOUGH I still flew home via WestJet (and then Pacific Coast and then BC Ferries) . . . it’s to compensate for the inconvenience. What a bunch of superstars.

Speaking of SuperStars
I programmed my new universal remote and it was tricky but I did it. YAY!

And Levi Won Stuff
Theatre Guy Nathan, who has his FINGER on the PULSE of ARTS in CANADA, emailed me today to tell me that Levi MacDougall won two (or three??) awards at the Canadian Comedy Awards on Saturday. I wonder if he ever incorporated me into his routine . . .

Silence of the Lamb – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – early a.m.
Hee hee. I didn’t write yesterday because I got home, dressed up like a lamb, and drank a bottle of faux vino while watching Batman Begins. It’s a good life.

Being a lamb for Halloween is tricky. First off, my costume constantly verges on Being Bunny-like, what with all the white, the ears, the tail . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s a challenge, though, to look lambish.

Also, there are quite a few negative connotations to lambs. For example: sacrifical lamb, Lamb-as-Jesus, lamb/sheep being molested by horny rednecks, innocent lamb . . . I’m tempted to add blood to the costume every so often. But NO, I want to be a LAMB and that is all. Dammit.

So, Heather, How Does One Become a Lamb?
Well, Mom sent me her white “pettipants,” which are squaredancer’s underwear, which look like silk boxers covered in lace. I bought white fishnet tights yesterday, and with a white tanktop (I think I’ll glue cotton balls to it) that = lamb body. I have black gloves and shoes for my hooves, and a ribbon for my throat that says “Dolly,” and with carefully-made ears and some quality makeup I think it’ll be A1. I’m not entirely sure what lamb faces & ears look like, so I need to do some more research. And do lambs wear bells around their necks? (Like cows?)

Being SuperBrave – Wednesday, Oct.26/05 – 10:07 pm
I went to Q’s after work to snuggle with Celeste & glue cotton balls onto a tank top. On the bus there was a 6-foot-something shaggy blonde guy with a red beard, reading Daniel Quinn (is that Safeway-crap, Mom? I can’t recall his books) and it was ridiculously crowded and I was laden down with craft supplies so I couldn’t be subtle. But then I thought:

HEATHER (internal monologue): “But I NEVER find sexy men in Victoria. And Q will only mock me if I do nothing about this rare find.”

So I wrote him a note. A witty, non-threatening note. With my phone number & email address. And then I held it in my little sweaty hand until my bus stop, and dropped it onto the page he was reading, and got the hell off that bus.

Very brave (in a cowardly way), and very scary. But if I don’t do scary things, I will never get what I want. So yep.

Past My Bedtime
I’m up late but that’s okay. I slept at Q’s from 4 until 7:30pm. The only memories I have of my afternoon are of Quinn trying to wake me up so we could have dinner and watch Born Into Brothels together. I resisted, and only rose in time for America’s Next Top Model.

Child of the Eighties – Thursday, Oct.27/05
Ohmigod. Most amazing story in today’s newspapers, and it’s in the National Post: The Muppets are hosting a new reality tv show, America’s Next Muppet. It’s supposed to air next spring.

Also, did you know that the Muppets have a website? And they’re making a Fraggle Rock movie?????

It’s Too Late For Me To Be Awake – Oct.27/05 – 11:46 pm
Jessie, Q, Spencer & I went to Atomic Vaudeville’s “Hellhouse” episode tonight. Camel Toe Improv finally made them laugh along with me — I’ve been waiting for it.

Also, had the freaky experience of learning that some AV folks know about & read my website.

So.

Yep.

Boy, Atomic Vaudeville sure is super 🙂

So, What Do You Do For A Day-Job?
VERSION 1, told to Chris, owner of The Patch on Yates:

HEATHER: “I write propaganda.”

VERSION 2, told to Jenn Stein, Pags server and Barbara Bush:

HEATHER: “I read newspapers for the government.”

To be honest, I’m constantly amazed that my crazy, wonderful job requires reading the comics page and writing “feel good” sound bites. I LOVE MY DAY JOB.

Anyhoo
Also, it’s been exactly 4 weeks since Hollis entered the world 🙂

I will always remember hearing the details of his birth, while drunk on Cosmopolisyns in the washroom of the Victoria Event Centre during an Atomic Vaudeville dance number.

EEK! – Friday, Oct.28/05
OHMIGOD. I got an email from the guy on the bus (Wednesday). Reads as follows:

Hello dear,
I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Red Haired Boy (I object to being called a man) from the bus yesterday. I am just writing to tell you that when you dropped that note in my lap yesterday, I was quite taken aback. I certainly never expected something like that to happen.
So now I’m writing you because you expressed interest in me. I wish I could have spoken with you on the bus, but it was indeed too busy and love was entirely out of the question.
I was wondering if you’d have any interest in coming to a Hallowe’en party on Saturday night. A friend of mine who has rich parents and owns her house is having what should be a fairly decent excuse to drink. You mentioned you like drinking tea, but how about the occasional bottle of wine or shot of whisky? If you have plans already, that’s fine. I won’t weep for too long…
If you are in fact interested, feel free to write me back at this email address. Or you can reach me at [EDITED]. The phone number is kind of unsure because I try to avoid spending time at home as much as possible. But there should be someone here to answer, one of my roommates.
Anyway, I wish you a pleasant evening, and hope to hear from you before Saturday evening. And I suppose I should tell you my name; I’m Zac, and it’s nice to kind of meet you.
Take care

My Reaction
I hope he’s not a weirdo. (. . . irony . . .)

Also, I’m going to a party Saturday night already, so I can’t go. Even if I could, that’s an awkward way to meet up with a stranger.

HEATHER: Hi, I’m Heather.

ZAC: No, you’re a lamb.

HEATHER: No, I’m Heather. From the bus.

ZAC: Um, no, you have big lamb ears and you’re white and squishy and you’re wearing your Momma’s pettipants. Heather from the bus had a red coat and human ears.

HEATHER: Right. Okay. Nevermind.

So I suggested that we meet in a non-costumed setting so that he can see that I’m not a nut who routinely accosts strangers. (Ha ha, yes that’s really funny. You bastards.)

EEK 🙂

Oops – Friday, Oct.28/05 – 12:41 pm
So, Zac the Bus Guy somehow found my website (Hi, Zac!) so I’ll be polite and stop posting our personal correspondence on the web.

And he still wrote me, so that’s a positive sign.

Cleaning House – Saturday, Oct.29/05 – 10:49 am
Saturday mornings are my most productive. I wake up, feeling like I’ve slept in to 3pm or something, and then look at the clock and see that it’s 8:41 am. Already today I’ve cleaned the bunnies’ litterboxes, done dishes, put away the laundry I did at Q’s yesterday, and now I have banana muffins in the oven.

I thought that our Annual Halloween House Party was on Friday, so I expected to be comatose and sickly today. The party’s actually tonight, though, so I’ll get to wake up in a clean(ish) apartment tomorrow morning.

Sudoku Pride
I’ve become very good at solving Sudoku puzzles, to the point where I was getting cocky and considered moving on to a new hobby. And THEN I started in on the “Fiendish” section of one of my Sudoku books, and I feel like a beginner all over again. I love it. I feel like John Nash, solving Russian code.

NaNoWriMo
Starting Nov. 1 I will attempt to write 50,000 words in a month. I have no idea what to write about.

Oh and Also
I forgot to mention. After Atomic Vaudeville on Thursday I stayed for the “after party” and drank sour cocktails with lollipops. Jacob Richmond, the co-founder and director of AV, told me he and Britt had discovered my “blog” while googling “Atomic Vaudeville” and then he asked me if I wanted to contribute anything to a future AV show (writing-wise). But I can’t think of anything suitable.

JACOB: “Could we just take something from your blog, then?”

So be warned, y’all. You might end up on stage sometime soon.

Also, Britt reminded me that they are willing and able to host a read-though of my work. I just have to provide the scripts . . . I have no idea how to exploit this opportunity. On the Rag is finished and ready for workshopping, but there are long monologue bits and I think BitterScripts is more amusing.

I love having the opportunity, though. I will have to take advantage of it soon.

What Are You Doing With Your Extra Hour Today? – Sunday, Oct.30/05 – 10:06 am
I stayed over at Q’s last night so I’m NOT waking up in a clean(ish) home. There are costume bits everywhere, and the wreckage from our 3am McDonald’s drive-thru (via taxi) and a pizza box and empty bottles . . .

We went to the BEST Annual Halloween Party last night (Spencer, Q and I). Spencer & Q ended up going as Canadian Idol contestents. The best costume was one of the hosts (John??) — he was a shower. I took a picture, so I’ll post that when I get home tonight. And I got to see Rich & Cam again — Rich had a sexy Speedo with “AUS” on his ass, and a lifeguard’s shirt with “Mouth to mouth” on the front. Despite getting a little . . . cold . . . when we went outside for the fireworks, he was definitely hot. When I saw Cam, my first thought was The Royal Tennenbaums, but he was a seventies tennis star, with this crazy huge afro that eventually became too much for him to bear (it was itchy). I love how Cam is always smiling.

Chris(tina) premiered his drag show, and lots of people rubbed my tummy (soft cotton balls, remember?), and there were tequila shots and jello shots and tonnes of food and the fireworks show was hilarious, watching these costumed guys fumble around with explosives, match in one hand, drink in the other. A few of the fireworks went haywire — one ricoched off the parked minivan in front of the house and made us run. One woman had a hole burned into the fishnets by a firecracker spark. Craziness.

Eventually I got tired, of course, so I managed to convince Q and a Very Drunk Spencer that we all wanted McDonalds. The taxi companies had 30 minute to hour-long waits if you called, so we started walking down Gorge Road and managed to catch a cab as it dropped off a customer. (Same strategy as last year, actually.)

Also, I Went Out With a Straight Boy
Zac and I met up yesterday afternoon and he is awesome. He’s smart and funny and we went for a long walk along the Songhees after chugging tea (he drinks tea and spurns coffee! Yay!) and it was the best thing ever, getting to talk to someone that I have NEVER before talked to. When you start off knowing nothing about someone, there are infinite things to find out. So now I know his dad is/was in the military, and Zac moved cities every five years, and his parents split up when he was 11, and now he has a younger brother & sister, and a half-brother who’s 3, and four step-sisters. Also, he’s in school to be a nurse, and apparently nurses get to be caring & empathetic while doctors just have to know EVERYTHING FACTUAL and have crappy social skills. Zac likes the caring stuff. I didn’t point out that he’d have to wipe bums or do other icky things working in the health sector.

Zac was raised Catholic in Ontario, but he’s diverged from a lot of those conservative beliefs (e.g. he supports gay marriage). His hot button was abortion, which he says he’s never heard a decent argument for. I’ll have to get him and Q to face off over that one. It’d be amusing to watch.

Anyhoo, I had a great time and I really like him, which is a relief since he could easily have been crazy or stupid or married since I “picked him up” based solely on my attraction to him and that he was reading a book.

Also, we made a deal that Zac at least has to PRETEND that he doesn’t read my website. That way I won’t worry about repeating my ever-amusing anecdotes, or him knowing things I haven’t told him, et cetera.

Also, his birthday is April 29.

(I’m a fricking encyclopedia!)

Rainy Halloween – Monday, Oct.31/05 – 6:06 pm
It’s only 6pm and it’s dark out there. It feels like 10pm or later. I am suddenly glad that my work day ends at 2/3pm, when it still looks like daytime.

I’m sleepy but I’m hesitant to nap because my body might think it’s bedtime, due to the darkness, and then I’ll waste my whole night. Instead of spending it on quality activities, like watching Medium and CSI: Miami . . .

An Amusing Bunny Anecdote
This morning Peter was following me around while I was getting ready, putting laundry away, etc. and I thought he wanted a snuggle so I stood still and let him climb onto my feet. But actually he wanted to suck on and undo the ribbon bows on my slippers.

Peter loves sucking on ribbons and undoing bows with his little bunny teeth . . .

Little Spitfire

July 2005

July 1, 2005 Heather Leave a comment

Canada Day!! – Friday, July 1, 2005 – 11:20 am

And it’s also Pride in Victoria this weekend, so there are SO MANY adventure-potentials!! Celeste was strangely giddy last night at Q’s, so we’ll have to take her a for a good long walk today.

And I still haven’t heard from Shawn, so I’m VERY concerned and contemplating calling the police. Maybe I can get the Q to do a quick drive-by so we can see if he’s home. The weirdest thing about Shawn’s disappearance is that I have no idea who to call. I don’t know his family, and I don’t know Savannah’s phone nymber, so I can’t confirm his OK-ness with anyone else. I might be the only one who knows he’s AWOL, and therefore it’s my responsiblity to track him down!

Cleaning House
My other commitments for today are to take out the garbage (which I hate doing – I’m a germaphobe) and checking on the bunnies. They probably need more water – it was hot out yesterday. And Peter’s litter box has lost its clean-hay-scent.

Health Status
I feel so much better today.

Shawn of the Dead – Saturday, July 2, 2005 – 12:30 pm
Shawn isn’t dead!!! YAY!!! He resurrected after a few panicky phone calls on my part. And one house-visit that found NO blood-trail, body parts, et cetera. Apparently he does go AWOL sometimes. Good to know.

Canada Day Festivities
Q & Celeste & I attended the Drag Queen Baseball Game over in Vic West, and ran into some of our ‘mos: Rich, Cam, and so on. We ate hot dogs and then left. It was crazy — Shawanna Millionaire, the drag queen who (we’d heard) skipped town last summer after defrauding some loving ‘mos of their cash, was there in full wigged glory, doing backflips and cartwheels from base to base. It was too cold, though, so we went to Q’s for a nappy nap.

And then Luke came by and we drove up to see Q’s new home, and then we stopped by Michael’s house and the boys drank rum & sprites, but I didn’t because I’d decided to abstain from alcohol while tattooed. (. . .) And Celeste shat on Michael’s lawn.

Also, while at Michael’s, Shawn called to tell me he was alive and reading a new book. Yay! On the way downtown for dinner we kidnapped him and tried out the food at the Garlic Rose on Wharf, and they were serving a special 1L “boot” of beer, but no one at our table had that. It was odd to have two redheads with us, when normally we have none.

After dinner Q & Luke went to some house party at the Railyards and Shawn & I talked and watched CityTV porn until 3am. When the fireworks came on, we climbed the roof at Q’s and watched all the drunk twinkies milling about on Broad Street, and the fireworks were pretty. Some new fangled ones, I think, with hearts & circles.

Anyhoo, I had a great Canada Day night and I’m really glad Shawn isn’t dead because he’s super.

Oh, and the Laundry
I did all my laundry yesterday at Q’s, and I am SO PLEASED to have a full closet of tubetops & other non-shoulder-rubbing shirts. My tattoo doesn’t hurt at all, and it looks fine, but I’m determined to be a good tattooee and do everything like my tattooer said re: healing.

Dancing Queen – Sunday, July 3, 2005 – 8:58 am
We went to Prism last night, and it was the first time ever I’ve seen a line-up there. Lucky for us, Q’s Rotary & Freemason (shh!) connections tend to negate any “waiting in line” nonsense.

“We,” in this case, include Luke, Spencer, Christine, the Q, and a new boy named “Steve with an E” (??) who apparently came out VERY recently. And I could tell. He was hitting on every boy in sight, and still knew how to dance with a woman. Polka steps, no less.

Also, we saw Cameron (topless, with a few other topless hotties) and Kent, which was funny. I got to introduce him to my boyz and some of the new ones I’d met that night. NEVER underestimate the value of a homo honey. Thank you very much.

The Porch
I finally got around to checking up on the bunnies outside. I’m such a neglectful bunny mom. Anyhoo, I went out and Seamus & Caramel were sitting side by side on the couch, looking like aged rabbits due to excessive seasonal shedding. Caramel escaped, but Seamus (who still, I think retains some memory of being a passive house rabbit) let me pull off some of the fluff. I watered them and swept up a bit, and I didn’t see any flies, which have worried me due to their potential bunny-harming faculties. I bought two fly traps yesterday at Home Depot, and I’m excited about them except that I’m supposed to use raw, rotting meat as bait and that’s fucking disgusting. Also, I have no raw meat in this apt. Also, the smell of raw, rotting meat might displease my bunnies. Sensitive vegans that they are.

Annie Hall
Apparently this is the film that made Woody Allen good. It was all downhill thereafter. I watched the first half yesterday and I love it, but I can see that his neurotic persona is only likeable because it’s new (to the audience at the time) and subsequent neurotic Woody Allens would lead to hatred and scorn. Also, the female-male relationships are fascinating — power imbalances, a rapport that I would see as patronising and emotionally crippling.

Pictures & A Sun Burn – Sunday, July 3, 2005 – 11:21 pm
Have a look at the “pictures” page for a whole bunch of stuff from last weekend . . .

Also, here’s a mouse that Shawn & I saw while GSing a while back.

[2017 note: I can’t find these photos so you’ll just have to imagine them.]

This is a crow, waiting for us to leave so it can eat the mouse.

And here’s Q, multitasking.

[Imagine a photo of Q holding a phone to each ear.]

About the sun burn — I have one. On my nose.

Odd Sleep Patterns – Monday, July 4, 2005 – 10:06 pm
I’ve been coming home, eating, and then sleeping for HOURS, and then I wake up at 8 or 9 pm. Mathematically this should be fine, but I was tired today, so we’ll see how tomorrow is.

Liv’s Hot Young Dentist
After work today I went to the dentist to escort Liv home, post-wisdom-teeth-extraction. She was anaestheticised so I held her arm on the stairs and kept her from wandering into traffic. Brave Liv.

If I have to get my wisdom teeth out, I want to keep the teeth. AND I will warn the dentist not to say “blood clots” to me when I am nauseous, because I might puke. Also, I will “eat” chocolate Boost and pudding.

A Strange Sort of Being Single
I really like this. I get to spend time with a sexy, smart straight man who does his own thing, and I get cuddles and unconditional love from the Q and my ‘mos, and I have two great girl friends to buy things and drink martinis with. Also, I spend my time doing EXACTLY what I want, whether it’s napping or dishes or running or being friendly. The only thing lacking is, of course, sexual gratification, but for now this is pretty damn fine.

Adventures in Budgeting – Tuesday, July 5, 2005
I should know better than to attempt this “budget” thing. Every time I try it, something bizarre happens — last time, a student loan debt appeared out of nowhere and threw me for a $700 loop. Whatever. I can’t live in fear of jinxing my bank balance.

So I figured it out, and I pay $836/month in student loan debt. Yiminy! Yes, it was worth it, but gees, that’s a lot of money. That’s 200 cheap Syn martinis (not including tip or appies). Then I owe a very reasonable $550/month for rent, and this leaves me with a little less than 2 weeks’ pay for food and beverages and bunny hay. Thank god I get paid well.

Bunny Guilt
I peeked in on S&C early this morning and Seamus was sitting on his back feet, which is weird because normally they’re on all fours. So I went out to check on the wee fella, and his front nails were RIDICULOUSLY long, each one practically an inch of curling claw. I felt awful. So I clipped them asap, which of course upset him, but I waited around until he unfroze and started cleaning his paws, so (hopefully) no tramautic side effects. Caramel is probably equally savage, but I needed her to be calm for Seamus so I’m waiting until later today to pedicure her.

Ironically, I refuse to give up my bunnies (S&C) to another home because I know they won’t have it as good anywhere else. They get so much freedom and care from me that a more sheltered life (in a cage — ew!!) would be worse than the occassional broken nail. If I ever thought I’d found a home that would let them be proper house rabbits, I’d let them go, but I doubt that would happen. People are generally rabbit-stupid.

Movies I Wanna See – Tuesday, July 5, 2005 – 8:27 pm
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Batman Begins
Fantastic Four
Madagascar
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with Johnny Depp!!!!!

Movie I Just Saw
Charlie’s Angels, for the first time with sound. I’ve only ever seen it on an airplane, without earphones. Cameron Diaz is so much fun (for an anorexic)! I want her to play me in my life movie. But she’ll have to grow a belly first. Or at least be a realistic, voluptuous weight, a la The Mask.

I love movies. They’re novels for lazy people.

Finding Oneself Via the Net . . . Again – Wednesday, July 6, 2005
This is from Liv: she’s starch . . . I am water. I’m awesome. Q doesn’t like me very much.

Water
You are water. You’re not really organic; you’re
neither acidic nor basic, yet you’re an acid
and a base at the same time. You’re strong
willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready
to flow. So while you often feel worthless,
without you, everything would just not work.
People should definitely drink more of you
every day.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

There Are Boobies On TV – Wdnesday, July 6, 2005 – 7:20 pm
I’m watching “Cleavage Culture” and it’s fascinating.

HOOTERS GIRL: I’m a feminist. I have a lot of feministic views.

Experimenting With Carbs
Perhaps the only aspect of my government-induced weight gain that displeases me is the back fat. The boobs are fun, my tummy’s nice and squishy, but the back fat is . . . wrong. So Jessie, my Food & Nutrition Guru*, is supporting me in a two week experiment wherein I eat minimal “carbs.” These “carbs” are, apparently, in everything I like to eat: bread, pasta, carrots even . . . But Jessie predicts that a lower-carb, higher-protein & veggie diet will get rid of that goshdarned back fat, without excessive changes to my exercise routine. And I like that.

* About Jessie being my Food & Nutrition Guru: yes, this is funny. It’s a private joke, but . . . to Jessie: ha!

Anyhoo, I tried to eat dinner today and failed. I hid all the “carb” stuff I like in the cupboard: spaghetti, fettuccine, crackers, rye bread (actually I threw that out because rye bread after 2 weeks would be nasty). And I replaced my counter buffet with cans of tuna, tomato soup, and some soup broth powder (the only non-carb items I already have on hand). So for dinner, I chose some cheese (yumyum) and tomato soup. And then I burned the soup.

You know, I remember a time when I made deluxe daily meals: roast beef, yorkshire puddings, steamed veggies . . . and they were great. I had no back fat. And now I burn canned soup.

Whatever. My starting weight, according to Circuit City’s display scale, is 138.2 pounds, with sexy black leather boots on. The experiment begins . . .

Being A Writer
I walked to work and ruminated on my play, which has been perplexing me. So I mentally dismantled the structure, thought “form = content,” made a listy list of options, considered numerology & gospel parallels, and ended up with a useable, meaningful skeleton on which to build my play. YAY!!!!

Ironically, my writing classes were separate from my English Lit classes, and yet it helps so much to work backwards (i.e. from the perspective of a critically-thinking audience) to figure out how to write something.

Example: If I want to have a Virgin Mary / Mary Magdalene paradox, but want to avoid binaries (which are inherently masculine) then I need to have both Marys working TOGETHER, rather than opposed, as in the cliched/traditional devil vs. angel technique. Unity, rather than conflict.

Therefore: Mother Mary and Maggie are instructional forces in Mary’s road trip, not obstacles or distractions.

I sent the reworked first few pages to Nathan, who has commissioned scripts from me & Keith, and he giggled. Via email. And I feel WONDERFUL that I’ve figured out the structure, because now I can just cut-and-paste the dialogue & text & ideas that I have, and whatever new stuff I write will be more focused and have a PURPOSE to fulfill.

And don’t we all like having a purpose?

Does Shake & Bake Have Carbs?? – Thursday, July 7, 2005 – 6:39 pm
It was either BBQ ribs or S&B chicken legs, and I let Q choose, and he chose S&B so I am not responsible. Also, I had a “low carb” bagel + cream cheese after work. But I’ve been carb-free otherwise! Yay me!

AND Q, J & I are trying not to drink any alcohol for ten days (starting a few days ago — the last time I drank anything was Canada Day, actually). And we’ve all kept to this, except that I am currently drinking (or trying to drink) a Diet Coke, since it is the only cold, non-alcoholic beverage here at Q’s, and it tastes SO BAD that I am very tempted to add just a little tiny bit of rum. Tastes like aspartame. Plastic sugar. Ew.

Being Okay That Shawn Has Other Females in His Life
Shawn has an Ontario girlfriend visiting, and I am incredibly jealous. I am not used to having to share my boys with anyone. Spencer loves ME, and ME ALONE (or at least, we pretend). Luke loves ME. Alex loves ME. Every female in the world falls in love with Q, but I know he’s really mine and we will always be each other’s best friend. (I have his momma’s phone number memorized.) So here I am, having to share my new friend. I’ve lost all my ability to be grown up about this.

Actually, that’s not true. I’ve vowed not to let my possessiveness be noticed by Shawn. He’s new, and I don’t want to frighten him. So I’ll just silently writhe. Or writhe over lunch hour with Q and Jessie to roll their eyes at me. And hopefully my skin will toughen up, just like I’ve learned not to groan aloud when Shawn flicks to the sports channel on tv AND WATCHES IT.

Also, My New Play
Here are the first few pages . . . most of the script is already written, I just have to shift stuff around and “fill in the blanks” so that it makes some sort of non-esoteric sense.

[2017 note: maybe someday I’ll post the script to maryMARY here …]

Carbs Shmarbs – Friday, July 8, 2005
This is foolish. For breakfast I wanted my usual Friday special: the steamed eggs with cheddar cheese and sourdough with strawberry jam. But bread is illegal, so I had to choose a carbfree breakfast sidedish to replace it, and therefore: bacon. 4 strips. HOW IS THAT HEALTHIER THAN TOAST????

This whole “being aware of food” thing could really mess a person up. Everything is grams and sugar content. Food should not = numbers!! I’m glad this is only a short term experiment.

Lazy Weekend – Saturday, July 9, 2005 – 10:50 am
I’ve been reading a book Boss Theresa leant me, by Miriam Toews. It’s about Mennonites, and it’s very very good. I might actually be motivated to finish this one.

Last night was a terrible waste of a Hot Heather Day. Sometimes everything comes together and I’m stunningly hot. But if there are no plans, and everyone else is as lame as me, then it’s only appreciated by Peter. So sad. I watched craptv and drank tea, and wished I could think of an adventure that would involve other people appreciating my pretty-phase.

Anyhoo, Q is coming to get me any minute now, and we will carve out some sort of adventure for today. It’s actually sunny . . .

Bad Movie – Sunday, July 10, 2005 – 12:58 am
Fantastic Four is gawdawful. Don’t waste your money. The only good part was the three beautiful men sitting beside me in the theatre.

Wild Horses – Monday, July 11, 2005 – 4:29 pm
That’s it. I’m done.

Stupid stupid men and their stupid stupid secret codes.

For example: Q and the boyz say that men like to be ignored. This is inherently opposed to ME. I do not ignore those I like. No, strange Heather, I actually try to spend time with them and talk with them. I will send love letters and emails if I’m thinking lovey thoughts. I will give presents, because I like to.

What’s wrong with spontaneous acts of love? Isn’t that what men inevitably bitch about — the lack thereof? “She isn’t spontaneous, she won’t fuck me in the kitchen.” Well, fuck you.

And why does everything have to be so dramatic? Whatever happened to:

1. girl meets boy;
2. girl and boy like each other;
3. girl and boy tell each other this;
4. girl and boy fool around.

Aren’t I supposed to be the “game-playing” one??? Isn’t that the female stereotype? Why am I the straight-forward one, and YOU MEN are all so vague and coded? It Is Not That Complicated.

At least get your goddamn stereotypes straight. The next time I hear a movie or man rhetorically ask: “What the hell do women want?” I WILL TELL YOU. And you won’t like it.

Awake For 16.5 Hours – Tuesday, July 12, 2005 – 9:30 pm
I woke up at 5am and was actually awake, not just dreaming of being awake, so I got up and talked to my dad & mom while I walked to work. Liv and I had sushi, and after work Shawn & I went to Swans to drink, and then walked to Fonyo Beach (??) and Shawn threw rocks at a particular spot in the water and I dug through smelly rocks for pretty things. It was sunny.

I feel somewhat more balanced today, which is good. I’m still completely perplexed by TMWWIW/AIL’s letter yesterday, which is an uncrackable combination of raving poetry and furious mania. (Aka good writing that I admire and don’t want to admire because TMWWIA/AIL broke my heart and I don’t know how to feel okay about admiring the writing of someone who broke my heart.)

SHAWN: There’s a soundtrack?

HEATHER: There’s always a soundtrack.

Anyhoo, I’ve resolved to keep breathing and eating and sleeping, and eventually everything will sort itself out.

Ohmigod, I’ve learned patience. When did that happen??????

Correction: I’ve learned the value of APPEARING to have patience, while inside I still get squishy with tummy butterflies and shaky with the DESIRE TO HIT SOMETHING REALLY REALLY HARD.

Because here is what I’d like to be real. And yes, I know this contravenes the advice and warnings I’ve had from EVERY fucking confidante, but I only tell the truth (unless I’m making shit up) so here it is:

I want TMWWIW/AIL to know what he wants. I want him to want me. Because even though he’s crazy and just a baby in the world, I am fairly sorta sane and jaded and I know what I need. Actually, I think I know what most of us need. And that is:

1. to know ourselves (hey, that’s my tattoo, freaky coincidence!);
2. to be okay with ourselves; and
3. to find someone who can love us, even when they know us really well.

Yes, I am embracing my foolish self in unreasonable, unrequited love. Fuck pride, fuck logical choices. It’s awfully hard to find a soulmate and when you do, it’s even harder to let them get away.

Drinking a Cider & Loving It – Wednesday, July 13, 2005 – 7:01 pm
It’s sunny & tanktop-warm outside, and I wore my sexy new “kitten” heels that look kinda like flamenco shoes today. I LOVE SUMMER.

Shawn Is Getting Some, the Bastard
Yesterday on our Big Walk we talked a lot about everything (from critical theory to fucking strangers) and I’ve decided that this is a really sweet situation. I get to be good friends with a smart, sexy, entertaining straight man and I don’t have to deal with all the drama and butterflies of being in love. Shawn’s girlfriend is named Nicole, for the record, and she intends to stay here in Victoria. Oh, the drama!!!! It’s fun watching Shawn squirm: he’s a loner who enjoys his private time, and he’s sharing a small living space with a woman. Hee hee. I would be more supportive and sympathetic, but I’m sleeping alone, and he gets it whenever he wants it (the bastard). So no pity for Shawn.

Tonight
Q is at the gym so Celeste & I are waiting for him to come home and shower, and then we’re meeting the boyz for martinis & dinner.

Word of the Day – Thursday, July 14, 2005
“cacoethes” = kak-oh-EE-theez
an urge to do something inadvisable.

Wonderful Sleepy Afternoon – Thursday, July 14, 2005 – 7:50 pm
After work I had a nappy nap on the hammock on Q’s rooftop. Except for falling asleep while wearing my contact lenses, it was exactly what I needed.

For some reason (stress???) I radiated Inappropriate Anger Management vibes today — I wanted desperately to have a tantrum and scream & pummel strangers on Douglas Street. Pent up sexual energy, I suppose. Whatever. The hammock nap and subsequent, complementary indoor nap on Q’s couch have relaxed me. I don’t even want one of the ciders in the fridge.

And now it’s almost 8pm on Thursday, and there are all kinds of lovely mystery detective shows on soon, and I’ve slept all afternoon so I won’t have to go to bed early and miss them.

Explanation of “Cacoethes”
First off, it’s a brilliant word for me. I have urges to do inadvisable things ALL THE TIME. I like to think it’s a writer thing. Except for when it results in trouble, in which case it’s an Inappropriate Anger Management thing or Christmas Eve Complex thing or Impulse Control Disorder thing, and therefore I should up my daily meds.

Anyhoo. I thought I’d be all proactive and express my fury at Q’s troubles re: being appreciated by his current and potential employers by complaining to The Dude In Charge. So I looked up the head honcho for the Public Service Agency. I happen to know this person through work to some extent, although I’ve never met him . . . moment of pause. But whatever. I was Heather The Proactive, Malcontent Citizen so I emailed this man from my home email account (NOT work — at least I was thinking there) and said B.C. was wasting its homegrown talent by not making an effort to keep my Q in the province, thereby forcing him to apply to Alberta and et cetera.

The man (a gentleman, truly) responded with a nice email and said Q should talk to him.

Unfortunately, when I forwarded this to Q it wasn’t a good thing. Q had seen this man on the way in to work, and he wasn’t happy about the email situation. SO ultimately I put Q in a really awkward position, and embarrassed him, and . . . yep.

Q wrote to the man and apologised, explaining that I get maternal at times and that he would be discussing the appropriateness of what I’d done with me asap. (He actually was impressively diplomatic and articulate — maybe that will get him a sweet job and everything will work out!!!! Ahem.)

Anyhoo. I have a new tattoo idea as a result (if I can think of where I’d put it): caceothes, another Greek term that explains me too well.

To Be Explained Later – Saturday, July 16, 2005 – 1:32 am
Harry Potter launch party at Chapters: I was Professor Trelawney and read tarot cards for pre-teens.

Accomplishment of the week: my fly-traps work and are filled with dead flies. YAY! Now Seamus & Caramel can frolic with minimal risk of fly-borne illness.

Also, I drove Jessie to the ferry. I love driving on the highway, sometimes.

Sunny – Saturday, July 16, 2005 – 11:14 am
Just watched 8 Mile, Eminem’s experiment in postmodern identity. Who are we? Marshall Mathers/Slim Shady/Eminem/Bunny Rabbit/B. Rabbit/Jimmy . . .

EMINEM: I am / whoever you say I am.

He’s fricking genius, that’s what.

Anyhoo, today is the Moss Street Paint In. I always end up with some sort of physical issue after this annual event: sun burn, blisters from ill-advised flip flops . . . but it’s not TOO sunny and I will sunscreen, don a coygirl hat* & wear appropriate footwear. Just one of those occasional measurements of what I’ve learned so far in life.

*”coygirl hat” = a Freudian slip??? I meant cowgirl hat . . . and by that, I mean mainstream alternative Le Chateau weave hat thing.

Speaking of Occasional Measurements
My temporary experiment with carbs has passed. It’s too complicated to pay attention to that sort of thing. Also, I really like bread and bread products. So screw it.

However, I’ve noticed a lessening of belly & other curvy bits, and I think this has to do with the minimal quantity of cider I’ve allowed myself lately. (Yes, mom, you’re right. Again.)

Also, I find that when I pay more attention to NOT drinking cider (or anything), I’m less likely to choose an alcoholic beverage just because it’s handy and cold in the fridge. I’m more inclined to drink water. So that’s healthy. Almost makes up for my recent neglect of the whole “running around the block” thing.

I haven’t gotten around to weighing myself recently, so I can’t really quantify any changes. Maybe sometime this next week.

Belated Birthday Loving
It was Nathan’s birthday yesterday, but I accidentally slept through his celebration. Sorry about that, Nate — I’ll wear the blue knee socks for you on our next lunch date. And maybe you can touch them. Maybe.

Laugh Tracks – Sunday, July 17, 2005 – 5:31 pm
Ever since Annie Hall I’ve been uncomfortable with laugh tracks. Now Q and Luke are watching Everyone Loves Raymond and all I can hear is the canned laughter. It’s so plastic.

Today’s Death March
Q took us to Prior Lake today. We (FINALLY!!) found the nude beach, after five years of searching, but it was more of a dock than a beach and although everyone was naked they were also old and unsexy and WAY too close to each other. I dream of a sandy, sunny beach where I can lie with my boobies exposed, but this was not meant to happen today.

So we went, instead, to the regular-person area and found a not-too-anty slope and Celeste dove into the water because she was so fricking hot. And I’m even more browny now, except, of course, for my goddamn tanfree boobs.

I heard some comedian say that tan lines are like a second-hand textbook: all the good parts have already been highlighted. Haha.

Harry Potter, Book 6
I’ve been reading my new Harry Potter, which was my payment for reading tarot cards as Prof. Trelawney at Chapters’ Harry Potter Launch Party on Friday. It’s so good. The writing isn’t exactly Giller-quality, but the story is twisty and wonderful. I have always suspected that J.K.Rowling sold her soul to the devil; it’s too addictive to just be fiction. More like crack. Wordy crack.

Making Soup – Monday, July 18, 2005 – 5:01 pm
I’m making my famous soup. It’s yummy.

Soup used to be scary and therefore canned, but I overcame that mental barrier about two years ago.

This thought, along with the Love, Actually soundtrack, has put me in a mood to compose:

Ode to Heather’s Exes
I keep souvenirs; my apartment is full of them. (Souvenirs, not exes.)

Nate: cedar box made for me for Christmas, currently holding a never-finished quilt and being used as my coffee table.

Matte: hackysack-making materials, hidden in my craft cupboard. Also, a yellow Starburst wallet that I carried around until it literally fell apart.

Q: everything in my apt, including the futon on the bunnies’ porch, my bed, my mattress, my desk . . . also, my orange/yellow poster that I wanted for YEARS.

Rob: confidence re: making soup from scratch.

Kent: a drawer full of lingerie that I don’t fit into anymore; one of his first ever headshots.

Divyesh: two petri dishes, some chem lab stopper things, and the pretty lights in my washroom.

The Hood – Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Here are the people who have become my nieghbours (aka people I say “Good Morning” to, and who might notice if I suddenly disappeared):
– the short maintenance guy, usually sitting at a table at the Breezeway Cafe;
– Sue & Stephen, the husband/wife owners of the Executive Shop newspaper place;
– the city worker who is always shovelling snow/blowing leaves/watering plants/sweeping/salting the walkways;
– the delivery man at CIBC who I’ve helped through the doors a few times, who is looking for a wife;
– the staff at Rheinland Bakery;
– the friendly older man cashier at the liquor store in Bay Centre;
– the group of senior-aged men who eat breakfast at Caffe Theatro sometimes and tell me I look pretty;
– the blond woman & her partner who own and manage Caffe Theatro and invented a special, non-spicy breakfast pannini to accomodate my sensitive stomache.

For Old Time’s Sake
Levi is performing this weekend!!!

Bonding With Nathan – Tuesday, July 19, 2005 – 3:36 pm
I took Nathan to Azuma for his Birthday sushi. Yummy yummy yumyum.

The strangest thing about Nathan is not the “Susie” work shirt or the occasional hair barrettes: it’s that he doesn’t drink hot drinks. So when we go for sushi and I O.D. on jasmine tea, he lets his cup sit until it’s tepid and then orders a glass of cold water and a Pepsi with ice.

Anyhoo, Nathan is an untapped source of Straight Single Men. He has committed to “hooking me up” with someone I approve of: tall, smart, et cetera. The Fringe Festival begins in August; this is apparently “Hook-Up Season” among the resident artsy people, and so we are planning our attack.

NATHAN: You’ve already got your summer tan. This won’t be hard at all.

Harry Potter: Read It
I will not tell you what happens. But it’s a good book (of course) so read it.

Also: Johnny Depp
I still haven’t seen Charlie & the Chocolate Factory and I really really want to. The most difficult part is choosing who to invite. It must be someone who properly appreciates the screwy beauty of Tim Burton and co.

Wow! 3 Times in One Day! – Tuesday, July 19, 2005 – 10:09 pm
I had a very very very good night tonight.

I wanted an adventure, but no one was home, and then I slept through the 6:45pm show of Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, and then it was 7pm and I decided to go downtown to a cafe and write the scene I’d promised myself I’d write today for my new play.

So I walked down and sat at the bar at Serious Coffee on Broad & Yates, and I wrote LIKE A FRICKING FIEND for 2 or so hours. Pages and pages, and lots of clever ideas to fire up the parts I was unsure about.

It’s easy to forget how good this feels. It’s cathartic and satisfying and I feel awake after. Maybe this is a side-effect of doing What I’m Supposed To Be Doing in life. Or maybe it’s because I talk so much and have so much to say, and to focus all that thought on a specific project is empowering. And I can forget about the various obsessions in my life, and just think about words and how to use them.

Whatever. I’m excited about my play. I want to see it produced. And I intend to have it ready to submit to the National Playwriting contest thingy this week.

Johnny Depp + Tim Burton + Roald Dahl = July 20, 2005, 9:38 pm
Oh wow oh wow oh wow. I have never before watched a movie that I would happily watch ALL OVER AGAIN immediately after.

If anyone wants to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory I will go with you.

Wow.

And Also
My house smells like bunny pee. I’m waiting for Peter to leave his litter box so that I can clean it.

Lounging in Swimwear – Thursday, July 21, 2005 – 8:25 pm
Today was crazy busy at work. I called every major media outlet in B.C. and tried not to say anything embarrassing to a reporter. (This requires minimal giggling, and I have a bit of a problem controlling that.)

Anyhoo, all is well and the day is done and I have a cider in my system. I’m wearing my brown bikini in the hopes that I’ll pick up enough radiation from the computer screen to erase these horrific tanlines I created while reading Harry Potter, hunched over, in the sunshine on Tuesday. My tummy looks like a zebra’s tummy.

Historic Day For Human Rights
Today Queen Adrienne gave royal assent to the same-sex marriage bill, thereby officially making homophobia illegal. Or something like that. This is a HUGE day for human rights — similar to that wild day in October, 1929, when women were declared “persons.”

For My Stalkers
I’m house- and puppy-sitting for Q this weekend. He’s off to Seattle to party like only a Q can. Celeste and I will give each other manicures and gossip about our crushes. There’s a hot rottie at the dog park who’s been extra eager to sniff her ass . . .

If anyone feels like sunning on the rooftop this weekend, give me a call. (I can’t hear the buzzer from inside.)

Also, it’s Luminara this weekend — on Saturday, I think — and I’m trying to decide:
1. if I want to brave the crowds and go;
2. who I’d want to go with.

Luminara has so much romantic potential! The park is completely dark except for the lanterns, and you can snuggle in the trees. The last time I went was with Rob and his unacknowledged-crush-but-definitely-mood-ruining friend Dylan. It wasn’t the romantic adventure I’d expected.

And One Last Thing About Romance, Et Cetera
I was browsing blogs (during a break – ahem) at work today, and stumbled onto this guy named Roger who has recently fallen into mad puppy love with a girl. He’s so open about his excitement and affection for her that MY FAITH IN (STRAIGHT-) MANKIND HAS BEEN RENEWED. Maybe all straight men AREN’T passive, reserved, and ultimately disappointing. Maybe it’s possible to find someone who will not only adore me, but TELL me that he adores me.

What a crazy thought.

Waking Up to Doggy Kisses – Saturday, July 23, 2005 – 8:27 am
The seagulls are very loud outside. I left the window open for temperature control and I dreamed of being beachside all night.

The Most Disgusting Thing Ever
My landlord, Ian, called the other day to say the house I live in has developed a “rat problem,” in that a rat was spotted in the house the other day.

First thought: Maybe it was Peter?

Second thought: It’s the fault of your hippy children, who leave the doors open all the time.

Ian asked me to lock up the bunny food and be extra attentive to the litterboxes on the porch.

Anyhoo, I went to feed the bunnies after work and there was a chewhole in their foodbag, which is kept up high so they can’t possibly reach it. The I looked around my pile o’ bunny stuff and found a whole bunch of non-bunny shit in one of the open containers. New thing learned: rat shit looks like extra long tictacs.

So I feel silly, being all defensive (in my head, not aloud to Ian, thank god). Jessie suggested that the presence of a rat might explain some unusual midnight stomping a few weeks back. I wonder how Seamus & Caramel (would) feel about a rat: they share the same rodent species, after all. I wonder if they can communicate.

SEAMUS TO CARAMEL: EEEK!! There’s a beasty out there!

CARAMEL TO RAT: Fuck off, rat.

My proactive plan is to set a trap up on the counter where I (used to) store the food. The bunnies can’t get up there, so any rodent I catch is fair game.

Ew.

My New Play
It’s done! Or at least, done enough to submit to the contest thingy. I have everything ready to be mailed today.

Deadlines are so helpful.

Man-Friends Suck – Saturday, July 23, 2005 – 6:23 pm
Shawn and I were SUPPOSED to walk Celeste today and take her for a swim in the Georgia Strait and clean up his resume for an excellent job that I found for him.

Not only did we not get to go on our walk and bond, but ALSO he didn’t call to explain his absence until 6pm, and we can’t even reschedule for tonight because he’s going to Luminara (which I told him about, by the way) for a romantic night with his girlfriend.

Dink.

Man-friends suck.

Except for the Q, who is away right now so he can’t comfort me and tell me that I’m better off without man-friend dinks in my life.

Man-Friends Suck, Part II – Saturday, July 23, 2005 – 7:09 pm
I’ve returned from Hollywood Tonight, armed with The Terminal and Be Cool. Also, self-analysis (and some adventures on Yates Street) has revealed the following:

The part that pisses me off the most re: straight manfriends is that I get so much attention from male strangers, and yet the guys I make friends with treat me like smelly pooh.

Well, not that badly. But definitely not as well as I’d like to be treated. Q says I “clean up nice,” and I do. So where the hell is the line between “little hottie I want to fuck” and “some chick I spend time with when I’m not busy”??? Is there a happy middle-ground of common courtesy???????

A Surprising Twist of Fate – Sunday, July 24, 2005 – 12:17 am
Be Cool was great and The Terminal was boring & stupid. Who’da thunkit?

Weird People Posting Comments
I don’t think I know anyone who knows that language that’s on the comments thingy. I have no idea what it says.

Possibility 1: This is the best site ever! You are wonderful and I will buy your novel when you one day write it.

Possibility 2: Self-indulgent, poorly spelled bullshit.

Possibility 3: Haha, you probably can’t read this comment and don’t know what I’m saying. Writhe!

Also, “Anonymous”??? It takes more time (and effort) to type “Anonymous” correctly than any name I know. (Chicken shit.)

[2017 note: my original Little Spitfire blog was built in the olden days of blogging: we didn’t have Akismet or fancy pants comments/spam plugins back then. I used a then-state-of-the-art line of code to enable comments on my site. I can’t remember if I was able to edit/delete/not-approve posted comments.]

The Perfect Life – Sunday, July 24, 2005 – 3:38 pm
Key ingredient: sunshine.

THEN, combine with a comfortable couch, a fridge full of Chinese leftovers from The Forum, a six-pack of raspberry cider, two bottles of faux vino, and a hammock in the sun.

ALSO, some means of writing, be it computer or pen & paper.

ALSO, access to 50% familiar music (i.e. Eminem) and 50% unfamiliar but decent music, aka Quinn’s iTunes.

Some Interesting Visuals to Contemplate While You Consider This Miracle Recipe For Happiness
Some guy over in the UK (I used to think that meant “Ukraine” . . .) does chalk-drawings on the sidewalk that look 3-D. Yiminy.

I’ve Been Dissed By the Media!!!!!! – Monday, July 25, 2005
This is so nifty. The following is an excerpt from a political column in the Times Colonist this weekend (remember last week, when I had to make media calls??):

“The Liberal government, which is usually so conscientious about sending e-mails to media outlets, didn’t issue a bulletin to alert reporters ahead of time about the press conference.
Instead, a ministry flak made calls to select reporters, leaving a number of press gallery members in the dark.”

“Ministry flak”!!!!! Ha!!!

Adventures of a Ministry Flak – July 25, 2005 – 6:14 pm
I realised this morning, while typing, that I forgot to paint one of my fingernails with pretty shell-colour nailpolish last night.

Also, it is ridiculously beautiful outside so I want to go walk Celeste in the sunshine. I’m waiting patiently for Q to have a 30 minute nap, and then I’m going to make him come for a walk with us.

Updates on Love, Et Cetera
There is nothing exciting to report. I guess that’s what happens when I spend all my time with rabbits, gay men, and a Non-Romantic Life Partner (aka “the Q”).

However, I did have an epiphany today, while looking at the pictures of pretty men in the sports pages of a newspaper. It is as follows:

– the men in the sports pages are about the same age as me.
– they are very busy playing sports and doing sports interviews and otherwise furthering their sports careers.
– they are very busy becoming successful at what they love to do, and therefore probably don’t exactly give a shit about falling in love, having babies, meeting their soulmate, blah blah blah.
THEREFORE
why the hell am I thinking about love and et cetera when I should be working at being successful as a playwright/writer? Now (my 20’s) is when I should be writing and working my ass off to make a lovely life for myself as a Playwright/Writer.

I think this might be one of those “women are conditioned to nest” issues. But screw that, I’m an educated feminist with some rather neato skills. My focus has been corrupted by thoughts of nooky & flowers.

It remains to be seen if my life perspective begins to reflect this new understanding, or if I continue to lust/obsess over pretty, smart men.

Heather For Dummies – Tuesday, July 26, 2005
First, let me update: Shawn and I are being nice to each other again, because he:
1. apologized for his dink-like actions; and
2. asked me to stop being mad at him.

However, I think (for future reference, and for those with whom I have not yet been pissy) that I will explain my pissy/forgiveness Code o’ Conduct.

I have the emotional retention of a sock. THIS MEANS THAT I can only stay mad/happy/contemplative/whatever for a limited amount of time before my brain/heart/whatever wanders on to some new thought/feeling. It generally works like this:

Interest in a particular topic = 10-15 minutes
Pissy rage = 1-3 days
Moments of Lust = 0.5-30 minutes
Love = 1 day-until I forget about you or fall in love with someone/thing else.

My Non-Romantic Life Partner Q knows this from experience, so if he makes me angry he just waits a few minutes/days, then calls and invites me for a dogwalk or dinner or something and he knows I’ll have forgotten that I’m mad at him.

That said, the only emotive instinct that is PERMANENT with me is whether someone is a “good person.” If you are cruel, sexist, or don’t stand up for someone when you should, then you suck and I won’t forget it.

Charlie II – Tuesday, July 26, 2005 – 10:19 pm
Q and I saw Charlie & the Chocolate Factory tonight! It was my second time. It is so good. Still.

Busy Crazy Work Day
I worked straight through from 6:45 am – 4:30 pm. We were very busy — we didn’t even take lunch breaks, we just ordered in pizza and everyone who saw the pizza being delivered thought we were a bunch of slackass party animals when in truth some of us didn’t leave our cubicles all day. Over-worked, fairly-paid . . . it could be worse!

I love my job.

Sexy New Hair – Wednesday, July 27, 2005 – 6:08 pm
Spencer did my hair today after work! It’s blonder and my roots are gone and it’s short again. YAY!!!

In Other YAY!!! News
We have a big table for tomorrow night’s Atomic Vaudeville show: Spencer, Jessie, Nathan, Q, Justin, Jessica, Christine . . . we are all very excited. And now I have pretty hair too.

Also, I’m working on a new script. It’s crazy how one idea comes right after another one is done. This new one is a love story, and it will incorporate the wee scripts I’ve shown you here in the past few months, with some extensive elaboration and character/plot development. It feels very good to have something to work on like this . . . longterm, creative, and all mine. I’ll post bits as they emerge . . .

Where 4 Art My Motivation?
I need to clean this apartment. Peter is shedding and there are dust bunnies everywhere. However, cleaning just isn’t that much fun. Especially when it’s sunny outside. Schmew.

Confession of Unapologetic Vanity – July 28, 2005
I was walking to work someday last week and suddenly noticed that all the commuters driving by were staring at me. It was flattering, and very very uncomfortable. I walked a little more sexily.

Then it got weird. EVERYONE was staring, including women in minivans, and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Everything was tucked in properly, and the drivers were too far away to notice boogers or anything . . . so finally I turned around to make sure they weren’t staring at some monster behind me, and then I noticed that at 6:30 a.m. the sun is directly in line with the road, and so the drivers were looking to the side so as to avoid the glare of the sun.

It was kind of disappointing.

And yes, I am a gomer.

Hungover For a Weekend o’ Sin – Friday, July 29, 2005
Not exactly hungover — I just feel a little queasy. I need to eat something. I remembered this morning that we’re going to Vancouver this weekend for FUN FUN FUN at Pride, and I was immediately relieved that I hadn’t thought of that last night because I wouldn’t have been able to sleep as well as I did. Excitement and whatnot.

So last night I fought a clown on stage. Last month, I made out with Spiderman. Atomic Vaudeville is so weird. Q was very brave and when Flora made him go onstage he did it with grace. She tied sheet music to his head and made him kneel, facing the audience, while she played a standup bass. The funniest part wasn’t her creepy lullabye, but Q’s facial expressions. I thought he was going to kill me for making him come.

Anyhoo, it was as crazy fun as ever and there are still two more shows, so if you want to go then do. Doors open at 7:30pm Friday & Saturday night, 1415 Broad Street in Victoria. Me & my troupe, meanwhile, will be enroute to a drunken sin binge in Vancouver.

Confession of Regret & Moment of Weakness
I admit, I’m terribly disappointed that my RockStar doesn’t love me anymore. Especially since I’m going to Vancouver this weekend and it would have been a perfect smoochie-rendezvous situation.

Q assures me that there will be many many beautiful men around us this weekend, and I know that’s true, but they will be gay so that’s not as comforting as it could be. Also, Spencer will be there and that will be lotsa fun, and we’re bringing Celeste because we can’t find a puppy sitter, so I’ll have her to snuggle with at the hotel.

Anyhoo.

Quote of the Night
It was something about pedophilia . . . I can’t remember. Really must write these things down . . .

Heather McLeod

Tag Archives: weight

October 2005

July 2005

Heather McLeod is a mystery writer based in British Columbia, Canada.